Unhappy, what should I do?

China
July 18, 2009 12:40am CST
Are you always happy? These days I'm suffering from insomnia, I woke up at around 3-4 in the morning, and couldn't fall asleep till 6 or 7. Sometimes I couldn't make decisions between two choices. I love a man who is 2 years younger than me, he has no decent job--here in China, people think a stable job like what I do as a government clerk, but he is only a temporary worker in local government with a very very low salary, he didn't go to college, and in some degree he is not confident very much, but I love him, I encouraged him to read more, and he did. He lives in countryside, and his family is not very rich. Maybe he can not afford a house.Why, I feel my life full of paradoxes. What should I do?
2 people like this
9 responses
@UK_Shree (3604)
18 Jul 09
Well I am definitely not always happy, but I am not always sad either. I think the main reason for why you feel depressed is obviously linked to your personal issues. However if it is affecting your health significantly, I suggest you see your doctor as he/she may be able to help you relieve some of the more distressing symptoms you are experiencing.
1 person likes this
• China
19 Jul 09
To be honest, because of depression, I have lost 3-4 kilos, I'm afraid my biggest problem is that I value things too much, I always care too much about how people judge me, I always pursue perfect things, which pushes myself too hard....You know, I tried hard to avoid this from happening, but in vain most.
• India
19 Jul 09
That could be easily done if you are putting yourself busy in your life orelse as you are expiriencing you'll loose your health
1 person likes this
• China
19 Jul 09
yup, that's defitely right, health always comes first. Now I'm reading Jane Eyre these days to try to realease my mind, anyway, I have to keep fit and healthy to get a better life!
@sjvenden27 (1850)
• United States
19 Jul 09
The question between love and money.. That is what it boils down to.. Almost a year ago my boyfriend was fired from this job that he had.. I have a young son that I have to support regardless of anyone's financial situation.. Luckily I was able to get onto state aid to help out.. anyways.. I was juggling that in my head for quite awhile.. and it did not seem like he was actively looking for work, which put a major strain on our relationship and also the situation with my room mates..I think the pressures that my room mates actually one in particular made it very difficult for me to be happy with my man.. Instead of listening to her; I followed my heart.. Then at the end of March he found a job, granted it was not the greatest job offer in the world.. But it was better then nothing.. Now three months later; the pay that he has been getting increased, at least for the most part.. So money is not as much of an issue.. My advice for you is to stick it out.. If you really love this man.. Things will turn out, you may have to wait for that nice home that you have always dreamed of or what ever it may be... Love is worth waiting for.. All you need is patience, faith, and a positive attitude
• China
19 Jul 09
Hi honey, after reading your comment I don't know what to say, you are so brave, steady, firm in being with your man, that's so big a choice, now I ask myself, now that you can't take money with you all the time, why you are so crave for it? But true love, could you just abandon it and choose to be with some other wealthy guy who you don't really love, for what? I admire you, because you are a wise female, you have your own choice, I bet you man is the luckiest man on this planet, I give my best wishes to your family, good luck!
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Jul 09
Well he does not really know that I was thinking about leaving him to begin with.. I kept that to myself.. In my past I had a tendency of leaping before looking.. I also had two very wise women helping me along the way.. Honestly, one was telling me that he was no good.. That he was worthless and I would be better off on my own.. And the other who told me time and time again what does your heart say.. can you life with the decision? In the end who will be right for you and your son... In the end you are the one that has to life with this decision... And at one point my bf told me, in anger of course, to go and life with this other person... But I didn't..
1 person likes this
• China
23 Jul 09
That's true we always have friends who hold different oppinions and give sometimes totally opposite advices to us, When I was in college I had a bf, and during that time my best friend kept purswading me to break up with him because she thought he has no sense of responsibility and he lacks obligation, so at that time I'm always tortured by two persons: my bf and my best friend, my bf didn't like my best friend and vise versa....Thought finally we broke up and my best friend lives thousands of miles away from me, but I still recall those days and I now say to myself: you have to have your own choice, don't hesitate, your destiny is in your hands, just like the song BORN TO TRY, "you have to make your choice, be wrong or right..." Anyway, thanks for your response, my friend, I like your story.
• India
19 Jul 09
Life is a mixture of happiness and sadness. we can only taste the good fruit once but always we have to taste the bitter once.so keep your life busy for yourself that will give u happiness.....
1 person likes this
• China
19 Jul 09
yup, you just remind me that life is only a one-way journey, I've already spent 27 years of it, and how should I use the rest time? Of course we could not take anything as granted, I'm now feeling that I'm full of strenghth and hope, there's nothing to fear, now that I have knowledge and I can talk with you in English over the internet, I should be happy. What I have is my spirit and strenghth to fight with life, I'm just now in blue, but actually I'm a good fighter, hahaaaa. Let's be busy all the time.
• Indonesia
18 Jul 09
love is a feel from deep down of your heart. we can not lie to love..many people have problem in their life, but how the way to overcome. if i look from your story, may be you can do some thing for your insomnia such as going to the Hospital to get some advise from Doctor, or be pasitive, if you woke up arounf 3-4 inthe morning you can use that time to get some money from internet and after that you can sport to make your body keep healt. And about your boy friend, he need a time to learn, he need a time to success, more support him and keep pray..maybe God have a good planing for you both..
1 person likes this
• China
19 Jul 09
Thanks for your suggestion, niko, I'm also planning to ask for a shrink's advice, and earn money from the Internet, LOL, that's a great idea, from some websites such as mylot.com, I will try hard, thanks, my friend.
@spison (26)
• India
18 Jul 09
No one in this world is always happy all the time. There are sadness, happiness, joy, fun etc. u should always take all this things happily in your life. The problems come and it also goes just be strong and you have to deal with girl and yes to earn money its not necessary that your have to educated. Any man who wants to earn money will definitely earn just done loose any hopes and stay with your man and always support him. god bless you.
1 person likes this
• China
19 Jul 09
I will, support him as before, thanks,friend
@smileonstar (4013)
• United States
18 Jul 09
well, life is different and hard depend on how situation go. He might tries so hard but that's all he has so far now... however, you love him and that's the point. Nothing can change that right? if you love him and no one disagrees then you two can find a great jobs that could support your life. Why you have to think more if he loves you and you love him... well, i know most asian people would love to marry someone that have a little more support in the family... I am the same thing. But if I love someone and he is nice then I will go with my heart. Money is the secondary, as long as he love me and take care of his duty then it is the best.
1 person likes this
• China
19 Jul 09
My dear friend, you have a right comment on some Asian people, to most of us, marriage will not be a happy one without family's supports,but we'll try to win parents' permission. Thank you. :)
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
definitely you have to find ways and means on how to be happy..a happy person makes day perfect and you will still younger ever..if you are suffering of anything else that makes you mad..you can consult someone to give you counseling or advice..to get rid of your problems, all you have to do is to confide it..
• China
19 Jul 09
I think you are right, friend, I've already tried to tell it out. Hope everything will be ok. Thanks
@rlaknar (616)
• India
18 Jul 09
Why you want to give up? You truly love him right? Then keep your encouragement more and more.If you feel like this who else can make him boost? So you must be quite confident in him first of all.And unhappiness is quite common for all in this world.But the reason may be different.When we get in to life and began to face the world we will have to face the unhappiness. Till we reach the adult age we will be happy.That is the nature.So be cool.Be confident.Encourage yourself and then pass it on to him.Everything can be changed. Best of luck!!!
• China
19 Jul 09
I think you are right, I should first be confident in him, he also has many shining spots with him, :) I will be cool~~~Thanks for your comment, everything can be changed! Good luck to you!
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
I also see myself suffering from insomnia whenever my mind has a lot of things to think about. Age does not matter. I believe you got attracted to his level of maturity. Am I not right? Have you discussed with him the reasons why he did not go to college? How does he find the idea of finishing school? Have you already talked about how you feel for each other or things are still kept silent from your end? It sounds like you are falling in love with him too fast; that your mind is pretty imaginative, thinking things still way way far off. That is the same source of the paradoxes you see. It can sometimes blur good judgments. Try to get rid of it, dear friend. Try to avoid the word - WORRY.
1 person likes this
• China
19 Jul 09
Age does not matter, well, I was attracted by his optimism, his smile, his words always make me comfortable and relaxed, but he seems a little uncomfident, but anyway, he started to read, more and more despite his dropping school of 8 or 9 years, again he reads, and he seems obsessed sometimes. I'm glad to see this, and I will try my best to get rid of this problem, we will not always be possessed by problems, right? Thanks, my dear friend.