Should we change our religion for the sake of love?
July 23, 2009 11:47pm CST
I have a friend and he is very much in-love with her girlfriend. He is planning to proposed marriage to the girl but he is having second thoughts because of their religious belief. He is a devote Catholic and his girlfriend is also attached to her religion.His girlfriend is Jewish. What advice should i give my buddy?
1 person likes this
24 Jul 09
First of all, you friend needs to look at if the different religions cause a problem in the past? If it hasn't then the next step is to look at restrictions that it could cause with the wedding. I don't know about the Jewish side but I do know with the catholic side, they can be strict. In my situation, I am a catholic and I married a divorcee. It is my first marriage. The catholic church would not marry us unless my husband at the time got an annulment. Here is another thing. My husband and his former wife were not catholic. I do question why doesn't the catholic church see a divorce as an annulment of the marriage? I was disappointed in the catholic church because I feel that they had not really moved with the times with divorce rates being high. With your friend before having second thoughts, look into both sides. See if both religions have the same type of marriage certificate to sign. If there is, the next step is to see if minister/priest from both religions can perform the marriage service at the same time. I know with my own certificate of marriage. The person performing the wedding service normally signs the certificate and 2 witnesses signes it. So I have come up with another option. Along with my idea as I have metioned, have a civil celebrant to lead the service. Have the civil celebrant sign the certificate as the legal representative then have the Jewish minister and the Catholic priest sign it as the witnesses, representing both religions. But the problem will not end there. What about children they might have? What religion do the baptise/christen the children as? Could they do a combined service or would it be best to just have a civil service and allow the children to decide later on. In my situation with the children, we baptised the children as catholics and I asked my husband to look at the service as an official civil naming service. He did agree to it. Mixed religion marriages can work if both parties can agree or compromise. In the end, your friend and his girlfiend would need to look at what is stronger. Is it love, or is it religion? That is the most important thing that they both need to look at. If neither of them can compromise, or even practise both religions through respect for the other, then religion is stronger and a marriage may not work. If both of the can compromise or even practise both religions, then love is stronger and the marriage can work. I don't go to church but I do recognise myself as catholic. A non practising catholic. My children are non practising catholics. If they choose to go to church, I will be happy to take them. I have told my children not to ask their father because he is a non believer. If I married for religion, I would not married my husband. I chose to marry for love. I do have problems in my marriage these days but none of the problems are anything to do with religion. He does respect that I am a catholic. I know that because one day he bought for me a statue of Jesus which is also a lamp. I certainly did not expect it because he is a non believer. I was the last thing that I expected him to buy for me. Your friend has a lot to think about. His girlfriend has too. It is not a easy decision that they both will come up with. Choosing between religion or love? I wish you good luck. I wish your friend and girlfriend good luck as well.
24 Jul 09
I think you should ask your friend whether he really is in love with the girl and if he is REALLY SURE that he's willing to do that much for the girl. If he is, then I suggest he should go and change his religion for love. I know many who have done the same and frankly I don't see any negative effect.
24 Jul 09
The difference in religion is what makes couples feel afraid to get married. Would both of them mind if they continued living together practising separate religions? If they don't mind, then it's good. If they do mind, then someone has to give in - so it's either Catholic or Jewish. However, it's not that simple. If your society is able to accept mixed religions in a family or marriage, it's all well and good. If not, you need to talk things over and again... someone has to give in. Give your friend this advise. Ask him if his girlfriend wishes to retain her religion, would he still marry her and go through the criticisms and protests that family members might bring up? To me, having different religions in a family is good so that each one knows the practises of another religion - but then, not everyone thinks the same. GOOD LUCK :)
24 Jul 09
I too am a Catholic but I really don't feel that it should get in the way of a relationship. A friend of mine (a Catholic) refused to even date her current boyfriend unless he too became Catholic (an Athiest at the time). This seems a tad selfish to me, but if it's the only way that they can be together as a married couple I guess sacrifices need to be made All in all, that's a choice he has to make for himself.
• New Zealand
24 Jul 09
You can have different beliefs and still be together. Did their beliefs stop them from getting so close in the first place? I wouldn't think so if he's planning to propose. I don't think he should change his religion because it's not something you can easily do. Religion is a faith so how can you change it for an earthly being. If she is refusing to marry him because of his religion then I think you might have to revise the relationship, other than that. No he shouldn't change his religion for love.