Being let down by friends

August 20, 2009 6:51pm CST
Have you ever had an experience of being let down by a friend? Sadly, I have to say I have done. I try to see the best in everyone but I can't help but feel miserable about someone right now. He ignores quite alot of the things I write to him about and it makes me feel really unimportant. I give alot and get nothing back. I thought we were good friends but I think I just felt like he was my friend and he doesn't really care. I have very few friends so I feel really hurt. I think I quite often get attatched to people who don't really care, I wish I didn't as I feel let down by them even though they havn't done anything. Has anything like this happened to you?
2 people like this
11 responses
• United States
21 Aug 09
Hello Pink, Maybe he is going thru something at the moment and he hasn't shared it with you yet. I think he might come back around, unless you two had a bad argument or fight. Also, I know from experience of having a few online friends that when you type a message and the other person receives it, sometimes it comes out the wrong way at the other end. It's different than talking where you can hear the tone of voice in people. I had a friend that I sent messages and never heard from him. I was actually worried because I knew he had a bad car accident and was on medication. I was worried, human nature. But he did not respond for a long time. I just let it go and one day to my big surprise, I got an email from him. He told me he did not feel like talking or chatting with anybody. He felt down. Give your friend a little time, I still think he will come around again. Olivia~
21 Aug 09
Thanks, I really hope so too. I know he is feeling down right now and I really hope he is ok. But I have done everything I can for him to make sure he knows I am there for him if he ever needs anything. I hope if he is feeling down when he feels better again he will let me know why he ignores things I say.
• United States
21 Aug 09
If you've done everything you can for now. Than my friend, you already did everything and I am sure he knows that. Are you sure he is receiving your emails. Sometimes when people are down, they don't get online. Maybe he hasn't read your emails.
@Capsicum (1444)
• United States
21 Aug 09
This is not a friend in my eyes,A friend will always make you feel better in any given situation. If you have one good friend in life you are lucky! It took me a long time to find that particular person.I will say ,I am the opposite of you being untrustworthy of all afraid of getting burnt. It takes a long time to get to know me therefor most give up.You are in a cycle it seems, You must look for someone totally different than the people you are attracted to as possible friends. Some of us subconsciously hurt our selves this way.
21 Aug 09
Yes, I agree that if you have one good friend you are lucky. I chose this guy out of the blue though as he seemed like someone I would get along very well with. I wanted him to be my one good friend in life. That is an interesting thought you have and maybe you are right. I always choose friends who seem similar to me but maybe that is what I am doing wrong. Thank you for your response!
@Capsicum (1444)
• United States
21 Aug 09
I do hope you give it a try this is how ,I met my hubby and also my best friend.Looking at the opposite side of me. My best friend is of 20 yrs. and my hubby 26 yrs. were both opposites of me.It will not hurt to try ,But keeping up what you have been doing will end in the same results. IMHO Good Luck to you ! Reach out and touch someone you would never think,is the type of person you would do well with in a friendship they may surprise you.
• India
21 Aug 09
well ...yes i had experienced this but i told my friends that this is what i feel about you and we discussed it ....now thngs are good between us ..and i think i shud talk to ur friend
21 Aug 09
I hope one day I will be able to speak to him about this, although I am not sure I will be able to.
• India
21 Aug 09
hii.. even I hurt by one of my friend,, he also hurt me the same way, we were three best frnds, so he broken mine as well as my anthr best frnd's heart also, he is really very rude even with his parents as well , but I never expect from him that, he has broken my trust,we were together for constantly 5 years & then he had jst finished or crushed out long friendship.. really I he hurt me like anything..
21 Aug 09
I am really sorry you were treated this way. No one deserves to be treated that way but I have to say people like that are miserable with themselves. You just need to move on and be grateful for the friends you have. Hopefully one day he will realise what he has done and be sorry for it. Anyway, thanks for responding!
• China
21 Aug 09
Did you talk to him about all these? Or you just thought your was let down and ingnored? Well,find a right time and proper place,express your feeling to him,and see what he says,if he is the one who you thought to be,then I think it is no need to keep the friendship anymore.But if thing is not what you thought,then you really need to find out why,you know friends is just like a team,sometimes,everyone really did their best,but it dose not mean that you will win the game and all things.So,you need communicate,and get improving.
21 Aug 09
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I havn't spoken to him about it as I feel it would just scare him away or I would feel even more stupid as yet again I have poured my heart into something for it to be ignored. I think this is a case of everyone did their best but things havn't really worked out well.
@voldrox (7205)
• India
21 Aug 09
Hi pinklemonade I understand, it has happened with me too, i don't like to recall them though, yeah it really feels like you are out of the equation, sometimes we feel like we are being ignored even if it is not the case, i think sometimes we tend to be too much sensitive over such issues i have to say... anyways i don't think we should think very much about such issues... just try to let go of it, sometimes we get too much attached to people....
21 Aug 09
Thanks Voldrox, I think you are right and I have become too attatched to this person. I need to stop thinking about him all the time and let it go. I am sorry it has happened to you aswell, it really does suck especially when we are sensitive people. I think sometimes I forget that not everyone is as sensitive as I am. Thanks for your response!
• Canada
21 Aug 09
I have been being let down by a friend, in a different way though...but I can feel how you are feeling right now, it's so bad when we care for someone so much and just neglect us or treat us like we're nothing...but not letting this feeling out to them...seems making them feel that it is okay for you...the best way is when you don't feel happy the way they are they should know that...and they should know how they have hurted you...in that way you may know if they have reasons why they did that or you may really find out that they're not worth to be your friend..don't waste your time for people who does not know what friend is...and always think you have friends that loves you...and you should feel blessed for that...somehow this is one of the challenges in our life that we should deal with...be strong and cheer up always...go into the bright side, you can't pleased everyone but you should be happy enough for these people and friends who have always stood up beside you and accept who you are...
21 Aug 09
Yeah I definatly feel neglected and like I am nothing. Thank you for your positivity, I am trying to find new friends who make me feel good about myself. I think so much of this person though, it is hard to imagine they don't know what being a friend is. I think we just aren't suited to each other as much as I thought.
@much2say (34696)
• United States
21 Aug 09
I noticed you said he ignores a lot of things you "write" to him. Do you ever talk to him on the phone or in person? My friend does the same thing to me with emails. It seems whenever I write to her, she either doesn't respond, or doesn't acknowlege anything I wrote about IF she writes back. It frustrated me for a long time because I spent a lot of time writing about my life happenings as well as responding to what she wrote previously. I felt like I was just writing to the air. That being said, when we talk on the phone or see each other in person, it's another story. She is responsive and we have great chats with balanced responses to each other's stories. I have come to realize she doesn't have much time to write. In fact, she doesn't have time to read thoroughly, so she often skims emails, sadly. She is pretty scatter brained, so she often does not remember what was mentioned in my emails. So it's not that she was ignoring me as I once thought; she's just not a "letter" person. I guess I'm saying people can't be completely judged by their letter writing etiquette (or lack of it). I, too, say talk to your friend. All may not be as it seems.
21 Aug 09
No, he is an online friend so we only speak through email. But you know I feel the exact same thing about writing to the air! Countless times I have put quite a bit of thought into something only for it to be ignored. I have suggested meeting up and speaking on the phone but as he is an online friend he doesn't really want to. I have said things before and he says he is lazy. I wish things would work out like you and we could speak and have a balanced conversation, hopefully it will : ) Thanks for the response!
• China
20 Aug 09
I think you should definitely talk to your friend and tell him how you feel. I have a good friend who lives upstairs and grew up together with me. He was my life-long friend. I think real good friends should understand each other, just like him and me. Sometimes we just have a few eye exchange then we know the other's thought! Good day.^_^
21 Aug 09
Thanks for the advice! Yeah I may try speaking to him but I think he will probably just ignore that too! It is hard to find the words to say
• United States
23 Aug 09
I'm sorry you have to experience that. =( I've always believed that any kind of relationship (romantic, friendship, familial, etc.) takes effort on each person's behalf. If I put effort into a friendship, I expect the other person to try as well. It's just so disappointing when the other person is a deadbeat friend. I've been in the same boat a few times. I've become incredibly selective over who I consider to be a real friend and those I just consider to be mere acquaintances. I don't think anybody could blame you for feeling so let down by your friend's inability to show he cares. Have you let him know how you feel about this?
• China
21 Aug 09
Actually,I was in the same situation.My friends seemed distant,even though I saw them as my precious companions and tried the best to be as affectionate as possible.But the truth is that they took it for granted. I was way disappointed and felt lonely.One day, I gathered all my courage and talked to them that I was hurt.Then I learned that they simply did not feel the way I did,which is hard to change.So we reached a compromise that I should slow it down and they avoid hurting me.That`s it.I now feel much better.Hope it will help.