Will she ever get it?

United States
August 27, 2009 1:51pm CST
As many of you that read my posts know I have a daughter with medical problems. Well she is 6 and still not potty trained. Despite all that my husband and I have tried,and all that her Doctor's have advised she doesn't seem to get it. Now if I tell her to go to the potty 8 times out of 10 she goes. But she doesn't seem to either feel or understand when she goes in her pull up. She will go into another room to go number 2 but won't say "mommy I need to go potty". There has been a few times when she has said her tummy hurts and I would put her on to go and she went. I keep trying but I am beginning to wonder if it will ever happen? Should I just give up and accept the fact my child may never be able to use the bathroom on her own?
6 people like this
16 responses
• United States
28 Aug 09
She will eventually get it....you know i told you about our daughter who has epilepsy and is blind and developementally slow? they just said slightly retarded back then but i guess they dont use that word any more....they also said when she was born she would never make it to 2...and when she did they said she would never make it to 10 and when she did they said she would never make it to adulthood...lol...well she is 24 now and still kicking...so you cant alway trust everything the docs say 100% But anyway she had several operations removing part of her intestines and when they brought her home from the hospital she actually had a colostomy bag that they had to change constantly...that was fun let me tell ya...anyway she took forever to potty train too...I dont remember exactly when she started going on her own but i do remember she was wearing diapers when she was 8 years old and we also thought she was never going to do it....but somewhere between 8 and 10 she did so just hang in there im sure your daughter will too....
2 people like this
• United States
28 Aug 09
Isn;'t it amazing how determinded kids are? I wish I still had that firey spirit in me. I swear hun you ahve been threw some stuff yourself and you are still an amazing person too. I will keep trying with my little one,I know she can do it I just wish it could happen now LOL.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Aug 09
LOL....I know....I canr remember her being 8 and we had to put diapers on her just like a baby..(they didnt have pull ups yet then) and 8 years old is a pretty big kid and I remember thinking man are we going to still be doing this when she is 20??? Lord!!! But then somewhere along the way she just started using the bathroom and it funny how your mind manages to forget all about the hard times....well almost anyway...
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
29 Aug 09
Hi Sweetie, no do not give up keep trying but don't push, I know it is upsetting for you but do not give up on her I know that is what I would do but again she needs to feel safe and secure going to the Toilet and maybe she doesn't again down to her Medical Problems I know that you will have tried everything but just keep trying but not to the extend of tiring yourself out, as I know you have a full time go there with your Girl, the poor Love, Even if she doesn't ever learn, do not get stressed on it, it is part of who she is Sweetie Big warm Hugs
2 people like this
• United States
29 Aug 09
Thanks Gabs,you always have a way of putting things into prospective for me. I wish there was a hug emoticon I would so put them in this discussion. I am going to keep trying,I think all the added stress I am under is making me freak out more about her not being potty trained.
@webearn99 (1744)
• India
28 Aug 09
I have a friend whose sister suffers from downs syndrome. She was finally potty trained in her late twenties. What was done was to give her some warm water to drink when she woke up in the morning to loosen bowels. "What do we do now?" was the question to her, "We go to the potty" Was the answer she was made to say. She was then put on the potty where she would go. Initially she was assisted by a mild purgative, which was discontinued later. It helped to flush out her intestines. You should seek a Doctors advice about this. This was repeated every day in the morning and after every meal. After about an year of this 'chant and go' training she was able to do it by herself. Even now she has accidents, which are ignored, but happily they are few and far in between. Regular schedule helped to establish a known schedule for her need. Children seem to grasp better when they chant what they need to learn. The louder the better. It seems to imprint the message on their minds. Most of the schools in Asia follow the Chalk (Write on the black board), talk (Pronounce the word) and chant (Repeat it to imprint) method for children because of this.
• United States
28 Aug 09
Sounds very interesting and I will defenatly give it a shot. I ahve heard about this method before when it comes to reading as well. Not sure which country I heard had the most success with it but anything is worth a try right now.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
27 Aug 09
Well, seeing as how you've said that she has both physical and developmental disabilities. I think if I were in your shoes, I would probably for right now accept that she is not able to use the bathroom by herself. I don't think I would be able to accept the fact that she will never be able to use the bathroom by herself. Developmentally, at what age do they say that she operates at? If they are saying that developmentally she operates at a 2-year-olds age, then it would be expected that she wouldn't be potty trained at this time. I've never had a child with disabilities, but I do think that she will reach milestones in her life and in her own time that you may never have expected out of her.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Aug 09
Well she did walk and talk and they said she wouldn't even life past three days of life so I guess I will just have to keep waiting and trying. they say mentally she is only a year or so behind but I think that is just school wise,when it comes to self care it could be further back than that in age.
@jashoaf (298)
• United States
28 Aug 09
I agree. I have a neighbor with a brain-damaged child. They said she'd be a vegetable and she is as full of life and laughter as anyone I ever met. They said she'd never crawl or walk, but I believe she will. She is seven months old, and has just mastered turning over from front to back. They said she'd be blind, but she sees quite well - her eyes wander but she can and does focus - just slower than other kids. Her parents are enjoying every day they have with her, and every milestone she accomplishes, as miracles. One day at a time is all they can do. I think, though your daughter does not sound as serious, that the principle is the same. Love her up, talk to her about the things "big girls" get to do when they go potty and stop wearing diapers. Buy her pretty lacy panties to wear when that day comes, and not before. Expect that someday she will. and don't be disappointed if today is not the day.
• United States
28 Aug 09
wow jashoaf sounds like a pretty special kid and a truly amazing one. Doctor forget about faith of the childrens parents and also the determination of a child. They said she wouldn't last three days and she still does things I never thoguht she would. I will continue to try and get her trained.
@mac1946 (1602)
• Calgary, Alberta
3 Sep 09
Hello babyangie27. I am sorry your daughter is having these problems,and for your great attitude. While my sisters bladder problem is in no way as serious as your daughters,our mother solved the problem of school harrasment by the other girls for wearing diapers,mother informed the school about her problem and they fixed it so she could go to the nurse to change her wet pants and again before gym classes to remove her plastic panties,so the other girls would not find out. She was 10 years old before the doctor would operate on her,and since then,she is fine. Some things to think about,the pull-ups are just glorified diapers that wick the wetness away from the skin,so no wet feelings. straight cloth panties,pee will just go through and be dry before to long,so again,not much in the way of wet feelings. Cloth panties with plastic panties,most of the pee will stay in the plastic and she will be able to feel it whenever she moves around,but will help keep the other kids from noticing she wet,and she will have time to take off the plastic panties and change before anyone is the wiser. this all may take time concidering her ailments,but I am sure she will make it. All my best wishes and Many Blessings to you both.
• United States
3 Sep 09
Thank you for the tips and you make some great points. I will look into getting some plastic panties for her and see if that doesn't help. I am glad your sister is ok and it is good that your mom was so good about things. It can be hard for both parent and child to have a child with any kid of issues. And kids at school can be so cruel as well.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
28 Aug 09
No don't give up. She is only 6. My 3rd daughter was very very tiny and had small kidneys and really was a problem training. I mean really a problem. She did show improvement about age 6 but still...still had some accidents. One thing that I don't agree with that you are doing is allowing her to wear pull ups. I think that gives her the sense of security to know that she can go in her pants if she doesn't feel like stopping to go to the bathroom. It won't feel weird to her because it is just like diapers and that is what she has known her entire life. When my daughter went in her pants with undies...it was uncomfortable and I did not drop everything to change her. I let her be uncomfortable for a few mins.(not long...you don't want her to get a rash). And then I made her take a bath and she hated that because often times it cut into her play time. We got the day time pretty well but at night...she often had trouble but did out grow it finally...thank goodness. Good luck and don't give up.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Aug 09
Great advice. She wears panties on occasion but even when I let her stew in them for a few minutes she still doesn't get it. But you make a good point. I will start again tomorrow and see how it goes. Glad to hear your daughter got it.
@kb5000 (110)
• United States
28 Aug 09
never give up. i am sure she will learn some way. maybe have a creative way of teaching her. this sort of training is necessary for any person.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
27 Aug 09
Hi, not sure what the medical problems are and not knowing if there are developmental problems also, but I was wondering if there was anything else you could try. Maybe your doctor could consult with some kind of an expert and get more recommendations? I know your finances are limited, but is there any kind of government help that is available?
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Aug 09
She has epilepsy,cerebral palsy,developmental delay and only one kidney and the doctor has asked her specialists and I have as well. She didn't walk or talk until much later than other children so all they keep telling me is she may get it on her own time. Some tell me there is no way of knowing when or if she will get it.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
27 Aug 09
My guess is that if she's getting it part of the time, she will get it eventually. I hope so. I guess the only way you will really know for sure is if you keep trying. That must be hard. I know how frustrating it was with my son. He finally "got it" (the #2s) when he was about 4 1/2. He has autism...
1 person likes this
@Thoroughrob (11750)
• United States
29 Aug 09
Before my son had his surgery, he went on a schedule. He still had a few accidents, but at least he would go. I think I would start by having her go on a schedule and see if then she will start telling you.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Aug 09
We wrote up a big schedule a few times and it never worked. So this time I just make her go after waking up,lunch,before snack,dinner,and before bed. It's hit and miss but it's the best we can do right now. I am proud of ehr every monring she has went and woke up with a dry pull up.
@bitoffun (203)
• United States
28 Aug 09
Oh I wouldn`t give up. She is just behind because of all her medical problems. Sooner or later she will catch up. She is only 6. Give her more time mom.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Aug 09
I am trying really hard. Stress form other things make it hard for both of us. I keep hoping it will happen sooner rather than later.
@smart44 (511)
• Philippines
28 Aug 09
sorry to hear this from you, but you need to have an extra attention with you child she is very special and needs special attention, how old is your child and what is the case? there are some studies or learning instrument for some children with special cases. Can she speak well? can she walk? tell me what is the real problem. may be i can help you.
• United States
28 Aug 09
Yes she can walk,talk and she is 6 years old. She has epilepsy,cerebral palsy,developmental delay and only one kidney. I have spoken to all her doctors and everything else with not much luck or advice that I haven't already tried from them.
@check23 (448)
• Philippines
28 Aug 09
Well being a mom is tough when it comes to problems in children but those problems are just trials in life that we must face. Mothers are the ones who guide the little ones. Maybe your child will get it someday so don't give up being her guide. It will be fine in time.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Aug 09
Yes everyone here says wait keep trying and don't give up. It may be a long and hard road but I am going to stick with it the best i can.
• United States
28 Aug 09
I think you'll just have to work rather hard at it and work on reminding her constantly to use the restroom. I know it may be frustrating but kids usually can figure it out with prompting and other techniques but it requires work on both ends of the spectrum to get them to understand when it's time to potty.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Aug 09
Yep I am going to keep trying and hopefully she will get it down pat soon.
@lynnemg (4539)
• United States
28 Aug 09
Have faith and keep trying. It sounds like she is beginning to understand if she is at least going on her own some of the time. 2 out of 10 times may only be a small percentage of the time when she does go unreminded, but it shows that she is at least beginning to understand. Here's an idea, why not set a timer to go off every hour or so, and try to get her to at least sit on the potty every time the timer goes off. Maybe she could learn to connect them all together, the timer, the potty, and using the potty, and over time, you could increase the time you set it for until she begins going without it. It may still be a reminder, and at first, youwill probably have to take her yourself each time the timer goes off, but I think that over time, it just might work. Whatever you do, please don't give up, her progress may be slow, but it is progress.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Aug 09
This is true,she is starting to get some of it. I wanted so bad to get her trained before first grade but that starts in a few weeks. Luckly she has a pera pro that helps her during the school day.
@gossipzz (500)
• Canada
27 Aug 09
Yeah I understand that children today are a little late in the potty training process. My daughter does exactly what you said. I will tell her go sit on her potty. She enjoys going on it for fun. When she wants to go number 2 she would go on my floor and then tell me she did. Now you said your daughter has a problem. Does your doctor say this is the reason. I would be a little patient with her. Try and give her praise when she does goes. Good luck. Happy lotting.
• United States
28 Aug 09
Thanks for the advice I will keep trying. I haven't given up on her over other things so I suppose I shouldn't now. It can be hard and I don't want her to get teased about it when she finally goes into first grade this year.
@mrbranan (1012)
• United States
27 Aug 09
Please don't give up. I use to work with children that have special needs they will get it if you just keep on trying and let then know you love then and aren't upset. I know children who didn't get it until they were 10 but they do. All you can do is love them.
• United States
27 Aug 09
Thanks for the encouragement and the kindness it is nice to have others to run too for a helping word during times like this.
• Brazil
28 Aug 09
i mean, maybe she'll develop it up, maybe she's got just a little tolerance to that, and after she'd develop it very well. :D
• United States
28 Aug 09
Good point.