Do you have a plan?

@meapas (2435)
India
August 27, 2009 11:56pm CST
After marriage do you have a plan for having children? Or leave it to chance? Some people are of the opinion that they must immediately go for children. Earlier the better. You can raise them when you are young and can look after them better. Some would like to have them after a couple of years. They would like to plan it out systematically and mean while enjoy the honeymoon period little longer. The problem arises in the case of late marriages. As they already have lost quite a good time, they would like to go for it as early as possible to avoid complications. Some people just don't have any such plans, they just leave it to chance. They say it is in the hands of God. When ever He wishes it will happen so why bother about it. What is your opinion about family planning? Should you plan it out? or leave it to the mercy of God? Please share your views, it might help the people who wants to get married and settle.
2 people like this
20 responses
@SomeCowgirl (32273)
• United States
1 Sep 09
I am very excited to be responding to your discussion, meapas! My fiance and I are getting married very soon and while we do not have a plan about children set forth we have decided to wait a few years. We would like to have cars and a house of our own as well as be used to paying the bills we will be expected to pay, before having children. Children can cost a lot, or so we've been told, and looking back from when we were growing up we can see how true that statement is! My advice to all is to wait, though I know some do and some don't. Try to have a plain on saving, my fiance and I are still working on that ourselves, though we will have a better idea after I myself have a job as well! Have a wonderful day meapas, and all mylotters! HAPPY MYLOTTING!
@meapas (2435)
• India
22 Sep 09
Sooooooooo sorry for being late here. I like your thoughts about a happy married life. May you get a very good job and then you can plan the way you want. Wish you all the best for a happy married life. Take care.
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32273)
• United States
8 Oct 09
It is me that should say I'm sorry for such a late response. I hope you are doing well.
@JamesKYTan (1607)
• Malaysia
22 Sep 09
My wife and I have a big age gap. I married quite late, enjoy life! Most of my friends that I hang out are all married late or still stay single till today. She had an ectopic pregnancy after marriage. She nearly lost her life. After 4 years, God bless us with a son. Later we tried again for 3 months again...and we decided to not having anymore since I am quite old and are not financially prepared! My advise will be : married when are able with a proper house at the age of 24, and should become parents at the age of 25-26.
1 person likes this
@meapas (2435)
• India
22 Sep 09
This is really a matter of surprise that you hang out with friends who married late or still stay single because I too fall in this group. I am still single by choice ofcourse. You have a great understanding of life and you are very considerate. Hope your message is well read here by mylot couples. Thanks for your response.
@jheLaichie (4439)
• Philippines
31 Aug 09
hello there my friend meapas. nice discussion you have here. anyways, i do have plans for my future. but by now that i am still single but ofcourse planning for our marriage soon. its always nice to see how would my future goes. and having our own children will always be part of it. but as for the moment we are not hurrying our plans yet. i still need to help my parents before my future will be in action. and my fiance is fine with it as well. we just need to save more first and then i know eveything else will follows. jhelai
1 person likes this
@meapas (2435)
• India
22 Sep 09
I am really sorry for this late comment but I should really appreciate your understanding for your parents. So nice of you. Your planning is perfect and may God bless you with a happy married life.
@williamjisir (22909)
• China
28 Aug 09
Hello meapas. When we got married, we did not make any plans. We just left it to chance. My wife got pregnant not long after our marriage. I was very pleased to have our first child. I consider it to be a blessing to us. I think that it is better to have a child early after getting married while we were young. Thank you for the discussion, friend.
1 person likes this
@meapas (2435)
• India
28 Aug 09
Thank you for your insight. This can be of some help to our mylot friends who are thinking of getting married or just married.
@simonelee (2721)
• China
28 Aug 09
well, yes. i think all of us has a plan but with different reasons. After getting married I chose to spend more time with my partner rather than having a children right away. I want to enjoy more time together like, tarvelling, and exploring things and by the time we are ready to have children we are much focus on them and well adjusted with each other.
@meapas (2435)
• India
28 Aug 09
Yes true at this age you need uninterrupted togetherness. This is one of the reasons. Thank you for the response.
• Pakistan
28 Aug 09
hi i currently have just plan for marriage and wikk see the other olan after it.
• United States
29 Aug 09
take it slow, no one can plan for everything. That is for sure.
@meapas (2435)
• India
30 Aug 09
Yes every thing can't be planned but every thing can't be left to chance either. To enjoy better life one should be little careful.
• Brazil
28 Aug 09
I mean it's wonderful, I really have thought about it, but look, I've thought that a lot plans we make, to the future, you know, like this 30 years yet i mean , I maybe think it is give up of chances the life could get us thru. but of course plans are wonderlful, but to right know! make what you really really would like to do, just it, live each moment, like a single time ! better they're coming up xD . each day, you get and get and get best moments, each one better than first! each day!
• United States
29 Aug 09
Live the best you want, and live the way you always want it. We all go with the flow, and wants to enjoy every moment of our lives, don't we?
@meapas (2435)
• India
30 Aug 09
We all wish enjoyable moments in life and so a good planning is also necessary.
@Galena (9124)
28 Aug 09
my plan is to carry on trying not to have any children.
• United States
29 Aug 09
My plan is the same as Galena's, but mainly because I'm almost 48 and feel I'm way too old to have children! lol But when I was younger my ex-husband and I did plan to start having children about a year after we were married. I think that some planning is good, at least as far as being financially ready. In our case even with the planning it just never happened, and we never went as far as finding out if there was a medical reason why. Fortunately I have nieces and great-nieces and nephews that I get to spend time with. :)
@meapas (2435)
• India
30 Aug 09
To have children or not to have is an individual opinion. After all it is your life. You should know better.
• United States
28 Aug 09
I think it is good to plan, but ultimately our plans can fail. We did not mind having children right away in our marriage but it did not happen for six years. That seems like such a long time. Now after 32 years of marriage and the loss of three children out of four, I realize that no matter what, it is more important to grow in love, loyalty, kindness and commitment. All the rest is good but not essential.
@meapas (2435)
• India
30 Aug 09
We can do only whatever we can. The rest lies with God. Everything don't go as planned but still we have to be more careful. Yes love and loyalty is very essential. There can't be a happy life without this.
• United States
30 Aug 09
It is all about God, love, and balance.
• United States
31 Aug 09
I think that it is a good idea to have some sort of plan in mind, that both of you can deal with. Personally, I got married at 25 years old, and I already felt like my "clock" was ticking. But, knowing that we weren't quite ready financially, we decided to wait just a little while. It was also very nice to be able to spend some quality time as a newly married couple without having to worry about children right away. I did become pregnant toward the end of our first year of marriage, and we both felt that we were more prepared at that point, as we had had a little alone time, and we could manage it financially. Waiting almost a year really isn't that long, but it was enough for the both of us. Truthfully, the best thing to do is have a general idea of what both want in the relationship, and then go from there. No plan ever has to be completely set in stone, and if you both decide you are ready, then I say go for it. Just make sure you are both ready.
@meapas (2435)
• India
31 Aug 09
Yes to lead a better married life a good planning is very important. We can look after the family better. Thanks for the response.
• United States
29 Aug 09
aFter my marriage yes i have a plan having a children if Gods will.having a baby it blessing.
@meapas (2435)
• India
30 Aug 09
Having children is a blessing from God. To lead a better secured life we should have a good planning too.
• United States
29 Aug 09
I was married 5 years ago, and we planned, according to our faith, to leave it up to God! As it happened, I have yet to become pregnant, but I now see that this was the right thing. I look back and laugh now - as I was brought up as a Christian, with the teaching of nothing (well, not NOTHING!) before marriage, I did wait, and heeded all those dire warnings that of course good Christian girls who strayed would IMMEDIATELY get pregnant (pretty much the minute they accepted a date, I think!) Don't get me wrong, I am not mocking those who taught me, there were many good reasons and I saw many positive examples of that life lived out in front of me. But this all mean't that as a newlywed, I was pretty much diving into the bathroom with a test...um....every time!....lol... Anyway, back to the point....I have diabetes and a couple of other medical complications, and this and our financial situation would make it very difficult to consider a baby right now. So, I really think the planning thing is very individual to the couple, and different for each woman, some being more maternal than others, some hoping to have children soon and some not.
@meapas (2435)
• India
30 Aug 09
To have children and when to have children are all individualistic. Sometimes even a good planning backfires. Still we have to have a good planning in life for better life.
@clorissa123 (4930)
• United States
29 Aug 09
It really depends on people's preference. For me, I personally would love to have children immediately after married, or before married. Because I personally love children, and I would "die" to have 2 or 3 children all around me. Also, I have to communicate this matter with my spouse for discussion. It is not entirely base on my decision. Sometimes, communication with your spouse is a good start, and great planning.
@meapas (2435)
• India
30 Aug 09
Such a decision has to be taken after mutual consultation. Children brings happiness. They are the main reason for us to live.
• China
29 Aug 09
Well, I'm single now but for me, I guess after I was married, I would like to not have a baby quite soon, just waiting and making preparation for that, I would let myself more sophiscated to afford my kid's growing up. If I do not have the ability to raise my kid well then I would like to take a while and work hard on it until that become true.
@meapas (2435)
• India
30 Aug 09
Yes that is a good approach to a happy married life. One should be very farsighted. Thanks for your insight.
@zanragtg (27)
• Indonesia
28 Aug 09
I have aspirations to be a programmer , and I have a (1-2)year target to get a job and married at age 24, now I'm on 3rd semester (my college), I hope i can find and get my job (expectations ) Ammeen
@meapas (2435)
• India
30 Aug 09
Finish your studies and get a good job. Try to be financially stable and then go for settling down. Plan it out in a systematic way.
@vandana7 (55367)
• India
28 Aug 09
To be honest, people should have children considering the future prospects of a child rather than use this gift of god to prove their biological capabilities to the world. If they have adequate means to provide for child's future then by all means having a child immediately after marriage is the right thing. If however addition of child to the family might lead to bringing down all standards, and the child cannot be provided education without help from outside family, then waiting would be more advisable. I know government provides help for schooling in countries like the United States. But fellow students are likely to look down upon the child for taking such help. Under these circumstances, avoiding such help is better than planning with such possibilities.
@meapas (2435)
• India
30 Aug 09
To lead a well secured and a happy life a good planning is very important. Every newly wed couple should go with this kind of mindset.
@marctiu (830)
• Philippines
28 Aug 09
My opinion on family planning is that both the husband and the wife should decide on what to be done after entering the marriage life. It's nice to have a plan than to have something unplanned and unsure of what to do in times of trouble. Some people might wonder why planning is important. Well, planning is really important because in planning you can prepare and foresee what you want to happen in your life and you are ready for all the consequences that may take place in that decision of your plans. It's very ideal for people today should plan to enjoy the fullness of life and not live life in the mercy of God. Preparing is also part of planning that helps us control our problems that arises from the plan. Deciding on how many child, the age gaps, the method to be use are some of basic family planning. You can surf the web for more details of family planning.
@meapas (2435)
• India
30 Aug 09
In order to lead a happy life a good family planning is needed. This is very important for a well secured future. Thanks for the response.
28 Aug 09
I would like to be able to leave it to chance from God. I would like to get married knowing that no contraception is needed as I would be able to fully support my child. In my opinion, a couple should get married knowing that if they want children together they are ready for this. So I guess planning is needed in the way that I would plan to be ready for whenever God finds me to be ready aswell. I would want to have enough money and support ready for my child. I hope that any man I married would feel that the honeymoon period wasn't just for a short time and we felt happy and newly married for a while.
@meapas (2435)
• India
30 Aug 09
Good planning is good for all concerned. Think well and act.Life can be more enjoyable. Thanks for your response.
• United States
28 Aug 09
i think its best to plan that kind of thing as much as possible since some people just have kids without thinking first then cant pay for or care for them etc.. i am not having kids and made sure of it (personal and health reasons) so since i didnt want to have them i made it to where there was no chance so i wouldnt end up in a bad situation later
@meapas (2435)
• India
30 Aug 09
Yes good planning always helps us all. After all it is our life. We just can't go on living without planning. We will end up suffering.
@preethaanju (3000)
• India
28 Aug 09
When i was still in the womb, i had planned not to come to this world. But the doctor's and nurses pulled me to this earth. So my plan failed. When i was still very young, i had plans not to go to school and enjoy my life playing. But my parents wouldnt let me do that. So that plan failed too. Whn i ws a teenager, i had planned to love a girl of my choice. But that girl went for another. Failure number three. When i was ready to earn my bread, i planned to become a doctor, but i ended sitting behind the clerk's desk... at 45 am still wondering what went wrong in my planning... I got the answer... I struck on another plan.. I planned not to plan again. I am happy now, to live my life on a daily basis as nature would want me to live thx
@meapas (2435)
• India
28 Aug 09
Yes experience is the mother of all teachings. Thanks for sharing your experience. Wish you better luck with your plannings.