would you consider this cheating?

Philippines
August 25, 2009 4:35am CST
would you consider this cheating?You are a married person and you start chatting with your college crush. Then while chatting with him or her you felt that some old feeling is back and you feel so excited and even have the urge to see him/her again. is it cheating in a sense? why or why not?
8 people like this
36 responses
@beaushell (339)
• Philippines
25 Aug 09
No... not yet! Well, but that is not a promising situation either. Feelings are deceiving, you have to know that. What starts as a harmless habit can turn into an ugly sin if we will not be careful. If you want to stay in good line, be accountable to someone. Best if it will be your husband himself. Let other people know of what you are doing so someone can check on you. Someone can pull you down if you are beginning to float into the thin line of committing something you will regret in the future.
• Philippines
25 Aug 09
thanks for sharing. That's a good light you shed there. You're right, if we stay in the dark there's a big chance that we fall into that big trap. so its best that such activities are opened up with someone who would not tolerate, if not husband maybe a good friend.
@zoey7879 (3104)
• United States
25 Aug 09
Well spoken, beaushell!
@anne12d (676)
• Philippines
25 Aug 09
For me, this is considered cheating. You're already married and you vowed to stay faithful, loving, caring, etc. Having conversation with an old friend is cool but having feelings with that person more than a usual friend is not cool. Also, baing happy and spending more time with that old friend makes you forget and loose the feeling with your wife or husband or boyfriend or girlfriend. That's really bad especially to a married person. And that's cheating!
• Philippines
25 Aug 09
hi. it's not me though in the situation. it was a friend who asked me on this and i just want to know if i did advise her correctly.I thought of the same thing that it is a form of cheating already even though they really didn't meet up or something. thanks for sharing your thoughts.
@anne12d (676)
• Philippines
25 Aug 09
Sorry but I'm not refering to you literally.... Anyway, thanks for making me your best response!
• United States
25 Aug 09
I guess if you don't act on those feelings you wouldn't technically be cheating...BUT you HAVE to tell your spouse about this person, that you are going to LUNCH or something with him/her. Maybe even invite your spouse along...if you dont tell your spouse that you are seeing this person than it it getting pretty close to cheating.
@zoey7879 (3104)
• United States
25 Aug 09
Agreed. :)
@mrbranan (1012)
• United States
25 Aug 09
I would have to say yes. I think you should put your feet in your partners shoes. If they were talking to an old crush they had and you knew it excited them how would you feel about that. I know I wouldn't like it at all. If anyone else makes you feel the way your partner there is something wrong.
• Philippines
25 Aug 09
yeah, you're right. that feeling would be horrible knowing that my partner is chatting with his ex gf or crush
@gossipzz (500)
• Canada
25 Aug 09
This is a tricky question. What you need to do is ask yourself. Why did you even get to this point. Why are you speaking to your college crush. You have decided to give up that part of your life and start a new one with your husband or wife. Speaking to the college crush will bring feelings and you will doubt the one with your spouse. I suggest to leave what is in the past in the past and focus on the future with your husband or wife. Happy lotting.
@zoey7879 (3104)
• United States
25 Aug 09
Don't know about where you live or your culture, but where I live we're given the will to see and speak to and feel what we want for whomever, wherever the hell we want. If my spouse/partner can't trust me to be somewhere with someone who used to be a crush - someone who is more likely to be protective of me in time of need and emergency more so than some business associate or stranger on the street - they can kiss my @$$ and get the hell gone. I'm not going to stop socializing with my friends just because I got married. Just because a feeling might be there doesn't mean we have to act upon them.
@srganesh (6348)
• India
25 Aug 09
How far is it going to improve shall be the answer.If it just ends with chatting,then it doesn't makes any harm to your and his/her family.But if both are willing to take the chatting to one step ahead,then both are in serious trouble staking their families too.Then it will be counted as cheating on both sides.Cheers!
• Philippines
25 Aug 09
What about the fact that she felt something for him again, and got too excited to chat with him? is that something that can be considered as cheating to you? or as long as it ends in the chat no matter what the feelings are and content of the chat maybe its not cheating?
@shaggin (39714)
• United States
24 Dec 09
I don't know if I would consider that cheating or not. Chatting with an ex can be fine depending on what your talking about. You can really help your feelings though. I have an ex that I chat with lately now and then and although I know my husband doesnt want me to talk to him it should be completely fine because nothing will ever come of it. I dont flirt with him and I have no feelings for him at all. Its just nice to have a voice from the past and to catch up sometimes. He has a girlfriend who he loves and a daughter he adores I would never want to interfere in that anyway. My marriage is on the rocks though. I think if you know or think you may have feelings for someone you probably should just not chat with them because sometimes chatting leads to other things which could be cheating.
• United States
16 Oct 09
Yes it is cheating if you go to meet that person.But just having that same feeling?No. It is natural. If you start talking intimately to your ex,those same feelings should come back.
@harmonee (1236)
• United States
8 Sep 09
I don't think it's cheating, but that doesn't mean it wouldn't be hurtful to your spouse. I would encourage you to limit the conversations you have with you college crush and not put yourself in a position that something more could happen. Just try to put yourself in your spouses shoes. I would be really sad if I knew my husband was having feelings toward someone else.
@MsTickle (24994)
• Australia
1 Sep 09
Putting yourself into this situation is sort of like playing with fire don't you think? Not to worry, though, you were only chatting...right? But when the chemistry began you should have made yourself scarce IMMEDIATELY! and the fact that you didn't means you were cheating. Did you really need to ask...be honest now? Men cheat and say "it meant nothing" but that's rubbish. It does mean something...you were with another person who was not your spouse in a way that was not appropriate.
@Ritchelle (3797)
• Philippines
30 Aug 09
no, that isn't cheating. cheating entails the exact action. it's like stating you are dieting and you see a cupcake and you want to eat it. if you don't eat it then you're still on a diet. if you eat it then you cheated. peace .
@quinnkl (1668)
• United States
27 Aug 09
NO!!! You call it cheating for a reason!! Duh! If you are in a committed relationship, this type of behavior - actually cheating on your loved one - is wrong and uncalled for. We all have urges and feelings, but don't act on them. The feelings aren't "cheating", but the desire to act on them and the act of cheating of course is.
• China
27 Aug 09
In my mind, it's quite normal. After off, first love is not easy to forget. Most important is not to go further, that is alright.
@sugarlen (138)
• Philippines
27 Aug 09
I think you are in a great danger reviving a past love affair. How would you feel if your partner does the same thing... I think let bygones be bygones...
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
27 Aug 09
I relate to your discussion. I am happily married and a while ago I reconnected with my ex husband, who is also happily re-married, to deal with an unresolved financial situation from years ago. I had not seen my ex for many years and, because we did not part on bad terms we chatted on the phone for a while before getting down to the money matters we were meant to deal with. I felt old feelings surge again and because we spoke for several days while our financial matter was being resolved I became quite excited to be hearing from him again because, while I don’t regret our break up, he was a very important part of my life. We did not meet face to face because there was no need to and, upon resolving our business have not contacted each other again. I am sure he felt the old feelings for me also but we are both aware of why we split up in the first place and because we value and love our respective families very much we would never cross the line nor would we want to really. The point of my story is that, in my opinion, it is perfectly normal to feel excitement at the prospect of someone else being attracted to us, vice versa or, as in my case, old familiar feelings resurfacing as long as one knows one’s priorities and values and behaves with integrity. To me cheating entails clear fantasies about being with someone else or physically doing it of course.
@aerous (13474)
• Philippines
27 Aug 09
I think that is a cheating in part of your partner. Because you felt something flirt to your old mate. You need to away from it and cut the feelings that you felt so excited about him/her because in fairness to your partner. He/she rely on you and believe in you that your not cheated him/her and after all you cheat. It's be harsh to someone else cheating their partner. How if you too will be cheated? What is your reaction? Did you feel good and say that a nice one for me? have a nice day my friend. Please don't cheat your partner if this is your stories?
@AKMEDIA2 (328)
• United States
26 Aug 09
I don't think it's cheating unless it leads to more. I wouldn't appreciate my spouse doing it either though. Don't worry though, you don't really have to worry about anything. Most people that I see have aged, turned a lot fatter, or just do not live up to what we thought they would.
• India
26 Aug 09
i feel it all depends on the person,if he/she loves his wife/husband very much then talking or meeting some another person will not make any difference,because its a crush and not love...also staying apart does bring some feelings back and sometimes we do fall for them but at the end of the day, love overcomes all this attraction...
@andy77e (5165)
• United States
26 Aug 09
Temptation is not cheating. Temptation is something everyone faces. Cheating is determined by what you do when temptation strikes. You have the urge to see him again, yet you know you are married. At this point, your actions will decide whether you are faithful and protective of your marriage, or not.
@kitty42 (3912)
• United States
26 Aug 09
Hello hiswillnotmywill I would not say it is cheating yet, but its definately knocking on cheatings door, if you actually see this person or continue to have this emotional connection then yes you will be cheating, I would look at my marriage and wonder to myself how would my life be if I did not have my husband only you know the answer to that, is it worth it? maybe not, be happy with the man you choose to spend your life with, there is a reason you said yes, remember the "grass is not always greener", this saying is so true, keep that in mind.