What Happens to Love After Marriage? Does Love Deplete With Marriage?

India
July 17, 2009 1:53am CST
Call it irony or a paradox in life. How can two people who married after years of love and courtship quarrel,fight,cheat and divorce? I have read, how men have dumped his girl in brothels and sold her for money. I have read how hubby's let his friends to sexually assault his wife. I have heard how loved couples have seperated for another. I have also heard how women are burnt for dowry. Can this happen if their love was true before marriage? Is God, if there is one, cruel in uniting two hearts through a pretence of love?
2 people like this
20 responses
@dephie77 (106)
• Australia
17 Jul 09
Love after marriage should be more mature as their love is being tested with many conditions in their commitment. If they can't survive, their love and maturity is not that good.
1 person likes this
• India
17 Jul 09
Yes only those blessed can fall in love and marry It hurts to see these fortunate ones hurting each other and breaking apart. Thkx for ur answer
• Philippines
17 Jul 09
Nice topic you have Preethaanju. But please don't put God in the picture. God has nothing to do with it since He has given man a free will to choose. It was man who chooses whom they will love, they are not manipulated by God. So what you said about "cruel in uniting" is really absurd because in the first place, it was a decision decided by a man and a woman. Nobody is perfect. Just accept the plain truth that man and woman are created unique and they have different characteristics and beliefs and marriage will never be complete without any arguments and disagreements in life, sometimes this fights are just spices in life. I love my husband, although we do have petty quarrels but we settle the matter that same day and we don't prolong it because it will not nourish our relationship. The abuses you get to see and hear are created by people who unfortunately run their anger and rebellion to each other. These examples happen around the globe and it has nothing to do with race or nationality. I can say that it wasn't love in the first place because it resulted into violence. If they knew what true love is, then it won't come to this point of hurting, abuse and anything violent. If we love a person, we accept them including their flaws. If there is an argument, it has to be solved. But if there is bitterness, hatred, unforgiving heart and revenge, it will never be considered love. I will give you a verse I hold on in the Word of God about the definition of what love is and you can test it for yourself. In 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 it says " Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. This is my opinion and belief, i have nothing against anyone here and i respect your opinion too so please respect mine. I am in no way forcing my belief because we have given free will. Happy Mylotting.
• India
17 Jul 09
Thanks for ur lovely response. When i said God is cruel, what i meant was, HE is all Knowing, and omnipresent and omnipotent.If Knowingly He brings a person with malafide intentions to fall in love with an innocent another, dont you think He is at fault? I have seen many people yearn for genuine love. To be loved and to give love. But they end up having nothing but pain.This makes me feel that this world is a cruel one.
• India
17 Jul 09
When we attribute all good things in life to His blessings, why can't He be blamed when things go wrong? Is God only to receive accolades and mortal men only to receive brickbats?
@Celanith (2327)
• United States
20 Jul 09
In a good marriage love grows, if people marry for the wrong reasons or think they are going to change their mate after marriage this a trap. If they marry out of the mistaken belief they "Fall in Love" then there is a good chance the marriage may not last. People GROW in LOVE they do NOT FALL in love, What they do fall in is into LUST. Once the thrill the glow is gone then your left with the same person for the rest of your life and many start looking around. One of the biggest mistakes is people have failed to put God into their marriage. Marriage is a three way relationship God, husband and wife. If you keep God in the marriage it most likely will not fail. Love will grow and the marriage becomes stronger, and batter. The problem with the love is often it turns out to be just plain pure lust and then one or both mates after awhile want to move on to someone else. So there never was love in such a relationship, just lust and selfishness and self gratification.
• India
21 Jul 09
yes it was all lust, selfishness and gratification. pure love will last much longer and forever.. thx for ur reply
@srganesh (6340)
• India
17 Jul 09
That happens when they mistook lust for love.They are greatly attracted with the physical appearance and hurriedly declare their intentions to marry.After the lust has gone,that is sexually they have explored each other,they see nothing more interesting between them.So all the expectations they have for a ideal husband or wife starts emerging out and they fight for it.There is no love now because they didn't have it earlier too.Cheers!
@srganesh (6340)
• India
18 Jul 09
If it was genuine love that developed after mutual understanding then it should not fail under any circumstances.When two people are in real love then they should be ready to accept all good and bad things of the partner.After all humnas cannot be ideal.Cheers!
• India
17 Jul 09
Statistically most love marriages are deemed failed. So not every love marriage was solemnised out of lust. There could be genuine love too, in exceptional cases. How can a genuine love fail? thx for ur reply
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Jul 09
Please don't blame God for man's infinite cruelty and stupidity. God reigns in heaven; Satan reigns on Earth. All the evil you see comes directly from Satan; it's up the man to fight against it. What happens to love after marriage? People take it too lightly, not believing it is a serious contract that requires enormous amounts of work on both sides to make it work. The horrible things you know of happening to women are by men who never loved them, but found them easy victims to toss aside or make a profit from. When seeking a permanent mate, never rush into a marriage. Take time to get to know the person. If that person abuses a woman or man in any way before marriage, please believe that after marriage, the victim will suffer tenfold. In my own marriage, after forty-one years, my husband and I still adore each other and the only place we want to be outside of work is in each other's company. He has suffered a major stroke and despite pleas from family and friends to put him in a home to be cared for, I refuse. When I said we would be together in sickness and in health, I meant it. He smiles so sweetly when I come into his room and always wants a kiss which I gladly give. We survived the bad as well as the good and our marriage is all the stronger for it.
• India
21 Jul 09
wow, may ur tribe increase. WE dont find such commitmet and affection for each other in today's world. When i said God is cruel, i meant exactly this. He is all knowing. So he should bring people like u and ur hubby in love rather than someone who is pretending love. People who pretend love tend to be violent after marriage because they never loved in the first place.. Thx for ur lovely repsonse. ANd i wish ur hubby a speedy recovery. May god be with u and ur family always
@lealuvy2j (1986)
• Philippines
17 Jul 09
It really depends on the people who are married. Most marriages fail but we also should know that there are marriages that do work. The basic foundations of a successful marriage is friendship and communication. Friendship because if married people are friends with each other, they enjoy spending time with each other thus lessen stressful situations and problems. Communication, because when a person grows old with another person, romance will in time fade that the only thing binding the two together is the stories and memories they share. I don't think love depletes with marriage but I do believe that love is strengthened by marriage because it is how strong the married couple against trials that measures up a successful marriage. :)
• India
17 Jul 09
Most lovers must have communicated before marriage.They could have been the best friends on earth.What happens to those communication and friendship after marriage? In arranged marriages there is no room for such facilities. How can LOVE fail? Hard to explain thx for ur response
@lealuvy2j (1986)
• Philippines
17 Jul 09
As i have said, it really depends on the people who are married but most of the time it is a marriage with communication and friendship that stands the test of time. I don't understand why arranged marriages can be related to this since there is no love developed before the marriage so how can it be depleted? Anyway, I just hope that most people will still acknowledge that not all marriages result to love being depleted. In the movie Fireproof, it tells us that just because a marriage is fireproof doesn't mean there is no fire. This means a married couple should not give up when problems come to their marriage so that after going through these trials together, they will be have a stronger bond and a stronger love for each other.
• United States
18 Jul 09
I think this is just a risk some one takes when they get married you can turn out bad or it can be wonderful and loving if we never risk any thing we never grow learn.
• India
21 Jul 09
dont u think to get the person u love as ur life partner is great? it is. I wonder how fortunate and unfortunate these people are.. thx fr ur reply
• United States
18 Jul 09
First off I can tell you that it most certainly is not god's fault. He wants the women and the man to love each other as he loves us. I will say this from pure experience. I am a pastoral counselor. I deal with this stuff all the time. I can tell you that 90% of the marriage failure has to do with the love they received as a kid from their parents. See whether we won't to or not our subconscious views love a different way then our intellect. If we grew up with parents who were controlling and abusive we will almost certainly end up with some one who is that way to us. See our subconscious looks at the abuse and the control and says "O she or he says they love me but they are abusing me or controlling me. So this must be love." So when we go to search for a mate and these issues aren't addressed you will either end up with some one worse then what you have at home or end up with about the same crap. This is because we desperately try to fix what we couldn't fix when we were younger. So we set ourselves up for "love" according to our subconscious standard. We might get a mix of the two definitions. I can also say this, When people date they don't show the person who they really are. And when they get into a marriage which feels like a trap to some people it ends up changing them to the hidden person you never new existed. So you can't really know a person till you sleep with them eat with them day in and day out. Some people see the signs and chose not to look and marry that person or they feel they can change that person once married to them. Well you know how that works out. The only way to avoid this is extensive counseling on the individual bases of each person and then couples therapy. I believe you should have this before the marriage. But that is just me.
• India
21 Jul 09
Yes ur right. We are what we were programmed in our younger days. thx for ur response
@Thelmaxt (14)
• China
18 Jul 09
love is about two people and marriage is about responsibility.the definition of love which is before marriage and after marriage is different.if the love lost hiself meaning after marriage,the love isn't the true love. they are not so mature to undertake the difficult which they have met with.if so, they knew well how to do is the best way to protect his/her family and not to hurt them.if these conditions have happened after marriage,i don't think this is so called 'love'. unless this is not my definition of love.
• India
18 Jul 09
It is the expectation that life will be always rosy as before marriage that is one reason for misunderstanding and conflicts thx
• India
17 Jul 09
My view in this regard that marriedcouple after years of love still love or get divorce.The relationship will be maintain if they are having better understanding.Sometimes it happen that many love married couple get separated due to some issues.But now a day most of the people are reffering for love marraige .As it ia difficult to find and arrange marraige.
• India
18 Jul 09
Thx for responding
• Philippines
17 Jul 09
before entering into this next chapter of our life in marriage we have to pray to God for this,follow God's will,not ours.The sucess of marriage is base on the partners,on how they handly it,their will come a point in our lives that the sparks will vanish,but we have to maintain the love that we have for the person in order to work,sincerely pray to our God for enduring love.
• India
17 Jul 09
When good things happen in life we say it is the will of God. When bad things happen, whose will u think it is? Are God's there to take only credits for good things? Why blame human beings when something turn wrong? Is this fair? For me God is a blend of good, bad and the ugly.
17 Jul 09
Love can still be true before marriage but I believe that marriage can strengthen a relationship. Love is a complex thing and everyones is different. Me and my boyfriend have had ups and downs but after about 6 year of being on and off we are together and love each other to bits. I know its only young love ( 19 and 18) but after being with someone that long you know it means more than a fling or a crush.
• India
18 Jul 09
yes love has to sustain till the end, or else it has no meaning.. thx
• India
17 Jul 09
well its hard to blv yeah but dats true ppl do get seperated after marrg its may b bcoz they get bored of each other or may b after marrg there thnking changes which doesnt work ..........but it reli hurts wen ur loved 1 leaves you for silly reason .....i just pray to god dat ppl dont get seperate for silly reason ..............sit n talk sort out the mattr instd of seperating
• India
18 Jul 09
How can true lover get bored dear? is it then love? Thx for ur response
• United States
18 Jul 09
I think love is complicated in itself. You never know how the other feels and if you both have the same love for each other no matter what the person says. I don't neccesarily believe that there is one person for everyone. I just believe that certian people come in our lives so we can grow and lear and become the person that God needs us to be so we are ready for him in Heaven for whatever he has in store for us. I believe that life is about perfecting our own personal souls.
• India
21 Jul 09
Thx for ur response
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
17 Jul 09
Not all marriages are like this at all. If two people really, really love each other then they will work together to keep their love strong and alive. Even in the cases that don't work out, most are not quite as disrespectful as the ones you describe above, I don't think.
• India
17 Jul 09
In every case of love affairs, both partners presume that they really really love each other. But this Real love disappears gradually after marriage.Squables and fights break out. There are exceptions too, where loved ones have lived happily even after marraige. Thx for ur response
@daliaj (5674)
• India
17 Jul 09
There are a lot of differences between love before marriage and love after marriage. That is what I have heard. Before marriage, you are kind of blind of love and you won't see the diabilities and negative points of your partner. After marriage you face the reality and you will find it difficult to adjust with reality. In my case, I could not find much difference before marrige and afte marraige. I had love marriage. Our love has become strenthen and deep after marriage. I think I am lucky to feel like that.
• India
17 Jul 09
U seem lucky in a lot of thigs in life. Feeling jealous hehehe. God, if there is one, has showered blessings after blessings on you. May you both live a long and peaceful life. Thx for ur comments
• Philippines
17 Jul 09
Nice topic you have Preethaanju. But please don't put God in the picture. God has nothing to do with it since He has given man a free will to choose. It was man who chooses whom they will love, they are not manipulated by God. So what you said about "cruel in uniting" is really absurd because in the first place, it was a decision decided by a man and a woman. Nobody is perfect. Just accept the plain truth that man and woman are created unique and they have different characteristics and beliefs and marriage will never be complete without any arguments and disagreements in life, sometimes this fights are just spices in life. I love my husband, although we do have petty quarrels but we settle the matter that same day and we don't prolong it because it will not nourish our relationship. The abuses you get to see and hear are created by people who unfortunately run their anger and rebellion to each other. These examples happen around the globe and it has nothing to do with race or nationality. I can say that it wasn't love in the first place because it resulted into violence. If they knew what true love is, then it won't come to this point of hurting, abuse and anything violent. If we love a person, we accept them including their flaws. If there is an argument, it has to be solved. But if there is bitterness, hatred, unforgiving heart and revenge, it will never be considered love. I will give you a verse I hold on in the Word of God about the definition of what love is and you can test it for yourself. In 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 it says " Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. This is my opinion and belief, i have nothing against anyone here and i respect your opinion too so please respect mine. I am in no way forcing my belief because we have given free will. Happy Mylotting.
• Philippines
17 Jul 09
sorry i got an error on pc, i didn't know it was posted twice.
@rasif000 (212)
• India
17 Jul 09
I just wanna say, True love never ends.
• India
17 Jul 09
Yes love is eternal. Thx for ur short and sweet comments
• Philippines
17 Jul 09
hmm. I won't really blame God for these things. I think its how the couple treat each other. Not every relationship has those kind of endings. I think they should have more time to spend in each other's arms and pray that their problems will be solved. It's just a matter of faith, understanding and the right kind of love.Ü
• India
17 Jul 09
if God, if there is one, was kind and loving, how could he bring two people together in the name of love when they have malafide intentions? Isnt God, if there is one, cheating one of the partner, intentionally? We praise God, if there is one,for all the good things that happen in life. Cant He take the blame for all the ills? Thx for ur comments
• India
17 Jul 09
noo love never deplete marriage dnt knw why u asking ths question man????
• India
17 Jul 09
I am asking this qustion because of the reasons i have cited in my question itself. U cant sell or beat etc etc a girl u really love. Can u?