Is controlling the best way?
By Rexdoron
@Rexdoron (345)
Malaysia
August 22, 2009 9:05pm CST
Parent's control is undoubtedly important for their children's future. Too much, or too little control could make things worse.
First, let me tell a part of my life. My mother likes to control our (my siblings) life too much. She would give any reason available to make what she did seems right and a MUST. For instance, when I was at Standard Six I had a chance to go to a well known school in my home town - a good school. Well, I didn't take the chance because my mother wanted me and the rest of my siblings to go to the school she's teaching. Sounds not too bad huh? Alas, 3 years in that school didn't make me a challenging person 
. The school was (and still) lack of laboratory equipments, thus we had few science experiments and not much to learn. At least me myself, my brains wasn't aware of the technological advancement and the importance of science at that time. Until I went to MARA Junior Science College, (which I chose myself to go) I realised that there are plenty of stuff we can do with science. My point is, due to my mother decision, I was left behind by the science and technology.
Now, the story to pursue my study after high school. I got 2 offer, one from a university and another from a university college. I wanted to do the degree programmed offered by the university but my mother refused saying this and that. So, I went to Taylor's University College for ICPU programme as she preferred. Well, it wasn't a productive one-year study after all because I was studying at a place I didn't want. I was fully sponsored there at Taylor and the sponsor put a cut-off limit for the scholars - if we fail to pass the cut-off, we won't be able to take our degree at Canada. Guess what, I didn't pass the cut-off because from the beginning I don't want to study abroad. I had done the best I could (hoping that I won't let my mum down) - staying up studying, revising, made research and anything I could just to pass the cut-off, but it didn't work. So now, I have continue my degree here in Malaysia. To my surprise, she blamed me and said that I didn't work hard 
.
Well, it seems that controlling our children too much result in negative effect.
So, how about you? Do you control you children's life? To what extent do you control their life? Or, have you always being controlled by your parents? How do you feel about it? And, to what extent should parents control their children life?
Thank you for reading. 
. The school was (and still) lack of laboratory equipments, thus we had few science experiments and not much to learn. At least me myself, my brains wasn't aware of the technological advancement and the importance of science at that time. Until I went to MARA Junior Science College, (which I chose myself to go) I realised that there are plenty of stuff we can do with science. My point is, due to my mother decision, I was left behind by the science and technology.
Now, the story to pursue my study after high school. I got 2 offer, one from a university and another from a university college. I wanted to do the degree programmed offered by the university but my mother refused saying this and that. So, I went to Taylor's University College for ICPU programme as she preferred. Well, it wasn't a productive one-year study after all because I was studying at a place I didn't want. I was fully sponsored there at Taylor and the sponsor put a cut-off limit for the scholars - if we fail to pass the cut-off, we won't be able to take our degree at Canada. Guess what, I didn't pass the cut-off because from the beginning I don't want to study abroad. I had done the best I could (hoping that I won't let my mum down) - staying up studying, revising, made research and anything I could just to pass the cut-off, but it didn't work. So now, I have continue my degree here in Malaysia. To my surprise, she blamed me and said that I didn't work hard .
Well, it seems that controlling our children too much result in negative effect.
So, how about you? Do you control you children's life? To what extent do you control their life? Or, have you always being controlled by your parents? How do you feel about it? And, to what extent should parents control their children life?
Thank you for reading. 1 person likes this
5 responses
@michaeldadona (5684)
• Malaysia
24 Aug 09
To my kids I always said that tertiary learning is a place for future network building and an academic is the secondary subject. Life achievement is not in total for academic achievement because its only a paper qualification. The imperative part is life and living after accomplished the academic world. This is the thing I seeded my kids and hopes it inculcates their mind for their future benefits.
I always encourage them to learn smart way and not hard way by being 'a boy' to their tutors, lectures, and deans. Be friend to all high scorers friends to make learning easy, get acquaintance to all lectures so that easily getting question hints and the keys of answering the semester exam questions and the periodical tutorial or assignment tasks. Learning smart technique is only the solution to be a smart student because 'smart' only valued through creditsystem.
I never bother for what course they want to choose, the main thing learning at any credential tertiary learning is to build up the blissful future network. As every graduate will be somebody in future days in whatever scope of work they participated once graduated. In future, my kid must be a businessman and/or businesswoman.
@Rexdoron (345)
• Malaysia
25 Aug 09
I agree that paper qualification isn't the end-way for the real life. One can do many things with the knowledge and skills s/he have although it is not stated in a paper. My father has been saying the same thing for years which have widen my eyes and that has encourage me to go on with my life.
Instead, he never prevent us from choosing what we want as long as it's not against few things, mainly our religion. His way of teaching us is different from my mother, which has created some problems in our family.
How does your children feel and react to your way?
1 person likes this
@michaeldadona (5684)
• Malaysia
25 Aug 09
All of them are very happy and enjoying their accountancy course at the university. To me, they have their rights to choose for what they want to be in future. What I encouraged them was be a business person in future because business property always offers unlimited income.
@Rexdoron (345)
• Malaysia
27 Aug 09
Certainly they does because enjoying what they learn help a lot in shaping themselves and making them a better person. As for business, it is I believe the most succesful field. People can't stop buying, and money always keep on circulating, thus business is a good field to go with 
. They are lucky to have someone who always encourage them.
. They are lucky to have someone who always encourage them. 
@weasel81 (2496)
• Australia
25 Aug 09
i've been very lucky to not have my parents try to control what i do, right up till my final yr of school i wanted to be a cop. no one would give us a straight answer on how to do it, then for some reason i stopped wanting to be a cop. i wanted to work with horses, my parents let me even thou it was low pay. the only thing my mum stopped me doing at one stage was track riding, ended up doing it any way later on.
now ask my partner the question of controlling. he'll say something else about my parents, that my mum controls what i do. but i'm usually happy to help her out cause she there for me when i need her and does lots of things for me.
my partner's parents, they try to control what he does. especially his mum, he now tries to control me and i get really annoyed with him. things like if i can go somewhere, have a drink of rum etc.
some people are controlling by their nature, but most who parents who teach send their kids to other schools if it's possible.
but what your mum said was a bit wrong, and you deserve more if you want to do something do it.
@weasel81 (2496)
• Australia
25 Aug 09
my parents have not tried to inter fear with either me or my bro. they didn't try to push me to uni, cause it was not me. i've gotten other qualifactions through tafe, in agriculture. my dad helped me there showing me how to do a few things, that i wasn't real good at. my mum come running to me when there's something wrong with an animal now, and dad lets us share ideas when we're dong something together. mum didn't want me to work with horses cause of the pay, but i enjoy it. there's a thrill of seeing a young horse come on and then you sell it, and watch them go on to win. they weren't to fussed i don't think when my bro left school, he was offered either and apprentiship of traineeship. took the apprentiship, thou he's not in the dairy industry any more. he's driving trucks, and seeing a fair bit of australia at the same time. my parents concern is how much he actually gets paid.
i know i can be a bit conrtolling with my son, but he's got speech problems and we need to do it. but when it comes to other things in his life i let him have a bit more of a free rein. like i'd love him to ride horses but have to sit and wait let him decide to do it, we've got the pony there his height and he love mucking around with her so he may ride one day for fun.
@Rexdoron (345)
• Malaysia
25 Aug 09
I've heard several cases where someone who's life were controlled in many aspects tend to control other people when they had the chance. Maybe it is the psychological reaction to what s/he had undergo. The same might happen to your partner.
I had no privilege from my mother in deciding what I wanted at that time, and that was the reason I ended up at Taylor.
Did your parents give and advices/suggestions for the route you chosen? Do they control you in some aspect(s)?
@mensab (4200)
• Philippines
23 Aug 09
your question seems to direct the discussion your way since your example is a proof that controlling is not a good way. i have to agree to a certain degree that controlling is not really good. probably, i will try to change the word a bit to be able to argue my point. since controlling really carries a negative impression. i'd say influencing then. well, influencing is somehow helpful if one is undecided to do what s/he wants to do. in your case, you were decided and knew what you wanted. you needed little influencing then. but information is important in such decision.
@Rexdoron (345)
• Malaysia
25 Aug 09
I am sorry to say this but I wasn't and am not proving that controlling is bad. Although my example shows the negative effects of too much controlling it is not the answer to my question. It is merely my own life and I am just sharing what happened to me and how I felt. Hopefully I cleared the dust out.
Can you explain what you meant more, especially the "information is important.." part. I am a little bit confused.
Can you explain what you meant more, especially the "information is important.." part. I am a little bit confused. @EliteUser (3964)
• Australia
22 Sep 09
Hey,
Well I remember when I was a child, my mum would always tell me what to do, and what not to do. But sadly, I am almost all grown up now and she still treats me as if I am a 5yr old, I can't take it anymore. Make sure you have a good day, God bless and Happy Lotting!!
Make sure you have a good day, God bless and Happy Lotting!!
@besthope44 (12123)
• India
3 Apr 10
Well, i really understand how you felt and the frustration in yours. Parents usually think they takes more utmost care that they wanted the kids to face only success. They give extreme control which in turn becomes an extreme pressure for them, they infact make the kids go worse or in wrong path. Give them freedom to think about their future.
