The return of the Ex...
July 22, 2009 4:27am CST
About more than a month ago, I posted about my break up with my boyfriend after being a couple for more than four years. We stopped talking for several days and went on with our lives apart. I was so sad that I posted my feelings here in mylot and got more than a handful of well wishes from people who offered support and advice. I cannot tell you how helpful these people were to my recovery. It has been more than a month since we broke up and I am happy that I have moved on better and faster than I thought I would. My ex just celebrated his birthday less than two weeks ago. When we were still together, whenever there were special occasions, I usually call him at the stroke of midnight to greet him whether this is an anniversary a birthday or whatever, and he did the same for me too. This time around, I was awake but was oblivious to the fact that it was his birthday(I was chatting up a storm with a couple of friends in facebook!). At around 12:30, he called me up to ask how I was, I told him I was fine and suddenly remembered that it was his birthday so I greeted him and kept the call short telling him I had to go to work early the following day. He got the hint and said good night. A week after that, he texted me to ask how I was again. I have to be clear on one thing, although he cheated on me which caused our break up, we agreed to be friends and I have no hatred towards him so I texted him back to say that I was fine. He then said that he missed me terribly and asked me to lunch that weekend. I told him I couldn't come with him because I had to meet up with someone on that day. He sked who the "lucky guy" (those were his exact words!) was and I said I was going to meet up with a college friend who had asked me out. I found that talking to him now was a lot easier and that I no longer feel sad about what happened to us. But I still told him I couldn't go out with him. I still feel a little sad that all of our efforts went to waste but I know I wouldn't want to go back to a relationship with all those lies and cheating. I just got a little confused why he would still tell me he misses me terrible and ask me out after what happened! Is it normal for guys to do that?
22 Jul 09
Hello Sarletwitch12!!!You were asking why he said that he misses you. First, you were a couple for more than four years. Four years is a long time for a couple to be together. Some ended up being married. Unfortunately on your part, it did not. Perhaps, he has broken up with the girl he used to cheat on you. Now that he is alone, the only person that he remembers is you. With all those four years, there were moments of ups and downs. And for you to stay that long, you must really be a couple. But because of another woman, because of that momentary passion with her, he totally ignored the years that you have been together. Sometimes I wonder, even though they know the repercussion of their wrong act, they still do it. The reason, they are just human is unacceptable. Yes, because they are human, prone to make mistakes, is not an excuse. I think that they should all the more be careful and conscious of their role. Like your ex, he should have known that it would hurt you if he cheats on you. You said that you have moved on. Carry on with that. It shows that have fully recovered. Be cautious of the wrong signals it is sending you. The first mistake for sure hurts you. I am not sure how it will feel the second time he hurts you. Stay friendly with him.
2 people like this
23 Jul 09
There had been times when I asked why he just ditched the four years for a moment's passion just like that. I went through a lot when we broke up. You are right, I may have gone through the break up unscathed but if I go back and the cheating happens again, I dont know if i can still make out ok. I try to maintain a friendly relationship with him because we have a history together and apart from the cheating, he was good to me and my family. Thank you so much for the advise. You are probably right, friendship may be the best we could ever be.
• United States
22 Jul 09
I think a lot of guys that screw up in a relationship start getting ideas about getting back together with the one their missing. It sounds like your ex was hoping to pick up the pieces and try it again. My ex b/f did the same thing and after some soul searching I decided that I couldn't do it...I just couldn't trust him anymore and trust is a big thing with me. [b]~~AT PEACE WITHIN~~ **STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS**[/b]
23 Jul 09
Well he did mess up big time. While I still care for him, like you, I don't think I can even contemplate on getting back together with him again. It is just too complicated for us to be together after what he did. Thanks for the response, it helped a lot.
22 Jul 09
I think it is a quite tough situation and I have to say that I have also done things like your ex-boyfriend before.When I broke up with my first girlfriend,I regretted for the things that had caused our breaking up.For a certain period of time,I missed her so much and I tried to contact her.However,she is very indifferent to me and she wants me to accept the reality that we have parted.She said that we have to move forward snd that each of us has to begin new life.Slowly and surely I recover from that emotion.I don't know whether you still have affection on your ex-boyfriend and I think you need to clear things up with him. Hope this can give you some help.
• United States
23 Jul 09
I had a guy cheat on me, well he actually started dating another girl while dating me too, once i found out i broke up with him... a month later or so he wrote me saying he can't stop thinking about me, even when he is in bed with his current gf... i got pissed... i actually got so pissed that i forwarded the email to his current gf lol... it made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside... I guess when you were there with him he forgot how much you really mean to him... I guess he only remembered it when you were gone... I think it's normal, many people don't value what they have until they loose it...