walk a mile in my shoes
By TLChimes
@TLChimes (4822)
United States
August 5, 2009 10:08am CST
Do you look at strangers and assume this or that about them? Do you see an unruly child and see a bad set of parents? Do you hear laughter and think how nice a life that person has? Do you see a toddler with a nuk or bottle and think how awful that is? Is a woman walking down the street alone a working girl?
I think we all have at some point in our lives seen something and let our mind run off in the wrong direction. Sometimes we don't think to what story a person may carry. I am going to share two examples that involve my kids but would love to hear your stories and thoughts.
1. My girls were waiting in the waiting room while my son had his therapy which is two hours long. This woman sat her two angels down at the table with their homework. They moved, she snapped them back into place. My younger girl is Autistic and doesn't handle waiting and crowds well. So after about an hour and a half she hit the pre-melt down stage. She was getting noisy and fiddly but was still acting with in the normal 3 1/2 year range that is her metal age.
This woman clearly said how bad my girls were being and how their father should punish them. They heard every word she said.
Their father took them out to the car to wait.
I don't think this woman had any right to judge my child in the first place but then to say it where they heard went too far. She has no right to hurt my kids self worth like that. My girl doesn't wear a sign that says I have autism. She shouldn't have to.
2. We took all the kids to McDonald's as a treat. I was getting the food while dad took care of the kids. He was setting up their drinks. He tried to help Rowan and when he couldn't he asked him if he wanted his bottle. This set this nasty woman all in a tizzy that an almost two year old would still be on a bottle.
What sign he doesn't wear says is that the bottle is for strengthening his cheek and mouth muscles. That he is working to get enough strength to eat real food and suck from a straw. He can't wait to blow bubbles.
And again, what this women said was heard by my family. What right does she have hurting innocent children that way?
8 people like this
22 responses
@James72 (26790)
• Australia
5 Aug 09
Reading this made the hairs on my arms stand straight up! 
I doubt very much that I would have been able to stay quiet in a situation like that and I probably would have had the kids taken out to the car and then I would've taken each woman to the side and given them a mouthful and a half! How rude, inconsiderate and totally judgemental on both their parts. 
All I can say that's hopefully comforting is that the opinions of a stranger mean absolutely NOTHING. Who gives a crap about the opinions of people like that? You and your family got to get up and walk away, the family members of these women are stuck with them forever!
I doubt very much that I would have been able to stay quiet in a situation like that and I probably would have had the kids taken out to the car and then I would've taken each woman to the side and given them a mouthful and a half! How rude, inconsiderate and totally judgemental on both their parts. All I can say that's hopefully comforting is that the opinions of a stranger mean absolutely NOTHING. Who gives a crap about the opinions of people like that? You and your family got to get up and walk away, the family members of these women are stuck with them forever! 2 people like this
@TLChimes (4822)
• United States
5 Aug 09
My hubby has issues of his own so I'm the one left to paste everything back in place. I was beyond mad... I think verious was mild.
But I think I will carry your words with me... I never have to deal with them again and their poor families do. LOL
Say what you will about me but leave those I love alone.... that's just how I am.
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
6 Aug 09
I'm guilty of making assumptions, too, but I keep my mouth shut because I know there's a great chance that I'm WRONG! My biggest fault is that I'm very judgmental but at least I've learned enough not to make an a$$ of myself anymore--well, very rarely, at least.
Unless I see someone obviously abusing a child, I keep my mouth shut and my expression neutral. Every child is different and who am I to say what works?
2 people like this
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
18 Aug 09
In dealing with my own children, I know that a lot of their behavior is learned from me. Giving in for my own convenience has caused me problems so when they reached the age when they could be reasoned with--around 3 years old--I would try talking with them and telling them what was right and wrong. I've always freely admitted my mistakes to them (up to a point, of course) so I didn't have much trouble with mine.
You're very right, we all need to admit and work on our mistakes. I could spend the rest of my life trying to overcome my faults! 
@TLChimes (4822)
• United States
18 Aug 09
Here's the thing.. do you blame or hurt the child or do you direct that juddgement at the adults? That makes a difference to me.
And that you KNOW your fault means you can work on over coming it. Trust me.... being in touch with my faults has made me better... because I work on over coming them.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
5 Aug 09
What makes people think they are above other? I have never been able to figure it out. My belief is that they have more problems with their own lives than they know how to deal with so they peck at how others live theirs to make themselves feel better. I have always said and firmly believe that if you have nothing nice to say, don't say nothing at all.
Big huggers to you my friend.
2 people like this
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
5 Aug 09
It troubles me when I hear an adult say things that are hurtful to others. What kind of example are they setting for their children?
1 person likes this
@firemom31 (598)
• United States
5 Aug 09
I had an experience over 20 years ago that taught me quickly how it feels to be judged by others. I was painting my living room area and had run out of paint. It was Sunday and I had no cash, so I figured I would just cash a check at the customer service desk of the store so I could purchase the paint I needed to finish. I had old clothing on, of course, and my hair tied up in a scarf, when I ran to grab the paint. As I walked up to the service desk, I asked if I could cash a check. The clerk said "I'm sorry, we don't cash welfare checks here." Apparently, she assumed that my clothing indicated my financial status. I was furious that someone would judge me in such a way, and I have tried very hard not to ever do that to someone else.
2 people like this
@gypsywoman344 (214)
• United States
6 Aug 09
I remember a time when my four daughters where sitting on a picnick bench outside McDonalds (again). They weren't wrong or bad, but; they are getting antsy. The woman in the next seat said to her children" you may never act like that. They are really, really bad."
They were noisy and hyper but with great reason. We had left San Diego (our home at the time.)and drove up Long Beach at 7am to accept the keys for our Navy Housing. It was now 8 p.m. and the house wouldn't be ready until tomorro at 10 am, The movers had to contacted to reschdual for the next afternoom and the girls had been sandwiched in the car with all our necessary belongings for over 12 hours.
They had been very ,very good at all the stops we made and we all new we had to spend the night in the car. It was a chance for them all to unwind for a little while and stretch their legs.
I walked over and told the story to the other mother eho dimply hung hrt head. The next day who comes out of the house next to ours. You guessed it.
I think and I do try to do this, should consider before we make judgement and try to find alternatives to what we are thinking. I guess I tend to make excuses and find reasons for others behavior too much, or so I've been told repeatedly.
TLC your initials fit you too well and you tend to do the same thing I do, however, I am proud of you for it.
2 people like this
@TLChimes (4822)
• United States
6 Aug 09
I bet one of those kids was acting like a pure angel with a golden hallo held on by her horns. *wink*
We are what we are and that's ok.... as long as we don't let others run over us.
And my parents named me well.... that's why I kept them through two marriages... tli or tls just didn't work for me.
@purplealabaster (22094)
• United States
6 Aug 09
People are often cruel and judgmental without knowing or caring what the reality of a situation might be. A person that I was really close to was handicapped and used a parking ticket to park in the reserved spots. One time when we got out of the car at a store, some jerk was being really loud and nasty. The person I was really close to was overweight, and the jerk was yelling at her and saying that being fat didn't make her disabled and told her she should stop being so lazy and walk a little and then she wouldn't be so fat. Well, the guy was so nasty that she was almost in tears, and I was trying to comfort her. I didn't think that we should have to explain to the guy that she had lost her leg, and that is not only why she was disabled but also a major contributing factor in her weight gain.
2 people like this
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
5 Aug 09
It is amazing that people make assumptions. I have always said that people get very uncomfortable if they see things that are out of the normal life they are used to. I have a child with CP and people seem scared to do much more than speak to him. I had one lady tell me that the not knowing how to treat him and what he is able to do, made her very uncomfortable. I am so sorry you have had such an encounter with insensitive people. Keep your head up and don't pay attention to them. You know what works and what is going on. Don't let other people make you feel an inch high.
1 person likes this
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
6 Aug 09
Try to think of a line that you can come up with to respond nicely, but to put people in their place. It will not help for that comment, but it just might make them open their eyes and keep them from doing it to someone else.
I wish you the best, and if you ever just need to talk, pm me.
@TLChimes (4822)
• United States
6 Aug 09
The baby has something similar to CP.... only it seems to be a genetic change thing. They don't know... They just seem to deal with what ever comes up when it comes up.
My feelings are less my concern then the kids. They don't need other people giving them limitations that are truly the sender's issue.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
7 Aug 09
These women obviously have rose stems shoved up their backside. How dare they? There is no need for that and they should keep their mouths shut and mind their own business. I would have said to them in a polite calm voice that they need to mind their own business and not judge situations they don't understand.
@maximax8 (31053)
• United Kingdom
5 Aug 09
I am a primary school teacher and I have always been interested in special educational needs. I am lucky enough to have three children of my own. My toddler son has spina bifida and hydrocephalus. He is unable to walk because one of his legs is very weak. When he was born he wasn't able to move his legs at all. I am proud that now he is 2 years old he can sit up, crawl and kneel up. As he gets bigger I have comments like "He is so lazy. Why does he walk"? He is is in a normal buggy so he looks like any other child of his age. I took him to an indoor play area. He was sitting on the soft floor holding a ball. Another little boy came up and kicked my son so that was sad. My son still has a bottle to feed. He drinks soya formula for babies aged 0 to 12 months. He is vegan and eats poorly. I just do the best I can for him. People say "Don't be such a baby drinking from a baby's bottle have a beaker". But then my son only has a fraction of the soya drink and wastes most of it. If he has his bottle he drinks all of it. I have taught an autistic boy and his behavior made others give his parents terrible comments. People judge without walking a mile in another person's shoes. Your children sound lovely.
2 people like this
@TLChimes (4822)
• United States
5 Aug 09
I knew you would understand. You are doing a great job and I know how great a mom feels when we work to prove a milestone met that the Docs would say the kids could never reach.
We have great kids and are making the world better by being the best mom's we can be.
@celticeagle (158483)
• Boise, Idaho
5 Aug 09
Oh ya. I sure do. I would have struck up a conversation with you to see if I could determine if you were a demented and uneffective parent or what. I try to see things from the other persons standpoint. This woman definitely did not have her priorities straight. People just don't care about the feelings of others now days. All i can say here [besides we need to add this woman to the bunch from the canary discussion and the island scenario I worked out in an earlier discussion] is that this woman will know the Karma this instance bore her soon enough. I am so sorry that you, your husband and your children have to put up with such as this woman.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (158483)
• Boise, Idaho
11 Aug 09
Sadly you are right. Not that your'e right but.....well, you know. Shelfishness and negativity have sure taken over. One mindedness too. Ugh!
@TLChimes (4822)
• United States
6 Aug 09
I have no issues with questions... because educating someone on my kids raises awareness of the issues that they face and that is never a bad thing.
I think that Island will be full by the time we are done adding folks. LOL
People just don't seem to care about much beyond their own issues like they used to. People don't help like they should and they don't reach out. I guess we can only be good people ourselves and take comfort in Karma's out put.
1 person likes this
@ShellyB (5241)
• United States
5 Aug 09
All I can is WOW! I am amazed by some people, they will learn tho, but I am sorry you went through this bad time with your family.
I am not sure why we think we way we do, but you are right, we have no right to assume the worst (or what we imagine is the worst) and we certainly do not have a right to voice our opinions every time a thought pops in our head.
I will say try to enjoy your kids and your days, it is better to ignore people that are ignorant.
1 person likes this
@ShellyB (5241)
• United States
6 Aug 09
No it was not cool, but some people really need to live and learn, and some do not even learn then, it is hard but you keep telling your kids you love them, and that there will always be people like that, they do not know what they are talking about because like you said before they are not in your shoes.
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
6 Aug 09
You know, there is such a thing as ‘minding your own business’ and that is exactly what these idiotic women should learn to do.
I cannot fathom how some individuals have the gall to make comments on incidents and people they know nothing about! If I were in those situations I doubt I could say nothing because when children hear comments like that they are hurt and that makes my blood boil; it is ignorant and rude.
You cannot ever judge a book by its cover; we had a customer at the bank I worked at years ago sho used to walk in looking like a homeless person wearing old tattered and sometimes unclean clothes. Upon bringing up the balance we discovered he was not only a millionaire but a well educated one at that! He just did not care for appearances and was definitely not out to impress anyone which proved his intelligence compared to those doing the judging and criticizing!
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
19 Aug 09
I appreciate what you are saying and it is so wonderful that you are allowing your daughter to express herself by dressing how she likes; what others think should not matter to us but comments can hurt feelings that is why I wish people would keep their opinions to themselves!
@TLChimes (4822)
• United States
18 Aug 09
I'm like that. I don't see making the kids carry these other peoples issues.
Meagan is just learning to put herself together.... so her outfits are a bit um.... different then you would see on other kids.
It's like 300 degrees out and she puts on a pink dress, denim shorts, a red checked hair band, and bright yellow rain boots. I laughed and we all went about our life. One lady stopped us to share how her son had a pair of boots like that and she had spent a year of not being allowed to put anything else on his feet.
I don't care what folks say in their head.... I know that it helps Meagan to dress herself if she picks the clothes. It's a small freedom that will help her grow up into a self reliant adult.
BUT... I do mind people saying rude things the kids can hear and carry with them.
1 person likes this
@apzheng123 (63)
• China
6 Aug 09
We can't hurt children.because they are human beings.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (157427)
• United States
6 Aug 09
May people who judge be blessed with all the negatives they generate. I had a friend with two special needs children that people around them translated into bad behavior. The bad thing is the people who were so judge mental were members of our church. None of her kids will ever set foot in our church again for those kinds of reasons. When I see kids trying to melt down, I usually try to distract them, and smile at the parents and encourage them. Most of the time. I will admit that as an older person, there are days when I just cannot wait to get out of Wal Mart before I go on a rampage myself.
1 person likes this
@TLChimes (4822)
• United States
6 Aug 09
I can't finish a meal when we go out to eat and always ask for a box when we order. We often have adjusted our lives around some of the malfunctions we know to expect. We have met people that are like you, interested in taking our kids as they are, being helpful if they can, or keeping their mouth shut if they can't.
I'm only 34 and have moments where just the thought of going shopping makes me want to rampage.
I have a line I use that is a lot like what you said.... I told a not very good friend that I wished her everything she gave the world. I think we get what we put into the world. If that's the case my kids should come out ahead of the game by a mile.
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
6 Aug 09
Hi TLChimes, Your story really touched me and the title of the discussion,'walk a mile in my shoes' is very appropriate. A lot of the time we judge others without knowing all the facts but thank God, we are not all like the women you mentioned. Can you imagine how the children of such people must suffer? I know that it has to be very difficult for you as a parent, knowing what such words can do to your children. I would explain to them that such people are not aware of the situation and don't understand that they must not say such things. It is true because they show their immaturity by acting in such a way. It appears to me that you and your husband are doing an excellent job in raising your children. Please don't let such people get to you, they probably couldn't walk ten feet in your shoes. Blessings.
1 person likes this
@TLChimes (4822)
• United States
6 Aug 09
Hello Pose, my dear friend.
My children... all of them... have taught me some valuble lessons that I really hope they know of themselves. I can only hope that they carry with them happiness instead of bitterness.... which is what these two women seemed to hold closer then a coat.
Thank you.... as always you add great things to my world.
@sconibear (8016)
• United States
5 Aug 09
Yeah it's always amazing how some people can form an opinion about our lives after 30 seconds when they have no clue what we have to deal with the other
23 hours, 59 minutes, and 30 seconds.
And to make comments where everyone can hear, just to show how perfect their life is, is beyond despicable.
Your friends all know you have some challenges you deal with on a daily basis and we all think you're doing an awesome job sweetie.
Anyways, if you can find out which car is theirs, just slip this in the CD player:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGGlENF7dto
People thought I was a moron when I walked into that parked car setting off the car alarm..............I didn't have a sign around my neck that said I was DRUNK!
1 person likes this
I'll make you a sign for next time.....
And thank you.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
6 Aug 09
what an ignorant woman, and stupid. i had some similar
experiences with my brain damaged three year old daugher.
she was never able to master potty training and sometimes
she managed to urinate around padded pantie w hich made]
a watching woman make some really ugly comments about
how I didnt potty train my child. live and learn, some people
]will always butt in and they are usually wrong.
1 person likes this
@TLChimes (4822)
• United States
6 Aug 09
You would think that their parents would have taught them to keep their rude self private. I don't mind answering peoples respectful questions but rude comments just make me mad.... that I can let go.... until it hurts the kids. They have enough weight to carry with out adding other peoples ignorance.
@saundyl (9783)
• Canada
5 Aug 09
There's more to people than what one sees at first glance. However I admit i have probably been one to assume something about people - However i was taught that even if you think something you need to consider what your words will do to others before you say something...so rather than voicing opinions or something nasty or incorrect i keep my assumption to myself or ASK questions and never express an opinion like that unless asked or out of earshot (like in my car to my sister where i know someone wont hear me and be hurt like - oh boy were those kids acting really badly i bet their mom was embarrassed i do try not to be mean even in private.)
I feel bad that someone took it upon themselves to tell you how to raise your children...and insulted your children she had no right.
1 person likes this
@TLChimes (4822)
• United States
6 Aug 09
I never mind answering honest concern or questions about my kids conditions. BUT I am always careful that their medical issues do not become a hinderance to them anymore then it naturally does. I think people allowing them to hear that garbage is harmful as well as rude.
What they or I can't hear causes us no harm.
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
5 Aug 09
Hi TLChimes,
I think it disgusting how peaple treat other people becuase they think your child is unruly without knowing what problem your child has. We cannot wite it on our horeheads what is wrong with us, If I go out with my walking stick I seem to get a respect, like cars stopping for me to cross the road, I am partcially disable, as I can only see out of one eye and deaf in one ears, also suffer from back problems, once I travelled on a bus and didn't have my walking sttic that day and I sat in the front of the bus when this lady looked at me and said these seats are for disable people, now I am registered disable but I don't have it written on my forehead so I told that I was disable and she should mind her business as it was job of the driver to tell me. The driver knows I am disable.
Tamara
1 person likes this
