I Cried Real Tears Whilst On Vacation

@wolfie34 (26881)
United Kingdom
August 11, 2009 12:15pm CST
For those that know me knew that I was away for a week on vacation and wasn't looking forward to it, and know also that as a man I find it extremely difficult if not impossible to cry. Well for the first time in years I felt the tears at long last, I took along Titanic DVD which always helps me to cry but in actual it wasn't the film that brought the tears it was something that happened whilst on vacation that got the tears finally flooding. Trouble is I was disturbed by a couple of guests who walked in on me in the lounge as I was shedding the tears luckily they didn't say anything. I think I would have carried on crying, sometimes I fear that if I do start crying then I won't be able to stop. I am so relieved to be back home, but my troubles are still with me and I still feel like I need to cry again, but I need to be alone so that I can cry without fear of anyone walking in on me or even hearing me. I need my own space, I need to be alone so that I can really let the floodgates open, then and only then can I start to purge the emotional crap I am carrying around with on a daily basis. Do you find it extremely difficult if not impossible to cry? What is your technique to help you cry and purge out the emotional turmoil that is going on inside you? Any tips on how a guy can really cry? And do you think that crying will help me emotionally Is crying really therapeutic or is it a myth or can be crying be seen as just feeling sorry for yourself and has no actual value in moving on in life and getting over a bad period that you are going through?
3 people like this
13 responses
@Opal26 (17694)
• United States
11 Aug 09
Hi my dearest wolfie, I think you know how I'm going to answer this one! Of course it is ok to cry and it does cleanse the soul and body! I used to cry all the time, but for some reason now that I have gotten older (and sober) I find it alot more difficult to cry! When I was in Rehab, however the tears sometimes wouldn't stop! Talk about opening the floodgates! I didn't care how many people were in the room and many times there was a room full of people! Those were some of the best sessions I had and would get lots of hugs afterwards too! And I was never into being hugged either, but in Rehab it is a requirement! So, whatever it takes to make you feel better, don't hold it back because releasing the tears will make you feel better afterwards! A good cry never killed anyone! It only makes you stronger! And if you are finding this so difficult talk it through with your therapist. That is the place that I usually end up doing my crying now!
2 people like this
@wolfie34 (26881)
• United Kingdom
11 Aug 09
I see my therapist Friday and Friday can't come too soon, because I feel that this time for the first time ever I'll have the freedom to be able to open the floodgates when I am with her.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
11 Aug 09
Sweetie when I was married I used to get in my Car and just drive of park somewhere and cry I used to have to get away from him, I used to phone the Children and tell them I will be ok and will be back, as they always worried I used to have my Make up in my Car as many a time the tears would flow and I could not stop them when driving from Contract to another, I used to freshen my Make up and hide the redness under my eyes Most Nights he used to be out anyway so I would just cry while the Children where asleep upstairs I used to get p in the Night and sit downstairs and cry, longing for someone to comfort me and tell me I would get through it The crying helped me as it gave me back my Strength to cope xxxx
1 person likes this
@Hatley (152089)
• Garden Grove, California
12 Aug 09
oh gabs you are making me cry, I knew youd had troubles' but wow I thought I was having troubles. my son has been so great lately and his coming to see me helps me feel so much better.the first month i was here I cried buckets and it seemed to help then I started journaling and I do that every day,and this helps even more than tears. but I do weep for what you went through.my friend. hatley here
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
12 Aug 09
Hatley, Sweet, there is much more I have written a Book not published, it is sitting here on my Computer lol a lot of my Friends who wanted to read it have got it and know my Life story lol Hugs Sweetie, it is over now and has been for 7 years My Children helped me through the time of my Marriage I wish you would have written to me when you where so down I would have talked to you and been here for you, it hurts me to know that you where so alone
@wolfie34 (26881)
• United Kingdom
12 Aug 09
I find driving very therapeutic and I will actually go for a drive just to get out of the house and have quality time to myself, I need my own space, my own independence. I think I will visit my nans grave sometime soon I find that helps me. I think I feel comfortable now if I had a cry in front of my therapist.
1 person likes this
@tyc415 (5706)
• United States
11 Aug 09
I am very emotional and it is easy for me to cry, maybe too easy sometimes if that is possible. I think with males it has maybe been pounded in their heads since childhood that it is not manly to cry and to "suck it up". I have always told my son and my grandson it is good to cry and show emotions.
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26881)
• United Kingdom
11 Aug 09
Exactly my friend, you have hit the nail on the head I was always taught at a very young age BOYS must NEVER cry especially in front of others, shows weakness.
1 person likes this
@nannacroc (4049)
11 Aug 09
Whoever told you that, Wolfie, was totally wrong. It shows strength when a man cries, not weakness. I'm so glad my daughters haven't ever said this to their sons.
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26881)
• United Kingdom
12 Aug 09
Sadly enough it was my parents who told me that. My mum cries frequently and when I hear her, this sounds terrible but I feel jealous of her being able to cry and I can't, sounds cruel doesn't it?
• United States
12 Aug 09
I was raised in a dysfuntial home, I loved my parents dearly, but, let's face it, everyone has some kind of dysfuntion going on. It wasn't until I hit my 30's, did all the crap that I had bottled up inside all those years, start to surface. I hated the world, and didn't know why. I joined a therapy group, a group that allowed you to talk about your feelings, and it was then that I realized that I had issues towards my mother. For a year or two later, everytime I spoke of my mother, I would cry...I would share with people, incidences where my mother made me feel I wasn't good enough. Some people have said to me, "When are you going to get over the past?" And my answer was, "Until I have emptied myself of all the crap that has been bottled up inside of me" . I pictured myself like an empy bottle, that from birth, I had stuffed all the negative things down that I had experienced. It was only when the bottle got filled, up to my throat, that I began to choke on it. And that's when I started to talk about it...and it poured out like an ocean. Once the bottle was empty, and I had gotten all of the crap out inside, all the way down to my toes, did I feel good again. When it was all out, the crying stopped immediately....it was the weirdest thing...but I think that's what you got to do. Get all the crap out, keep talking about what makes you feel the way you do, and don't stop, until all the crap comes out.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (152089)
• Garden Grove, California
12 Aug 09
hi reading what you said I just realized why my journaling every day putting down all my feeling about the recent past and my troubles has helped so much. I have got rid of all that was bottled up inside me and put it down on paper,it really has helped me as I didnt have a therapist to go to, and I missed my son and living in an apartment with him. being here in a senior center is not what I would ever have chosen but circumstances forced me here. so journaling is keeping me sane and fairly happy
@wolfie34 (26881)
• United Kingdom
12 Aug 09
I really need to purge all the crap that I am carrying around inside me, I am getting weekly sessions with my therapist but it's a slow process and there's only so much you can get out in a 50 minute session, sometimes I feel like I am carrying the world on my shoulders and I seem to be hanging onto the past which in turn is destroying my present and certainly the future with unwanted negative baggage. I do carry negativity around with me like an old unwanted cloak, getting rid of it I try hard to but then I still find I am wearing it like an old friend. It's a long process, but now I have cried tears I know that I am capable of crying and I need time alone to grieve properly and get rid of the emotional baggage that is pulling me down constantly.
• United States
12 Aug 09
Hello Worlfie! There is absolutely nothing wrong with a man crying. We are all human and not made of iron. That means you have emotions just like everyone else out there. God created it us that way, we are not machines. Crying is also a good way of releasing stress. Sometimes I get so upset and angry that I start crying out of anger. And I think sometimes is good to share your feelings and emotions or whatever problem you have with a very close friend. Go ahead and cry on their shoulder. That's what friends are for. To be there when you are down and not only when you are ready to party. I hope and pray you find peace and whatever you are going thru to get better soon. Take care my friend and happy mylotting! :) Olivia~
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26881)
• United Kingdom
15 Aug 09
I could only feel that I can cry on my own and I would feel too embarrassed in front of others even close friends. I guess it's because I was always told from a young age never to show your tears in front of others so it's been ingrained in me all my life not to cry in front of people.
@nannacroc (4049)
11 Aug 09
I do find it very hard to cry, it drives mr Croc mad, because I tend to get angry with myself fo wanting to cry and then shout at him. I actually haven't found crying therapeutic but Mr Croc feels it has helped him so I suppose it depends on who you are. If you felt better after having a good cry, then that is what you needed. Maybe finding somewhere quiet to go and let it go is the answer. I'd invite you here but my house always seems to be full of people just when you don't want them. I keep saying it will be nice when the kids leave home, then remembering they have, they just keep coming back.
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26881)
• United Kingdom
12 Aug 09
I think I might pay a visit to my beloved nans grave, it's always wonderfully quiet there and has the desired affect, plus I might just fill up when I see my therapist on Friday.
@guybrush (4662)
• Australia
13 Aug 09
It's a shame your break wasn't more refreshing for you, Wolfie. I guess even when we go somewhere else, our problems will still be around when we return home. I think crying is EXTREMELY therapeutic. The best thing is to 'allow' ourselves to have a really good cry - in private if that works better - and then tell ourselves firmly after the cry that we are now ready to get on with things and try to put the sadness behind us. It's hard, but until we are able to let go, the bad things will always be there snapping at our heels and haunting us in the dark. Many years ago, when something bad happened to me and my husband, I remember him saying it would be 'as bad as we allowed it to be'. I still remember him saying that, and it was wise and helped enormously. xxx
@wolfie34 (26881)
• United Kingdom
13 Aug 09
I am going to visit my nan and grandads grave today because it's a place I can be alone and I can cry if I want to, I want to lay flowers there as well, we usually go in January for her birthday but because of bad weather we never went, so today would be a golden opportunity for me to drive down on my own. Driving is extremely therapeutic for me too so I combine the two and it will also get me out too as I continue with cold turkey, day 2!
@guybrush (4662)
• Australia
15 Aug 09
I hope your visit was calming and therapeutic for you, Wolfie. Well done on getting to Day 2 (Day 3 by now, probably!) xxx
@wolfie34 (26881)
• United Kingdom
15 Aug 09
For some reason I find the weekends and Tuesday nights the most difficult and more prone to gamble. If I manage to get a place at college in September I will be able to fill Tuesday nights! I had a great day at my nans grave, I sat there for a couple of hours although no tears came I felt so much better afterwards. I also had a wonderful session with my therapist, again no tears but she was so pleased with my achievements, college, giving up gambling and surviving a week with people I find difficult to be with! So there is progress xxx
@kellyjeanne (1578)
• United States
14 Aug 09
I know it must have felt good on one level to release those tears. I love a good cry myself every once in awhile, but, because I spent decades crying nearly everyday -- no exaggeration -- I find it very difficult to cry anymore. Not because I'm making any cognitive choices not to cry. It literally hurts to cry anymore. If I don't take my medication I find myself crying all the time and I can't do that to myself anymore. Like I said, though, once in awhile it does feel good to have a good cry. It feels like such a release. I'm glad you had the opportunity to have a good cry like that. I'm also sorry that you were walked into like that. It was nice that they didn't mention anything. That would have been very embarrassing for me too. Take care, wolfie! Purrs, Catwoman=^..^= & Mija
@wolfie34 (26881)
• United Kingdom
15 Aug 09
Haven't be able to cry since, however I do feel much better seeing my therapist and going to see my nan's grave. It's a very slow process and I am taking steps to build myself up and with the help of my therapist we can move forward, it's not going to be easy, but life is never easy is it my dear friend? xx
• United States
16 Aug 09
I'm so glad you found a therapist that you feel comfortable working with. It took me years to find the right one myself. No, life is never easy. We just have to do our best. Take care, my friend. Purrs, Catwoman=^..^= & Mija
@Ithink (3517)
• United States
12 Aug 09
First of all I hope that you can get over (thru) whatever is bothering you as I know how things can play on the mind and just make you feel horrible. I dont have a problem crying. I think some men do as that is how they are raised or they think it shows weakness. I wish that I knew of something that could help you, however I dont. I do believe that it is therapeutic to cry. It does seem to release tension and help purge the body and soul of things that are bothering you and helps a person move on. There has been studies that show that it does help. Never said this to someone, but I hope you cry. ((Hugs))
@wolfie34 (26881)
• United Kingdom
12 Aug 09
I do need to be alone to be able to cry, I guess it's because I feel embarrassed if I cry as you said some men are raised by the rule that it's wrong to cry or show their feelings. Thanks for the hugs, very much appreciated.
1 person likes this
@Ithink (3517)
• United States
12 Aug 09
I think alot of men are raised this way, Im not sure why it is thought that men shouldnt show emotions as in my opinion they are human and therefore have them too. I hope that you find your solitude so that you can let it out.
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
16 Aug 09
I am a woman and I find it difficult to cry in a public place or in front of someone so I can only imagine how a man would feel. There is a silly stigma attached to a man crying that I'm glad is slowly going away. I don't have a problem crying in public if it is over a movie or something like that. I don't have a problem crying if it is over someone elses' sad story. It is when, I, myself, feel hurt...then I just can't. I don't have any special technique to offer you. When I've felt hurt...I bottle it up and cover it up. When I'm alone...driving home or whatever...it just all pours out. I find it therapeautic...it's a release of emotions and I usually feel somewhat better afterwards. I'm more able to look at the situation from another angle or find a solution.
@wolfie34 (26881)
• United Kingdom
16 Aug 09
Yes, I was always taught from a very young age that boys never cry in front of others and it's very hard to shake off that stigma, had I of cried then I think I wouldn't have carried around so much grief, anger and hatred inside me which is not healthy but the floodgates refuse to open.
@maximax8 (27049)
15 Aug 09
Hi my friend Wolfie. I think that you needed to cry whilst you were on vacation to get rid of those upsetting emotions. You needed your own space and in that case you might have found it difficult to stop. You had two other guests that perhaps stopped you continuing to cry. When I feel really sad the tears come down my face. I was a the vet and I couldn't help crying. Losing Bingo the white fronted Amazon was a very sad day in my life. He was in his late twenties and my mum got him from her American friend when I was 14 years old. I try to look up with my eyes to prevent crying. Ladies are emotional during pregnancy and find it easy to cry. Some men find it difficult to cry. I respect a man for crying because it shows he is sensitive and the caring type of person.
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
12 Aug 09
For a while I had a hard time crying too....but once I got past it now I can cry...last time I really cried was on a plane as I left my daughter knowing I wouldn't see them for a year.....and you know what? It's perfectly okay for a man to cry. My son graduated from college in May....his sister gave him a gift that really made him cry! His wife sat on the bed saying....don't do it! But his sister and I thought it was wonderful that he could show emotions like that! So go for it.....just go ahead and cry....it is very healing!
@wolfie34 (26881)
• United Kingdom
15 Aug 09
I guess when you are not used to doing something or told from a young age not to do something it becomes ingrained and you find it impossible to do it, but once you learn to feel comfortable and it's acceptable to cry you can eventually get around the obstacle.
@Hatley (152089)
• Garden Grove, California
12 Aug 09
hi wolfie I think we make boys think its weak and unmanly to cry'but its an emotion that strikes all of us. as a woman I get by more easily if I cried over something as men expect that i guess, but sometimes tears are therapeutic. I ended up split from the only family I have, myson,solely because we two had always shared an apartment, i am his mom, 82, and he lost his job. He cou ldnt find anotherone,we were evicted from our apartment, we were then homeless, he was worried for me so he and a social worker from adult protective services put me here in this retirement center. so for the first two or three weeks I did shed a lot of tears, alone in my room so no one could see.I was angry at life, at everyone,but then I started keeping a journal. the writing has been a means of keeping my sanity,of trying to be happy where I am and of keeping hope for better days fresh in my mind. crying only works for a short p eriod then you need better things to help you get on with your life. for me it was keeping a daily journal where I pour out all my thoughts and even tell about my childhood,the writing for me really helps. one day this terrible economy will be a lot better and a lot of us will once more be h appy. good luck and God bless.