ANy adVice on 19 moNth oLd tantRum?

United States
August 19, 2009 12:48am CST
I have a 19 month daughter who has me really concerned on the way she is reacting when she does not get her way, yes i do know that they are normal unless it gets to the point that they actually start hurting themselves and well she does, ever since she was a newborn she would pull her hair when she was upset and still continues to that but see now it escelated to the point to where she now bites herself, throws herself flat on the floor, holds her breath, hits herself? any feed back and advice are welcomed i wanted to see of someone can relate?
1 person likes this
8 responses
• United States
20 Aug 09
adelizao7 i'm an old timer at this, my daughter tried that twice. i got a clean spray bottle, filled with water. one squirt in the face sure sweeten her up. from then on, no tantrums, when her daughter started that, she called and told me her dillema. i told her to do the same thing i did to her. she did it,it stoped. after that all she had to do, is say you won't the spray.she would stop. if they won't to stomp and act, up i would put them in front of a mirror. and make them stand there for five minuts, and watch what we have to look at. then they would say, i won't to do it any more. if they did , back to the mirror they would go.they won't to fight,i would draw a cercle in the back of the closet, just hight enough where they had to stand on there tip-e-toes to reach, and put there nose in it, ever time they would stand flat i would say up on there toe's. after five minutes of that it was over. (so they though), now kiss and make up.the fighting would stop. "oh yes" i would set right out sidethe closet, to make sure they would do that. the problem with parents today, they don't have the patiants to set there and carry out the punishment, the five minutes of time it would take to teach them behavier. i never had a child that don't respect me. (even today)i've have had people ask me how did you get your kids to behave as well as they do? take the time, you'll miss them when there gone.i heard a lot of advice on just ignore them . i don't think that's a good ideal. that child is wonting to be heard, and don't know how to tell you whats wrong.set her down and ask her, tell mommy what you wont, show me. take her by the hand and tell her to show you. just take the time.you'll grow a lot closer to her.if she thinks someone is trying to comunacating with her.please don't think, i think i know it all. it's just what worked for me. good luck firemountain
• United States
23 Aug 09
LOL! I read the beginning of your comment and it made me laugh. I have never heard of that, but I can see it working in some ways. To be honest, I dont think that it would work with my daughter, unfortunately, because she loves water and she likes it in her face as well *sighs*. I think respect is SO important these days and you definitely seemed to know the right way to go with your children! Also, I also agree that people these days don't feel they have the time or patience to discipline their children, that's why they get out of control and get away with everything. Good response :)
3 people like this
• United States
19 Aug 09
I agree with nishdan above just ignore the behavior I know its tough but if you give in to it then she will keep doing it She is not going to seriously injure herself so dont worry about that just ignore it and eventually she will learn that she isnt going to get her way and stop that behavior
2 people like this
• United States
20 Aug 09
thanks for your response and for the support with the feedback it as i mentioned before i am happy to hear from people who are experienced thank you
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Aug 09
My daughter is also 19 months old and her tantrums have all of a sudden sky rocketed! I have to admit she doesn't go to the extremes that your daughter has, but she actually throws herself on the floor or falls backwards and hits her head very hard, and we all know that we want to make them stop and comfort them for hurting themselves, but giving them the attention makes them do it more, it seems. Just like if you laugh when they do something wrong because its too dang cute, it makes them do it more and more. Im not sure what else to say, because it seems kind of different from my situation, but similar at the same time. Like I said, maybe try ignoring her when she does this? See what she does.
• United States
19 Aug 09
Ignore her. She's not going to kill herself by holding her breath. Even if she does hold it long enough to pass out, as soon as she does pass out, she'll go back to breathing again. The more you pay attention to her during these tantrums, the worse they are going to get. I'm not a huge fan of Dr. Phil, but I do like his advice: Distratct and redirect. Lather, rinse, and repeat. Really distraction and staying one step ahead of her is the most efficient for this age. She will learn. If she has a screaming and crying tantrum, ignore her and walk away.
2 people like this
@Raven7317 (693)
• United States
19 Aug 09
Good morning, I see you're new to mylot - welcome. It's a great place to get advise! At 19 months old, it's definitely time to nip this in the bud... because it will get worse! My advise is to simply start ignoring her... I know this is hard, but it really is the only way to get her to stop... With my son, a tantrum is allowed, but it's done in his room, alone... I tell him, "When you're all done, you can come see me" and I put him in his room and I leave. PERIOD. Because they usually tantrum because it's a way of getting your attention, and of course because you want them to stop, it's a way of getting what they want. Your little one needs to learn another way of getting your attention and another way of getting what she wants. Try talking to her in a very quiet voice, it will force her to quiet down to listen to you. Tell her, "that is not the way we ask for ..." and "mommy isn't going to talk to you until you talk nice" Then when she does it a few times, tell her "great baby, that's the perfect way to ask mommy for..." and "mommy is very happy that you are talking nicely" Make sure to give her what she's asking for (if you can) when she behaves nicely. I know it must be hard to see your baby hurting herself... have you mentioned this to your pedi? Is she really hurting herself - like breaking the skin, bleeding/bruising hurt? If it's serious, this needs to be brought up with the pedi... If it's just for show, just to get you to do what she wants, let her do it. She'll tire of hurting herself once she figures out it's not going to get her anywhere. I know that sounds mean and harsh, but like I said, there's a difference between hurting yourself and HURTING yourself... You as her mom knows the difference and need to decide if it is something you 1. CAN stop and 2. WANT to stop. Best of luck!
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Aug 09
Thanks for the welcome message :0) and for your feedback and detailed advise on my posted discussion on my daughter. I would have to say you are right it is difficult to ignore her (being the first born granddaughter of both sides of the family--spoiled) but that definetly needs to be done to set that her way is not by hurting herself and throwing those crazy tantrums it can not always be what she wants although my parents and his parents, my brothers, and my grandmother make it challenging because they love to overwrite what I say and well it causes many issues because regardless I am the bad one to her.
• United States
23 Aug 09
Ah, yes, the dreaded family interferance... Well, to this, I would simply limit her time with the people who do not adhere to your wishes. Again, I know this is harsh, but rules are rules are rules... Later on, when she's older and can understand the differences in homes, people, places, etc. you can let some of the spoiling go... My son is old enough now to understand that some rules are different at different houses... For example, he knows at home certain rules apply that don't apply at Gramma's. Likewise there are certain rules at Gramma's house that don't apply here. It's all about learning the concept of "there's a time and a place for every action." We have told Gramma and Papa, flat out, he's not to eat this, he's not allowed to do this, don't allow this... PERIOD. If they go against us, we call them on it and deny visits. That's it. He's our child and if they want to spend time with him, they must follow our wishes. It's caused some tension, but they know we mean what we say and they know they have no choice. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm sure they allow things that we would never allow and we don't know about it, but I'm okay with that too. I'm perfectly aware that to my son, Gramma & Papa visits are special, and they're meant to be a time of spoiling, special treats and broken rules. But for the heavy issues, I don't budge. I def would limit the exposure to people who undermine your authority... at least until your daughter gets thru this tough time of learning new behaviours. Best of luck!
@nishdan01 (3055)
• Singapore
19 Aug 09
Ignore her when she behaves that way. It is one way to get attention. I know that children throw tantrums for a period of time. When your daughter learns that you won't give up to her tantrums no matter what, she will stop. Also you can try deviating her attention by asking her to play something she likes or ask her to drink water.
• United States
20 Aug 09
thanks for your response and for your advice i am glad i posted this discussion it makes me feel better to hear from others who are experienced parenting is definetly challenging and as the days go by i find out new things about development
@ilyzium (1206)
• Canada
8 Sep 09
I agree if she's home and has a screaming or crying tantrum to ignore her, as annoying as this is. She's just trying to get attention and show who's Boss. We've experienced this ourselves so we know what that's like. However, I would say the first time she tries that in public, nip it in the bud. If she acts up in public take her home right away, deny all privileges and tell her that you won't put up with her behavior. Some people do the standing in the naughty corner for bad behavior and that works also.
@ilyzium (1206)
• Canada
8 Sep 09
Oh I just remember what my mother in law did when her sons were naughty. Ok she would make the boys open their mouth and put vinegar on their gums. She claimed it worked so well she only had to do it twice on all 3 of her boys. I've actually done the spray the face with water bottle and it worked too btw.
@Hatley (164640)
• Garden Grove, California
24 Sep 09
hi welcome to the terrible twos early .try my hubby's old trick.lie down on the floor next to her and kick and scream 'and watch her face.she will be so shocked she will stop to see why mommy is acting like a little toddler. i am not kidding my hubby did this just once, and my little son at two just quit screaming and kicking, he looked at my husband like daddy had lost his mind. He never had another temper tantrum.