Whose cash pays for the groceries
By suspenseful
@suspenseful (40193)
Canada
July 26, 2009 2:01pm CST
We have a joint account and I have a small pension of my own in a separate account. Now here is the situation. Right now we are short of money because we have to pay the credit card balance for getting our house renovated and my husband wants to put part of my money into the joint account and before I have kept it out in cash and just handed it to him. You see the credit union where we have our joint account is a mile away rather then half a mile where my bank is. The trouble is as long as I hand the money over to my husband or put it in the joint account, it is my husband's decision to what we should buy for groceries so since he is disabled, I have to show him the flier where he points out, we need this and that.
The other day, my husband and I went to see some Tvs, but it happened that the grocery store was near by, so he steers the motorized wheelchair there and so he decides the couple of things that we do need, that since the hut dog buns were on sale, to get a couple of packages and we could not afford them right now.
So I was wondering whether even if I only get about $600 compared to his $2200,a month, it would be a good idea for me to buy the groceries out of my own money, because I am sick of getting something that we do not need because it is on sale.
We really do not need hot dog buns when we could use bread instead.0
7 people like this
26 responses
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
27 Jul 09
In my home, it is just my 15 yr old daughter and myself. I am the only one bringing in money right now and so we are also on a limited income. Before we go to the grocery store, we sit down together and decide on what we want for meals for the week. We make a list of what we need to put these meals together and estimate the cost of everything. We look at the flier and we basically know the regular prices anyway. Then we figure in paper products, soaps etc. We have a limit on what can be spent. If there is any left after that, she then picks out some snacks. With any luck, we still have some left over which either goes in the bank or we splurge on a coffee & a shake. We keep each other in check from impulse buying. Hot dog rolls ...I would have said no to. I mean you can freeze them but like you said...they are not a necessity. Do the math before you go to the store and have a good idea of what you are spending....have him sit there with you. This really works for us and is teaching my daughter some budget skills as well. It's kind of like a game with us....to see how much under we can keep it and still eat just fine. 
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
22 Aug 09
We try to keep our budget at under $100 a week, but we are still paying for the renovations for our house and for some reason our bank balance is out. I do not plan the meals specifically, but I decide that we will make sure we do not have the same type of meat or fish twice in a row, and we will have potatoes one day, noodles the next, bread or toast (that is when we have baked beans or chili( the next, spaghetti the next, etc. And I make a lot of casseroles. It works out all right.
@bfarrier1 (2082)
• United States
26 Jul 09
maybe since he has the bigger check you could pay bills with his and buy groceries and household stuff with yours.Have a great night.
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
31 Jul 09
We would try that,but when you consider that I only get about $600 and the grocery bill is about $400 month there is hardly anything left over for us. He can pay for the groceries and everything. I do not mind doing it temporarily, but I do not want any surprises like my shoes coming apart or a rip in my dress during that period.
@blackbriar (9076)
• United States
26 Jul 09
It depends on who's paying what bills. If your husband is paying the rent/morgage and/or car payments while your paying the utility bills, your the one who should pay for groceries I would think. That's how it is in my household, anyways. If it was the other way around, then he pays. Regardless, your right in that he shouldn't be buying what isn't needed when your short on cash. I almost forgot there was such thing as hot dog/hamburger buns till a few weeks ago. We've been using sandwich bread for years since we are always being given wheat/rye/white/whole grain breads.
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
30 Jul 09
We do not have any rent, mortgage, or car payments so the only thing we have to pay is the utilities and upgrading the house and part of my money goes for that. But I sometimes feel that even if he is paying for the groceries, or I am paying for the groceries, that we both should have a say in what we can buy and it should not be all on his decision. After all I am the one who is doing the cooking. I do not mind when he says "why not get a chocolate bar," or something special as a treat, but for him to decide what fruit we have to buy because they are cheap, that that type of bread is too expensive, that we need some hot dogs let alone hot dog buns, is going over the top. It is as if he is deciding what we should eat and not me.
@Yestheypayme2dothis (7874)
• United States
26 Jul 09
I am with you. That would bother me. If you think you can keep him from buying thing by using your money, do it. If you think that will work. My husband been gives me money for the groceries. I do the grocery shopping. I am very frugal.
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
31 Jul 09
I do give money to my husband to the joint account and I am thinking of just using that money for the groceries, I can get the non food items free using points. But now the guy was here to get our ramp finished and the landscaping done, so it will be rather hard to just use the joint account. I may have to dip into my savings as well.
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
26 Jul 09
It depends on which arrangement gives you the most control over the money! When you're on a fixed income you can't afford any unexpected expenses and he (and a lot of people) just doesn't seem to understand that. Men are notoriously bad shoppers, anyway. If you paid for them from your pension, would you have control over what you buy? Would you be paid back from his pension or is it a joint effort? Go for the power, not the convenience, because it sounds as if he's well intentioned but you are the better shopper!
2 people like this
@mariposaman (2959)
• Canada
26 Jul 09
If you do not need them they are no bargain. Bread tends to be cheap anyways, I do not know what it is out West where you are, but there is 1$ for 450 gram loaf at Dollarama and 1.47 loaf at No Frills, Zehrs, and Food Basics. Hot dog buns tend to be more expensive gram for gram.
If you have a routine planned where you get the flyers and go grocery shopping with a budget then you should have stuck to that plan. Impulse buying can ruin your budget. Marriage is 50:50, not who has the most income makes the decisions.
I do like to stockpile some food, but it is for staples that I know I will use later. If it is a real deal, I will throw it in the freezer, or even dry it on occasion, but I do not buy it just because it is on sale, especially if I have no use for it.
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
12 Aug 09
It depends on who decides the need. For instance, I prefer fruits and vegetables and salads, and I also like whole grain rather then white bread. So if white bread is cheaper, should it be considered a need and yet whole wheat or rye bread is not. As for marriage being 50 -- why is it that the one who makes the most income make the decisions? Then that would mean the marriage is 40 60 or 30 70 and the decision would be in the hands of the one with the greatest percentage and usually that is the husband. But should not the wife who does the cooking and has to stretch things be given more leeway especially if the husband does not believe that salads are necessary but hot dog buns and weiners and fattening food are?
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
27 Jul 09
HE makes the most you should buy the grocerys using his money! When we buy extra we freeze them bread also.
BUt lately the buns sort of smell according to my daughter so we have had to change brands and they others out the door sometimes to feed the birds!
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
7 Sep 09
We used to buy it with his money, but then he would want to see the grocery list after to see if I bought something he did not approve. So I decided that sometimes I buy with his money (that boring stuff he likes,) and I buy with my money, the good stuff that I love
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
30 Jul 09
Thats exacally why i do not have a husband..LOL and if i ever do get one he will not control what i buy or don't buy....Your huisband seems to have a say in anything you do and i would not like that..The $2200 that your husband gets is also yours as well as his, so spend his money on groceries...He gets more than you do.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
8 Sep 09
When I found out I had borderline diabetes, he kept on me I cannot eat any bread, if I eat one slice a day, there goes the pasta, etc. and I love Italian food. I got a diabetic cookbook and the stuff is more expensive. I mean we have a short growing season as it is and I also think that I know more about grocery shopping then he does.
and healthier food is more expensive then non healthy.
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
9 Sep 09
Men also think that buying a steak is a good bargain and that vegetables are a waste of time. And they think that white bread is just as healthy. So it is better that us women get the groceries.
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
9 Sep 09
I agree with you...You have been doing the shopping all these years & you know How to buy the groceries...Men pick up anything they see that they want & never look at prices, plus since some men do not cook they know nothing about grocery shopping..This is NOT directed at the men out there that are cooks......
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
5 Aug 09
He says we can both decide, but in reality he is the one who decides what to spend the money on and when I buy the groceries out of the joint account he has to see the bill to decide what we need and it is his need. And He thinks that my getting cherries and rye crisp is not important, but he did not say anything about the sausage or the potato patties, so his decision as to what is important is a lot different from mine.
@jezzmay (1845)
• United States
5 Aug 09
I can see what you going through. Would it
make a difference if you told him you was
getting some things you want? Could you say
I need these things for my health? I know
this must be a trying time for you. You
have to deal with this and his health. I
pray you have a blessed day.
1 person likes this
@jezzmay (1845)
• United States
5 Aug 09
So, he controls the money in the joint account,
and wants you to put half of your money in it.
Then he wants to tell you what to spend it on.
This does not sound right to me, but if you
agree to this way, I guess it is right to you.
It is a problem for you when you only get a
small amount. Have you talked to him, or is
he one who has to have his way all the time.
Have a blessed day.
1 person likes this
@smileonstar (4007)
• United States
27 Jul 09
Hello,
well, first I am sorry to hear that and I used to be there before. My husband was in a great business and he made really good money. He also gave me almost of his income to me but then sometimes he asked for something that we didn't need and use our saving money for that prize.
Then when his business is slow, then he realized that most of thing that he wanted were not important anymore. He is now follow my decision instead. Last time, he used to asked me for my cash as well, and if I have $200 then I just gave $100. I just hid it... I hate to do that but I do that for good and it for our family saving. If I gave him all then I will not able to buy what I need. And to do this, I could save a lot as well and he doesn't even know.
Another thing, most of people will think im too selfish and it should not be right to hid money from my own husband but if I know him like this already... then I should be prepare for myself and my kids too. I can't depend on what he wants and need. I need to save most for my children need too. That's why my husband wonder why I always have money to buy thing and food for my children. Think about it and if you can, keep at least $20 in your own box each day or each week. It will help you later on
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
22 Aug 09
Sometimes we have to keep money away from temptation, i.e. husbands. That is why I decided to switch to a bank rather then stay with the credit union where I had a separate account with my husband. If one cannot find it, one cannot borrow it. Unfortunately we split pensions, and that meant that even though we did, he figured that the part he split with me was still his. So what I did was put the amount on a paper stuck to the fridge and then every time we got groceries, deducted it from that amount. That means that if there is not enough or I can get a little over $40 or $80 and use the airmiles to the best advantage, I can use my money.
Then I can get what I want in groceries and not have to decide to buy just what he wants.
@smileonstar (4007)
• United States
22 Aug 09
Thanks for the best respond. it is a good idea to do so... sometimes it will help you once you keep them away.
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
7 Sep 09
It works out fine, and I will be able to save up for a trip as well as the ipod, because unfortunately we were unable to take that trip to the Bahamas because that is when my husband started to get sick. He thought it was a stroke and he did not think anyone could help him on the cruise and besides we had to get the basement finished. But with me paying for the groceries part of the time, and him part of the time, then there is no problem because when he pays for the groceries, I will not get the things that he does not like but will get them when I pay for the groceries and still get the air miles.
@joyceshookery (2057)
• United States
26 Jul 09
I think you need money to call your own, to spend how you choose. It seems that between the two of you, your income is good. In Canada some things are quite expensive, but since I don't live there, I can't really say whether or not there's a balance.
Hope you can work out the food plan to mutual satisfaction.
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
28 Jul 09
It is just that when he takes the money out of the joint account, he wants to see the grocery bill to see if I bought what he wanted but if I use my own money, he does not. And then when we use the joint bank account, he will go over the Superstore and Safeway list and says "we need this, that,etc. I say "cherries are on for $1.99 a lb. and he says they are too expensive." Yet in the last few weeks, I have found that the unit price for most items has gone up and what is on sale are the canned goods that can keep forever and the frozen food. so therefore what used to be $1.69 a lb may have gone up to $1.99 lb and we are starting to get the cherries from British Columbia so they should be cheaper. So I miss out on many healthy food choices if we use the joint bank account for food.
Besides we have to pay the credit card bill for the home renovations.
@3SnuggleBunnies (16374)
• United States
26 Jul 09
I would say use his money for bills. Use your money for groceries and the lil extra's you need.
I hope he's planning on freezing those hot dog buns! If you don't eat alot of them there's no point in buying several w/o freezing them or intending on using them soon.
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
27 Jul 09
That sounds like a good idea. At least I can make sure that I get what we need and not just something that is cheap but not that good.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
16 Aug 09
hi susp;enseful hatley here.good to see you again. I
can sympathize with you. my hubby left alone to shop
would buy stuff because it was on sale even if we
didnt need it and we had only so much money to use'
for grocery.it was so much simpler to let me do the
grocery shopping with my money as I passed the sales'unless
it was on something I was going to buy anyway.Once my
husband got a bonus from a cooking job and so I let him'do the
shopping.oh myG. he bought everything but the kitchen sink.
exotic cheeses , you name it he bought it.we didnt have to'
buy food for almost four weeks. but our menus were
really interesting and different.the caviar I could have
done without however. he he eh
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
8 Sep 09
My husband does not do any extravagant shopping, but he thinks that if it is cheap it is all right and he thinks that the price of food has not gone up. So he still thinks that the price of canned salmon is the same now as it was a year ago. So if a year ago groceries for two cost $70 a week, he still thinks they do and guess what happens, the healthy food gets taken out, but the white bread etc. no way.
@gitfiddleplayer (10362)
• United States
30 Jul 09
Well I'm a stay at home dad some my wifes money pays for the food. We shop together and get what we need and mostly what we want. I guess if he wants hot dog buns he can buy them.
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
8 Sep 09
U am all right if I go shopping with my friend and then I can get what we need and the extras that I need because I am fighting diabetes, and I will pick up a chocolate bar for him *(although I wish he loved dark chocolate because I cannot pick up a milk chocolate bill for him and a dark one for me, it would be too much) . I have a limited junk food budget. But if we run out and we have to go, that is my husband and I, he thinks that getting white buns and hot dog buns a necessity, whereas I do not, so I would rather he stays at home and we get either my friend's husband to stay with him and they can talk about trains and stuff like that.
@wadhahhah (235)
• Tunisia
27 Jul 09
Well , I think that you and your Husband should really sit down and talk about this . In my opinion the stuff that he buys and only he can use it should be paid with his own money , but the things that he or you buy that the both of you can use should be from the joint account .
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
17 Aug 09
I do think we should pay for the groceries out of our joint account and that is what we do but since I am the one going to the grocers, and he stays at home, then he decides what is important or not. And now that we have renovated the house, and need a new fridge, dishwasher, and stove, and microwave, it will be tight. I just do not want to sacrifice health to save money.
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
7 Sep 09
I do not know how we will use up those buns. I know they are in the freezer, but I cannot eat white bread and I do not want to be forced to eat them.
@schulzie (4061)
• United States
28 Jul 09
Well since we have been married, and that is almost 20 years now, we have always had a joint checking account. All of our money goes into that account. Except for the past 4 years I have always worked full time and my entire paycheck and his entire paycheck has always gone into that account. Now I do not work at all except that I take care of the house and our 4 children. Although I don't work I still am in charge of taking care of the bills and the finances.
We pay the bills and do all expenses from that account, groceries included. Fortunately I am the one who decides what groceries to buy, where the sales are and where to get the stuff, I prepare the menus, and I cook the meals. I do take my husband with me to the grocery store so that he can help pick out stuff he would like to eat throughout the week, but I am the one who has the final say so on what we buy and where.
I don't know if this system might work for you but it has worked for us for the past 20 years.
Have a great day and happy myLotting!!!
We pay the bills and do all expenses from that account, groceries included. Fortunately I am the one who decides what groceries to buy, where the sales are and where to get the stuff, I prepare the menus, and I cook the meals. I do take my husband with me to the grocery store so that he can help pick out stuff he would like to eat throughout the week, but I am the one who has the final say so on what we buy and where.
I don't know if this system might work for you but it has worked for us for the past 20 years.
Have a great day and happy myLotting!!!
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
7 Sep 09
It does work if you do not have a fight on over whether veggies are too expensive. I can see meat being expensive and eating hamburger instead of steaks, but when your husband says "don't spend too much money" when we went into the produce dept, that stunk. So now I do the grocery shopping because he is disabled and tires easily - more then ever. We pay most of our stuff from the joint account, although we do have separate savings accounts just in case - I mean Christmas - it sounds silly to me to take money from the joint account when we can use our separate accounts - he does not mind,but I do.
But when he makes a fuss because one week I spent over $100. Well the rest of the month it is between $70 and $85 so why complain? I really do not have enough pension so I can spend it on groceries - I have to keep as much money because if my husband does not live long, it will be about six months before the will and things are cleaned up.
@checkmail (2039)
• India
27 Jul 09
Hello suspenseful this is checkmail and atleas i am free from it, as far as Groceries are concerned.Well i stay with my mom and dad so there is no need for me to spent on groceries, but still sometimes in order to invent some food receipes, i do buy some groceries.Yes the groceries today are really very costly as compared to the past when the receipes were written.I do some changes in te old receipe to make a new one, so require some extra groceries for it.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
19 Aug 09
I thought of a better idea. One week he pays for the groceries and he gets when he considers important, but when I want to try out something new, I pay for it. With your idea, I will not have any money of my own, since even now that we are retired, he made more money and worked longer and have a larger pension.
@simplyforgiven (26)
•
27 Jul 09
I think you should just talk to him about it and make him understand that you don't want to waste money on items you do not need at the moment
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
24 Aug 09
That is a good idea. I cannot understand why that if I buy something it is wasteful, but not if he does. There are things that I want to get, like Italian sausage, etc. but I feel I have to use my own money rather then the money in the joint back account.
