Will I ever trust him again?

@jennysp8 (855)
United States
August 8, 2009 10:12pm CST
He didn't beat me or cheat on me...but it still broke my heart. I have been through many heartbreaks and a nasty divorce. My boyfriend of 5 months had suddenly broke up with up. Everything seemed fine and he kissed me "bye" on the way out to the store, and simply didn't return. He later called my cell phone and left a break up message - to chicken to speak directly to me. I was shattered. He did come crawling back 12 hours later and we have now been together for almost 8 months. He hasn't done anything like this before...I know it seems "childish" but this really broke my trust. I was in shock. There were no "warnings" - no fights or arguments or anything in the relationship that seemed out of place...it was just one day - he was gone. Since then I have a hard time believing him at all. He's apologized a million times. He's reasoning for his little mental breakdown was that he was in a sudden panic - didn't want to "end up like his father stuck in this $hitty town"...then he realized that he ISN'T his father....I understand his moment of panic but I still can't get past it. But I can't trust him. I try, I probably should be able to... But since it came as such a total shock - I can't move past it. I'm always thinking that there is plotting or something going on that I don't know about.. I'm 28 years old. Been through a marriage and several breakups since I was 14 years old. This seems silly to me. But in all of those breakups - I could look back and say "Well XYZ wasn't right - or I should have seen it coming"... But with that break up - there was no warning - no signs - nothing...I was completely caught off gaurd. I am afraid I really won't trust anyone again. What should I do?
10 responses
• India
16 Sep 09
i think two of u should sit together and sort out all the problems..
2 people like this
• India
17 Sep 09
That is the best solution in relationship problems. Sitting and listening patiently... I'm in a relationship for 2 years now and stupid things do happen which both of us feel should have never happened but still they do, don't they... I prefer sitting and talking to my girlfriend over everything... Well mostly she's right...
1 person likes this
@ysobelle (202)
• Philippines
9 Aug 09
Hello there jenny, sorry for that. I think it is unfair on your side that your boyfriend broke up with you with no deep reason. It is very hard to trust someone who did not mind explaining to you at all. It is just like slapping on your face with no reason. I believe that it is imposibble to love someone if you can not trust him. Trust is the foundation of love. I suggest to talk to him, ask him questions you want to ask. Clear up things. If he coudn't give you an honest answer, he does not deserve you. I have a friend who has the same situation with you, her boyfriend ask her to give him some space with no reasons. She decide to end their relationship. Until now she can not deny to herself that she is still in loved and badly hurt but trying hard to recover. My dear you are still very young, life has many things to offer to you. To be hurt is part of a relationship, it helps us to learn and to be more stronger. Mr. Right will come along your way the least you expect it. Just keep on praying. Never stop trusting.
@zoey7879 (3104)
• United States
9 Aug 09
Thanks for conveying to the OP (Original Poster) some of what I was having difficulty putting into writing :)
1 person likes this
@dreamr802 (987)
• United States
9 Aug 09
That's a hard one, especially since you've been through some break ups and a divorce. Maybe you don't trust him right now because of how he did break your heart, even if it lasted only 12 hours. If he really wants to be with you and make it work, he will have to do everything humanly possible to earn your trust back. It will probably take you a while, maybe longer than a person that hasn't gone through a divorce. Was your divorce a nasty one? I hope that it does work out for you. Maybe it would be good to go and talk to someone...maybe they will be able to help you get past this issue. That might help you...or even maybe talking it out completely with someone that you trust. Sometimes when you talk everything out or write everything down without thinking from the start you can surprise yourself and find the answer that you are looking for and why things happen. A relationship is built on trust, so eventually if he and you are going to work out, you both need to work on this trust issue. Good luck.
2 people like this
@cindyhxf (1447)
• China
9 Aug 09
hi drear802. trust is the basic thing when you are in love with someone else.might we can image something is untrue.but depend on your feeling.i knew someone trust her husband so much first.but got hurt so much at the end.i wish no one get hurt in life.but we know life is life.trust and hurt everywhere.
1 person likes this
• India
9 Aug 09
I think you should talk with him on this. Maybe you are still not convinced by the reasons that he gave you. Just sit together and talk everything through. Keep talking until all the doubts in your mind are sorted out. Trust is a very important factor in a relationship. These things happen sometimes, we go out of our mind sometimes. But i feel that your boyfriend still owes you a very good explanation and will owe it to you until you are fully convinced...
2 people like this
• United States
9 Aug 09
I think you should work on your insecurities.. It seems like you think that he has a reason to leave, or that you're looking for him to have one. Find out what has you so paranoid about him leaving again, and think about getting some help. That saying "you have to love yourself before you can love others" is REALLY true.. if you think you're insecure, then that's how you come off, and it can be really difficult to handle.. Bottom line, hun, work on yourself before you work anyone else.
2 people like this
@zoey7879 (3104)
• United States
9 Aug 09
A relationship without trust isn't a healthy one. I've had this exact same problem...While your boyfriend realized his error... he came to you, I assume he apologized?, admitted his error, and you took him back. If you weren't able to trust him when he did it and you still don't trust him, you need to remedy this. We're humans and being human, as you assuredly already know, means being an imperfect being. Have you told him that you're still having difficulties? Have you thought to seek counselling either alone or as a couple?
@thokius (426)
• Austria
9 Aug 09
Hello jennysp8, I'm not sure what you should do. When a person loses the ability to trust it may be very hard to regenerate. Just like what happened to me. I got scammed many times in the past and now I can't trust anyone. I always think someone is plotting something against me... I hope this hasn't happened to you. The only thing you can do is to try to trust people blindly. In other words trust them no matter what. I don't see any other way out of this. Thok
1 person likes this
@jasmeena (850)
• Indonesia
9 Aug 09
May i ask you?did he explain the reason why he decided to break up with you?Have you asked?now you`re together again,right?well..i understand how you`re feeling as i had been through that experience (but i`m still single)..it depends on you.i know it is hard to forget that but it`s up to both of you,whether you still stick to your commitment or not..just ask yourself. Don`t feel traumatic.sometimes i feel that because of my horrible break up and bad divorce experience from my friends and it sometimes has impact on me..try to get rid of your traumatic feeling,it`s a process but again,it will depend on you
1 person likes this
@Hatley (159273)
• Garden Grove, California
9 Aug 09
jenny have you told him how that leaving you made you feel? maybe the two of you should see a counselor of some kind and work on the feelings you both have.sounds like he does care and it sounds like you love him but dont feel you can trust him. I really would seek some outside help if nothing more than a counseler from your church,or even from your minister. sometimes others can help both of you pinpoint whats wrong and help make it right.
• United States
9 Aug 09
I think that you should give him a chance. Talk to him about your feelings. It sounds like he really is sorry for what he did. And I can understand his fear of being stuck. Let him know that if he wants to leave and start a new life, that you will be right there with him. (If you really are willing to go) I can completely understand your lack of trust, also. I have been in quite a few bad relationships. But just remember that not everyone is the same.
1 person likes this