How Do You Tell A Friend That They Drink Too Much???

@dfinster (3535)
United States
July 24, 2009 12:25pm CST
I have a girlfriend that I love to hang out with and go to lunch or out on the town with. She's really a great person and a whole lot of fun. But since I have been living on my own now I have been spending a lot more time with her than I used to. So now I have been around her enough to see she is starting to drink to excess very often. Like almost everyday she ends up getting drunk enough to the point where she is forgetting things that we talk about or she talks about with other people. She still goes to work everday but as soon as she gets home she hits the booze and hits it hard. Now it's like she doesn't want to do anything anymore unless we go to the bar or there is drinking involved. I don't drink like that at all and even when we just hang out at my house she has to bring a drink along because I don't have alcohol at my house. I'm afraid she's going to end up with a serious problem here and there are going to be serious consequences. I don't want to see her go through all that and would really like to say something, but don't know how to approach it without hurting her or if it's up to me to be her keeper. She is 2 years older than I am. What should I do?
5 people like this
19 responses
@ladym33 (11008)
• United States
25 Jul 09
You should start out by telling her how much you truly care about her and tell her that what you are about to say to her comes from your heart and that you are only saying it because you care so much about her and are worried about her. Then lay it right on her be honest and tell her the truth about how you think she is drinking too much, and how she is behaving when she is drunk and the consequences of her being drunk. By the way do this when she is sober if you do it while she is drinking it will have no effect on her. Be prepared she may get angry or upset with you, but if you truly care about her telling her is the best thing you can do for her regardless of the consequences. She may be mad at first but hopefully come around and realize that you cared enough to tell her the truth. I wish you all the best.
@dfinster (3535)
• United States
25 Jul 09
I have to wait until she is sober and then yes I will be doing what you have talked about. I hope she stays sober today. She had a very rough night last night and I had to take her keys and have her stay on my couch. She left a little while ago to take care of errands and stuff, and I told her to call me so hopefully I will be able to start a conversation with her about this today.
1 person likes this
@I_LUV_U (2519)
• India
27 Jul 09
This is a skill in itself, you should do it more in a roundabout way, with greater sensitivity, patience, gentleness, love and sincerity - rather than expressing intolerance or concern over habit and putting it in a blunt or straightforward manner. But at the same time, in a subtle way, you should also make her understand that you're genuinely concerned about her drinking habit and are endeavoring to help her come out of the addiction. Love can make wonders, persevere and you must be able to effect a change in her. Good luck!
2 people like this
@bing28 (3798)
• Philippines
25 Jul 09
You can start maybe by telling her the bad effects of too much drinking and as a true friend you do worry for her. You may suggest to little by little, if she can avoid drinking as it's not good for her health.
@abanerji (1026)
• India
25 Jul 09
being a true friend you must let her know that she is going in the wrong direction. even if she is drinking more than enough there must be times when she is not drinking. this is the time when you need to speak to her. mkae her feel comfortable and make her feel seccured with you. then tell her that she is doing wrong. if you speak to her while she is drinking then she may not listen to you. she would rather say that you are not talking sense. there ould be some reason behind her drinking so much. there are possiblities that she is undergoing some kind of depression. be with her , try to find out her problems and let her vent out her emotions. these things may help her is reducing her drinking.
2 people like this
@jeeva_s6 (399)
• India
24 Jul 09
As a true friend you should definitely point out to her that she has been spoiling her future. As your friend`s life is at stake, You should not hesitate to take up matter and start advising her. First try to say politely about the consequencies when she`s normal. If this doesn`t work out, try to be with her when she boozes and make sure that she did not cross the limits. Even if this doesn`t work out then really its time to consult a doctor about her rehabilitation. Hope she would not have to that extend and you would be able to stop her by yourself.
1 person likes this
@dfinster (3535)
• United States
24 Jul 09
I really want to try talking to her but it's getting to the point where right now I don't know when she's really sober or not. I feel underqualifed to step in a whole lot by trying to be with her when she goes out because she goes out everyday and I can't do that. I just have to figure out what condition she is in and if I really think she can comprehend what I'm going to say then I'll try talking to her.
• United States
25 Jul 09
drinking,to,much - to,much,drinking
I wouldnt just come out and tell her i would just her clues that she is drinking way to much, cause if u just come out and tell her she will take it the wrong way and think u want her to stop and its just going to make it harder on her and she'll just drink more, so just give her clues, advice, not just come out and say hey you are drinking to much, u know.
1 person likes this
@jeeva_s6 (399)
• India
25 Jul 09
I think you should understand the fact that if not now, its never. One thing I forgot to ask you. Was she your friend for a very long time or she just entered into your life. If she has been your friend for a at least more than a year then you both would be having a better understanding of each other and she`ll take you in the right aspect whatever you advice her. In the vice versa, there is a little problem that she may not listen to you and just walk out of your life. In such cases more delicately and try to tell her about her behaviour in a soft manner.
1 person likes this
@alindahaw (1219)
• Philippines
25 Jul 09
I think that it is time for you to tell your friend that you are not comfortable with her drinking habit. Yes, your friend will probably feel disappointed or even angry with you when you confront her with her drinking problem but it is for her own protection. Drinking can lead to a lot of serious troubles.
@dfinster (3535)
• United States
25 Jul 09
You're right, her habit is starting to make me uncomfortable, but just because of that I would never bail out on a friend. I want to see her be alright. I think she is already starting to have some big problems and I'm going to do what I can to help her through them.
@dangaroo (234)
25 Jul 09
You have to point out the potential the person has and how they are wasting it and what they could be achieving without it, also try to explain any mistakes or problems that have occurred due to the boozing, if you just criticise their drinking then although the message might get through secretly, there's a good chance it's not going to help much. Or you could do a cruel version and just put eye drops in her drinks everytime (makes you have diarrohea I believe) she has one - then she'll relate boozing to feeling really unwell!!!!
1 person likes this
@dfinster (3535)
• United States
25 Jul 09
I would never do something like putting eyedrops in her booze because I think it would be mean and wrong. She already had enough problems without me adding any kind of cruelty by doing that. But I will be talking to her as soon as I can get her sober.
@magilives (261)
• Australia
25 Jul 09
You need to find out WHY she is drinking so much. I have lived with someone who drank a lot because his ex took his kids away and wouldn't allow him any contact. I accepted his drinking because there was nothing I could do to help him. Recently though he told me that he wants to give up smoking but doesn't want to give up drinking. I'm thinking I might have to resort to telling him that he will end up like his father who drank & smoked & is now very sick. He doesn't like to be told he is like his father so it may work. I would find out why she is drinking & if you can't help her fix the problem point out someone who drinks a lot who is very sick or doesn't look that good. Maybe you could search the internet for photos of young girls and what they look like when they are drunk. I have seen some (can't remember where) and they can be a real eye opener. Hope this helps, good luck.
1 person likes this
@dfinster (3535)
• United States
25 Jul 09
I know a big part of her unhappiness is the guy she is seeing right now. He treats her pretty crappy and it's really getting to her. Last night they got in a huge fight and she ended up sleeping on my couch. I hope things work out for your friend too, good luck with that.
@grace118224 (1040)
• China
25 Jul 09
To tell her frankly what you think in your own heart. If she loves herself and you and care about your future she will quite in the end although it's hard at the beginning . Don't you arrange some other programm for both of you after work ? Such as going to the movies, having romantic dinner, go shopping , sports, etc
1 person likes this
@dfinster (3535)
• United States
25 Jul 09
She's my friend who is a woman also. She's not my girlfriend in the romantic way. She has a boyfriend but yes I have suggested some shopping or things like that and I just have to see if she takes those suggestions.
@vinay316 (301)
• India
24 Jul 09
It is sometimes better to tell them on their face than to tell something behind a person's back. I would rather prefer telling my friend that he or she is drinking a bit too much and that they must not do it.
1 person likes this
@dfinster (3535)
• United States
24 Jul 09
This is the only place I have brought up this subject. I would never go behind her back to our other friends here because I feel I need to go to her first. I just need to approach it the right way and right now I'm not sure what the right way is and not really hurt her.
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
24 Jul 09
That's a tough one and you need to know that your words may not have any effect at all on her. It sounds as if you are close enough to her that you could talk to her and there is always the chance that it will be helpful. I have told a couple of friends that I was concerned about their drinking and they know that I just really do care about them. It's never really done any good. The decision to get help has to come from within themselves and for their own reasons. Sadly, it is usually when it has become such a problem in their life that they can't ignore it any longer. Others never get the help they need.
1 person likes this
@dfinster (3535)
• United States
24 Jul 09
You are absolutely right that the change has to come from the individual with the problem. I hope it does not get so bad that she crashes and burns. She knows how much I care about her, but others have told me that a person doing this stuff has to hit rock bottom. I just don't want her to hit that rock bottom and feel like she's all alone. I want her to know that whatever happens I'll be there to support her.
• Saint Lucia
24 Jul 09
You should be frank and tell her whats really on your mind.Sometimes we tried not to offend our friends and ends up seeing them get into lots of trouble we could have prevented.Now drinking like this isnt healthy and you have the right to either save her or see her go down the drain.To start off you remind her that you are doing this because you are her fiend and is worried about her well-being.
1 person likes this
@dfinster (3535)
• United States
24 Jul 09
Thanks for your comments. I have to figure out when she isn't under the influence, and then talk to her, but you gave me a really good idea what to say to get the conversation going. I certainly do not want to see her fall any further into this.
@MagicGuy (157)
• United States
6 Aug 09
I haven't read through the responces, but I'd like to say... ...If she is your friend, there is no wrong way to tell her. Just remember to say that you are telling her this because you care.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Jul 09
In my opinion if you are that close of a friend you NEED to talk to her about your concern. Thing is don't just blurt it out at the wrong time. Maybe make plans to meet at your place and BEFORE the heavy drinking starts talk to her. Let her know your feelings as you have said them here. YOu did a wonderful job here saying it in words now its time to let her know your concerns. Now if she poofs you off, it is her choice. Just let her know that it is her choice to make, your just concerned and maybe with this talk you may be able to find out if there is something that she isn't saying that happened that has pushed her to this now. Maybe if she is able to get it out she will be able to change other things in life. I hope the best for your friend... I lost my dad to a drunk driver when I was six years old. I am 53 now and I still wish for time with my Father..... there isn't any real healing for those that loose like this.
• India
25 Jul 09
i would asay that u rather sit with that person and have a light one on one conversion.have a good day
1 person likes this
@hireshd (492)
• India
25 Jul 09
Yes I do tell my friends that they drink too much, sometimes when they are completely out I do hit them to bring them out of there world and back on earth!
@rosepedal64 (4192)
• United States
25 Jul 09
What is the meaning of a friend? I have also thought it was someone that you could tell anything to. Right or Wrong. I would talk with her when she is not drinking and explain to her what you see. If that has already been done, then take a totally different approach. Video tape her on every day that she gets drunk or is drinking. Do this for about a week. Show her this tape with the dates printed on it. She may see then that she does have a problem. You know she is drinking like that to cover some inter feelings and may not even realize that she is doing that much drinking. Give it a try and let me know the outcome. Good luck.
@Alupee (42)
24 Jul 09
Just tell her how you feel and just have a nice chat with her.
1 person likes this
• India
24 Jul 09
I know it is very difficult to explain to a close friend especially a girl friend.. you will have enage her in some activity in which there is no alchol allowed.. or take her to the rehabitation center where she can learn to stop her self from drinking..
1 person likes this