How to repay our parents?

@vingyan06 (2489)
Malaysia
August 27, 2009 12:56pm CST
we are all thankful for bringing up by our parents. Do you think of how tough for your parents to bring you up, and maybe not only you yourself, and also your siblings too. Many parents put their kids in the first priority, give the children the best and bringing up the children. But at the end what they have for themselves, what they expected from the children. Some mummies that I know had quit their well pay job and become stay at home mum, wishing to give the best to the kids. But of course we are not going to ask how our child can repay us. But we as a children should appreciate what our parents gave us and without your parents, then what would you be. It is time to sit down and think back what and how you treat your parents, and repay your parents if possible....
6 people like this
40 responses
@cwong77 (2011)
• Malaysia
27 Aug 09
Parents, someone the brought us to this world without our approval! muahaha... this is what I always tell my mum when she ask me on some very sensitive issues of being a parents.. Anyway, back to the topic... there are different ways that people look into repaying parents.. to some extend, most of us do it with the monetary method.. just like how some of the parents did to the child.. but was that what our parents want? I remembered in those days, my grandma will keep telling us, no point earning the mountain, if we do not have the time to enjoy it... and to her, no point giving her the money, if she can't have means to spend it.. I think the best repayment to our parents, are still being there for them, with them, whether at times they need us or not..
2 people like this
@cwong77 (2011)
• Malaysia
27 Aug 09
and most importantly.. that we should practise from young, the basic respect to our parents... I think they will be happy to know and even got themselves repay by us behaving good..
@vingyan06 (2489)
• Malaysia
28 Aug 09
Hello Cwong, thanks for your response. May I just ask from you, what is the sensitive issues about you and your mums? I like what your grandma told you, " No point giving her the money, if she can't have means to spend it''. What a nice quote. It is true, money is not everything. To be with them at all times, or just a simple sharing and caring is more appreciate for them. It is just like we are parents now, we not only use our money to bring up our kids. We need to care for them, LOVE them and in the other hand we suppose to do this back to our parents.
1 person likes this
@cwong77 (2011)
• Malaysia
29 Aug 09
vingyan.. the sensitive questions? like.. now, when I have a child, my mum will come la.. see, I told you right, it's difficult to be a mother.. see, I told you right, not easy to take care of a child de.. and those blah blah blah.. then come the next one.. how are you going to repay / be filial to me ah? I will always answer her.. eh, you didn't get my consent to come here de wor, so not my fault.. and she will go
@drannhh (15240)
• United States
27 Aug 09
You know something? I said this to someone else recently but in a completely different context: The best revenge is living well. My parents were good at some things, but I have to tell you, parenting was NOT one of them. They just didn't have the interest or skills or loving nature to handle it. The best thing I could do for them and for me was to become self-sufficient as soon as possible and get away...and stay away. Of course, they are both long gone now, but I'm still wondering why they ever felt the compulsion to have children. Some people just are not cut out for parenting. I do not feel grateful to them for bringing me into the world because I didn't ask to be born. There were worse parents in the world, I know, who left more lasting and more violent scars on their offspring, but I don't feel the need to be grateful for having been less badly mistreated than some others. So I cannot agree with you that "we are all thankful for bringing up by our parents." I guess that is why I have always liked this poem that William Wordsworth wrote in 1888: http://bartleby.com/145/ww194.html Enjoy!
2 people like this
@drannhh (15240)
• United States
28 Aug 09
I have been married to the same sweet husband for over 40 years now and we did not let it happen again :-) If he should leave this life ahead of me, I am pretty sure I would never remarry.
1 person likes this
@vingyan06 (2489)
• Malaysia
30 Aug 09
Hello Drannhh, Glad that you reply here again. I am glad that you have a loving husband. Do hope you have a happy family forever and happy Mylotting to you too. !
@jshekhar (1563)
• India
27 Aug 09
Hello friend, You have really brought up a very important topic here.This is a topic which all of us seem to neglect sometimes. Once we grow up and find our jobs and life partners, we forget how much the parents sacrificed to help us reach the position we have. To be honest, there is no way one can repay one's parents fully. I mean, my parents have stayed awake whole night when I was sick or when I caught cold, so that I could sleep peacefully. Even if I coughed once, they would come rushing back to me to find out if I was okay.How can one repay that?? The least we can do is to take care of them when they are old and to support them financially and more importantly, emotionally.
2 people like this
@vingyan06 (2489)
• Malaysia
28 Aug 09
Hello Jshekhar, thanks for your time here. I agree with you. We are sometimes too busy and forgot about our parents. This could happen when we are not staying together with parents. Maybe we can not meet them or visit them too often, but make sure we keep close in touch with them. A simple call a day is good to keep them up date on your recent condition. It is hard to measure how much and how to repay back our parents. Any how I have come out with a few good points on how to repay them and wish to share with you here :
@vingyan06 (2489)
• Malaysia
28 Aug 09
So sorry, the points are : 1. be with them all the time, weather they are in need or not 2. care for them, share with them, talk to them 3. Give them financial support 4. Take care of them 5. LOVE them I hope you can get some good points added here if you have any .. Happy Mylotting!
@meapas (2434)
• India
27 Aug 09
Give that love your mother gave you when you were trying to stand on your two small feet. Give that love when you were hungry she fed you despite her sickness. Give that love when she looked after you remaining awake when you were sick. Give that love your mother gave during your schooling days, during your struggling time. Give that love your mother gave looking after your kids and spouse and doing all the cleaning works and cooking at your house like a maid servant. Be her walking stick in her old age with love. Spoon feed her during her sickness with love. When ever you find her sad tell her " I love you mom".
@vingyan06 (2489)
• Malaysia
30 Aug 09
Hello Meapas, thanks for your response, what a good response! I will devote best response because I like it so much, you just give me a simple but very meaningful response! In fact, from what you write here, is all about the love that our parents had gave us. Now when we grow up, we just need to return all our love for them. Money is not everything, but what they need is LOVE! So all mylotters here, and to all the children in the world, give your parents a big hug and LOVE them forever!
• Philippines
28 Aug 09
Hi friend. First i want to thank you for posting this such good discussion. You know what i've noticed are this; You never appreciate your parents for bringing you until you become parents too, the sacrifice, the loved, the care that they've done for you is not payable by money or something. for me you can pay back your parents if you become parents too. because you are the one who will do what they done for you before. Also you can pay them back by taking care for them when they are old. also give back the love that they given to us. Goodluck & happy mylotting.
• Philippines
28 Aug 09
yeah, I agree with you..like my sisters she now a mother also realize that it is not easy to become parents..you have a lot of obligation and worries a lot for children future..it is true that history repeats itself..whatever you do to your parents, likely your children will also do the same things. if you are a good daughter to your parents, your children who you raise and train to be kind children will also repay you for what you done to them..also when you get old like what you says they will also be concern and supportive of your situation and will never abandon you for being responsible, kind, and caring which the only treasures we could receive from children..
@agv0419 (3029)
• Philippines
28 Aug 09
Yes we should repay our parents for what they have done to us. I know that it is there obligation to give us a good education. I think the best thing that we can do to them is to take care of them when they gets older.
@vingyan06 (2489)
• Malaysia
1 Sep 09
"for me you can pay back your parents if you become parents too. because you are the one who will do what they done for you before'' This sentence I like it so much. Rubypalmes, I am a mother of 2 kids now. After being a mother, I realize it is not easy to bring up the kids. I appreciate what my mom and my dad have given to me. I can understand more on the tough of being a mother. I respect to my mom more than what I did before I become a mother. I care for my mom a lot now. Money is not what we get to repay our parents. We need to care for them, be with them all the time and love them forever.
@carolbee (16241)
• United States
30 Aug 09
I had given it much thought over the years and the best way to take care of my aging parents was to oversee their bills, make sure they were paid and make them comfortable. They are both gone now but I remember their parenting and how they sacraficed. All I owed them was respect and love and they got it. In return, all I expect from our kids is respect and love. I get both so staying home with our kids when they were small was well worth it. I was lucky not to have to work to support the family. Am hoping when I really begin to age our kids will help also. Don't need them to help financially but simply make sure I'm taken care of and comfy.
1 person likes this
@Iriene88 (5352)
• Malaysia
2 Sep 09
Dear Carol, You are right, we need to respect and shower our parent with love and care. This is the thing that can make them happy and proud. We should not make them worried about us, we should be independant and make them happy and feel great to have us as their children. It is good that you have done the best for them when they are alive with us. Many people regret later and do not have the opportunity to repay their parents kindness and love. Take care and do keep in touch!
@carolbee (16241)
• United States
2 Sep 09
I can honestly say that I don't feel guilty about anything I did for them in their later years. I cared for them the best I could even though I had my husband and kids to take care of at the same time and we all didn't live in the same house.
• India
28 Aug 09
Well according to me the answer of this question is very simple... Our parents try their level best to fulfill all our needs and requirements.They just expect that their child/children should be successful in life. Well actually we cant repay their sacrifices and obstacles they've faced in their lives to make us happy but we can make an attempt to make them happy .... So to repay our parents back first of all try be a successful person.That would be your first step in repaying your parents. Then never forget your roots.Respect your parents. Try to provide all the comforts in the life to your parents.I'm talking about giving them a Ferrari or other costly stuff that you cant afford but try to provide all those items and luxury which they really want to have in their life but were unable to get. Try to make your parents stay with you. I've mentioned this point coz in most of countries children actually dont stay with their parents but here in india we actually atay with our parents. We never leave them alone to face the world alone. Stand by your parents in hard times.This will make them feel that there is someone who still cares about them and is ready to help them and they are not alone in this journey ... And the list is sooo long... But if you follow these steps you definitely make your parents proud ....!!!!! And that would be their best gift ever...
@vingyan06 (2489)
• Malaysia
29 Aug 09
Hello Harpreet, thanks for your response. You have write out all the points in details. I get to agree with you, we can never forget our roots. Parents bring us up, we need to repay what they done for us. On top of that, our parents is so close with us when we were small, they were be our side. Now we grow out and we have our own family or carrier, don't forget to be with them all the times if possible. And I agree with you that we don't need to be very rich to repay our parents. What they want is not money , but caring and love.
1 person likes this
@youless (93201)
• Guangzhou, China
28 Aug 09
I think what we can do will never compare to what our parents have done for us. It is hard to repay them the same. Besides giving them money and letting them have a comfortable lives. I think it's quite important that you won't let your parents keep worried about you. Because your safe and sound is already the best gift for them. And make them happy everyday, perhaps this is the best repay. I love China
1 person likes this
@vingyan06 (2489)
• Malaysia
28 Aug 09
Hello Youless, thanks for your response! I get some good point from you, it is a way to repay them by taking good care of ourselves. We should not make our parents worry about us so much. Be as healthy as we can, else they will worry about us when we are sick. I think most of the parents will not ask what the children can repay , as long as the children are healthy and staying happy. Do you agree? No doubt money or financial support is important for them, but we still need to spend time with them, care for them and share with them our success and happiness.
@horsesrule (1960)
• United States
27 Aug 09
I don't believe that we should feel obligated to our parents for our upbringing. I believe it is the goal of every parent to raise a self-sufficient, independent and productive member of the world. That's the ideal goal of parenting in my mind. I know that not everyone would agree. Now when I was growing up, my parents were terrible people, they were not good parents at all. Their own problems interfered with their parenting (lack of) skills. But now that I am an adult and I do not live with my parents, I have good parents. And by that, and with the hindsight of many years of counseling so I can forgive and accept my parents for what they are, with ALL their many flaws, I can say now that I love my parents and I mean it. Once upon a time I could not say that and mean it. I feel that my parents are good parents to me and my brother now. We don't live with them, we see them maybe once a week or less and we get together for the holidays. It works for us. Sometimes when I want to re-pay my parents for something nice they have done for me or my daughter, then I invite them over and fix them a nice meal. They love that.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 Aug 09
It is very important to give financial assistance to our parents if they have meager income and imagine they are working half of their lives just to give their children the proper education, spending for the things that their children need. So they should have support and also don't forget to make them feel that they are important and spend time with them and prepare for it and make effort for it.
1 person likes this
@vingyan06 (2489)
• Malaysia
28 Aug 09
Hello Pinoy, Thanks for your response. I get a good point from you. It is true, our parents work half of their live just because for the family, children. They bringing up us and gave us the chance to study and all the needs we want. By now I still see some people say that it is the parents obligated to bring up the children. But do you agree it is also a obligated for children to take care back the parents when they are old.
@hmrk12 (735)
• India
27 Aug 09
Nice as well as meaningful discussion.Though we can not repay for all of their sufferings they met to bring us to this state,we can do at our level best.Their only wish will be that we should take care of them at their old age, when they are not able to stand at their own. But we need not wait till such situation comes.We may start taking care of our parents once we started to earn and we should keep them with us and should never let them live alone till the end of their life.We should do everything they need.Some may say that if we give money to them, that is enough. I will not agree with them. How much ever we may be rich.But our parents will not like our money and they will like to live with us only.This is the only option available to us to repay them.
1 person likes this
@vingyan06 (2489)
• Malaysia
30 Aug 09
Hello Hmrk, I agree to you. In fact to repay parents, we don't need to wait until they are old. Anytime we can start to repay them by respect them, follow what they said and Love them all the while just like how they love us. And of course when we grow up, we start to earn money, we can get some money for them or just buy what they need. On top of that, do remember money is not everything. They would not only need money, in fact, we need to spend more time for time, be there with them whenever they need us. Last, it is important to try our best to stay together with our family after we get married. We can not leave them alone.
@dianmelydia (2272)
• Indonesia
27 Aug 09
Repaying our parents is an obligation. Every child must do it. The difference is on how is someone repaying his/her parents. I think the it's highly depends on how is the family background. If you were born not in a rich family, then the best way to repay your parents is by being success in career and show then you can change your family's life and you can earn much money. Actually that is a simplest way to repaying parents which anyone would apply it. The universal way to repaying parents is by obeying their words. Some people said if their parents are annoying, while the other said if their parents are kind. This is just individual perception. I believe that every parents in this world are kind. There's no parents who will trully hate their child. Sometimes for certain reason, our parents would got mad on us. But if we re-think it clearly, we should know that the problem is on ourselves. Perhaps we don't want to understand our parents conditions, perhaps we always forcing our parents to fulfil our needs without first look at our parents situations or moods. I think if we can considering our parents more than just a common parents, perhaps as best friends, this would be very amazing. Sounds like Spice Girls' song "Mama", they said "Mama i love you, Mama my friend". I like this song so much because currently i only have my mother as my parents. My father was passed away for almost nine years ago. During this period, my mother looks after me, my brother and my sister alone. There are so much sacrifices done by my mother alone just for our happiness. I graduated from my university several month ago and i start my professional work in an oil company. I have earn good salary so i can repay my mother by lightens her living cost. Next year is my mother's retired year. So this is my chance to repay her and say many thanks to her. I know that everything i'll do can't really pay all of her sacrifice. But as a child, and as the youngest child of her, i'll do my best for her. I don't want to see any sacrifice anymore on her life. Thanks God for a wonderwoman You have given to me. Good luck and have a nice day. Happy mylotting.
1 person likes this
@vingyan06 (2489)
• Malaysia
30 Aug 09
Hello Dianmelydia, so happy you shared your story here. Congrates for you on getting a good paid job! I never hear about the Spice girls Mama songs! But is true, we can have a mama and at the same time she can be our friend too. It is good if we pay repay our parents with money or financial surrport, so they can have a better living after retirement! But of course money is not everything. For some parents they are financial freedom and they might not need any money from the kids. I would say not all the parents need money from the children. What is more important is we devote more time for time, be there for our parents at all time , and LOVE them just like how they LOVE us! You take care and happy mylotting!
@patofgold23 (5075)
• Philippines
28 Aug 09
hi there ving!!! I truly appreciate my mom with all my heart. i owe her everything that I am today. She had sacrificed so much of herself just to raise 4 of us and provide us with what we need. On the other hand, i have nothing to repay my dad for. He has brought me nothing but misery and hate. he is not a very good father and husband to my mom. So if I am to repay any of my parents it would be my mom alone.
• India
28 Aug 09
Dont be so hard- hearted my friend.. You said that your dad is not good with you....but there might be some reasons or circumstances that might had restricted your dad in making you happy.After all he's the one who made you come in this beautiful world. You are now grown up. Try to forget hate and start a new chapter of love with your parents. Give respect to your parents and you would see that life would change and the person who earlier give you misery and hate will give you love and affection. Even after doing this your Dad's behavior didn't change then we all can't help... coz he didn't want to be changed. Take care friend..
@vingyan06 (2489)
• Malaysia
28 Aug 09
Hello Patof, thanks for your response. But do you know without your father you would not be here till today too. But maybe he had did something bad that hurt you or you mom, only you and your family know what he is and what he has done. Okay, just forget about your father, we talk about your mom. But I am proud of your mom, she is able to bring up 4 kids by her own? You have the greatest mom! I am glad that you appreciate of what you mom had done for you. It is time you repay her. Since then, being by your mom side is important, give her caring, LOVE and attention.
• Philippines
28 Aug 09
hi there harp and ving! I am sorry to sound that way. i can't help it though and would still stand by how I feel right now. I grew up. with a dad alright but like not really having a father. I wasn't treated like a daughter and so are my borther and sisters. but we are thankful my mom was there for all of us, and even if she is as hurt veeryday of her life, she managed to raise us well and privded for us. i owe my mom so much...my life, my education,, my strentgh..everything... i can't think of anything i owe my dad except him donating a part of his body during my conception.
@shuetyeng (148)
• Malaysia
28 Aug 09
I have been brought up in a "traditional" family and therefore I have a very traditional emotion too. What I mean is, although how much I love my parents, I will never say "I Love You" to them. I just feel embarrased to utter the words. Therefore, I have chosen other ways to express my love and appreciation. I would basically do everything for them whenever they asked for it. And I will be there when they need me. I also taught my girl that has to respect her grandparents and her parents too. I think it is important value to be learned for every one. I am more understand how noble of my parents after I become a mother. It is truly not an easy "occupation" in the whole wide world.
@vingyan06 (2489)
• Malaysia
29 Aug 09
Hello Shuetyeng, thanks for your response. I am shy to say I LOVE YOU to my parents too. But I enjoy my daughter says I love you to me ! Some times, I even ask her to say I love you to me everyday, LOL. I agree with you, after being a mother we can understand more and get to know it is not easy to become a parents. There are many way we can express our love to our parents other than saying the I love you words. We need to be there for our parents, caring is very important. They don't need just money ( if they are infinancial support), they need our time, caring and sharing...
• Malaysia
30 Aug 09
Maybe oriental people are shy to speak out love to their beloved. But I guess nowadays more and more young people are influenced by the western thoughts. Yes, I am like you too. I enjoyed asking my daughter whether she love mommy almost everyday she goes to bed and she seems quite annoyed with my repeated question sometimes LOL. You are right, sometime money is not everything and can't buy love too. What they did and gave to me are priceless, so I could only honour them is to treat my own children the same way they taught me last time.
• Philippines
4 Sep 09
I feel guilty as i was reading this post. And yeah, i have realized how much sacrifice my mom has done for us. You know, I came from a broken family. I and my sister are currently living with my mom. I haven't seen my dad from the day that it was declared that we will be in the custody of my mom. I know how hard it is be a single parent. Especially my mom take no financial support from my dad. Now, i feel very guilty because i am being disrespectful most of the time to my mom. More often than not, I would rather go for my own decision than obeying her. I know I am being so mean. But despite of all of this, my mom always understand and forgive me. I wish I would be able to change.
@vingyan06 (2489)
• Malaysia
4 Sep 09
Hello grace, Thanks for your response. don't feel guilty my friend, as long as you know what your mom had sacrifice and had been so tough to bring you up, it is not too late for you to appreciate and repay her from now. there are many ways to repay our parents. Now don't talk about paying her money, we talk about the attitude on how we treat her. Most of the time, we found the parents always give us good advise, good idea, but we just think of our own way instead of obeying them. We should take parents advise as the best advise for us. Be a good daughter from now, be there with your mom when she needs you. Spend your time with your mom, care for her and love her just like how she loves you. This is what a mom wants from her kids.
@Iriene88 (5352)
• Malaysia
2 Sep 09
Dear vingyan, Good topic for us to apppreciate our parents always. NOT ONLY on Mother's Day and Father's Day..... Hahaha, just to let you know...my family, my two elder sisters will give my mum some allowance monthly...but not me, coz I am not working... I did give her when I work last time. She understand my situation but I am happy that among the siblings whe choose to stay with me, what a Blessings! Since money is not everything, I shower her with love and respect! I will sit together with her watching her favourite Chinese drama and chat about it, more of companionship. If I won any free hotel stay, I will invite her to come along...that is the way I shower my love, bought for her her Brand's Bird Nest or anything that is good for her arthritis when I am in the overseas like buying her the Korean Ginseng. Even though shen said too heaty and not taking them anymore, I think the 'thoughts' that count! If I have 'windfall - extra money' I would like to bring her to Hainan Island...and bring her to enjoy her favourite scallop, lobster, bird nest, big prawns, sea cucumber and shark fin... Most important thing I think, children should NOT make their parents worried about them.. Thanks and happy myLotting!
@vingyan06 (2489)
• Malaysia
2 Sep 09
Hello Iriene, thanks for your response. Yeah, we can not just repay our parents only on special occasion. Do you notice Malaysian like to go for grand celebration for the parents on Father's day, Mother's Day and parents birthday. But do we really need to do that? What if we practice to appreciate our parents everyday. Carnation is not just mean to give to our mothers on Mother's day only... Okay, back to your response. I am glad to hear that your mom like to stay with you even you don't give her any money. See, parents are not mean to get money from children. What parents want from us are actually something that can not buy with money, which are LOVE, CARING, THOUGHTFUL and many more.
@joezon50 (379)
• Hong Kong
28 Aug 09
Show them our total RESPECT to them and show them how important they are to us.Giving them money is not enough for showing our gratitude of what they did to us when we're a baby.We even need to give them Tribute of how they love and treasure us when we are kids.That's why we are here i mean we are lucky because if not them we are NOTHING. thnx my friend,happy mylotting.
@vingyan06 (2489)
• Malaysia
30 Aug 09
Hello Joezon, thanks for your response. I agree on what you said, money is not everything, give them money or not isn't the important. We need to give them caring, spend more time for them, be there for your parents in anytime and love them forever! Hope you have a great day!
@Ritchelle (3797)
• Philippines
28 Aug 09
am a parent already and when i gave my mother money, then, she gave it back. she said that they're doing fine and if ever i want to repay them in one way or another it would be much appreciated if i would just show all the love i want to impart to them by being a good mother to my son .
@vingyan06 (2489)
• Malaysia
28 Aug 09
Hello Ritchelle, thanks for your response. After being a mother, I now realize what a parent want from the children. Instead of money, they in fact need our LOVE just like when we were small, we need attention and LOVE from our parents. The parents will not need what the repay we give back. As long as we are happy and doing well and healthy, I think they will be satisfy already.
1 person likes this
@finidinwa (497)
• United States
2 Sep 09
well your qeustion fascinates but actually it is important i always said that their is no enough time to repay our parents for our upbringibg but the best we can do we do and most importantly bring our children up too
@mrshughes (352)
• Philippines
29 Aug 09
Hello friend. Im a parent now and i know how difficult it is to bring a kid up. BUt repay is the wrong word for me..we dont have to repay our parents for bringing us up on this world. But as their children we can only do our best to help them the best of everything. I have helped my parents so much in this lifetime but its always never enough for them. They make me feel i owe my whole life to them. I love them so much and i am trying my best for them...but they take me for granted. They never said something bad to my other sisters...only with me. Me, that they always run for help. And in return i get nothing but hurtful words. Sorry if im so negative about this matter but thats how my parents treat me.