Do I Have to say Yes?

Philippines
July 17, 2009 8:44am CST
I met a guy two years ago. He was my classmate when I took a program offered by a government here in our town. He was not approachable person during that time but few months later he told me what he felt about me. Our first date was in a beach but that was not a great date for me. It seems that there's no magic. We went on a second date and third and fourth and still there's no magic. After one year he is still asking for my yes. He seem like a good guy and he might be my first boyfriend but there are some questions in my mind. What if he is obsesse about me? What will happen with our relationship? Do I really love him?
2 people like this
23 responses
@kevchua (1004)
• Malaysia
17 Jul 09
Love cannot happen just because someone is obsessed with you. So far, you've been dating a few times and you found that there's no spark between the two of you. Why then do you still pursue? Let me share with you my own experience. I have a colleague, I know her parents, and they know me well. I've never met her until they day she joined the college in which I was working at that time. I liked her gentleness, and kindness. Then I became really infatuation with her and started sending her mails and even a love poem. She shot back at me, and told me that we are just friends. I went on with this feeling for more than a year. She continued treating me as a friend, though and occasionally she dated me for dinner or lunch. It was just platonic. So, you should treat your friend the same way. DO NOT ignore him, but just treat him as a friend. Lend him an ear if he needs it. You don't have to say yes - you're not obligated to agree at all if he wants you to be his steady girlfriend. Eventually, his cow sense will tell him that you're his friend. In the meantime, get on with life... reality is, if that classmate of yours is meant to be with you, then God has his ways to bring both of you together. Maybe not now, but later - who knows, but for now, just be friends, ok? Well, I'm married; so is the girl whom I "fell in love" with. We're still colleagues but in a different place now. We still go on dates sometimes - and we've become friends forever.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
I never treat him badly. I told him that friendship is what I can offer with him. I refused to have a date again with him. I don't want him to have a thinking that I might like him, somehow.
@jbrooks0127 (2329)
• United States
18 Jul 09
If after a full year you still have questions and do not know in your heart that you love him you would be doing both yourself and him a disservice if you continue that relationship. By continuing you are holding out hope for him. He will never give up until he knows there is nothing there for you. You must tell him goodbye, as hard as it may be, YOU MUST.
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
I did tell him, many times. But still he is on the go. Maybe I should stop communicationg with him.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Jul 09
Yes that is exactly what you should do. Even thought you do not have the right kind of feelings for him every time you answer back it gives him hope. He may very well be obsessed with you but that does not mean you have any obligation to return that. If you have told him where you are on this and he keeps coming back your actions keep telling him that maybe, just maybe, if he keeps trying he will win you over. If you know that is impossible then you must put a stop to it.
• United States
18 Jul 09
You don't have to say yes. There is no law that says you have to say yes.Go with you heart.
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
Yes. I'll go with the heart and it says no....
• United States
18 Jul 09
Then there you have it.Its no,so now let take on some thing hard.Cure for AIDS. Anyone? Okay the common cold?
@bulzika (280)
• Dominican Republic
17 Jul 09
why are you asking us if you love him. and what magic are you expecting? if you like being with him just be with him, it not a big deal
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
yes you are so right but i don't want to be with him anymore..
@bulzika (280)
• Dominican Republic
20 Jul 09
So say no. If you don't like being with him, it'll be better for both of you not to be together
• India
17 Jul 09
My dear friend, Please do not play with your own life nor that guys life. Ask him for some time say may be a week or two sit with a calm mind with all other things kept aside concentrate only this matter which is of most concern to you. Future of your life is dependent on this so take a decision which you need not regret for in future. Command your mind that what ever you are going to do you are doing with good faith in that guy. Its just an infatuation which almost happens in every adult at a certain age and which is very common to happen. The answer to the question which you have asked "Do i really like him" This question is to be asked with your inner-conscious present in it has the best answers for the difficult question? Communicate with the inner conscious while doing so you can feel that your inner conscious speaks feel it and then take a decision I Wish you all the best in taking the decision And a humble request to you that is do not divert yourself from studies because later you will not get your wasted time back for your studies Feel free to comment for any of the points which you do not like. HAPPY MYLOTTING
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
you seem like a counselor or something good in relationship. thank you so much for your response. God Bless.
• India
18 Jul 09
Yeah i do not like people spoiling there life with no reason so beware of what you do All the best HAPPY MYLOTTING
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
I just wanted to say how nice of you to entertain him despite of all of your doubts in him. but if you have those doubts with all of the dates that you two been through, then we must accept the fact that you don't like him and he's not the man for you. it might hurt him if you admit it but it's better to cut-him loose now than drag him along with guilt on your conscience to yourself and that guy. at least he will find time to adjust and move on. maybe it can be obsession.
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
yes, I really think that he is obsessed with me. There were times that he told me that he did dream of me. That he wanted to kiss me. i know that he is a man but I don't think he has the right to open up that kind of conversation with someone that I don't even know. It's scared me.
@krajibg (11942)
• Guwahati, India
18 Jul 09
Hi, This is too personal matter so far your saying him yes or no. But resolve the issue soon. If not for you at least his sake. Any relation embedded with mouths of doubts might prove a failure. You could go for a test to see your doubts. Test him. Be objective and see him as your future husband and scan him and surely you would find some solid data basing on which you would reach a conclusion and then decide. Be careful relation is too fragile an issue.
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
Yes. Relationship is a serious issue. That's why I don't want to said yes to him without having thousand thoughts. with all the help, I think I should refuse him. Thanks by the way. God Bless.
@impaktita (966)
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
you know what i would, first ask yourself, think about it really hard. and listen to your heart very carefully. its like life goes on. samething about love. you just gotta give it a try because you wouldn't know, until you try, am i right yall? don't listen to anyone. hear your self out.... think about what i said, and reply me back pls
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
Well my says no. I should tell him ASAP but I told him that almost everyday. lol.
@phesaru (300)
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
If you don't love him just tell him the truth that you are not the right girl for him..goodluck girl =D
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
Thanks girl. But I've already said that. Maybe I should rephrase it. Thanks again.
• United States
18 Jul 09
If you are having doubts you prob do not even want to think about marriage casue your doubts will only intensify after marriage resulting in a not so fun divorce. If you find your self rationalizing saying "Well, it's ok to marry him cause I can just get a divorce" then you need to walk away. He will be hurt but he will get over it and besides if one is miserable in the relationship it doesnt make for a good relationship.
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
First. there's no divorse here in my country. But don't worry I will not say yes to him. With all the help of our mylotters I've decided to say no. Thanks
@phayeth (519)
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
just give the guy a chance to prove that he really likes u and love u
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
you mean i should say yes to him. I don't think I can do that. Well, thank you for responding.
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
If you do not feel the same way, you should end any contact with him so he would not say that you lead him on and then just dumped him. It would be better to be honest now than prolong his agony when he is clearly expecting something from you. You could have stopped seeing him after a few times that you do not feel the same way already.
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
yes you are so right. I will do that ASAP. Thank you for responding.
@clocks123 (1229)
• United States
17 Jul 09
you appear to like this guy not love him. there are no sparks. i would tell him how you feel and if he dosen't want to leave get some help in case it is an obsession
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
it seems that I might have a big problem with him. Don't worry I'll be safe. Thanks.
• Philippines
17 Jul 09
If you think that you don't really feel anything for him, then it would a good decision if you end up the mutual relationship that you have with this guy. That's the best thing you can do in this situation. It's hard to put yourself in a relationship if you don't really love the person at all. Perhaps, I can say you like him but if there is no love, then there is no meaning in the relationship. God speed!
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
you are so right. i really should. Thank you so much for your response. God Bless
• United States
17 Jul 09
Seriously. If your not feeling it then dont go through with anything that would resemble any permanence. This person sounds like hes a nice guy...just not the one for you. If you merry him you'll be stuck in a relationship with a divorce the only way out. Just sit down with him and talk to him and tell him look...your not feeling this, tell him why and then cut it off. If hes head over heals you may have to break contact from him for a while.
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
thank for that. I've sent several messages to him but he is still on the go. I haven't talk to him in person again. It's just to annoying seeing him.
• India
17 Jul 09
if u dnt like a person u woudnt hve gone 2 a date at all!!!! i gues u kindof like him...if ur not sure weather he is true r not den test him n do gve him a try n everyone shoud be given a second chance!!
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
I guess i will not try to have a relationship with him. In the first place, I just realize that I really do not like him at all so why try. thanks for your response.
@ruperi (139)
• India
17 Jul 09
Yes, you should. and then if you dont like then leave him.
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
I think and I can't do that. I can't just come and go. Well, thanks for you response.
@arkansos (546)
• India
17 Jul 09
You dont have to say yes or anything if you don;t find him that attractive, Why? Because if you do it will be one of those relationships doomed from the start types. If after four dates, he hasn't been able to charm u off your feet, its a little more than unlikely he will do it now
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
he is not attractive. He is just a simple guy.
• Philippines
17 Jul 09
If there is really no spark on him then tell him the truth,for him not to expect,just tell him that friendship is the only offer that you can give for now,but who knows someday..you will never know..
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
I told him many times about that phrase and he is still on the go.
@dozhou (326)
• United States
17 Jul 09
I think you would say yes to him. From what you said, you don't have a strong character, and are wavering to make a decision. It means in your mind he still has something attracting you. This also encourages him to ask you frequently about it. I don't think you can escape from him easily.
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
Yo're right. I should stop talking to him. It's just I don' want to be the bad person between us. I would like to be more friendly to him.