Do you find your significant other attractive if they are overweight?

United States
July 20, 2009 10:10pm CST
We all hear marriages that are strained because one partner can't stand the extra weight on the other. I wanted to start a discussion to see who else besides me out there finds their partner unbelievably attractive even though he/she is overweight. Here's my opinion: I simply can't understand why extra weight on someone can strain a relationship. Perhaps if the overweight person isn't taking care of themselves and not trying to do anything about it, but I can't understand why some people threaten to leave marriages because their partner is overweight. My husband is considered obese (I am attaching a picture of us taken on our wedding day). But he gained most of his weight from his past social drinking decisions...most of it is weight in his stomach and chest area and is hard to get rid of. He is very active--he bikes to work, and loves to walk to places. He is very self conscious about this. I've never called him "fat"...I've acknowledged to him that he is obese, but I like to call him "fluffy.":) As some may know, he is the one man in this world that is attractive to me...extra fluffiness and all (haha). I would love for him to lose some weight just because of the health consequences that can result from being overweight, but when I think of my husband thin, I get sad. I love him the way he is. He is perfect to me. Does anyone else feel this way? Do you have an overweight/obese partner that you find downright gorgeous? If not, at least attractive? Or do you think your partner is not attractive because of extra weight? Does this cause problems, and if so, why does it bother you to that point?
9 people like this
21 responses
@Pigglies (9339)
• United States
21 Jul 09
I think it would depend. If they were overweight naturally, I wouldn't care. But if they were overweight from being inactive and so overweight that they could not do activities with me, then they would not be right for me since I am a somewhat active person. I don't need a crazy outdoors person, but I'd say I wouldn't marry someone who couldn't at least go on a 10 mile hike with me.
2 people like this
• United States
21 Jul 09
I get you. I know I love the outdoors myself , and would want my parnter to wanna share in that with me . If he couldnt because of his weight that would worry me to no end, but then again he might not like it. grrr mine dont wanna be outdoors and its hard!
1 person likes this
@Pigglies (9339)
• United States
22 Jul 09
That's a good point, I should have pointed that out too... anyone I date would probably be someone doing outdoor activities already. So even if someone was thin or in shape enough for such activities, I probably wouldn't marry them if they didn't actually want to do those activities.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jul 09
My husband have been married now for 6 yr and have been together for 11 and I find my husband just as sexy as hell as I did the day I fell in love with him if not more. When we first got together we were both much thinner and yes marriage and life has put a little extra air in those "spare tires" but not enough in either of our eyes to feel any less attracted to one another. We both just recently quit smoking a few months back and have been filling that gap with soda and food but we are not fat but not that thin either. I think that if a partner can honestly leave their mate because of their weight then they should be split up because obviously that person didn't love the other for themselves and instead it was for their looks alone. Now in the same though I think that their are some people that let themselves go a little too much and should try to stay healthy and thinner and not just let it all go. I would say something to my spouse if he were getting to big and I thought it was effecting his health. I do think that looks do have something to do with a relationship even though everyone says it is what is on the in side but you can't tell me that you can honestly be with a butt ugly person because they have a great personality..you have to be attracted to them in some way. A for the picture that you attached...if this is what he looks like now I would say he isn't obese at all...but then again you yourself look thin so maybe he doesn't have a fair chance standing next to you. LOL :) Who or what told him that he is obese?
2 people like this
• United States
21 Jul 09
Stories like yours just go to show that not all people become less attracted to one another as marriage goes on. Thanks for your response! And as for my husband, I just told the poster above that the BMI (body mass index) calculations show he is way past the limit of obesity. HOWEVER, also like I said above, BMI is not accurate for everyone. It will say that athletes are obese because they have a lot of muscle weight, and it's not intended for people below or above certain ages. Pregnant women are also an exception. If you believe that BMI calculations are accurate, he is obese. If not, it depends on what method of determining one uses. Yes, my husband and I are night and day in terms of size and personality. :) People usually glance twice at us in public because we are so different. He can lift me up with one arm even! Haha. But overall, I'm glad to hear that about you and your husband. That's how I picture us in ten, twenty, thirty, even more years. I love him for so many reasons it's not possible to count them all. And I agree with you: whomever can leave a marriage because of a partner's weight...why is it worth ending a marriage because of materialistic things? I don't understand it.
1 person likes this
@trickiwoo (2702)
• United States
21 Jul 09
I feel the same as you! I find my boyfriend extremely attractive, even if he is overweight! I think physically he looks just fine the way he is! But I do worry about his health. I don't think he needs to lose any weight to look better, but I want him to be healthy.
• United States
21 Jul 09
Wow...I'm glad I'm not the only one! It's almost as if I'm torn between wanting him to lose weight for his health and wanting him to stay "fluffy" as we call it because I love him that way. :)
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Jul 09
I think that everybody always has his or her own significant. To me, i never lose interest just because my partner is overweight. As long as I still love him, I always find him attractive.
2 people like this
@ketybhagat (4125)
• India
21 Jul 09
When there is love and understanding in the relationship, obese or not, the partner is always loved. My husband says I used to be slim as a reed in my youth, but after 21 years of marriage, we both have put on weight and we both poke fun at each other, but the love is always there. People who have married or are in a relationship just for the appearance of a person and not his/her nature will end up drifting apart. The body ages, the nature stays on, and a relationship based on the nature of a person last and last. Im really glad you both are happy and content with each other. Keep the understanding going between you and you will end up married years and years. Amen.
2 people like this
@khayshenz (1387)
• United States
21 Jul 09
No- your partner is not even close to obese. But my goodness woman, you need to gain some weight yourself! (No offense) You're too skinny- and I'm sure there are TONS of healthy reasons to not be THAT skinny. Anyways, I'm not the skinny nor is my partner. We're just not made to be skinny I guess. however, we do go to the gym together and hike together. Though I'd like to be more active with him (I run on a regular basis) - it's just not feasible at this point because we're in a semi-long distance relationship. So when we're together - we do active stuff together. Though, I'm sure that being active will be part of our life once we decide to get married. Anyway, I would still love him even if he was overweight. Though of course, I would be concern with the health issues associated with gaining weight. I've already started being concern because that man doesn't eat veggies!!! It's not just weight anymore, veggies are an important part of anyone's diet. They should be part of everyone's diet!
• United States
21 Jul 09
Well, the problem with determining his obesity is this: his BMI (body mass index) indicates he is past the marker for obesity. But the BMI has been shown to be wrong in some cases...for example, it will tell athletes they are obese just because they have a lot of weight in muscle. Either way, we know for sure he is overweight...whether or not he is truly obese depends on if you believe BMI calculations or not. Haha, gaining weight has always been something I seem to always fall short of. I used to be called "skinnybones" when I was little because of how petite I am. When I met my birth mother (I'm adopted) I was grateful to find out she's the same way! She weighs about 110 pounds normally and is about 5"5. I used to think something was wrong with me. The funny thing is seeing my husband and I together...he's so big and I'm so tiny, but I'm the strong willed one and he's the loyal one. It's so cute the way we work. :)
1 person likes this
@khayshenz (1387)
• United States
21 Jul 09
BMI lies - why? Because muscle weighs more than fat! You already know - you've done your research. Good job. Anyways, good luck with the weight gain for you! =D
1 person likes this
@ds6413 (2073)
• United States
26 Jul 09
Hello, I know my b/f has gained from 15 to 20 poundsbut I does not bother me at all.He still wears the same pants size only I buy for him a large size shirt instead of a medium size.He knows he should try to diet and I had him on one before and he lost about 7 pounds.He is the same person I fell in love with only there is just a little more of him. I hope he will try to stay healthy so his health doesnt suffer. I watch my weight and can easily lose 5 pounds when I see some weight creeping up mei amtryinthis new thing about sleeping for at least 7 hours uninterupted. I heard about it but haven't read much.Well weight doesn't bother me, he is still the same person.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Jul 09
That is so cute the way you put it: "there is just a little more to love." I completely agree with you. I've never known my husband while he was average size, though, but with all this exercising he's doing I'm sure it won't be long. :)
1 person likes this
@Shery32 (424)
• Saudi Arabia
2 Aug 09
Hi LovingLife, Congs. I don't think it would matter if you love someone if they are overweight or not. I know it is not good to be way overweight especially if it involves health risks but when it comes to love, I don't think it matters. I don't like people who calls other people "fat" or something like it as it is rude and unacceptable to me. I actually seen some people commenting on others and calling them "faty" when they are "FAT" themselves!! I totally AGREE with you and you are right no matter what everyone or everybody says. Wish you all the best :) and happy MyLotting
1 person likes this
• Philippines
23 Jul 09
that's so sad, i mean if couples love each other, it's because of their common understanding and being happy with each other rather than the looks.my eldest brother got fat when he went to your country, specially when they went having a vacation in Peppermill Reno.wish he'd just control his meal..
@Bethany1202 (3432)
• United States
22 Jul 09
When I first met my partner over two and a half years ago he was very fit and had just come out of the Marines. Now, a couple years later, he has gained about 30 pounds. I still find him attractive and love him for who he is. His weight hasn;t changed the fact that he's the best man I've ever met in my life and we are meant for each other, think the same things, enjoy the same things, etc. He's a wonderful man and I will love him no matter what. Of course, he could eat healthier, but that's a different discussion. Just based on his looks, he is a little overweight but I am still very attracted to him. I could stand to lose a couple pounds myself, anyway!
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jul 09
That's the thing about being in love with someone - they look good in your eyes no matter what they do, say, or look like to everyone else.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
21 Jul 09
It's not that you should strain about your partner's fatness and let it ruin your relationship, it's about talking it over. Maybe it's not merely because of the physicality of being fat that affects a relationship but the consequences that follows. Marriage wise, if you and your partner is finding it hard to make love because of being overweight then that might be a problem. Personally, it's not all about the physical, i agree with the fact that we should be health conscious really.
1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (44156)
• United States
21 Jul 09
I think it wouldnt really bother me that much. I like that there are many more qualities that I The other people I like have so much the time is going to be that I am going to cut people down because of their weight. I just think there are more important things to worry about.
1 person likes this
@metschica25 (5407)
• United States
21 Jul 09
Hello! When I met my fiance he had weight on him , and it never bothered me . I have had weight on me and it never bothered him. He actually likes a thicker women. There was a time I gained more weight , and got sick , and unhappy , and that made him worry. I can see that a person my worry on someones health. I dont think It should put a strain on , and if it does it is way too shallow and there are some many other things to worry about . My brother had been with his girl for 4 years now and she was super skinny , and just this past year she pu on around 40 ,and he dont care really. She feels bad , because she cant fit in her clothes , and people always are jerks and say hey you put on weight. He supports here because she wants to get most of that off. I know this one person who after his wife had a baby she put on around 70 and he makes fun of her , and everything . I Think for the most part it doesnt matter , and if it does it is a small percent of people who care.
• United States
21 Jul 09
I think the thing with women is that some of us put on weight, and it's not our partners who care, but we are the ones worrying about it. Women tend to care more about gaining a few pounds, and sometimes men don't even notice! My adoptive mom used to be 5"2 and about 100 pounds at her normal weight before she had my brother. In the years following she has slowly gained and gained, and now she has many health problems and is obese. Over the years because of this, she has been the one who has been depressed because she "isn't pretty anymore". My father never said it. She did. The only thing that worries him is all the health problems that have come to light because of it. Your brother's girlfriend made me think of that. Good for your brother for not caring. And other people can be very inconsiderate when it comes to asking about weight. I hope his girlfriend lets it go in one ear and out the other. :)
@Hatley (164728)
• Garden Grove, California
21 Sep 09
lovinglife139 I wouldnt have had any problem if my mate had been overweight altho he wasnt. but he acc epted me my overweight and all and loved me unconditionally and that was so much more than my parents ever did,and they did love me.The only thing that worried myhubby about me was the health concerns that go with overweight and we did work on those but it made our marriage stronger not weaker.He always said I looked pretty so I felt pretty.
@busky5 (3166)
• Thailand
26 Jul 09
In fact,i don't care if my spouse or my kid are obesity. I don't want them being becase i am concern about their healthy.I think the obesity is disease.It is not normal.It is true everybody can be charming about their habits.Sometime the shape is not important.
@mermaidivy (15417)
• United States
21 Jul 09
The picture looks so sweet! My husband has got overweighted since we are married because I have been cooking all the nice food for him and he is not exercising as much as he is used to. He gained a belly now and he was complained about he is getting fat because of me... I told me I don't mind and I just want him to eat good and get back to his old shape which is bigger and stronger. As long as he is healthy, I'm fine with it.
• India
21 Jul 09
You look so happy together, touch wood. My girlfriend too is a bit ahem fluffy (i hope she doesn't get to this discussion ). but I feel she looks very cute as she is. She was very thin when our relationship started about 2 years ago. But now, we share my habit of eating a lot. Well I must say, i ain't in perfect shape either. Well love is blind for me. And she was the girl I fell in love with and she will remain the one. So weight isn't really an issue... Nice discussion friend...
@vijayanths (7878)
• India
21 Jul 09
If you are very much in love with your partner,their minus points would also appear to be plus points to your eyes.Everything in him/her whatever he/she does is nice and just fantastic. Personally I don't like people being fat. I like average type without any extra flesh anywhere.Taste differs, hehehehehehe.
@threnos (216)
• Canada
21 Jul 09
I like the way you think! To me it doesn't matter if my partner is overweight or not. It's not an issue and shouldn't be when considering the meaning of the word love. The whole idea of not being in love is falling in love with the soul of a person, not what they look like. That said, I also do find a guy with a little weight on his bones incredibly sexy. My sister likes the actor Zachary Bennett and he is called chubby by some people. It's just pinchable goodness to the both of us!