How Do You Feel About Relatives Inviting Themselves To Stay With You?

Canada
August 11, 2009 9:46pm CST
One of Hubby's relatives called tonight, and we were talking about how nice it would be if she came to visit the area, and come to see us (the key word being see not stay). I tried to make it quite clear that we don't have room here, and Hubby tried to say that we could share the single bed in the bedroom and give her the couch (if Hubby and I don't even have room to sleep together, how can we have a third person in here?) Besides, this place is like a turtle's shell (too small to entertain anyone else, and very very private!!!). He claimed they were just kidding around, and that the chances of her getting up here were pretty slim, but the whole thing made me uncomfortable, which TO HIS MAJOR CREDIT he realized as soon as we talked about it (I really love him that way!!!!!). How do you feel about relatives who's idea of coming to visit is them inviting themselves to crash at your place? What about when you go see your relatives? Me? I assume we're staying elsewhere until they invite us personally!!!
6 people like this
32 responses
@stephcjh (32328)
• United States
12 Aug 09
Amen to that. I have never invited myself to stay at any of my family's house either. That is so rude and intrusive. I have had family members on my husband's and my family side that have done it at times also. We have the room but I would rather invite them myself and they should know it.
1 person likes this
@punlonnjack (1309)
• United States
12 Aug 09
I guess for the most part i would happily enjoy family coming to visit as long as its a short time.i do however have a select few would rather not visit me at all.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Aug 09
In my family it is just assumed that if family is in town, for any reason, they stay at our house. A hotel would never be considered...ever. And I understand, that's what you do for family blah blah blah but I don't remember the last time anyone asked if it would be okay. My aunt has had her adult son, his wife and their three kids living with her for like six months so one day she calls my mom and says I need to get away, I'm coming to stay with you for the weekend. So Mom tells her she had to work the weekend in question and my aunt says that's okay, I can just hang out!!! Really?!
1 person likes this
@sacmom (14317)
• United States
23 Sep 09
It makes me feel rather uncomfortable. When my father-in-law was still alive he and my mother-in-law came to visit a few times. They actually stayed in a hotel the last time they were here, but my father-in-law would have rather pitched a tent in our yard just so they could stay here at the house. My husband wouldn't have minded it so much, but I just couldn't deal with it. I lived with them in the past (they've also invited themselves to stay over before). I refused to go through that again and I put my foot down. What can I say, I like my privacy! I probably wouldn't have minded so much, but it made me so mad that my own sister-in-law (who lives in the same area) refused to let them stay at her place whenever they came to visit. It's not like she doesn't have the room. And here she's their daughter. Now had she been willing I probably wouldn't have been such a b*tch about the whole thing. I mean, it would have only been fair for us to take turns. But she never did that... I haven't visited my relatives in years. But if I were to, I'd rather stay elsewhere unless they were to offer. But even then I don't know if I could as I hate to impose myself on others. Happy mylotting!
• Kenya
19 Aug 09
In this day and age relatives don't invite themselves to stay. Many relatives are aware that they can get a rude shock. I don't mind relatives who come to visit for a short while at my invitation. Many people like to have privacy, so it is polite to request if they can stay as opposed to just arriving!
@jimntam (93)
• United States
19 Aug 09
I'll have to agree with you. We have a small house as well and don't have room for extras. Although, I would love a visit from relatives. sometimes you just don't have the rooom. Sometimes they can basically interrupt your whole routine of things without meaning to because you feel like you have to entertain them even if you don't. I agree that visiting a relative you should expect to stay somewhere else unless your invited. I ask where the nearest motel is. Either they tell me or they say, " You don't need to stay at a motel, We've got room for you here." If they have the extra room, that's great. But, I'm like you and don't have any room to spare.
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
17 Aug 09
Normally, I have a hard time saying no, but I would have no problem saying no to something like that. I do not like for surprise guess to drop by, much less to spend the night. I do not care if they are family.
• United States
13 Aug 09
i'd prefer they at least give notice,but i really don't have a problem with it. we have room,but they'd have to bring a sleeping bag and their own food,i'd tell them point blank i can't afford to feed them,because it's the truth.
@ZephyrSun (7385)
• United States
13 Aug 09
I don't really have any relatives that live outside of a short drive. My dad's family lives about 4 hours away but, they have never really been a part of our lives, their choice not mine. When I was younger I would go down and stay in a hotel and they would get mad because I wouldn't stay with them. I don't have a huge house but, I do have 4 bedrooms but with 5 people the rooms are all spoken for so house guests could sleep on the couch with the dog LOL
@mermaidivy (15417)
• United States
13 Aug 09
I used to hate it a lot and even now I don't think I will particularly like it. Because I live on the beach, my relatives like to come swimming on the beach and stay here afterwards... I hate that very very much because they make the house all sandy and wet and stuff... that drove me up the wall. See the thing is they won't clean up the place for me afterwards that makes me really mad...
• United States
13 Aug 09
I have to say that this type of thing really bugs me. I hate when anyone, relatives or not imposes themselves on you thinking that it is quite OK to stay with you simply because you're good friends or relatives. I think it's very rude and inconsiderate to simply show up, or to visit and then just pack everything you'd need to stay the night without asking first. I hate it. I hate how it makes my life a living heck having to manage my life around these sudden guests. I probably wouldn't mind if they'd ask first, but they usually do not.
• China
13 Aug 09
I can only invite friends and relatives I like to come to my home.I would also like to make full preparations.I take the call for the.I am sorry,I have to ask them to live in the hotel.Unless I am willing to leave them.
@mama_bear (1124)
• Canada
13 Aug 09
so here is the thing, i am a very hospitable and generous person at the best of times, but well i am a reclusive hermit too. this may sound like a contradiction but thing is i am one of those people who will go above and beyond to help someone out who is need, like if someone needs a place to crash for a little while i help them out and feed them and all that. however i abhor those who invite themselves and come to burden me with themselves. to me this is the height of being uncivilized and bad manners. it is very rude to just impose on someone and expect to live in their domicile and eat their food at their expense especially during this trying economic crisis. it is different if you are on the lam and unexpectedly end up on my doorstep, of course i shall harbor you and let you lay low at my place. but relatives know better than to just turn up at my place, i do not really like nor do i get on with the relos. i am also a very private person who lived by herself for a very long time, i do so love my own company, it means that i do not have to deal with other people's blah blah. so there is the personal space issue, i do not like it when people visit because it is an invasion of the personal space. there should be rules and people should know that they cannot just turn up at your place as you are not a bed and breakfast. i recently had a cousin visit from alberta, it was nice but also very trying doing the whole social thing and making sure that everyone is very comfortable. it is not fair for people to impose on you. but you should let it be known that this is not acceptable and make some kind of rule about drop ins and whatnot. so long as you do not lay down the law, they will not know that what they are doing is vexing you, of they persist after this then ban them from your home. tough love baby, tough love!
@dbabcook (390)
• United States
12 Aug 09
I personally am bothered by anyone inviting themselves to stay with me. For one, pending on how many come you may not have the room to accommodate them all. I believe that if someone is coming to your home and they will be in need of a place to lay their heads that they should speak with you first to make sure that you have the room but also don't have other things going on to where you would not be home or able to entertain.
• United Kingdom
12 Aug 09
I don't like this idea at all! I like my own space and I don't like having anyone over that is uninvited! I kind of get the feelings of invasion of privacy when this happens! On the other hand, if a relative was in trouble for example then this would be a different story altogether. Andrew
• United States
12 Aug 09
thats crazy my friend told me how she let her cuz watch her house when she went out of town and came back home to all their stuff there it took her 2months to get them out. i mean what do you say. "i know you don't have no where to stay but you have to get out of here lol. i feel like anyone friend or relatives should have enough respect to ask first and expect no or yes.
@Mirita (2668)
• United States
12 Aug 09
Well, I have a big house ,so I don't mind people staying in my house ,and my sister and brother don't need an invitation ,but other people need to wait for me to invite them. Some people only care about themselves ,and they only want to save money on a hotel when they travel.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
12 Aug 09
I would absolutely love for our family to come down here to visit us, but I really wouldn't like if they were to come down here and stay with us. I won't say that our house is small, because it is a decent sized house, but it isn't big enough to have a bunch of people come to spend the night with us. When we go to visit relatives, now, we either make a day trip (they live 1.5 hours away from us) or we will get a hotel room, but prior to my grandma passing away we always stayed with her. They had a bedroom set up for us and then as we got older we left an inflatable mattress there to use. She always really enjoyed the company.
• Germany
12 Aug 09
In our culture, it is normal to let the relatives staying together with us. In fact, if you reject them to stay, perhaps they will think you are rude. If you invite them to visit you, they expect that you are actually inviting them to stay with you. So, perhaps they will be shocked or embarrassed if you ask them to stay in the hotel. For me, it depends on how close we are. If they are closed relatives, it's ok for me if they stay overnight or few days, but they have to inform me earlier. I do not like surprise visit. When we go back to our hometown to visit our relatives, we will stay in my grandma's house. Then sometimes we will stay over night in my auntie's house. It's reasonable why they want us to stay overnight as they do not see us much. They want to talk to us and appreciate the short time that we can be together. We only visit them once a year. They are friendly, they will cook or invite us for having a good meal. I think that is a happy moment. Have a nice day and happy mylotting.
@mikeysmom (2092)
• United States
12 Aug 09
i think if someone assumes they can stay and you really cannot put them up for whatever reason and they do not understand or get that they are just being rude. you are right. you have to wait to be asked. assuming anything is never a good idea. i think if the subject comes up again you can say, "i can send you a list of hotels that would be close by if you would like.' if she does not get that then she is really thickheaded.