How do you raise your children to be better than you?

United States
August 8, 2009 8:57pm CST
I had my two girls at a really young age, both before I graduated high school. I thought that was the end of my teen life because there were so many things that my friends could do that I couldn't. It made me regret having them at such an early age. As the years went on I realized that it was meant for me to have the life I had because there is no telling what I'd be doing now. Having them made me realized that there is more to life than being with my friends and doing what I want to do. I have a bachelor's degree now in business administration and I make sure my kids know that they can achieve anything they want to. I can't picture my life without them. And now I have a 10-month-old son who they help me with so much you couldn't even believe. But I want my children to know that they have time to start a family AFTER they finish school and start their careers. I want them to be better than me in that aspect. When you look back at your life's past, what do you see? Do you like the life you've lived? Is there something that you just wish you could turn back the clock and change a few things if given a chance? How do you raise your children to be better than you?
2 people like this
12 responses
• United States
9 Aug 09
I became a mom shortly after I graduated from high school....just a couple of months after. I turned 18 one month before she was born. I know for a fact that I wasn't ready to be a mom, but I would not change it for the world. I now have 4 kids. At the moment, we are on our own because my husband was taken away from us in January. Since I am now 30, I can handle it. But there were quite a few years when things were tough. Harlie is old enough to remember those times. So I hope that she will take those memories and wait to start a family. And she has also seen me put myself through college....I am working on my Master's in Nursing/Anesthesiology. I hope that all of my children can take from my doing so that they can do anything they put their minds to. I pray every day that they will have easier lives than I have had. But I would not change anything. I love the fact that my daughter and I have grown up together. I am her friend as well as her mom. There are days that she hates me, but I figure that if she hates me, I'm doing my job...LOL.
• United States
9 Aug 09
It's nice to know that we as parents really want the best for our children and that we would do whatever it takes to have them lead a more prosperous life than we have. I have had a period in my parenting years where I had to take on the family alone, but those are the times when we must hold our heads up high and keep smiling for our children and let them know that everything is alright and not to worry because things will be better later. Our children love us for that. We have to stay strong for them.
• United States
9 Aug 09
I couldn't have said it any better. Even when I feel like I'm dying inside, I have to put on a strong appearance for my kids. And then at night when they are asleep, I allow myself to break down....but just a little.
• United States
10 Aug 09
It's okay to just let it out sometimes. In a way it's healthy, but if you're not careful, your feelings can overwhelm you. Just as long as you're in control, go ahead, let it out in the comfort of your own little space, out of eyesight and earshot of your children. We don't want our children seeing us at our weakest points. It makes them worry and lose sleep thinking about us. I'll keep you in my prayers. Stay strong. Kendria
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
9 Aug 09
Well I know I have made a few mistakes in my life but I rectified them when I grew up--at least many of them and succeeded in my professional achievements.On A PERSONAL LEVEL I do feel that I have made mistakes with people thta has left me with a few scars.However, I do not regret it too much because what is done cannot BE undone and only my future course of action ought to be better. To your last question, I feel that while bringing up children we should be aware of our own strenghts and weaknesses in an objective manner. Our strengths can be cultivated in them and our weaknesses must be openly discussed and they ought to be told that they should improve upon this because this will leave them traumatic..
• United States
10 Aug 09
I agree that our strength is a major factor in a good upbringing for a child. Kendria
@thokius (426)
• Austria
9 Aug 09
Hello kendriajohnson, Looking back in my life I wish I could have done a lot of things in a different way but I can't. I don't have children and I don't think I will have. But I do think children can be raised to be better then you. After all that's how genetic evolution works. One good way is to give them examples of your mistakes in life and making them think about theres. Another way is to explain to them that you shouldn't always try to do whats best for you but rather what's good for the next generations. Cheers! Thok
• United States
10 Aug 09
I agree. Our mistakes give us the knowledge and wisdom to teach our kids to do better than we did. Kendria
@tundeemma (896)
• South Africa
9 Aug 09
it is ideal to provide for children when they are small so that they don't have reasons to go out and steal, it also make them self sufficient and it will be ideal to invest in their future very early, buy stocks and bonds or mutual bonds in their name so that they can have some money to sustain them well in college
• United States
10 Aug 09
I believe that teaching kids the value of money and the hard work it takes to earn it is one of the keys to being a future model citizen. Kendria
@xmapril (75)
• China
9 Aug 09
i really believe that children can bring a lot of trouble ,but for me ,still i want a baby with somebady. that is the reason why we are here.i just can not help or refuse. this is fate.
• United States
10 Aug 09
Children are gifts to us and can bring us so much joy. Kendria
• Philippines
9 Aug 09
i have two kids.i married when i was 25 had my first kid .then after 5 yrs. my daughter arrived.my kids have a better upbringing than i do and so i told them i am expecting them to be better than me. they have gadgets and education better than what i had . i am allowing them to expose themselves to worthwhile things and discipline that will educate them and really enhance their capacity to learn and at the same time enjoy life.they said home schooled kids become better and so when i had the opportunity, i home schooled my daughter.my husband and i instill in their character virtues that will help live their life best . above all we introduced to them the greatest force that will be a partner in all their undertakings ,none other than god THE LORD JESUS CHRIST.MUCH AS I WANTED TO SKIP MENTIONING JESUS I SIMPLY CAN'T.we are talking about kids here .they are of utmost importance .to really raise them better than we are is to get them a life with the savior.
• United States
10 Aug 09
amen :)
• India
9 Aug 09
i really love my child a lot , i take an extra care i check out different sites abt child care on net . go for his regular dental check up
• United States
10 Aug 09
I feel like a first-time mother with my son because it's been ten years since I've had a child. When I first found out I was pregnant, I hit every parenting website I could find. I wanted to make sure that I did every thing right so that I would not have another sick child. I am proud of how I maintained my prenatal care with my son. He is so healthy and I have to give myself a pat on the back for it. Kendria
@anetteh (3591)
• Sweden
9 Aug 09
god morning kendriajohnson and welcome to mylot, see you are new here. Nice to see more pople popin here, nice with new blod. Well, I did had my school done before I got my kids, I am now 43 years old, my kids are 22 and 18 so they pretty much do them selfs. the younger one still live at home and I think he will be home for some time. Anyway, raising kids in today, is not that easy. You have your values in life of what is important and not. And the enviroment they grow up in do not make it easier on us as parents. I do not thing we can raise them to be better than us, but at least we can try to have them not make all those misakes that we did. Some mistakes though are needed to be able to get experience, and grow. So I guess as parents you need to choose the battles you are in for. Today, looking back, yes I would say I am ok with it. It has made me who I am today, I choosed to be a assitance nurse which is a proession with specifik humane needs to cope. It was not what I would have wanted to do from the beginning, but things during my life have made me choose it. And I cant think of anything els to do today. I do not think I could have done a better job with my children, people I meet, that have meet my children say me I can be proud of them. So I guess I did a god job.
• United States
10 Aug 09
I agree that our surroundings play a big part in the way we are brought up as children. My environment definitely took a toll on my upbringing. But I am one of the lucky ones who have stayed out of trouble and led a good life as an upstanding citizen. I know that my children look up to me and with God's help, I hope that I can continue to live a good life for them. Kendria
@warren06 (71)
• Philippines
9 Aug 09
i think that is possible if you are going to be a very good model to them, you can provide them a good quality of education that will help them in the future,, that will serve as their key to success.. and raise them with fear in God because if they will do so they will be a better person in the future..
• United States
10 Aug 09
Education is their main focus right now. They both plan to attend college right after high school. What they want to be when they grow up constantly changes as they learn different occupations, but they have good ten years to make their minds up. As long as they stay on this path and keep focused I believe that I have done my job as a parent. Kendria
• India
9 Aug 09
learn the good habits to the children this is one of the great thing that make children better then you.if you are able to fulfill their necessary needs then also you can make better
• United States
10 Aug 09
You're right. Every day I try to give a good lesson on life to my kids. I figure, if I can explain why something is the way it is, then they would be more likely to listen. With me, my mom always told me the right things to do, but not always why I should do them. I make sure I do this with my kids so that there is no wondering "why".
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
9 Aug 09
HI there. I have raised my girls by being very open and honest about my past mistakes, errors in judgment, nativity etc. They saw first-hand many of my mistakes and what effect it had on not just my life...theirs as well. Most important, I think, is they saw me learn and do things differently because of these experiences. I don't have any regrets at all. I really, really needed to learn what I learned in just the way I learned it....the hard way. I earned every little hard knock that I got. Wouldn't want to re-live it, that's for sure but that is exactly why I do things differently now. All of my girls have done far better than I did and at a much younger age when it comes to this stuff...well..except for one. I do have one that follows in my old shoes so much that it is kind of creepy. I used to get really frustrated with her as it is so so hard to watch. Now I just pat her on the back and say...." Someday you'll get it." She is getting there....and even with that...she is still doing better than I was at her age in many ways...just a little.
• United States
10 Aug 09
I try to be honest and open with my girls, too, but without all the details and stuff. I think they get it, at least they say they do. But I know that it'll be much harder as the years go by and they get bigger and develop their own personalities. I just hope that they will continue to talk to me like they do now and not keep their feelings bottled up the way I did. I'll let them know that the way I handled things as a teen was not the way you should go about it. For the most part, they are some very respectful and obedient children, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Kendria
• United States
9 Aug 09
I had my little girl when i was 20 I wasn't devistated but more releaved when I found out I was pregnant. my obgyn at the rime was a high risk obgyn doctor and she was trying to tell me everything else that I was but being pregnant. anyways, i had talked to my mom a few days before about it and she didn't think i was being serious til I showed her the ultrasound when we stopped her work that day. Anyways, I've enjoyed. i've raised her in a way that has been my own, no man there to tell me what to do with her or how to do it. i don't know from dna testing who her father is. I know what he looks like and I remember finally what happened the night I was with him. I've changed a lot of my ways since I had her and realized that it was important for me to change my ways so that I can raise her in the right way. I just knew that was going to be the only that she would really listen to me about some of the things she would have to make a decision about later in life. I've raised mine from the get to be respectful, I've told her what to say when some one does something for you. I've taught the different in thank you and you're welcome and please. And she is a very polite little girl. She has also learned that being clean is a good thing. She has also learned that it's okay to ask for help and that she shouldn't kiss someone on the lips. She kisses someone on the cheek. lol.
• United States
9 Aug 09
I have to thank God that the father of my children is still in my life and I have to give him credit because he helps me out with them so much. He actually stayed home with the kids after he graduated so that I could finish school myself. He loves them so much and we sometimes argue over my scolding them when they are out of place, but I know it's just because they are "Daddy's Girls" and he doesn't like to see them get in trouble. But other than that, I have to say that my kids have been really good girls so far. Teenage years are right around the corner and I hope and pray that I lead them in the right direction and teach them about peer pressure and the such. Pray for me. Kendria