What happens when they turn eighteen?

United States
July 28, 2009 1:43am CST
I wonder what other parents have done or said to their children after they graduate high school. My son just graduated and he has a part time job but doesn't make enough yet to move out. Our first goal is to make him pay his own auto insurance to take some of the burden off of us. And we have told him that if he wants to go to college, he has to apply for loans and pay for it himself, especially since he barely passed high school and didn't bother to apply for any school or scholarship early. We do not plan to pay for his college education, mostly because we have four other children to take care of. I love him and wish I could pay for his way but at the same time I want him to get out in the world and find out how hard it is. We believe that once they are done with high school they have to go out and find their own way, by getting a job or getting more schooling and find out what he wants to do for the rest of his life. What do you think?
3 people like this
8 responses
• United States
28 Jul 09
I believe that each child is different. The economy is a major deterrent for a young person to just go out and fend for themselves. Sometimes it takes a couple of years for a young person to figure out what to do with their lives. It is important that they be either in school or have some sort of job. There is quite a dilemma in taking out loans for school, especially if a choice is made that does not fit the child and then they have no way to pay the loans. I personally wish that my in-laws had not had the idea that everyone should leave at 18. We have struggled for many years with inadequate income because of lack of education or help. A child who has a good start in life can be equipped to not only take care of themselves but will have a greater ability to also help parents later on.
• United States
28 Jul 09
I agree that the child should know what they want to do before they get loans for school. We have said he should know what he's going to do and where he's going to go before he makes any commitments. He knows what he wants to do but just isn't ready to do it yet, I think. He's more interested in working part time and socializing part time. He's really a good kid, just being lazy right now. And it is definitely true that some kids are not mature enough to go it on their own right after high school. Some parents don't train their kids how to survive on their own. They do everythng for them and then expect them to be able to do it themselves suddenly? won't happen. Thanks for your input, Steph
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Jul 09
How about a class at the community college that he pays for, maybe related to his job. Many times kids that graduate need a little time away from school and some time in the work force to figure all of this out. Also, interest tests etc. at the community college are helpful and some research at the local library on jobs and what will be in demand in the future is helpful. These resources are free and something that he can do to get pointed in a direction. I had to go along to help my child with all of this.
1 person likes this
• India
29 Jul 09
its a very good decision kids should find their own way , u can just help them show the way but cant do spoon feeding for them ,
@sid556 (31019)
• United States
28 Jul 09
I agree with you on this. I think kids appreciate their education so much more if they are the ones doing the work to get there. Our job as parents is to raise our kids to be good and respectable and independent people. I am single and have 4 kids...I did not...could not pay for their college. My 15 yr old wants drivers ed...so expensive...I don't have it. Two of my girls are on their own. One is married , has a high position in a bank, 2 kids and doing great. The other lives with her boyfriend of 2 yrs and so far, so good. 3rd...really struggles with this whole being on her own thing. She bounces back and forth. It's really tough out there for them on their own. I'm ok with her moving back home when she needs to. She works and just doesn't choose reliable roommates.
@ersmommy1 (12605)
• United States
28 Jul 09
I started paying rent when I was 16. My mother thought it would be a good learning experience, and she was right. She was there to lend a helping hand with applications and such, but I had to do it. It was difficult, but I was glad for her support. By 18 I had learned a few more skills and was ready. I think it is a good idea to prepare our kids for the "your 18" before hand, so it isn't such a shock. Wishing you lots of luck as you get ready for him to fly from the nest!
@grace118224 (1040)
• China
28 Jul 09
i really appreciate the way you educate your son. In china parents support their children until they go to work . I did think it's a great burden to parents and at the same time the children will be spoiled. Children should learn how to survive in the society . The early the better.
• China
28 Jul 09
The study is the only thing I would focus on on several years ago.. But now,if I turn back to eighteen,I think I would try to the things I would good at...Not only study...
• United Arab Emirates
28 Jul 09
I think what you are doing can be ruled out as educating your child to face the real world. He may have blissful years in college but in real life, earning hard to put some dough on the table is a lesson teenagers should learn early in life. In my opinion, you need to keep encouraging your son but don't forget to support him or else too harsh a behavious can often lead to obstinance and disobediance. Best of luck!
@hsofyan (3452)
• Jakarta, Indonesia
28 Jul 09
I agree with you. If the time, children need to learn independent living. Learn the truth about life. Although sometimes the parents do not dare to remove it, and financial help. I educate my children to independent. I can help them in another. My first son to study in the Management Information System department. He works freelance designing the system office or company. My second son studied in the Marketing Communication department. 2 years he has become a Disc Jockey (DJ), and had several shows in the city. I love them. Spoil them is a mistake.