To Wives:Can you mandate your husband to wash the dishes? To husbands: Is it ok?

couples doing dishes - dishes,couples,helping out
@iskayz (5422)
Philippines
July 31, 2009 5:20am CST
Hi everyone! Earlier today I visited my relative who lives a few houses away from my place. It was just after eating lunch and when I went inside their house, I saw my uncle washing the dishes. It wasn’t the first time I saw him doing it, actually I’ve seen him washing the dishes numerous times already. But every time I see him doing the dishes, I can’t help but applaud him. I would always say to him while clapping my hands, “wow, what a diligent and thoughtful husband”, and he’ll always look at me with a big smile on his face. I’ve never seen my father wash the dishes for my mom. I’ve never seen my brother-in-law do the same for my sister. Neither my younger brothers, never they have washed even a cup. I have this ideology that men are not meant to do the house chores. So I find husbands who help their wives in the house extraordinary. I think they’re very sweet and loving. I think helping the wives in the house is one way of showing thoughtfulness. I even know some guy friends of mine who are married, doing the laundry for their wives. I asked them once why, do their wives order them to wash the clothes? They say no, well sometimes yes, but mostly they do it willingly. Tending for the family is a hard job and the least they could do is help out in the house whenever they can, according to them. I made a joke once to my other uncle. I told him, can your wife tell you to wash the dishes? And he just gave me grin showing how big his biceps are meaning; my wife can’t tell me that. What is your view on men who knows how to do house chores? Being a wife, can you tell your husband to help you out in the house? And being the husband, is it ok for you to help out in the house chores or you feel that your wife is manding you inside the house?
2 people like this
28 responses
@glesil_00 (1147)
• Philippines
31 Jul 09
If i am a wife, if i cannot do the dishes i will ask my husband to do it instead. If i can do it i will do it without asking his help. Nothing wrong with the man who know household chores and asking him to ask to help you is not wrong too. Wife that ask this is not a dominant person or the husband that do this is not a submissive. Its also means that they are cooperating in each other and help each other to make the things done easily.
@iskayz (5422)
• Philippines
1 Aug 09
Hi glesil! I like the word "cooperating". But like my dad, he never washed the dishes, he never cleaned the house, does that mean he's not cooperating?
@glesil_00 (1147)
• Philippines
1 Aug 09
It doesn't mean he's not if he do not do some household chores. If he does his responsibility as a father like having a work to support the family, he is busy and after goes home he should have a rest. If he is not doing some household chores and then he is not working, that's already laziness and its unfair, but it is norm that wives normally do the household chores. Husband feel that it is for woman and no for a man. After all household chores is not only for woman but also for man.
@iskayz (5422)
• Philippines
1 Aug 09
Hmm.. I think it's fair enough for my dad not to do the house chores. He works very hard though to provide everything we need.
@anib1227 (77)
• Philippines
31 Jul 09
I am a good husband (LOL) and it is just ok for me to help out in the house chores. When I'm home, I let my wife the queen of the home, and I helped cook foods, wash the dishes, doing some laundry. It doesn't matter at all. Keeping your woman easy and at ease makes you a man. Have ever heard of the thing "gender equality"? If a woman now can be manager (that was the turf of men some time ago) then, a man can also be housebound. How's that?
@iskayz (5422)
• Philippines
1 Aug 09
Hehe I like how you explained "gender equality". To me, I would have it the other way around, that whatever a man can do, a woman can too. And I also like the way you make yourself a man, by keeping your woman easy and at ease. I think you're cool!
• Philippines
3 Aug 09
Hi Iskayz, it's a matter of point of view. I'm seeing GE in a masculine POV. Sorry to note that there are still some men who are confined within the walls of feudal system. It seems that their role will be threatened when they do some chores originally identified with women. Congratulations for having started this discussion which to me is so simple but quite complicated when seen in depth.
@kprofgames (3018)
• United States
31 Jul 09
Well there isn't anything wrong or abnormal about a husband that takes part in the household chorse. To be honest, I think you'll find happier marriages because they are pulling together as a team. I taught all my boys how to cook, do minor sewing repairs (like putting on a button) and they know how to do their own laundry. One of my boys honestly out cooks his girlfriend. My girls also have relationships with men that know what they're doing around the house. I don't think there is such a thing as woman's chorse or man's chorse - it is all done as a couple to maintain your home.
1 person likes this
@radx682 (327)
• India
31 Jul 09
I agree with you kprofgames...there is nothing like woman's chorse or man's chorse...Most of the women work now a days...so men also should help their wives with kitchen work...I always tell my hus to help me out in the kitchen...He is ready to do anything but kitchen work... I am fed up...and so I give him all the other works that are pending from my end..and concentrate only in cooking... But if my maid doesn't turn up...he washes the dishes...otherwise he doesn't.
1 person likes this
@iskayz (5422)
• Philippines
1 Aug 09
I agree with you kprofgames and radx! Chores are for all gender. I just wished my brothers know how to do some. Maybe my mom never thought them when they were kids. I guess for a man to know house chores, mothers must teach them at an early age.
@angime (87)
31 Jul 09
Well, you can applaud my husband too. Because he wash the dishes many times even if he's tired from work, sometimes he wash the dishes. When i am sick he cooked. He scrubbed the floor every morning as his exercise also. He says because he is the eldest of seven siblings he helps his mother do the household chores.
1 person likes this
@iskayz (5422)
• Philippines
2 Aug 09
Angime, to your husband from me,
@kcoregon (303)
• United States
31 Jul 09
I do not demand that my husband do anything as he doesn't demand that I do either. That I do not believe is the proper way to treat your husband or wife. My husband will do just about any housework as well. Sometimes I ask for the help and other times he will volunteer the help. The only chores I haven't seen him ever do in our twelve years of marriage was the bath, shower tiles, or sink. Oh and when he does the dishes he never wipes the counters. I've been telling him this and he tried to get better at doing that. But I don't really complain because I am just grateful for the help. So to answer your question, no you should not "demand" anything from your husband and he should not "demand" anything from you. You can ask, negotiate, or discuss these things but you cannot tell them what they must do and what they can not do. That is not a marriage but a business.
1 person likes this
@iskayz (5422)
• Philippines
2 Aug 09
I agree with you that we shouldn't force husbands to do house chores. Forcing them would also mean demanding. When I get married, I will not oblige my husband to do house chores. I kinda picture myself of the sole care taker of the family and the house and my husband as well. But it will be thoughtful of him to offer help sometimes. Keep posting!
@mijomiel (15)
• Philippines
31 Jul 09
I think there's nothing wrong if a husband will wash the dishes. Traditionally men were treated like a king and women will do the house chores. because they believe it's woman's duty to do the house chores and man's duty is to provide the family's needs. But I think the new generation is quite different now. Men can also do whatever women should do in the house and women can have their career outside the home or can also contribute in earning money. So I think there's nothing wrong with it.
1 person likes this
@iskayz (5422)
• Philippines
2 Aug 09
Yes I agree with you. I think in today's generation couples are being equal in all aspects of family life. I think my dad's ideology of a wife is still from the older generation. The traditional way of having a family, wife for the house, father for the needs. I kinda like the new generation better. Keep posting!
@csanay (43)
• India
31 Jul 09
Hi think in todays world if husband and wife both are working then a very good understanding is required between them because if both are working then sometimes wife or hushband may come late to home in that scenario husband can help in finishing the house hold things like washing or even preparing, taking care of small kids,etc. There is nothing wrong if a husband works at home finally it's his house and family to which he is working so I strongly feel its good idea to help family members either it is for wife or childrens or anybody who belongs to family.
1 person likes this
@iskayz (5422)
• Philippines
2 Aug 09
Hi csanay! You have pictured very well the scenario when both husband and wife are working and the wife gets home late. It is an advantage that when a husband knows how to do the house chores, he doesn't have to wait for his wife to come home and cook or do whatever needs to be done when she is so tired from work. I think that's being understanding of a husband and cooperative. Keep posting!
• India
31 Jul 09
hey you cant give these things to husband to do.Its your right isnt it?so husbands wont take your right away from you and make you sad.So you may keep on doing your house hold chores
@iskayz (5422)
• Philippines
2 Aug 09
Hi! I know it's a wife's job to do the house chores and I'm not asking to give the house chores to the husbands. I'm just suggesting that it isn't bad to ask help sometimes.
@mermaidivy (15417)
• United States
31 Jul 09
I don't think so and I don't want him to wash dishes, I think I am supposed to do that. When we finish dinner, he helps putting the dishes to the counter in the kitchen is helpful enough. I would rather to wash it by myself even though I don't particularly like this chore :-p I don't think he will like to wash the dishes either.
1 person likes this
@iskayz (5422)
• Philippines
2 Aug 09
You think he wouldn't like washing the dishes either. Well why don't you try asking him to find out? I'm sure he won't get mad at you for asking help in doing the dishes.
@grace118224 (1040)
• China
31 Jul 09
As as a wife i should say that i'm lucky to have a husband who is willing to do house chors . Just before we got married both of us didn't know how to cook . When i began to cook in his family he helped me to cook and learn to cook together. He never cooked before marriage and now he is already a good cook . It's no need to order him to do wash the dishes and he will wash it if i'm too busy . We are quite equal in doing housework.
1 person likes this
@iskayz (5422)
• Philippines
2 Aug 09
Oh yes, you are definitely a lucky wife! I can imagine your husband as being so loving and ever helpful. It's a nice experience too that you've learned things together. How long have you been married? Do you have kids already?
• Philippines
31 Jul 09
Nice to hear that you have a close family relationship with your relatives. I don't mandate my hubby to wash the dishes. But if he sees me doing a lot of work at home and there are dishes lying in the kitchen sink, he would definitely wash those dishes and help me out without a doubt. It's good to have someone who is willing to help not only financially, but also do the household chores . In this way, both couple are helping and encouraging each other. Like your load is my load. Never did I heard him complain yet, but when he sees that the kitchen needs some cleaning, ohh my, he was so agressive to do it and I was the lazy one to help him out.
1 person likes this
@iskayz (5422)
• Philippines
1 Aug 09
Oh yes I am close to my relatives. They're considered my family here in my hometown. I like how you describe house chores, your load is my load. Yeah, I think that is just fair in a relationship.
@chaime (1153)
• Philippines
31 Jul 09
It actually depends on you and your husbands agreement. I don't think that men nowadays are particular with chores. My hubby and I exchange the chores in between us, sometimes I'll do the laundry and sometimes he does. He cooks and wash the dishes as well. And I do the same. We also share in taking care of the kids, sometimes I take care of them, sometimes he does. It's a give and take relationship.
@iskayz (5422)
• Philippines
1 Aug 09
Well keep up the give and take relationship you have your husband! It's one way to make a relationship stronger and happier. Happy posting!
@tutor19us (455)
• India
31 Jul 09
Its a matter of choice really. I can say this to my hib but I would feel sorry for him and to clean up after him would be a pain! I would rather do the dishes myself. On the other hand he also offers to do dishes when I am very busy or tired. Else, he will attend to some other chore like washing clothes while I am doing something else. :)
1 person likes this
@iskayz (5422)
• Philippines
1 Aug 09
Hi tutor! Why do you have to clean up after him? Aren't you satisfied with his cleaning?
@srganesh (6349)
• India
31 Jul 09
I have helped my wife in some other ways.Cleaning the house in the weekends,giving a helping hand in cooking and washing clothes in the washing machine.But I have never helped her in cleaning the dishes and she has not asked for it still now.Even if she asks me I will be hesitating as I have a mind set up that it is girl's job.But I have seen my father helping my mother when she is ill.Cheers!
@iskayz (5422)
• Philippines
1 Aug 09
Hi! I also think the same. That washing the dishes is more of a woman's thing and so does washing the clothes. But doing other house chores that's difficult, that's a husband job.
@Ithink (10715)
• United States
31 Jul 09
Well Im a SAHM and a wife, I dont expect my husband to really do much around the inside of the house as Im here all day. However if it has been a really rough day or if I dont feel good a little help is nice. My husband will cook, do dishes and laundry if I ask him to thou. He has made supper to give me a break or on rare occasions done dishes ( he hates dishes.. LOL!) to help out. Will I tell him to do them? No I will ask if will help out thou.
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Jul 09
Althogh I am not married, I think a couple should share chores in the house. There is nothing wrong with that. In fact, the man can do faster and quicker than a woman. If I married, I would definitely ask my hubby to do chores with me.
1 person likes this
@aprces (1082)
• China
31 Jul 09
Love - My GF just told me woman need to be taken care of yesterday.Like this picture,with the great pleasure I often kiss my GF.She is lovely and beautiful.In my heart,she is most beautiful woman in the world of the earth including metagalaxy.I know there's a bit magniloquent,but I don't care ?
Frankly speaking,I hate washing plates or dishes.That's not mean I want to dislike and avoid dirty.I do really do some washing with not only my parents but also my girlfriend In my family,my Mom usually do the washing,if she is not free or sometimes be illness,I shall instead of her.But with my GF,she is always do the cooking,I am in charge of washing.But sometimes I am too lazy to do the washing,I will leave the dishes alone.Sometimes my GF find them in the sink,she will finish it.Sometimes,after completing the things,she is a bit unhappy and said to me:You never cooking but do some washing isn't necessary?I consoled her till the sunlight back to her face In fact,what I've said above won't be a influence with.But sometimes I think back to myself,that is why we take the washing as house chores? We just can't find any joy in do the washing at all?
• United States
31 Jul 09
As a wife I don't think there is anything wrong with asking a husband to help out around the house. True I won't ask him a lot since he works and I don't but on his days off or when the kids have been especially mischevious then yeah I'll ask. Doesn't mean he'll always do it though. Whats nice is those days that he just does them without me asking him too. We try to split chores so it doesn't seem like one person is doing it all. Example: I'll seperate the laundry and he'll take it to the laundrymat them we'll fold together or he'll clean the toilets and bathtubs/showers and I'll do mirrors and counters.
@iskayz (5422)
• Philippines
2 Aug 09
Oh that's nice, equal division of work in the house. You'll finish work faster!
• China
2 Dec 09
i think men who knows how to do house chores are so thoughtful. if i am a wife, i will let my husband help me if i can't complete house chores or was very tired already. if i am a husband, i wll help my wife to do something that she don't want to do or hard to do. we need to learn how to care for each other
• United States
14 Sep 09
I am husband and I do almost everything for our big house (and yard) except kitching (cooking and dishes). My wife still demands me to do dishes once every 3-4 days, but I reject that. She gets pissed and we've arguments. I don't think I am at fault, because doing the entire house (and yard) work is too tiring and she doesn't see that.