better be a listener or speaker?

@54susan (282)
China
August 5, 2009 7:38am CST
mostly,i prefer to act as a listener.i can hardly find topics to talk with others, i think a lot of things are easy to understand ,so i dont want to talk about them. sometimes i do think i'm a bit too quiet :( and when others are speaking ,i always listen carefuly ,or pretend to ,even when i'm not interested in their topics .and now i'm kinda sick of this . do i need to change ?
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9 responses
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
5 Aug 09
I like to be a better listener, but unfortunately I am not. I am born to speak and so speak I do. I talk a lot. Everyone I know will whole heartedly agree that I will start talking at a slightest provocation! It shows here in myLot too, when I see a discussion that I like, I'll go on typing none stop. My husband is a better listener. He listens to me patiently. Somehow, when he starts to talk, my mind starts to wonder else where. I really need to brush up on my listening skills.
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@54susan (282)
• China
6 Aug 09
it's always the case that ladies prefer to talk and men prefer to listen :D ladies are more good at explaining themselves than men they say women's EQ 's higher than men's hehe
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@CJscott (4184)
• Canada
6 Aug 09
Dear Submerryn, I wish here to offer you some listening advice, it is not easy advice to follow thought it is quite simple. Step 1. When it is your turn to listen, Shut up. Step 2. Turn off the TV, Radio, Computer, Close your book, Stop what ever it is you are doing. Step 3. Look the speaker in the eye. Step 4. Focus. Simple, though not easy. But it will do wonders for you in all your relationships. Think like in the discussions you like on myLot, do you focus completely on what the discusser says, or do you let your mind wander while reading? With the sincere hope, this information aides you in your desire to be a better listener. I appreciate you.
@54susan (282)
• China
6 Aug 09
u're a nice man ,scott:)
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• Malaysia
6 Aug 09
i also prefer to act as a listener..and i can bet i am a good listener..but this things always happen to me; nobody wants to listen me!! haha..
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@54susan (282)
• China
6 Aug 09
yeah?it's funny,ppl dont like listening to a good listener:D
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@CJscott (4184)
• Canada
6 Aug 09
I think it is more of a they don't know how then they don't like to. Who taught you how to listen? I know I was always just told to listen, no one ever taught me how, just said do it, and never mind if I was doing it properly or not. Just get mad, because I didn't. Even though I didn't know how, I know how now, I researched it, and I am getting better at it each day.
• United States
6 Aug 09
You don't need to change but you need to learn the balance between the two. In some situations you need to be a speaker. It's a very important skill for life, especially when it comes to important things. Other times it's good to be a listener, for instance if you have a friend in need of help and so on. You just have to learn the balance between the two. It takes practice but I'm sure you can do it :)
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@54susan (282)
• China
7 Aug 09
thx ashley thx for offering me your opinion:) seems u're new here ? happy mylotting ^^
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@Koollook (89)
• India
6 Aug 09
I always like to be a listener. It is usually the listener who get to learn many things for many people, than a speaker who talks to everyone about the same thing or topic. So, better prefer to be a listener than being a speaker and try to learn much more thing in life.
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@54susan (282)
• China
6 Aug 09
yes ,true .but sometimes we need to learn how to explain ourselves . like the saying goes .sometimes letting others understand ourselves is more important than letting ourselves understand others
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@krajibg (11942)
• Guwahati, India
5 Aug 09
Hi there, It depend. Some time you are to play the role of the listener and sometime the talker. But it is better to be listener than a babbler. If I am to talk or give a lecture on certain topic of interest I can go on talking but if that is not within my domain I go the back seat.
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@54susan (282)
• China
6 Aug 09
yeah,it's wise .but u know ,sometimes we have no choice .if everyone keep silent ,then it'll become a bit embarrassing .so we'll have to break the silence and talk.and maybe talk about the topic we dont like:P
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@CJscott (4184)
• Canada
6 Aug 09
It is my Firm Believe that you need not change who you are. If you prefer to be a listener, then listen. If you can't find topics, ask questions such as. That is interesting tell me more. Could you explain that differently? And then say, So let me get this straight, you're saying...then paraphrase what they said. And if their is any thought in their mind that you are not understanding what they are meaning, they will tell you more. By simply asking questions to those that love to speak, you can learn more and more and more. Listening is skill that is not very well practiced now a days. I do like to hear about when their are good listeners in the world. Way to be Susan, I appreciate you.
@54susan (282)
• China
6 Aug 09
thx cj i agree with what u said ,and your opinions are helpful but it's always the case that the one with u is a listenner too! and it's emberassing when there's only silence but no words . so i really need a way to break up the silence.... happy mylotting :)
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@CJscott (4184)
• Canada
6 Aug 09
Yeah, if your both listeners I could see how that would present a problem. Questions are magically powerful things though. Where do you live?
@54susan (282)
• China
7 Aug 09
think u know i'm from china? and i live in xiamen what about u ?^^
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@gunagohan (3415)
• India
11 Aug 09
u be the way in which u want to be and like to be.. i m in the same position as u do now.. i never speak out in public...i always hide my level...i like to listen from others...i will grasp all the points of the speaker..even i wont raise any doubts..i will listen sharply to others.. i always remember to the saying "speak little and hear more" our ears should be used more ....the toungue shoukd come out, only when it is needed.. so think twice, act wise of ur choice.. happy to respond.. happy mylotting.........
@54susan (282)
• China
13 Aug 09
hey,gunagohan,u know what ?i have a special feeling for u .i think we've sth in common.the taste of movies ,characteristic...i did not like ppl who's born in 1989,my elder brother who treats me bad ,and can hardly talk with.and another boy who cheated me .seems all boys born in 1989 around me are all bad. but now i'm sure it's just a prejudice.u're a nice guy gunagohan.^^ nice meeting u here
• India
11 Aug 09
I am always a good listener. If you listen to somebody carefully then only people like to open up and talk to u. For people make listen to u, u first become a good listener and then only u create a good relationship.
@54susan (282)
• China
11 Aug 09
yep exactly right :) be a good listener and then a good speaker happy mylotting ^^
@yelrihs (301)
• Australia
5 Aug 09
listener. to be a speaker i gotta think of what to say. but it does get tiring when people talk rubbish in your ears all the time too..
@54susan (282)
• China
6 Aug 09
it seems to me that u'd rather be a listener it's because u're a lazy guy haha:D but indeed ,both listener and speaker are hard job:P