Am I old fashioned in that I believe if you love someone you dont cheat on them?

@Hatley (164629)
Garden Grove, California
August 26, 2009 10:48pm CST
It seems like now days so many men cheat on their girlfriends and the'girls keep giving them chances so I am wondering is this a modern trend and every girl thinks she has to put up with a player or a cheat?Is being faithful to one person now old fashioned? I know that living together is more common than marriage but shouldnt two people in love be faithful to each other? am I being simplistic? I know that sometimes one person does err once and does go on to be faithful for the rest of the relationship,but I think this is rare.
7 people like this
42 responses
• Philippines
27 Aug 09
Not at all. I think, if you enter into a relationship and think that you are going to cheat on your partner, then I suggest you don't. In the process, you will be hurting other people. I hold the same philosophy as you do and I still do not get why other people cheat on their partners. For me, it is the worst way for a relationship to fall apart. I can understand it much better if one partner would admit to falling out of love instead of cheating with another person. I believe this is such a painful experience and would not want others (my partner, to be specific) to go through that ordeal.
2 people like this
@Hatley (164629)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Aug 09
hi abbypringles I have always thought how painful and how'betrayed'I would have felt has my hubby cheated on me. I was faithful to him and loved him with all my heart, I also respected and liked him. He was also faithful to me and loving and respecting.whats more he was my best friend and we could and did confide in each other with full confidence that we could trust each other. my mom didnt have that in her marriage and was scared to deatht to tell him some things as he had a violent temper. I never had tha fear with my husband.
• Philippines
28 Aug 09
It is good to hear that you have this wonderful relationship with your partner, that is quite rare these days. It is really difficult to be in a relationship with someone whom you do not trust would be able to stay faithful and loyal to you all throughout your relationship. If it is causing you hysteria and worry, then there's no point on continuing with the relationship. that is just in my opinion..
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164629)
• Garden Grove, California
2 Sep 09
hi abbypringles yes I was blessed to have found a man who'could be faithful and loving and caring ,and also be my best friend.
@jbrooks0127 (2326)
• United States
27 Aug 09
If what you say is the rule and not the exception, I feel that we as a people have began to loose our way. Even if you did not bring religion into the discussion there should be a certain amount of respect and loyalty to the person you are with, especially if married. To on one hand profess to love someone but then on the other be with someone else is the worse form of disrespect. If you have pledged yourself to one, and that relationship is good, why would you ever want to disrespect it. If in saying this you can be thought of as old fashioned then clearly I am and proud of it. I believe in honer, respect and trustworthiness. If you are not any of these then you should never be in a serious relationship? If you can't be trusted in a relationship then where could you ever be trusted? Good post and you are far from being simplistic. If someone feels you are, they do not understand the problem.
2 people like this
@Hatley (164629)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Aug 09
hi jbrooks I should have brouoght religion in really as I am'a believer but I have upset some people by professing it so keep'quiet. but I think we as a people have become lost in a lot of ways.'My parent would never have thought of divorce, and I never thought'of it but as marriage was to me a forever thing.we had spats as married'[people usually do but we worked things out because we'loved and respected each other,and also liked.
@kitty42 (3912)
• United States
27 Aug 09
Hello my friend Like I mentioned in your other discussion my eyes are playing tricks on me so I will respond to this in the am when I am fresh just wanted you to know I saw this, I do agree with you and you are so right I see this myself and ask the question, what the heck are you thinking putting up with this. I shall return.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164629)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Aug 09
hi kitty I think sometimes we are trained to always put'men and kids first and not think about ourselves. sometimes we put up with something because we think maybe some of it was' our fault then we wake up to the fact hey I do deserve'better than that.
@kitty42 (3912)
• United States
27 Aug 09
Hello my friend You are right, in my case I will gladly put my kids first in a heart neat but never a man ever I see this alot with other people its really sad when you think of it, some woman put men before their kids, just my opinion.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164629)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Aug 09
hikitty Ihave seen that too and worse, they didnt stop the boyfriend'from hurting their ownchild. its just hard to believe' a woman could possibly do that to her own child.
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
27 Aug 09
I don’t believe it has anything to do with being old fashioned Hatley but it has everything to do with living with a certain amount of honesty and integrity. Cheating hurts, it is one of the worst betrayals of love and if the 'L' word has been spoken in a relationship and two people are exclusive to each other cheating should not be tolerated; if you are not happy with the one you’re with, get out only then you will be free to see somebody else; that’s my take on it.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164629)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Aug 09
hi paula we agree that if you are in a loving relationship' you owe your partner love and respect and trust,this goes'both ways of course. If you are honest with each other you will not cheat at all.if somehow You have made a bad mistake in your'marriage I do feel that its best to getout and start over with someone who will love and respect you. I dont believe in just divorceing'over little spats that can be worked out.
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
28 Aug 09
Yes I agree too many people walk out on relationship leaving stones unturned. I think that one should walk out when one knows in one's heart that he or she has done all that is possible to make it work. How do I know? Been there done that and did not always make the best decisions but I guess that is how we learn in life...
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164629)
• Garden Grove, California
2 Sep 09
ho paula when parents stay together only for the sake of the kids, thats a big mistake,the kids'know whats goingon and will be better off if the parents split up and quit horsing around. I think people should try to work it out but sometimesits impossible and they need to give it up and quit.
1 person likes this
• Indonesia
27 Aug 09
Being faithful to one person is not old fashioned, but it is depending on the person's mind. Some do a courtship for fun, so do for serious matter. If that's out of dated, i'd rather be a conservative person then. And living together, i don't think it's necessary. It is may if we are married. By sleep togetherbefore that period, will cause sin.And that sin will influence you after you married. Sorry to say this, but i have to tell you the truth before you step too far.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164629)
• Garden Grove, California
28 Aug 09
hi sushisarah I have been a widow for a long time but we had'a wonderful marriage because we were lovers and friends both.we respected'ourselves and each other.we built trust and we stayed faithful for we actually enjoyed being married to each other.
• Indonesia
29 Aug 09
Sorry, i was too far in imagining something, without realized it was just a question and not a real question. Courtship for fun is for irresponsible person. Who won't commitment, thoughtless, don't you think? From their acts will come a lot of heart ruined.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164629)
• Garden Grove, California
2 Sep 09
hi sushisarah yes people should not play around with' one others emotions. if you truly love someone you will 'not hurt them, you will not want to hurt the person'you love and care for.
@smacksman (6074)
27 Aug 09
The whole idea of a relationship today is 'I will live with you through thick and thin ..... until I find something better!!' With that sort of attitude it is no wonder that relationships don't last. Please! There is always someone better to be found - that is until you have lived with them for a while and then amazingly you find out they are not perfect. haha
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164629)
• Garden Grove, California
2 Sep 09
hi smacksman you sound a bit like my husbandused to sound,he thought we were really complex, and i guess maybe we are.why'fo example do we, and i include myself,sometimes do this when our'husbands ask, whats wrong? we will sort of pout,then slam the refrigerator door, and say nothing in a sour tone. then finally after the poor guy has asked several time, we will say,wellwhy dont you ever put the toilet seat down, I went in there,didnt look'and sat down on the damned cold edge." well then we both started to laugh and I noticed he really did make an effort to put the seat back down before he left the bathroom. why didnt I just come clean the first time?
@smacksman (6074)
2 Sep 09
Haha! Well it's much more fun to keep us on our toes and guessing. You girls are very good at that but then that's why we love you so much. Vive la difference!!
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164629)
• Garden Grove, California
3 Sep 09
hi smacksman ah yes viva la difference. my hubby was so kind'and he would actually do things for me that i probably should have done for'myself because when I became a widow all of the sudden I had to do these things i didnt like to do and had palmed off on him. but I found it gave me a new freedom to know i could do them. my son sometimes helps me but I liked the thought that I could take care of some business myself. myhubby was the extrovert and i was the introvert so we sort of balanced each other out. he hehe
@fwidman (11515)
• United States
27 Aug 09
That is terribly old fashioned, Hatley. It's also called love I don't know what to call those that take a cheater back, maybe it's just lust or something
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164629)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Aug 09
hi fwidman yep it is terribly old fashioned. I fell in love'and 'married the guy for better and for worse, and we had both but' he was the first one to always tellpeople I was his best friend We were married for 43 years. I think one of the things I loved'about him was the fact that he loved me unconditionally warts and all.not even my parents had ever done that to me.
@fwidman (11515)
• United States
27 Aug 09
Seems like too many people never hear the part in the wedding ceremony that says for better or worse. Soon as things aren't better, they disappear
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164629)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Aug 09
I agree fwidman as soonas things get a little rougnthey 'bail out,my they wouldnt have made it with mystory as'we lost a child when she was eight,and grief doesnt get much worst than that. then my husband had colon cancer and had to have a colostomy'and that was no fun but we made it in spite of everything
• United States
27 Aug 09
Being trustworthy, loyal, and committed to a relationship is not old fashioned. Cheating has been around for centuries. You might say cheating is old fashioned. Tomorrow is my 32nd wedding anniversary. Here is a little secret that we have learned in our family. My mother tried this and we have too! I prayed for the person I should be with. I did not wait for the person to drop out of the sky. I spent time in education, working, living, and socializing with people. By the time the person I was meant to be with came along I knew who he was by who the other people were not. There are no perfect people in this world but you usually get what you expect. I expected someone with values, kindness, integrity. There are many good young men walking the straight and narrow even in the single life, looking for a girl with those same values. The world will try to scream at you that you are out of step. Honey, if they think you are old fashioned, check to see where they are at in 30 years and where you are at. P.S. When you say, "I do," that is when the praying should really start. My mother always said that marriage was one of the hardest things you would ever do. She was right, but it is so worth it. Know who you are. Don't ever sell yourself short and expect someone to cheat on you or abuse you in any other way. Have a heart to give and love. Be strong and live life on the high side. Oh, and living together is for the birds. You ain't got a thing until you have the ring and your children have a real daddy!
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164629)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Aug 09
hi I did the same thing Ikept praying and had two marriage'proposals which I turned down, nothing was right then I met this man who was'charmin,obstinate,kind and well all of the things I wanted and'Iknew it was a gift fromGod we met and we married six weeks'later and we never regretted any of it.we lost a child,my husband had colon cancer, we had tough times but we loved each other,he made me laufh and he made me feel likeI was special.It was hard but it was worth all of it, iam a widow now but I have a great son.
• United States
27 Aug 09
I am so sorry for your loss. We lost three children but have a wonderful daughter. There are no guarantees but a partner that was meant to be, while not being perfect and far from it, makes all the hard times so worth it. You are a precious person in the sea of people who never find what we have found. I wish you well. God bless you and your son. May your family and legacy increase and become great in the earth.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164629)
• Garden Grove, California
28 Aug 09
hi sysdexlicwriter wow a mouthful I was married for 43 y ears and can truthfully say neither of us were prefect but we enjoyed being married to each other,and how many can say that.we had fun'and we had a lot of hArdships but he could always make me laugh and'thats a gift not all have.myson has that too and his eyes light up when he sees me and hes fifty years old now.
@lynnemg (4539)
• United States
28 Aug 09
If you are old-fashioned in your beliefs, then I am too. I detest it when I hear of someone cheating on their partner or spouse. My first marriage ended in divorce, largely because my ex-husband didn't remain faithful. I think that monogamy should be expected whenever you are in a relatonship, and I also feel that a person who is dating should make it known whether or not they plan to date monogamously or date around. The fact that there are so many cheaters in the world is definately not new news, it dates way back in history when it was common practice for a man to cheat on his wife, and whether she knew or not, she stood by him because there was no divorce. I think that even then, it was wrong to cheat. I can say that I firmly believe that those who remain faithful in relationships will find more pleasure and happiness in life than those who cheat.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164629)
• Garden Grove, California
28 Aug 09
hi lynnemg reading this I realized that is what a courting periood or engagement period is for is to learn what each person wants out of a relationship or marriage and if they disagree and one wants to be aplayer then is the time for the other one to say fare well, have a good day.
@lynnemg (4539)
• United States
14 Sep 09
I agree, and if the two find that they do not share the same goals and ideas for the relationship, or if they find that they just are not compatible, this is the time to move on. In my opinion, once those things are established and a dating period turns into a more serious relationship, then monogomay is expected. I know that once my husband and I moved in together, before we were married, it was understood that we were a monogomous couple and there would be no one else for either of us. Had either of us wanted to date other people, then we surely would not have moved in together and become the couple we are today.
@silverglint (2001)
• Philippines
27 Aug 09
Yes, I think you are being old-fashioned but not in a negative kind of way. I believe I am old-fashioned too. And that is the way it's suppose to be anyway. Who ever said that whatever is new then it's the right thing to do? It's not only the modern thinking that is right. No wonder people nowadays have more miserable lives and things are a lot more complicated than the old days. During the times of our grandparents, living together without marriage is not allowed, cheating on spouses is not tolerated and divorce is never an option. I like it that way and I want to live my life the old-fashioned way before I believe it's a much better way to live our lives
@GardenGerty (100504)
• United States
27 Aug 09
We may actually find that what the media portrays as true is not true at all but is a lie. We oldfashioned people need to speak up. I think old fashioned morals for society would make us all healthier and happier. It is a matter of respect both of our partner and of ourself.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164629)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Aug 09
hi I agree with you both.hurrah for old fashioned. we believe in marriage and in the vows we repeated. we didnt divorce'we worked out our differences and kept our marriages going. we'neve cheated and we respected each other. I think living together without ever planning on marriage results in a lot of cheating
@twoey68 (13651)
• United States
29 Aug 09
Well if your old fashioned then so am I. I believe that if you feel that strongly about wanting to cheat then your not really happy being married. If your that unhappy then you need to make some changes. I think when you cheat your only succeeding in hurting the one your married to. [b]~~AT PEACE WITHIN~~ **STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS**[/b]
1 person likes this
@PeacefulWmn9 (10424)
• United States
28 Aug 09
Hello Hatley. No, you're not old fashioned, and regardless of the trends and statistics, I personally know many people of all ages are faithful to the partner they love, married or not. It is such a precious trust, that once broken, it is hard (though not impossible) to rebuild the relationship. I would never ever want to do to another that thing I would hate done to me. Nor would I stay with someone who simply could not remain faithful. It simply must be a sacred thing to truly work ... in my personal opinion. Good discussion. Karen
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164629)
• Garden Grove, California
28 Aug 09
hi peaceful yes I do realized there are a lot of married'people that believe in their vows and honor each other,and they sort of get'lost in ones mind as you see so many talking about how they have been'cheated on.and yet they really are the minority when it'comes right down to it.
1 person likes this
@jimntam (93)
• United States
28 Aug 09
I think the woman in the relationship wants to believe that her man won't cheat again. That he's seen the error of his ways. I think every woman that's been cheated on and then gave her man a second chance is hoping that they are that rare statistic. Also men have a way of convincing some of us that it was just a one time thing. A moment of weakness. A lapse in judgement. yada, yada, yada.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164629)
• Garden Grove, California
28 Aug 09
hi jimntam yes that does happen and sometimes the man sweetalks'her into going along until it happens again. but if you truly love someone and are really committed to a relationship you wont try to hurt each other you will respect yourselves and each other.you will be friends and lovers. you need to be friends with your pArtnet.
@cher913 (25890)
• Canada
28 Aug 09
i think what it comes down to these days is boredom. we are an instant society and if someones needs arent being met, they move on. i think faithfulness has gone by the wayside because people just dont want to wait or make an effort.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164629)
• Garden Grove, California
28 Aug 09
cher good thjnking we are an instant society we want things'when we want them and wont wait. the thrill of a lust relationship is soon'over and one or the other goes looking for a new lover'off with the old and on with the new.for good relationship does take some'work for both people.we have two people complete with whatever baggage they may bring and these two are committed to building a lasting relationship so they must work to overcome each others hangups.
• India
27 Aug 09
No I couldn't tolerate repeated flings. It would show immaturity to me. Thankfully me and my partner have always been faithful. But I have noticed too that it is something that is becoming very rare indeed!
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164629)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Aug 09
hi sritrinity yes I have seen so many right here on mylot'and they were hurting and some hesitated even though they knew they had been'wronged.sad that people cannot mean it when they say I love'uyou. maybe we should stop and think do I really love you? love is tossed around a lot and sometimes only means I lust for you.
@mrbranan (1012)
• United States
27 Aug 09
I don't think it should be old fashion but I see it alot. I think young lady shouldn't put up with it and throw them out. I have been married a long time and would never put up with cheating. If you put up with it it is going to happen. If every woman would stand up and say no more most of this cheating would stop.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164629)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Aug 09
hi mrbranan yes I think women should have more self respect and'know they deserve faithfulness and real caring love. they should be able to trust their partner and have their partner trust them.both should also have respect for themselves and maybe there would be no need or desire to cheat if you had the person you loved with you and were happy.
@jshekhar (1563)
• India
27 Aug 09
Hello Hatley, I am 24 years old now so you can classify me as "young" or "modern" but I do have my moral values very deeply rooted in me, thanks to the upbringing of my parents. I think it is totally fine to be loyal to one partner. The people who keep running after women/men and cheat their partners all the time will never have peace of mind. One of mistake is okay and it would depend on the situation whether the person can be forgiven or not but it should not be habitual.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164629)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Aug 09
hi jshekhar age doesnt matter when one has moral values and brings honesty and trust and loyalty to the realtionship and both people share in these values then they would never think of cheating'as'they know that is hurtful and is betraying their mate and themselves as'well.
@dreamr802 (987)
• United States
27 Aug 09
I definitely do not think that cheating is right whatsoever. I don't think you are old-fashion in that respect. If a woman or a guy is with another person that constantly cheats, then they have no self respect for themselves. I think the living together after you are married is definitely more old fashion. But then again, I am currently living with my boyfriend. It's hard to live apart, especially with the prices of rent and whatnot, we can't afford to live on our own. That's a huge reason that we are living together without being married. But also then again we have been together for 4 years, so this is definitely a long term relationship and we do plan on getting married.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164629)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Aug 09
hi dreamr if two people live together and love each other and respect themselves and each other, they will find so much satisfaction in their love they would not think of betraying each other. the'thing is to be committed to each other and reallymean it,knowing that cheating is selfish and a betrayal.
27 Aug 09
I believe that although cheating is wrong I still think that you can love someone even while you cheat on them. There are many reasons why people cheat and although it's not an excuse it's a reason. If someone cheated on me I don't think I would end the relationship without talking to them to find out why they did it and what they want.
1 person likes this
27 Aug 09
Hi Hatley, I don't think peo0ple know the meaning of love these days when you would give your life for some you love so I reall y think there is not enough love for each other or maybe on the man's part for his partner if he is going to cheat tie and time again, I just think its lust not love. Tamara
@Hatley (164629)
• Garden Grove, California
28 Aug 09
hi tamara yes I think you make a valid point. when I was in the'hospital my husband came every day no matter what, when'he waZs diagnosed with cancer and had to have a colostomy I would have'given'my life to have him well and whole.we had bad times and we weathered them and he always made me laugh and feel veryspecial.