I have a question for other mothers out there.

United States
August 6, 2009 6:43pm CST
I have an eleven year old daughter who claims that I am 'yelling' every time I am not talking in a normal voice. but I'm not yelling as in raising my voice. I may be talking to her a little different because she has done somthing wrong or telling her something she doesn't want to hear but I don't yell. she is very sensitive about the littlest things and sometimes it drives me up the wall! I've tried everythng I know. do you have any other suggestions?
2 people like this
5 responses
@jennifer611 (2502)
• United States
11 Aug 09
I'm sure you have done this already, but being a girl and being sensative, you just have to sit down with her and let her know that your not meaning to yell, you do love her. it's just sometimes when she does things she shouldn't it makes mommy a little upset. but no matter how upset, you still love her. sometimes kids deal better when you just kind of talk to them. you make sure your serious about it and that their getting the point and your not messing around. but just lovingly and stern. sometimes when a mom sits with her daughter and just has those loving talks and spending that quality time together, that does so much for children.
1 person likes this
@anna728 (1499)
• United States
9 Aug 09
She probably doesn't mean 'yelling' as in shouting, she probably means it as in scolding. Like, "yelling at" someone sort of refers more to the way you're talking to someone, and not necessarily only the volume. If someone were to come lecture me because I had done something wrong I would describe it "yelling at me" even if they weren't loud- but just to describe how they were talking to me- like in a kind of angry, nagging, or scolding way perhaps.
@indahfth (11173)
• Indonesia
9 Aug 09
children do not like when their parents reprimand with a high voice. according to the experts, reprimand children with high tone of voice is not very good for children. we must be patient in facing the child.
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@yogambal_64 (1016)
• India
8 Aug 09
It is absolutely same with my children too, every now and then they keep saying I talk in a loud voice and even the normal speech I make they say sounds like an order, in a loud voice. I think we in our idea to correct their mistakes or make them do something may sound a little excited and stern and this they term as yelling. I think we should ask them how they will react if the situation was the same.
1 person likes this
• Canada
8 Aug 09
Oh man, I feel your pain, stephwrites. I get accused all the time of "yelling" when I am simply speaking in a louder tone of voice than my normal level. I'm also informed routinely that I don't get told things or I'm not kept apprised of a situation "because you'll yell." I openly admit that I once had anger management issues. I went through a serious depression years and years ago and part of that saw me flying into a rage over the most insignificant things. I got help for it and I did everything I needed to do to correct the behavior and get past it. I work REALLY hard at NOT yelling, and at controlling my temper, so it hurts me to no end when I'm accused of yelling and I know I'm not. I really think it's about perceptions. It's pretty hard to tell someone else how to think or "hear." I think children hear tone first, content later. I don't know that there is an actual "solution" but here's what I do. First, I reiterate that I am not yelling. I acknowledge that, yes, I am upset or frustrated by something and then I calmly and very clearly explain what the "something" is. If it's any consolation at all, it does seem that they develop a "thicker skin" about this as they mature and acquire a greater understanding about their interactions with other people.
• United States
8 Aug 09
That's so true, thinking! I know it's definitely her perception of my tone she is reacting to. Lately, I've been trying really hard not to raise my voice but it's hard not to! I too had an anger problem when I was a young adult and now that's not so bad, thank God. I even ask my husband or her siblngs if I was yelling and usually she is the only one who thinks I am. but it doesn't matter, she still overreacts. I guess I just need to be more vigilant about my tone and volume. not sure what else to do. thanks for your input.
1 person likes this
• Canada
8 Aug 09
One thing that I did forget to mention that can be a little bit helpful is to work with your daughter on interpreting facial expressions and body language. You can also do this by making sure that you are in the same room with her and that she is looking at you when you speak to her (I know that's not always practical but it's worth doing as often as you can). I have found, at least some of the time, that my daughter has learned that I'm not always yelling or angry when I speak louder - IF she can see my face. Anyone that knows me knows that when I'm upset in ANY way, I get all flushed. My face and neck get red (like blushing, I guess) and it's not something I can control or even stop. So, when my daughter says I'm yelling and I'm not, I make sure to have her look directly at me. Many times, she can see that I'm not mad... I'm just being specific or emphatic about making a point with her - which is a whole world away from "yelling."