If you must broken relations with your family for your own happiness...???????

@icesmile (7172)
Romania
August 14, 2009 12:56pm CST
Sometimes family is against what we want in life, they are selfish and want to convince you that your decisions must to be something what all family must be agree with. I snot right, but is hard to make them understand that your life, is your life, and you must just keep in touch, not share all with them. So, if your family just want something from you, and don t give nothing , you will broke relations with them?
2 people like this
13 responses
@wmraul (2557)
• Bucharest, Romania
15 Aug 09
No dobt, no question, no game, no wonder. Past shouldn't never be an obstacle for future. Your way goin gother direction ? Follow it. Broke the chains. A pet you can force to allways follow you and never do else than what you order - you BUY IT. Even that is arguable but, .. let's say is acceptable .. However, a child is not the same, is not a pet.
1 person likes this
@icesmile (7172)
• Romania
15 Aug 09
you right. was my mistake
• United States
14 Aug 09
This is what I think. You did not choose to be born. Your parents chose to have you. By their choice comes the obligations of taking care of you, providing whatever you need to become independent. Once independent you have no obligations to your parents. You may at your own choosing help as a sign of respect and gratitude. But they cannot obligate you to help them. Remember it was their choice to have you, not yours. This is where parents make mistakes.
@wmraul (2557)
• Bucharest, Romania
15 Aug 09
You have tough an obligation to thme. One only, unique: to provide to your own kids -if/when you'll have- at least same level of education and support, as they gave you. Taking care of them as they get old and helpless, that's not an obligation. Is something more a form of reward you give them for the way they supported you .. is something comming from you, something you want to do, a form of respect. yet, priorities are 1- your kids; 2- you and wife/husband; 3- parents.
• United States
15 Aug 09
Yes, helping them is something like a reward for supporting you while you were growing up. And you said that is not an obligation. Which is exactly what I said. "You may at your own choosing help as a sign of respect and gratitude". But is it right for them to obligate you? Which is my point. When parents obligate their children, then they are taking away your freedom to choose. Obligation is the constraining power of a promise, contract or sense of duty. Key word, CONSTRAINING. Meaning you don't have a choice. You tell me now if is right for them to obligate you, or should you just help them out of the goodness of your own heart and not the feeling of being obligated.
@icesmile (7172)
• Romania
15 Aug 09
All come from inside, exist or not, but parents make a lot of mistakes because they think that kids are all life theirs kids, nothing more...when kids are adults, is hard to accept that they must fly...
@tigeraunt (6331)
• Philippines
7 Sep 09
that is the worst decision to make, ice. family is family. and they will never want you to be unhappy. but if they see something that is wrong at the start of the relationship then they are at liberty to say so. you can be independent. but you can never severe ties with family. when you get a broken hearted, there is no one else to turn to for reassurance that everything will be fine later on. its only family. ann
@rhowena (31)
• Philippines
21 Aug 09
I encountered the same problem like yours, my niece has the same problem , she just graduated nursing course last march and immediately took the board exam last June but failed, right after graduation she ask permission to get married next year . she will marry minister in our religion, it was very surprising to us but she is fix on her dicission that is why her parents feel mad about her.You know i understand your feelings regarding this matter but to tell you, all parents are look after in the good of their children, they want the best for them, please dont get them wrong if they give some comments and advice.They LOVE you very much just try to explain them the advantages you can get if you will follow your heart rather than to listen to them im sure later they will understand.Soon you will become a parent too...by then you will fully understand why ? MAY GOD BLESS YOU IN EVERYTHING YOU DO...TAKE CARE.
@lynnemg (4540)
• United States
15 Aug 09
There comes a time in everyone's life when they have to make a decision. More often than not, they have to decide whether to make themselves happy or make someone else happy. In the end, I feel that if we make the choice to make someone else happy, even if it is our own family, we will end up resenting them. On the other hand, we chance losing that relationship forever by going against them. In the last choice, I think that if they truly care, eventually, they will come around and realize that you desreve to be happy too. I would have to make the choice to sever ties with family, at least for a while to gain happiness for myself. IT wouldn't be easy, but I think that in the end, it would really be the best option for all.
@cwong77 (2011)
• Malaysia
15 Aug 09
family is a very important element in our life, and if it's not something bad or really huge, I don't think I will want to severe the relationship. Sometimes, we may think that it's should be a give and take situation, however in some families, it won't happen. As a family member, we should be more tolerance, and not severe relationship based on money, or even our partners. If my parents or siblings are unable to accept my partner, I will try my very best to mend the bridges, and not let this matter goes into worse situation. And if my partner is unable to change his way in facing my family, it could be meant that we are not meant for each other. I could understand my family 'busy body-ness' in interfering my life, and trying to invade the privacy, however I will try to explain to them the necessary, and not trying to break the relationship. I think without the family, it will not mean any happiness to me..
@vandana7 (57187)
• India
15 Aug 09
I have. Depends on what u mean by family. I am talking of extended family. I found they were never there when I needed them, even though our family helped them out during rough times. I too never asked as I did not feel close to them at all. Now they dont understand why I dont have any affections for them. They believe it should be there because blood is thicker than water type of thing, like they show in movies. Unfortunately, it isn't. They act it, and my parent sways, often asking me to change my stance. I too hope people would accept that if a relationship is not there, it is not there.
@chi2nasrin (1103)
• Malaysia
15 Aug 09
My older sister did just that. She married the man of her choice and now has 3 toddlers. My mum objected their marriage before, I always hear her complaining about that guy, saying he is not good and all. Of course now she doesn't really say much because she can't do anything about it anymore, plus seeing the faces of her grandchildren at least calmed her down. Now, the problem is that the the husband is not really that good after all, he had had several affairs with other women. What can I say, it all comes back to my sister, the guy's parents may say that my sister is the one who cannot or don't know how to take care of her husband. What they didn't seem to see, or pretended not to see is how my sister is the one who is working not the husband, all he knows is play football every evening, just waiting around for job to 'find' him. All I want to say is that when you want to go against your family, at least be 100% sure that you can prove them wrong. I know we can never tell the future, we won't know what will happen after we make our decision. Family will never break the relation with us, after some times they will accept you, doesn't matter if we made right or wrong decision. It is in our hand to decide our life, but of course if it is with the family's blessing it is better.
@marianna45 (1400)
• Romania
15 Aug 09
If you try a lot keep in touch with your family, even they are not agree with your life, is a big mistake; i don t mean to broke relation, i just say that you must keep distance, and don t let them to change your life if you are mature and know what is better for you. I had this kind of problems and i decided to keep distance and let them to live for them not for my life; i can deal with my life as my life is, and if i make mistakes, are my mistakes, and i will pay for this mistakes.
@maezee (26733)
• United States
15 Aug 09
I will distance myself from them; if they don't support me and my goals. I won't cut them out of my life alltogether, because they are my family - and so I have to love them and see them on occasion. So I see a lot of my (unsupportive) extended family only on birthdays and holidays - big gettogethers. And we act civil and kind to one another, but don't necessarily hit it off like some other family members & me - and I don't confide in them or see them much more than just on the holidays. I don't think you should cut anyone completely out of your life. But you can mentally (and physically, if you choose) distance yourself from them. I understand how you might not want any negativity in your life - especially from your family - the people who are supposed to love and support you. Give them a chance to change their minds, and if they don't - don't let that bring you down and discourage you. Be civil/nice to them, but don't "let them in" and don't trust them to support you when you need it. It's sad, but sometimes necessary.
@mrakobesie (1246)
• United States
14 Aug 09
my mom has an idea of what i'm supposed to do in life, i have a different idea though. I switched to raw vegan diet and it helped me get rid of my diseases, my mom though wants me to eat the same way she eats. i can't go back to unhealthy diet, i feel sick when i eat that way. she wants me to finish my degree, but after i started studying it i realized i will never be happy working this job, so i droped out and started studying something different. my mom hates the idea of me doing it because it will not bring me as much money. to me, i don't care if a have tons of money, it's not going to make me happy anyway. I love her and i know she loves me too, but sometimes she drives me nuts. she actually started crying when we were talking on the phone the other day because i told her i'm happy with the way i live now. she for some reason thinks i'm not happy. I didn't break my relationships with fer completely, but i did move out to live with my boyfriend just so i wouldn't have to listen to her all the time. Now i can at least tell her over the phone that my food is burning, must go, bye when she gets too agravating. I hate it when parents do things like that. Honestly, i think i know better what makes me happy...
• Philippines
14 Aug 09
you could not really avoid it, having a relationship is like an open book. whether you like it to be private or hold the feeling between you and your partner. you will always meet an approval and rejection on one or many members of your family. You will know when people are in love they are acting like blind that they do not care whatever the people around are saying. They lost proper judgment, because they are so carried away with their emotions and do not lie to receive some feed backs which they misinterpret as a means to destroy current relationship. When, in fact the family are only concern with the welfare of their daughter or son's future that they do not want him or her to suffer under a relationship which they think your choice of a partner is wrong, such as if your partner have no permanent work, you may likely have financial problem in the future, he is cheater or a womanizer, then a user who only need you because he has something to get from you..That s why we could not blame entirely family for their reactions, as sometimes their own theory about the person you prefer to be your companion is really a wrong or a bad guys. They do not want you to suffer that is why they like you to think twice,,then your j=hearts will not be broken..One things for sure, family wish and only want the best for their daughters or son's..
@radx682 (327)
• India
14 Aug 09
This is very similar to what happened in my life. I had no other option left because I wanted the guy I loved and my parents denied as he belonged to another religion...But I was sure that I cannot live happily with another guy of their choice...so I finally decided to marry the guy I wanted and I am happy till date...Thank God...initially my parents didn't come to see me...say for a year and a half but now they visit me...I also visit them... They by know would know that my choice is correct and by God's grace we are living in our own apartment. My dad is happy about it...but certain decisions create problems in the family...but you should be wise enough to tackle everything...happy mylotting :-)