Is Verbal Abuse Real?

Man and Woman being very verbal - This man and woman are arguing, could verbal abuse be involved?
@devideddi (1437)
United States
August 14, 2009 9:02pm CST
You better believe it is. I believe it is one of the hardest forms of abuse to deal with. So many people just sweep it under the rug. And it comes in different packages. You may first think of the man who screams out horrible things while in a rage. Or it could be the quick bitter remarks only the person on the receiving end hears about how she is no good or what a stupid thing that was she just did. And its not just men, there are women who say really awful things and worse ...to children. She has no idea what damage she is doing when she tells that child that he/she never does anything right. I wish more people would care about this. Do you agree?
7 people like this
17 responses
• United States
15 Aug 09
Yes, I do agree, verbal abuse and metal/emotional abuse are VERY real and can hurt someone DEEPLY in ways that may take YEARS to heal! When I was a young girl (16 or so) I was in an abusive relationship that messed me up for years afterward. He never hit me, but he made me feel fat, ugly, and worthless. At 90 pounds he had me convinced that I was fat and I became basically a full blown anorexic. He was horrible to me, AND he cheated on me! His cruel words and hateful lies had me convinced that nobody would ever love me and even after having left him many years ago, I still have self esteem problems and trust issues. Luckily I found a man who loves me just as I am and no matter what my weight or if I am wearing makeup or not, he still thinks I am beautiful. I am married to a GOOD man, but my issues still occasionally creep up to make life difficult for us sometimes.
2 people like this
@devideddi (1437)
• United States
17 Aug 09
AngryKittyMSV, I am happy you now have a good man now! And remember don't even count on him or anyone else to say that you are ok or you are pretty or good person, u believe in you first. You are perfect just the way God has made you! and that thats all they were....lies! I do know what u mean, I still struggle with stuff in my head, but I am workin on it too, Don't give up, never go back and believe in you!
@devideddi (1437)
• United States
21 Aug 09
ds6413, that goes for you too! Believe in yourself. If for some reason he does listen to his aunt or things just dont work out, it is not because anything is wrong with you! that happens to all of us! plus it would be his loose!
@devideddi (1437)
• United States
21 Aug 09
Hatley, thats an interesting story. It is hard to understand why women stay especially if you have never been in their shoes. Even more harder for a women to decide to leave over verbal abuse. Physical abuse, one time and thats it... I am glad she has turned out the way she has!
@aeadams (126)
• Philippines
15 Aug 09
I agree with you. verbal abuse is far more difficult to deal with. Unlike in physical, wounds can heal fast; But in verbal, the wound stays deep in the heart and mind of a person and it stays with him forever.
2 people like this
@devideddi (1437)
• United States
21 Aug 09
yep!
• Malaysia
15 Aug 09
Yes it is! I've been hurt consistently by people I care about because they said things when they're too angry to care about my feelings, and vice versa. It's not something we can help, actually. What we need to do, though, is apologize for it afterwards. Of course, to begin with, we should communicate more clearly so nobody gets misunderstood. But hey! We're just human. ~K~
1 person likes this
@Hatley (132313)
• Garden Grove, California
15 Aug 09
don't you just hate being yelled at you always do so and so or you never do so and so, insults of course, and how do you fight back?
• Malaysia
17 Aug 09
Heck yeah, I do! It's always frustrating to the point of wanting to tear my own hair off when someone screams at me that I'm not good enough, I shouldn't have done that, why didn't I take that out, did I really have to say that, yada, yada, yada. It really hurts, to be told how useless you are, especially by someone you love and/or look up to. As to how I retaliate, well. I'm a terrible, terrible person when I'm hurt and angry all at once. I tend to scream back with more intensity than the other person, and trust me; I know a lot of ways to hurt someone verbally. I don't like to do it, honestly, but sometimes, you just want the person who's causing you pain to feel the pain, too, you know? I can't help that my chest feels like it's about to burst when someone's yelling at me for something that isn't even my fault and the only way for that feeling to stop is if I do the exact same thing the other person is doing. ~K~
@Angelgirl16 (2177)
• United States
15 Aug 09
Yes,verbal abuse is very real. I have seen it happen to many people who just took it or was to small (children) to do anything about. Children, the elderly,and some women are most proned to this abuse. Women who are abused, verbally and other ways usually have low self-esteem. They sometime believe that they desire the abuse and therefore accept it, and later an insincere apology. Children and the elderly are truly helpless victims of older or/and unfeeling people. The spirit of anyone that is verbally abuse is sometime destroyed beyond repair(lasting a lifetime), so we need to really beaware of those that are fragile to any kind of abuse.
• United States
16 Aug 09
I was abused as a child, verbally and physically. When I got older and married my first husband it was the same thing. So when I was abused just recently by some very mean people, when I was going through a bad enough time, along with having some other family issues it became to much. They went so far as to stalking me online, and offline. Even threatening my own family. I almost killed myself over this. People like that just really need to be put away. Luckily the man that really cared about me the most, walked in and stopped me from killing myself. But it take's along time to heal from such stuff as that.
@_sketch_ (5711)
• United States
15 Aug 09
I definitely agree. Verbal abuse can be harder to deal with and stick with you longer than physical abuse.
@zoey7879 (3104)
• United States
15 Aug 09
I've been in relationships that were either or both physically and verbally abusive. I don't remember the physical blows as much as I remember how much the words and other stupid actions ruined my life for the five years following the end of my relationship with the man in particular. Also I guess that my mother was and could still be considered verbally abusive.
• United States
17 Aug 09
Oh man, I have definitely had enough of this in my life. Before I got married to my husband, I was with another guy for about 3 1/2 years and he was SO verbally abusive I just took it and never realized it until I left him that he totally degraded me, that I was never good enough, that I was always "cheating" in his eyes (which I never did, ever, not even close), and I was never right. It broke my heart to be treated this way but I "thought" I loved him, which I didnt, I realized that in the end. I honestly think at times, verbal abuse is worse because its something most people never get away from.
• United States
15 Aug 09
I'm still suffering from the after effects of a verbally and physically abusive relationship when I was in my early 20s. I still think about it every single day. It's a huge issue and so many people don't even consider it abuse. It's a really say existence for the people who live it every day.
• United States
15 Aug 09
I agree, and it's not just hard on the person getting the abuse it is also hard on the person giving it. If someone is dishing out verbal abuse they are bringing themselves down as well and it's a really difficult habit to get out of. It is not only with parent/children relationships either. Even when friends joke around and call each other names it can really hurt. It's probably funny to hear, but then the mind doesn't always process fun and games they way you think. Your brain really has a mind of its own and will take this information and store it even when you're kidding around and the other person is too.
@busybren (258)
• United States
15 Aug 09
Yes, I totally agree. Verbal abuse is real and it hurts. Even though you're suppose to make yourself feel good, people rely on people. That's just the way it is sometime. We look to other for approval and sometimes without knowing it, so when one says hurtful things or just lashes out of nowhere. IT HURTS. It takes just a little of yourself away :(
@Hatley (132313)
• Garden Grove, California
15 Aug 09
the very worst old saying ever perpetrated is sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. wrong,wrong oh so 'wrong . the mean words hurled at you leave a scar inside you that' time does not erase. You are so stupid, you are so lazy, your not very pretty ,oh you are so ugly,all these things said to a childdo worse than if you hit the child. also said to an adult they make the receiver bitter, angry inside, sullen. I wish we would all stop and think before we lash out with hurtful words at anyone. You always is another clause that usually tells you you are going to get zinged by your angry mate or child or relative. I told my husband if he ever y elled you always blah blah at me.I would douse him with a bucket of water. I Always hated being told I always anything, and I have made it a practice when my kids were little,never to say that to my kids.Words do hurt and make more damage than a smack on the butt, because its all inside of us.its hard to fight back from that.
@metschica25 (5411)
• United States
15 Aug 09
Hello, Yes It is real and the scars last a lifetime. It is possible to let it flow and then let it go. I got made fun of in school and that hurt more than most people know. I think that was a factor of me not feeling good enough, but I am okay now that I am an adult. It took a lot of work and books , and healing. I just met some awesome people , a guy, and friends, and had support! The way I think now is all sunny and that is crazy for me . Who was all sad and would complain . The one thing that helped is losing weight. That opened up so many doors and made me feel all things are possible . About couples I have seen it many, many times ... All night fights with ugly name callings . Most is so not mature but it still hurts. Words cut!!
@lynnemg (4541)
• United States
15 Aug 09
Verbal abuse is definately real, and in my opinion, the effects last far longer than those of physical abuse. It ruins a persons self-esteem and feeling of self-worth, and they carry it through theire entire life. I know that there are times when we are all a bit cruel, whether we mean to be or not, but, it is important to always tell others the good things about them and encourage them rather than to make it a habit to put them down. Take the little girl who is a bit on the chubby side. If her parents are always harping on her about her weight and telling her that she is tubby, she will grow up to have major issues with her appearance nad weight, whether she is big or not, chances are that she will always feel that she is. The things that we say to out kids, and those around us in general can effect them in ways we may never know. It is always best to compliment rather than to criticize.
• India
15 Aug 09
Yes of course verbal abuse is for real and as you say, one of the cruelest forms of abuse. In physical abuse you at least have a proof that a person is being abused or assaulted but in verbal abuse there is just no proof. If continued for a prolonged period, it is enough to drive a person mad… And of course there are children whose soft minds are deeply affected by any verbal abuse by the parent. In time such children themselves pick up the trend and in turn verbally abuse their friends and family. Yes, many families brush such issues under the carpet mainly coz they think that since there is no physical harm done, so its not that important…an everyday occurrence, you know!
@kcoregon (303)
• United States
15 Aug 09
Yes it is abuse and yes it can be difficult to overcome. Growing up I dealt with this sort of abuse. It had/has hurt my self esteem and I am finding it hard to recover and am not sure I ever will. I find it hard to believe someone when they pay me a compliment. After all when I was growing up I was told that a penny on the side of the street was worth more than I was. I was told that I was ugly. It went even further than this but I won't go into that much detail. Verbal abuse is purely emotional and emotional problems seem to be harder to overcome than physical ones. When somebody hits someone and abuses them phsyically the phsyical pain goes away but the emotional ties that go with the hitting does not. With physical abuse there is emotional abuse. Verbal abuse is abuse without being physical but it leaves mental scars. Anyone who would think that verbal abuse does not exist doesn't understand these things.
@dbabcook (390)
• United States
15 Aug 09
I completely agree with you. I never understood why people verbally abuse others and even more so as to why they verbally abuse children. If a person endures enought verbal abuse they can tend to start to believe that it is really true, that they are no good or whatever the case may be. People really need to step back and take a long hard look at what they are putting others through and think how they would feel if they were the one enduring the abuse.
@weasel81 (2502)
• Australia
15 Aug 09
it is not nice, some people don't care about what they say to others it's not in my nature to be nasty. i do get frustrated with my son (he's got a speech problem and then it causes other problems) cause he won't listen. now he's listening to his father and being nasty also. it upsets me a lot, and i usually end up in tears over it. i'm trying to get rid of my partner,have to wait until he hears about this job he applied for then i might have some happyness.
@voldrox (7205)
• India
15 Aug 09
hi devideddi yes i agree with you, verbal abuse can be really extremely mean, especially between the spouses or between the parent and child, it just transmits a lot of feelings, some of those that we actually didn't mean but only came out of anger! It can be so hurting to just hear them, when i was small i still remember some lines my mom said to me in anger, she thought i wouldn't understand but i did :( but then i have grown up to realize she didn't mean them at all, but to still listen to them is very painful. I say no matter how angry a person is, he/she must manage to control their verbal speech so as not to hurt the person on the receiving end, anyone can say a lot of things in anger and there is nothing great in it, the important thing is to avoid yourself from telling anything that you don't mean!