How to forgive you boyfriend from cheating on you?

Philippines
August 24, 2009 7:46am CST
I have a boyfriend for 2 years already. I know we love each other very much. We have plans for the future. And we're thinking on the possibility that we end up together. But, I caught him dating a girl a few months ago. At first, I didn't confront him but his actions are getting irritating. He always lie about this girl. And then, one day I saw them so sweet in a resto. My guy saw me and keep explaining. After a week he break up with the girl and keep gaining my love again. Until now, I love him but I dont know how to forgive my boyfriend? Or should I forget him. I love him very much that I couldnt bear the pain of his unbearable actions. But what should I do?
2 people like this
21 responses
@sehlers (166)
• United States
24 Aug 09
It's very hard to regain trust after someone has cheated and lied to you. Forgiveness takes time, made easier if the person who broke the trust is willing to work with you. Have you sat down and discussed this with him, let him know just how much his actions hurt you? Acknowledging your feelings and honoring them by telling him how you feel will help, as will his response to your concerns. If he is penitent and acknowledges that he has hurt you, forgiveness should come with time. If he ignores or belittles your feelings and concerns, I would wonder if he is worth the emotional investment you are putting into the relationship. So, I think the first step on the road to forgiveness would be to have a long talk with your boyfriend.
• Philippines
24 Aug 09
oh yeah. Thank you. We always talk about this but we end up in argument because he is guilty of something that heat him up during the discussion. He is sorry for me but I don't know about his sincerity about this. I want to fix this for us to stay longer. But I am ready for letting him go if he really wants it. so sad.
@sehlers (166)
• United States
24 Aug 09
Letting go can be so hard. When my husband was cheating on me, it was horrible. He denied it and hid it from me, but what finally pushed it to the end was when he left our young son alone to go see his girlfriend without telling anyone where he was. Endangering our son was the last straw, and I ended our relationship. It's been a year since I threw him out, and while I've pretty much forgiven him, I don't trust him to be alone with our son, I still feel hurt sometimes, and I worry about if I get into another relationship how trusting I will be able to be. These are the things I'm working on now.
• Philippines
24 Aug 09
alright. your situations was more horrible than mine. yeah, i actually thinking if we end up together. i don't think our marriage will last forver because of his cheating history. there are possiblities that I can't deny. maybe i should start learning how to move on with my own life. for our betterment.
@smileonstar (4013)
• United States
24 Aug 09
hello, how does he react with you now? does he cheats again with someone? you have to keep your eyes on him as much as possible. just like old saying said,"Once a cheater is still a cheater" but love is always forget and forgive. if he loves you the same way you love him then you should forget about it. sometimes he didn't know how much important you to him. Give him a chance to change... and if he does that again then you have to move on alone
@jacksong (130)
24 Aug 09
Maybe you should really give him a chance to change, if he loves you the same way you love him. Maybe he has known he made a mistake, blessing you.
@mermaidivy (15417)
• United States
25 Aug 09
My answer will be a NO. He obviously cheated on you and you caught him at the place, I would just break up with him and not listen to his explanation at all... once he cheats, he has no credibility and he will still be suspicious later on and you need to always worry about it happens again so maybe you just need to be tough and say NO to him... that's what I think only though, wish you good luck!
@subha12 (18453)
• India
25 Aug 09
Look if you can trust him, its well and good. But very personally, I can't trust a person who once cheated. In my life there was a so called friend, who cheated me. Just few days back, he started mailing me saying he wants to be friend again.But I will never forgive him.
@shimanaja (495)
• Indonesia
25 Aug 09
Hi there mylotter, If you love him so much, i think you have to give him second chance. I am understand your feeling being cheat on him, personally i hardly to forgive men who cheated on me. But if the love speaking on your heart, whatelse can do than try and do the best for your love life. Good Luck..:)
@mariposaman (2967)
• Canada
25 Aug 09
Obviously you do not love each other very much or he would not be out screwing around. Once a cheater, always a cheater, when you forgive them it just gives them permission to do it over again. These days cheaters not only break your heart, they can bring home and give you a deadly or incurable disease he picked up from one of his honeys. I cannot believe you are still considering marriage with a cheater. You know you are setting yourself up for heartache, but if this is what you want go for it, some women have so little self respect they will settle for anything just to have a man.
• China
25 Aug 09
Hi my friend, I'm sorry to hear that experience, but I wanna say that let go of the past experience, don't care about it too much, I think that he has already realized what he did has already hurt you, so he turned around and asked for your forgiveness, just give him one chance, but you should learn how to protect yourself from being hurt again. Good luck to you, my friend. I wish you a good loveship!
@xParanoiax (6999)
• United States
25 Aug 09
Well, I don't forgive. I attempt to correct the imbalance in dues. If trust isn't regained and that's impossible, and especially if that happens again...then that's it. No more talking it out, no more nothing. Just zip, done. I'm not cold...I just don't mess around.
• Philippines
25 Aug 09
First of all, I am 43 years old, and a happily married man. I was just amazed how you can say that your boyfriend loves you if he can cheat on you, and always lying. The solution lies totally on you. If you can bear the chance of seeing him dating again with others, then go for it. I am just wondering what if he still do it if you're already married. In fairness to him, I think you should find out first why he cheated on you. Maybe you're easy to fool, or maybe he was just blinded by that girl. Good luck!
• India
24 Aug 09
This is the story in everyone's lives now a days. Well what i would like to share in this discussion is that if you really love him and really want him then i guess you have to forgive him. I know it would be hard. It might take a long time, Tell him to deal with it, cause if he can't then i guess you know your answer. But if you think that he did the biggest crime on earth and deserves to be punished and that too because he broke your love and trust and no chance on hell you would ever forgive him, then i guess you should let him go. Talk to him about this and make the right decision because as you have mentioned its been a few months now, no point living in like this. I know you love him but you should love yourself or this might be a possibility again in the future. Sorry, please don't take me in a wrong sense if i said anything in a rude way . Happy mylottin friend
• United States
24 Aug 09
I haven't had to go through that so I can't say I know how it feels. I do know that when someone cheats it is hard to get that trust back. It does take time though. If you want to stay with him I wish you both the best.
@Ketmie (2)
• United States
24 Aug 09
I've made a personal decision that if I ever found my husband had cheated on me, I would get a divorce. I decided that before we were even dating, and it's a general rule I made for myself regardless of who I was ever with. I have never been cheated on, to my knowledge, but I don't believe I could have a healthy relationship with someone after finding out. It would be a serious breach of trust that I could not get over, and though I love my husband more than anything, and it would be the hardest thing in the world for me, I could not stay with him.
@rmuxagirl (7568)
• United States
24 Aug 09
I dont think i could forgive him. I wouldn't be able to trust him when he tells me he isn't seeing anyone or anything. Once a guy cheats on me that is the end, I don't think I could ever forgive him for that.
• India
24 Aug 09
any man who cheats on u before marriage is viable to do it more so after .i say ditch him.... he does not deserve u..... u are such a sweet person trying to take him back... if after two years he has gotten bored of u marriage is asking too much of him or even a long trm commitment is unexpectable... so gain freedom! ditch the sucker!
@magickat (382)
24 Aug 09
Everyone's situation is different but in my experience once someone cheats they will always do it again. I made the mistake of forgiving someone for cheating and eneded up getting more hurt in the long run as he did it again and again. Somehow we remained friends for a while and I saw him cheating on his other girlfriends, to the point where I couldn't stay friends anymore as his behaviour disgusted me. So be careful. This experience damaged me and left me with serious trust issues which caused problems in subsequent relationships, although I am very happy now, lucky to have the most amazing guy in my life. I hope everything works out for you whatever you decide to do.
• Nigeria
24 Aug 09
For christ sake, unforgiveness wont help you at all even outside relationship. My prayer everyday is that God should give me the strength to forgive. Recentment and unforgiven spirit block blessings and can wreck chances just to mention these alone. If you know YOU ARE THE PREFER LADY ccome on. Forgive your guy. Naturally, every male has tendency of looking over. Your guy need to apply discipline in his lifestyle. Discuss it with him the implication to your marriage and future and the need to remain committed in the relationship. If you notice any sign of unseriousness much after pls do have a re-think and reconsider your future.
@2babita (1074)
• India
24 Aug 09
It is very sad news that he is cheating you.I don't think you can forgive or forget him.It seems you love him very much.But once a thife will always a thife.Another meaning of love is sacrifice.I think before you feel or love him again,you must think twice bucz its your life once it is ruined you can't do anything,So i think you clearly ask him,clarify the matter then go on with him.We come once in this beautiful world so think and then do whatever you think best bucz its your life.Good luck.
• India
24 Aug 09
Date .. - Give Him A Last Chance ..
Your Boy Friend Is Like Any Other Boy .. He Is Taking You For Granted .. Tell him In A Language He Follows .. It's You Or Her He Can't Have you Both .. Give him A Last Chance .. Or Better Avoid Him For A Couple Of Days .. He Will Come Begging Back To You .. It's High Time He Realizes Your Importance .. Try This If This Doesn't Work Ask Me I Got A Lot More Remedies .. Do Take Care .. So Long .. Bye ..
• United States
24 Aug 09
If I had a boyfriend for over two years and he been cheating on me like that, I would leave him. Because If he truely love me he would of never hurt me that way or been with any other women but me. Honestly, I would leave the men. Yes, It is hard to forgive a man after he try to make up with you again and claim his love to ya again. I will say you can forgive the men for his action, and then I would suggest you move on and find one who will only love you and not one who going to be cheating on you like that. That is his lost for cheating on you to me. Im kinda cold at this but it the truth on my opinion. I think truely I dont have time to deal with more issue or worry about what he thinking or doing while away and I know some women out there do that. I am single and been in love and all but nothing has been good enough for me yet maybe someday I will find the right one. I will pray for you to make the decision this is between you and God on what ever you may decide. Look deep in your heart too when think of what best for you okay.
• Philippines
24 Aug 09
well, give it time if you're not ready to forgive. better yet, let him earned your love again by courting or serenading you again. from there, you might know i you still end up loving or answering yes to him or simply you might end up getting bored with him and love some one else. it's hard though, but it's a way for him not to take advantage or take you for granted again.