What is your opinion about digging the past affairs of the spouse ?

Bangalore, India
August 20, 2009 12:07pm CST
I have heard that some people immediately after the marriage are eager to know about the past affiars of the spouse. Sometimes this will lead to big fights and it will become a news. There are a lot of marriages will broke because of this .Some people voluntarily tell the truth about their past affairs and in most such cases he or she will be doubted for ever. But in some people it will take as a past story and forget it. Do you have come across with such people ? What is your opinion about people compelling their spouse to reveal the past relations ? Do you agree with that or Do you think that there is no need of digging the past ?
14 responses
• Philippines
21 Aug 09
Why wait after the marriage to dig something from the past when you can always discuss it during the dating period. Before my husband and i got married we've talked about each other's past and the mistakes we have made along the course of that relationships. We've agreed to talked about it because starting a family should have the strongest foundation based on trust and respect. We both think that there should not be dark secrets kept in the closet. And i think that was one of the reason why we have a happy married life together.
1 person likes this
• Bangalore, India
23 Aug 09
Hi...superkids Thank you for your response in this discussion . I agree with you that the couples can discuss and reveal everything before marriage and sort out the past mistakes.I wish you and your husband all the luck!!!!
@lordz00 (20)
20 Aug 09
I have been in that kind of situation before, I believe that honesty is needed in a relationship, But i think it is unfair for you to judge your partner for what he/she had done in his past. People change, but you will never see their changes if you don't let them. I only believed that the past doesnt matter anymore, and people have to moved on, it doesn't necessarily mean they need to know everything, all that matters is what is happening while you were together. And if you trust your partner, what is there to know with the past especially if it don't matteR anymore?.
1 person likes this
• Bangalore, India
22 Aug 09
Hi...lordz Thank you for your response. I agree with you that honesty plays a good role in any relation .As you opines it is unfair to judge the partner for what they done in the past. Wish you many great times ahead!!!!
• United States
21 Aug 09
Honestly, I feel the only way that you can truly ever know someone, is to know their past. Otherwise, you are always wondering and doubting, I think. My husband and I both told each other everything we could before we got married, and I have never doubted him because of it. I think that hiding your past from the other will also cause problems. But, I dont like people that do everything they can to find out everything about their other half's past because then that is being untrustworthy and disloyal to their partner. Just ask, dont snoop.
• Bangalore, India
23 Aug 09
H.....hmfry Thank you for your response in this discussion .I agree with you that it is disloyal and untrostworthy to do everything to find out the past of the partner. Wish you all the best!!!!!
@Ithink (10500)
• United States
21 Aug 09
Personally I think the past is the past. Although my husband and I got married when we were really young I have came to the conclusion by watching others that there is normally a reason that the ex is just that the ex. I also think that some push to know and then they dont like the answers, so before anyone starts asking they should be prepared for the worst at times.
• Bangalore, India
23 Aug 09
Hi...Ithink Thank you for your response in this discussion. I agree with you that the ex is ex and there is no need of digging the past. Wish you all the best !!!
21 Aug 09
Hmmm... I think it would be better if the couple knew each others past from the source itself. It would be more damaging to the relationship if the husband or the wife found out something from other people that would cause them to doubt their spouse. If one would bring up the past, the other must keep in mind that it's the PAST. What has been done, has been done. It's just everything else...a memory of an event of long ago...
• Bangalore, India
23 Aug 09
Hi..eldan Thank you for your response in this discussion. I agree with you that the couple should know each other before the marrriage itself. Wish you all the luck!!!!
• China
21 Aug 09
well. if your spouse willing to tell you then just listen and not attach too much importance to that. if he or she do not want to tell then why try to digg that out to make him/her feel nervous and embrassment? repect the spouse's past and that's one way of love also.
• Bangalore, India
23 Aug 09
Hi...Celebrate Thank you for your response in this discusssion and I agree with you that there is no need of knowing the past .Past is past. Wish you many good times ahead!!!!!
@fg92416 (19)
• China
21 Aug 09
I think spouse should trust each other. Moreover ,his or her past affairs were not you like , but that were past. Both should confront future and pass obstacle . Were he or she is generous , I think, there is not essantial to cheat each other; Therefore, It is better that you voluntarily tell the truth.
• Bangalore, India
22 Aug 09
Hi...fg Thank you for your respone. Trust and frankness is important in a relation.The past should not be an obstacle for that. Wish you many happy days ahead !!!!
• United States
20 Aug 09
This is where society is so wrong. If people didn't do it with others outside of marriage than people wouldn't have trust issues with partners. It really is a huge deal when you decide to make love with another person. My husband and I got married right out of high school. We had dated for two years and were very ready to start our lives together. There is only one thing about him that breaks my heart and it's that he did it with his ex girlfriend back when they were dating. He hadn't been in love with her they were just getting physical for fun. It breaks my heart that he shared that part of him with someone else, so lightly. When ever I see or hear of that girl it makes me so upset. I think the girl is lower than dirt, I know she's not a bad person, but I have angry feeling for her because I know she's see a part of my husband that I can't take away from her. Anyways, if people were less promiscuous their partners wouldn't get upset to find out they dated another person.
@ds6413 (2073)
• United States
20 Aug 09
Hello, digging up the past is a bad thing.I know I am not the first serious relationship my b/f has had nor he is not the first serious relationship I have had since I was one previously married and got divorced.I think people dwell too much on theirs partners past relations.What matters now is who I am with and who my b/f is with (me).Jealousy is so unattractive in a partner.If my b/f acted jealous it would drive a wedge between us and I would want to get away from him.
• Bangalore, India
22 Aug 09
Hi...ds Thank you for your response . I agree with you that digging the past always lead to disagreements and part ways. Wish you great times ahead !!!!
• United States
20 Aug 09
I think that most couples bring up the past... at least a few other ppl that they have been with or have had bad pasts with.... if it isnt brought up by your spouse then who cares! Digging for it is just asking for some kind of a fight atleast in my opinion! The only thing i would say is... if your ex said they cheater on another ex... I would certianlly find out why that was! But that is all I think needs to be brought up!
• Bangalore, India
22 Aug 09
Hi...Geneva Thank you for responding in this topic. I agree with you that Diing the past will always lead to some fights.. Wish you many happy days ahead !!!!
@ssilva (16)
• United States
21 Aug 09
I'm the same way. I'm currently engaged, but before when we first started dating, I had asked him if he has ever cheated on his past girlfriends, and he told me he had with his first girlfriend, but that was when he was in high school. At first, I thought "well once a cheater always a cheater", but I decided to give him a chance anyways and I know he has been 100% faithful to me.
@dbabcook (390)
• United States
21 Aug 09
This is a very touchy issue for me. I have a significant other who is very open & honest about his past. Unfortunately for me he is way too open and honest. To the degree that the only thing I can think about is his past and his past relationships. Sometimes it is hard for me to determine if he is bragging about it or just making conversation. I keep stating that "WE" are in a relationship and our pasts are just that, OUR PASTS. It really puts a bit of a strain on our relationship when I have to hear about his past relationships because I feel like I have to compete with them. He doesn't understand where I am coming from apparently as he continues to have these discussions. Thank you for your post and have a great day.
@mrshughes (352)
• Philippines
21 Aug 09
Hi im married now for 5 years. I was very secretive person regarding my past and my thoughts. My husband sometimes asks regarding my past affairs before i met him and he also told me about his past affairs. I used to get jealous listening to him talking about his pasts for our first year of marriage. But now as i get a little bit older..i learned to listen and share my past experience in life...we now can sit down and talk happily about our past affairs before we met each other. And i also realise sharing ur pasts with ur partner is a very healthy thing to do. My husband and i are now best of friends. Digging past affairs is not such a bad thing...relationship is not about ur past..its about now and tomorrow that counts.
• Singapore
21 Aug 09
i dont get it, why still dig out the past affairs ? time moves forward, not backwards we should look forward into the bright future and not looking backwards into the past, no matter its good or bad