I am very disapponinted about my husband...

@mermaidivy (15415)
United States
July 21, 2009 7:48am CST
It is kind of a same topic here... remember I have created a discussion couple weeks ago about guys like to look at girls & husband don't say you are pretty anymore after getting married? Some mylotters suggested I could talk to him about this which I did when I saw him look back at a blondie when she passed already and he dropped his car key because of that!!! I got really upset and told him how I felt... so it's been a week... last night we went to grocery store, we walked out the store and two girls walking towards us to the store, he kept look and looked back again when they passed... Geez... I understand we have eyes, we like to look but they pass in our sight zone already, you look back meaning you do LIKE to look at girls even when I'm with you, I just got really disappointed and upset about that... same issue - he won't look at me like that at home even though I dress up prettily with new clothes and stuff but he just likes to look at random girls that he doens't knoe at all!!!! I don't know what to say about this again... I don't want to argue with him... I just can't believe he married me and he wants to look at other girls... so what I am here for him? Cook for him? Do laundry for him? I hope mylotters can understand my situation and say somewthing please... :-( (sigh.....................................)
7 people like this
38 responses
@UK_Shree (3604)
21 Jul 09
Hello yes I do remember. Well it is really very disappointing to hear that he is still behaving this way. What did you actually say to him when you spoke to him and what was his response. Did he seem to understand? Was he sensitive about the issue? If he is taking it too lightly, then you need to have words with him again. You deserve to be treated much better than this, everyone does, so don't put up with it!
2 people like this
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
21 Jul 09
He said he wasn't look back... I mean I SEE you LOOK BACK, how can you try to get away with it... he just kept saying it is not true but you did that again, how can I not get upset about it... I told him is because it bothers me and I want this problem to be solved but if he is still doing it... what can I do? He said I'm just being insecured but how would he feel if I look at a guy who has strong muscles and stuff... would he feel good? I actually asked him this, he said NO LOUDLY!
2 people like this
@UK_Shree (3604)
21 Jul 09
Well from what you have written, I am very sorry to say this by the way, but he seems like he is not a very nice person. And it certainly doesn't seem like he has much respect for you. He agrees that he would not like it if you were doing the same thing, yet he is doing it himself. I don't think this guy is very good for you.
2 people like this
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
21 Jul 09
I'm very sad...
2 people like this
@tonniek02 (457)
• United States
21 Jul 09
I know how you feel... My husband is always looking at others. And he dosen't look at me the way he looks at others. He doesn't even talk to me the way he talks to others. I feel alone in this and wish he would just treat me the way he did before we married. I have lived this way for 14 years now. And I do love him. But I have gotten to the point that I don't like him. He goes to bed anywhere between 4:30 and 6:30 at night. And I spend my evenings totally alone. I have put some wieght on. and have had a hard time trying to get rid of it I keep thinking that if I could drop some wieght, maybe he would look at me in that way again. But then I have to thing...When I wieghed 110 lbs. he still told me I was fat and looked at others that I know by looking wieghed more then me...I don't know what it is...I even thought maybe if I turned it around and did the same thing by looking at other guys..how would he like it...but, I know him well enough that he would just accuse me of cheating...So it's one of those deals that your d#m if you do and d#m if you don't. I wish I could give you some hopful words. But I can't, I'm in the same boat..... Good luck and home you can get things worked out
2 people like this
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
21 Jul 09
Your situation sounded like mine but at least my husband do go to bed with me... but it is true that "he dosen't look at me the way he looks at others. He doesn't even talk to me the way he talks to others." - Very true, he looked at other girls like he measures the body but looking at me like "Yes, you are standing right there." You know what I mean :-(
2 people like this
• United States
21 Jul 09
Yes, I really do. Only my husband will even make a remark about the other weman. On how hot that looked. Talk about feeling like sh#t. And then in a joking why he will look at me and say eeeeeek. I have gotten where I don't even care about myself anymore. Don't let that happen to you. You are young and very pretty. And you should never have to feel as if you don't count.... At my age..I have just given up...I just don't have the will power anymore to say...If thats what you want then you go for it...and walk away. I prayed for God to send me someone that would love me as much as I could love them and this is what I got....I don't think he could love anyone as much as he loves himself... Stand up for yourself, now while your still young enough to make a new start. And demand respect from him. He is taking your self respect away and if you don't stand up now. You will be like me...Lonely and feeling worthless
2 people like this
@zhpshql (695)
• China
21 Jul 09
hello, mermaidivy, Well,men all like to see beautiful girls. But since your husband has married you ,he can't do that to you. If I love my girlfriend,,she will be the most beauti ful girl in my eye. Anyway,make yourself more charming, you can't cook and do laundry only ,do some interesting things and refind yourself. You are his wife ,not the waitress.
2 people like this
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
21 Jul 09
I do make myself pretty all the time but he doesn't appreciate, that's the problem :-(
2 people like this
• United States
23 Jul 09
Have you seen her picture? She is a beautiful lady. He is the one at fault not her. How can you say make yourself more charming???? He married her because he saw it too. She shouldn't have to make herself more charming so he will quit acting like a dog!! He changed not her. I'm sorry, but he's a jerk. If you told him how it makes you feel when you are together about him breaking his neck turning to drool over girls while you are right there beside him that is pure ignorance. There is no excuse for that. It makes the woman feel like she is a piece of crap. Makes her question herself. Don't question yourself mermaidivy. You are young and beautiful and if he isn't going to stop doing what he is doing strut your stuff. Let the other guys like him start turning to look at you he will hate it!!! You start looking at the guys too while he's around. Show him how stupid he looks when he turns to watch them walk by and drop things cause he's all giddy. Give him a taste of his own medicine if he can't cure himself you do it for him. Leave his stuff laying around and don't cook dinner every night so he has to go out and get something to eat. Men need to grow up. This marriage is young, way to young for them to be having problems like this. He's immature and needs to grow up and consider someone elses feelings besides his own. If he can't get it this early on he will continue on the way he has been and 9 times out of 10 will think he can get away with more later.
• Pakistan
21 Jul 09
I think there must be something. You also not giving proper attention to your hubby thats why he is behaving like this. Watch yourself first
2 people like this
@kkarki44 (132)
• Nepal
21 Jul 09
My suggestion for you is if you hold sand of desert tightly it will pour faster if you leave only over a palm it will remain quite longer. I think you do not care on this matter. If both of you have good understanding & Coperation it is no matter at all on married life. It happens to most of.
2 people like this
• United States
22 Jul 09
I don't want to say this but...if he knows how you fell and does it anyway...he does not care what you think. Maybe you should look at other guys! If he can do this why not you?
1 person likes this
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
22 Jul 09
I have saisd that to him before and he loudly said NO...
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Jul 09
Don't ask him! Does he ask you when he looks at other women?NO!
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Jul 09
It sounds like he has a control issue too. He can't tell you not to look at others if he does it. Don't let him control your life. You commented before if you say something he yells and you get scared and shut up. He yells because he know you will stop right then. Surprise him one day and yell back. Yell at him telling him how he makes you feel. If he continues take the advice of the others on here and go to your parents or a friend or a hotel for a few days after you yell!!
1 person likes this
@jdyrj777 (6556)
• United States
22 Jul 09
Hello. I know how you feel. I have a friend that does this too. Once we were at a music festival in lodo (downtown area). There was a wet tshirt contest. We (i thought) were going through the crowd returning to my car. When i turned around i discovered i was alone. I knew exactly where i would find him. If it wasnt for my car keys being in his pocket i would have left him there. So i go back and sure enough there her was stretching his neck way out to see everything. I just reached into his pocket and snached my keys out then walked away. This time he fallowed. I was so madd i didnt care if he did or not. Im thinking of having a wet shorts contest. You can bet your life i do some hard core looking now. I also go out with others now too. I also let him know it. Now he also talks about us living together. Haaaaaaa!!! No way in hell. Been there, done that. I already know how he is. He can say great things about other women but never me. Last week at a outdoor concert, he standing behind me, i heard a guy come up and start complimenting my attire to him. Then i heard the guy say "whats wrong?". I do not know what happen because my back was to them. I imagine he made some kind of disapproving face. They are just doggs. At least they can respect the one they are with and look but not make it so plain to see that they are looking. My son-in-law does this too. That is why now when i look i make sure he knows iam looking. I sometimes even make a sound while looking just to make sure he notices what im doing. And i make sure im smiling when i stop looking. If he can be so obivious so can i. Im a single female.
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
22 Jul 09
You have standed strong for yourself! I don't think I am able to do that though...
1 person likes this
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
22 Jul 09
But did you two ended up breaking up because of this reason? I take your mean is if he doens't respect, you don't need to respect him? Am I correct?
1 person likes this
@jdyrj777 (6556)
• United States
23 Jul 09
Almost forgot to answer your question. We didnt break up for that reason. We broke up a few times because i have actually caught him fooling around with other women. More than once. Every time with women that are like 1/2 our age. I know his problem. His ex had only girls. He wants a son. He keeps wanting us to get my grandson from my daughter. Im not going to ever take my daughters son from her.
• United States
22 Jul 09
some men are that way I do not know why either but I too would hate it hey men wake up stop looking at other women look at the lady you married and fell in love and let her know she is pretty too.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jul 09
you should start looking at good looking men when he is around see how he would feel.
1 person likes this
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
22 Jul 09
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Jul 09
i am sorry your sad I just do not have good advice for you i am a divorced lady and I do not have much time for a man I wish and pray yu find the advice your looking for
1 person likes this
@aerous (13474)
• Philippines
23 Jul 09
Hello mermaidivy, When I read about your story here. I also disappointed with your husband did to you. He should not act like that, to you. Because you and him, is already married and need more respect and love to avoid jealousy. As I see your photo here. You very pretty, enough to be a great wife and not need for your husband to look someone else that is not in your business? You know my friend. Your husband is very lucky to find a girl like you. A beautiful girl, that never define how gorgeous you are. Now, I would say that your husband is bad luck because he is not looking strait forward to your beauty. If I were your husband, I'll make sure that I will keep smiling at you. Looking at you as my angel. Hug and kiss you always, seems to be the time is not yet pass to makes you happy every day. I will make sure that I'll give the fullest love that I have...If I were you husband. Most of everything I will love you always and avoid something to make you hurt. That should be your husband did to you...be patient my friend. Don't worry I will understand your situation. I will give my opinion because I don't like wife being treaten like that by their husband... Happy myloting, my friend...have a great day! Follow me on twittere@http://twitter.com/great_tribes
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
23 Jul 09
I wish my husband thought the same way you think... unfortunately he doens't think I'm his only angel..it's very sad to me...
1 person likes this
@aerous (13474)
• Philippines
24 Jul 09
Hello mermaidivy, That's a sad story of yours because your husband doesn't think about your betterment. Please pardon me If I say that your husband, is so selfish and he doesn't think about you. Your a beautiful lady you know. How he is not concentrated on you. You must be the apple of his eyes always. You must be his queen for always in his part. Pardon me if I will call your husband fool because he doesn't see how beautiful you are..
1 person likes this
• India
22 Jul 09
Its a serious discussion. I think there is some reason that your husband do with you, he just want to ignore you. I think he just want some changes. You make your body in perfect shape and you also ignore him but not too much,, you realize him that he needs you. Dont make physical relation very fast make some pranks like newer girls. Just talk with your husband what he wants. I also think he just bore form you and he also want to make some change,, so you try to do some changes that he likes. Impress him. If he dont come on line then seriously told him why you do this with me???. Bcoz if this type of problem occurs and not solve so the relation brakes ,, so do your best.
1 person likes this
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
22 Jul 09
I have talked to him and all he said was NONO not true not true but it is what happened, not I made it up...
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Jul 09
If he's bored at 7 months imagine what it will be like in 3 years. Looks to me like she had a perfect shape already not sure what more she could do. She's d*med if she does and d*med if she doesn't with the physical relations part because if she holds out then he says that is why he needs to look at others and if she gives in he knows that even if it bothers her with him looking then she'll just give it up when he wants it anyway. SO looks like he wins all the way around. Beautiful wife, gawking like a fool and relations whenever he wants.
1 person likes this
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
22 Jul 09
nasty.. i know what you mean mermaidivy! its crazy when they do that, it lowers your confidence level and it feels like you are not attractive enough for them anymore! though i do not see my husband doing that (thank god or else...) but he do make comments about women he see on tv..about how sexy and hot they are and it hurtst when he does not make compliments on me! but i do tell him how i feel and well he minimized it, i guess it is part of them being males..sometimes so insensitive!!!
1 person likes this
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
22 Jul 09
"it feels like you are not attractive enough for them anymore! " It is how I feel, I mean I won't say myself super pretty or very ugly but I consider myself good enough. So when he looks at other girls, he is telling me he thinks I'm not attractive anymore and he wants to find "something nicer"!
1 person likes this
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
23 Jul 09
yes i do exactly know what you mean, it is hurtful because you get all insecured...sometimes i just ignore it i would die of paranoia thinking of it over and over again...i would just focus on the kids..
1 person likes this
@kevchua (1004)
• Malaysia
21 Jul 09
I'm a married man, and I'm not going to defend your husband, but what I'm going to tell you might not be agreeable to you. I'm not gonna deny that I don't turn around and look at girls - I do. And my wife notices it. The thing is we accept each other's flaws and that's why we don't get into a fight over this issue. What I'd like to advise is that you should reduce your expectations and your husband should do the same too. The reason is, the more you expect, the more disappointed you'll be when your expectations are not met. In additon, be normal - meaning that you don't have to dress to the nines each day just to impress him. You can capture his heart in other ways like giving him a surprise kiss, put a rose on his pillow while you're away. Send him a card any time you like. He may not appreciate it at first, but eventually I believe he's gonna come to his senses. It's good that you've voice your frustrations here and let go some steam. Hope someone is able to give you better advise :)
1 person likes this
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
21 Jul 09
Yes, I don't want to argue with him about this issue so I feel I can write it on mylot; I wish he could appreciate me like the way I appreciate him... maybe I really expected too much from him...
2 people like this
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
22 Jul 09
Thank you... I wish he could open his ear and listen more to what I say, sometimes I feel it is too much stress so I say something, then he gets aggravated and starts yelling... that makes me scared to sayanything.. that's why problems are always there. no open communication in our marriage...
1 person likes this
@kaguvkov (1041)
• Philippines
23 Jul 09
I think that is normal to all men. Your husband may look to other pretty girls but it was just a look and no matter how hard he took that thing he will just look that. You should appreciate that your husband marries you because one thing is for sure about that! YOU ARE PRETTY. why? because your husband as you said keeps on looking to pretty girls and you are one of it or maybe the best because he marries you. Your husband only appreciates beauty especially those beautiful girls outside the window or outside the car.hehe. As long as he did nothing wrong with your marriage then that is just ok.
• United States
3 Aug 09
Not all men crane their necks around to stare. And not all men drop the keys because they're too busy lusting after women they are not married to. I personally count that as something wrong within the marriage. Understandable to notice, not excusable to lust.
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
23 Jul 09
It is not acceptable for him to behave this way. It is rude and demeaning toward you and I would be inclined to confront him again and remind if the fact that you deserve much better than that! Have you communicated how you feel effectively? He needs to understand and ‘get it’, what he is doing is hurting your feelings and how would he like it if you behaved that way? It might be worth giving him a taste of his own medicine but then again why should you lower yourself? Talk to him again mermaidivy, you deserve more respect than that!
1 person likes this
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
23 Jul 09
Thank you. I did try and wha tI got was a bunch of frustration...
2 people like this
@cwong77 (2011)
• Malaysia
22 Jul 09
mermaidivy, be cool, and stay tune. I can understand your situation how frustrated it can be when you are all dolled up but your hubs just refuse to look at you. Tell this to yourself as to comfort you.. no point arguing if you finds this being a habit of your hubs! It's never easy to abandon bad habits for sure, and what you can do is maybe the next time you caught him doing that, you just have to stand in front of him and let him know your presence. Remember we used to say "the grass is always greener on the other side"? So, in my opinion, if you have spoken to him and it don't works, just do with your action. Alternatively, you may want to doll up again the next time to attract some 'men' attention... :)
1 person likes this
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
22 Jul 09
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
22 Jul 09
Hello there friend, This is really true and upsetting.I am a housewife myself and i do share your sentiments.Why did our partner can't understand that they are hurting us unintentionally(was that really unintentional?)Gosh...i really hate it when my partner headturn for young girls passing by,and it seems i never exists. And one more thing is,we just keep tongue tied not to start an argument coz,we knew when we started about it,we will be blamed or accused of jealousy for nonsense matter. Well,i guess all we have to do is,to maintain our figure and keep ourself looking fresh as ever Cheers my friend,you are not alone.
1 person likes this
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
22 Jul 09
Thank you very much! He looked back really told me he is attracted to other girls!
1 person likes this
@ShellyB (5244)
• United States
22 Jul 09
I do not remember but I am wondering what his reaction would be like if you started behaving that same way too. I am not sure if that's something you would want to try, but at least it is worth a shot since talking to him did not work at all. Good luck.
1 person likes this
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
22 Jul 09
Thank you!
1 person likes this
@grace118224 (1040)
• China
22 Jul 09
As a married woman i totally understand what you felt . The simple way is to keep improve yourself to be better and better to see whether his eyes can only focus on you . And talking to him about this is also extremely important . To let him know how you feel and to get to know what he thinks .
1 person likes this
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
22 Jul 09
If you have read the other responsess I gave to the mylot buddies, you know what situation i am in...
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jul 09
I don't blame you for being upset. If it was just a glance, fine. But I think your hubby is going above and beyond being obvious about looking @ other women. Come on dropping your keys?!?!? & turning around??? I'd be upset too! Though hubby & I do something on the funny side. Like I'll tease him and say something like... I know why you picked that line cause the checker was a looker huh? So after that he'd pick the plainest looking checker @ the store *LOL* But when we go to the outlet mall near a naval training facility he'd give me grief over the navy guys floating around... (most looked like they just finished highschool... EW). So ours is a bit of give and take on the situation. I even tease him about his co-workers, especially since many of them have reputations as tr@mps & that includes some of the guys too!
1 person likes this
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
22 Jul 09
That's right... but it is not a situation like you and your husband, he looks because he gets totally attracted to the girls... otherwise, he wouldnt't have dropped the key and turned aroud and stuff....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The more I think about that again, the more I feel so mad and upset... :-( :-| :-\
1 person likes this
@carolscash (9500)
• United States
22 Jul 09
He sounds very immature. I think that he is proving that he doesn't love you and yet he expects you to do things for him and stay with him. Did he do this before you were married? Is he willing to talk about it? If not then he doesn't care that it bothers you. I would say that you try to speak to him once again about it and if it doesn't help, tell him that you are finished!
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
22 Jul 09
He didn't do that before we got married... I will have to try to talk to him...
1 person likes this