I need serious advice on my 7 yr old sons temper!!!

United States
August 30, 2009 5:18am CST
Soo as most of my friends here know we have been threw hell in the last 4 yrs..at age 3 he was molested by an older boy and made to do disgusting things,,got therepy etc..for that..last year same boy threw a HUGE rock at the back of his head and knocked him out,same year i almost died and became deathly ill and Sky almost lost me for good,and found the man i was going to marry and lived with us was teh one doing it and made Sky sick too..this year new boyfriend,..turned out to be evil in his own ways..along with bad temper,sore losing..which Sky had became after age 5..My child has gone threw HELLLLL!!! and he has had alot of councelling and therepy and nothing seems to be working on his bad temper..or poor sportsmanship..he hates to lose and cries,whines..just really pi$$ed! hes a great boy with a great heart..but lately if things havent gone his way he snaps and i dont knwo what else to do..he doesnt hit kids unless they are hitting him,hes not bully material but can be just damned mean at them and he never used to be and i dont know whats going on with him..is there any advice for me? can anyone help me? I appreciate all your responses! thank u! April
5 people like this
15 responses
• United States
30 Aug 09
I'm so to hear that you and your son are going through all that. Children just don't know how to do with their feelings and anger so maybe that's why he acts out. It sounds like he's been through a lot at such a very young age and he may be overwhelmed with emotions and just doesn't know how to deal with them. You are doing the right thing by taking him to counseling and therapy and it may take a long time for him to have a breakthrough there. I went though a very rough patch with my daughter and I felt so alone and helpless. She was eventually diagnosed as ADHD and given meds and counseling and she is doing much better now. Before the diagnose she had rage issues and would hit me and my parents when she was upset or frustrated. Just hang in there and things will work out for you. It sounds like you're doing everything you can to help him. Good luck.
3 people like this
• United States
1 Sep 09
hello there taterkitty..i am so very curious how u got your name..plz share:) Thank yo so much for your post,its nice to know so many total strangers care and are theer for me in this time of need and worry..i know hes overwhelmed and yet it worries me that tthe therepy and counceling isnt working but your right,it coudl take a very long time for it to be effective,.hes has gone threw so much..I am happy to hear your little one is doing better..thanks again..April
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Sep 09
My name comes from my cat. lol His name is Taters.
2 people like this
@syankee525 (6295)
• United States
30 Aug 09
one i hope that boy got put away for along time, two if anyone throws a rock at my kids, people can come and vistit me on sunday in jail. hope he got locked up for that too. and your b/f if he's a jerk toss him to the curb. now your son, he been something no kids should go through at all, i feel for him for real. he could be suffering post manic ok dont know how to spell the word. with what he gone through could have done lots of damage to him mentally. keep looking help for him. get either a unlce or a male be part of his life. someone who will be a postive role modle for him. good luck to you and your son
3 people like this
• United States
1 Sep 09
what ? man they should have done more to that boy. there is a mental issue going on. but i feel your son for real. his dad should be there for him. sorry. but yeah get him into some kind of karte. ok spelled that wrong. well best of luck to you and your son.
3 people like this
• United States
4 Sep 09
i know..and it ticked me off so badly..soo tired of the system on teh worng side..espeically when it comes to small children..and his dad..hes there when he can.he calls..emails..IM's..web cams,he tried but he lives so far away..but Sky is ok with it for now..i just wish someone woudl teach that boy a lesson..he neeeds help and in a home or facility where they can help so he doesnt turn out to be a molester..rapist,,etc...thank ya hun for your kind words..take care!
1 person likes this
• Japan
30 Aug 09
Hi, i am a little deaf as i was child, luckily my body was body, and I had fierce eyes,most of classmate were afraid of me, when a few strong classmate wanted to become kings of us(laugh), my wrist and scrap were not weak, i didn't afraid i got injured, i stood at the front of these guys clamly,YOU DON'T AFRAID, at last they chickened out, well, this method may be not usefull, i have thrown a brick on someone's head and almost killed him as i was little kid, so guys heard my deed and dare not annoy me.(laugh) it is so dangerous for kids to do throwing. Enjoy mylot!
3 people like this
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
30 Aug 09
You're in a tough situation there, friend. First, I'd like that older boy to be locked up and do counseling and be made to never be close to any kid. Second, I think it's high time you stop dating for now because it seems you're attracting the wrong type of people, thus having a huge impact on your son's personality. Third, be with your son more. I think what's bothering him is the fact that he cannot cope with the situations you yourself are in and he cannot adjust and his comfort zone or safety blanket is by losing his temper. I could well understand this because I have a student (who's now in college) who used to have a similar temper loss with your son. He told me that it was because he wasn't given time to adjust and though he knew he's doing something bad, he just can't help it. I think one good thing you could do is by introducing him to a new environment. Transfer homes if you must. That kid has a lot of baggage in his lifetime and having to be in the same environment won't make the bad things go away as fast. My student told me, he only was okay when he was in high school. Though there are still times he couldn't control his temper, he told me that the best thing his mom did was to change the environment he was in and by constantly talking to him and assuring him that he is being listened to. Good luck!
2 people like this
@roberten (3131)
• United States
31 Aug 09
cloud_kicker_32, I agree with laydee on this one. You should put yourself and your son first for a change. Get the heck out of that place, make a new start and be there for your son. Talk to him and listen, really listen and hear what he has to say. You need to connect with him because all the bad things in your past have caused a disconnection. You need to get in touch with yourself to find out why you are making bad choices in the company you keep. You will not be able to help your son if you can't help yourself; a drowning person cannot save someone else. Relocate, renew, refocus, reconnect, reassure, rebuild; this is not just an issue with your son, it is a family issue. You should try to break the cycle of being a victim. Children often react according to lessons learned at home, they watch our every move and them emulate what they see. When things do not go so right for children, they have difficulty expressing their feelings because they do not have the prior experience nor proper volcabulary to be able to express their feelings fully; this can cause acting out, anger and/or rage. The biggest thing your son needs is you. One of the biggest fears a child has is lossing a parent; fear causes all kinds of negative behavior. You are the key to helping your son restore his mental/emotional health. He may never completely recover from the horrific drama he has already lived through, but he can certainly be given the opportunity for a much better life. I applaud you for all you have done, you are headed in the right direction; but I employ your to not neglect your own mental and emotional issues. Make yourself whole so that you can also help your son. Lay off men for a while until you figure out just who you are and what it is in life you want before you try dating again. Seperate your personal life from your family life for a while until you re-establish cohesion within your family. Be the best mom you can be, love yourself, love your son; and remember, this too shall pass. Many blessing to you both.
2 people like this
• United States
1 Sep 09
I had both of you together on this comment and i had to paste this so i could answer both of you..so here we go.. The boy just got a slap on the wrist,i agree with the dating thing,though i havent dated but 3 times in 4 years,and i have met them from all different angles,but i already have decided not to date for a very long time again..and be more with my son?? where in what i wrote did you get i spend no time with my son? i am with him all day long playing,reading, play grounds,everything i do with my life involves my son,i maybe get 3 times a year without him,,we talk about everything,and he tells me everything,good and bad,i was greatly offended that you both attacked me on not being with him and needing to spend more time with him,and i have moved and things are still the same..thank you very much for your post, April You're in a tough situation there, friend. First, I'd like that older boy to be locked up and do counseling and be made to never be close to any kid. Second, I think it's high time you stop dating for now because it seems you're attracting the wrong type of people, thus having a huge impact on your son's personality. Third, be with your son more. I think what's bothering him is the fact that he cannot cope with the situations you yourself are in and he cannot adjust and his comfort zone or safety blanket is by losing his temper. I could well understand this because I have a student (who's now in college) who used to have a similar temper loss with your son. He told me that it was because he wasn't given time to adjust and though he knew he's doing something bad, he just can't help it. I think one good thing you could do is by introducing him to a new environment. Transfer homes if you must. That kid has a lot of baggage in his lifetime and having to be in the same environment won't make the bad things go away as fast. My student told me, he only was okay when he was in high school. Though there are still times he couldn't control his temper, he told me that the best thing his mom did was to change the environment he was in and by constantly talking to him and assuring him that he is being listened to. Good luck! roberten,You have upset me on so many levels,you dont know me and i dont know where you also got that im not there for my son or spend time with him..or the fact you think i dont listen to him,he and I have a very strong relationship,we talk everyday abotu everyting,good,bad and just things.amd like i told laydee there is never a time of day im not here with my son,physically or mentally or emotionally,there is NOOOO DISCONNECTION..again where did you get that in what I wrote??? Whats going on is for a year bad things happened,wetalked abotu what Bobby did and why I got sick,he knows why he got sick,and hes glad hes gone,he knows he had nothing to do with it,and why is it MEEE THAT MAKE A BAD DECISION IN WHO I DATED? why isnt it the fact some people are just BADDDD..the fact that my ex was trying to kill me for my money,was all him notttt mee..he dated a friend of mine and he wasnt like that with her..so why do u think it was myy fault hes acted as he did? And why do you think because the other i dated had a bad temper? Do you have any idea how many other people have bad tempers and dont control it??? So where do you get off saying it was MY FAULT AND I NEED TO FIND MYSELF? i have dated 3 times in 4 years..and i get 2 bad apples and its all me? And break what cycle of being a victim??? I was almost killed,hell i did die and they brought me back,victim ? maybe..but only to an almost homocide..the only time i wasnt here for Sky was when i was in the hospital and when he was arressted i got better fast..and we talked abotu everything that happened and he was never afraid to ask any questions..what i do agree with is what happened with both men and my sickness has caused a build up,he never cried or talked to anyone about it when it all happened..just me when i was better,im sorry if i sound rude,mean or just pi$4ed off..but i am..im sure you didnt mean any offense but i read this over and over again and it just angered me beyond belief... roberten (1379) ranked 1,700 out of 33,893 in people 1 day ago cloud_kicker_32, I agree with laydee on this one. You should put yourself and your son first for a change. Get the heck out of that place, make a new start and be there for your son. Talk to him and listen, really listen and hear what he has to say. You need to connect with him because all the bad things in your past have caused a disconnection. You need to get in touch with yourself to find out why you are making bad choices in the company you keep. You will not be able to help your son if you can't help yourself; a drowning person cannot save someone else. Relocate, renew, refocus, reconnect, reassure, rebuild; this is not just an issue with your son, it is a family issue. You should try to break the cycle of being a victim. Children often react according to lessons learned at home, they watch our every move and them emulate what they see. When things do not go so right for children, they have difficulty expressing their feelings because they do not have the prior experience nor proper volcabulary to be able to express their feelings fully; this can cause acting out, anger and/or rage. The biggest thing your son needs is you. One of the biggest fears a child has is lossing a parent; fear causes all kinds of negative behavior. You are the key to helping your son restore his mental/emotional health. He may never completely recover from the horrific drama he has already lived through, but he can certainly be given the opportunity for a much better life. I applaud you for all you have done, you are headed in the right direction; but I employ your to not neglect your own mental and emotional issues. Make yourself whole so that you can also help your son. Lay off men for a while until you figure out just who you are and what it is in life you want before you try dating again. Seperate your personal life from your family life for a while until you re-establish cohesion within your family. Be the best mom you can be, love yourself, love your son; and remember, this too shall pass. Many blessing to you both.
2 people like this
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
4 Sep 09
I don't see where your aggravation comes from since first of all we both don't know your real story nor know you, we only see what you post. You neither posted you spent most of your time with him in the first place. As for the bad choice of men, well, once would be called a 'lesson learned' but twice would mean bad company, right? Anyhow, when you opened up yourself to mylot by posting this discussion, you should be well aware that we're here to post our ideas and I don't think neither one of us intended to irritate or agitate you. You asked for our opinion by posting this topic. But perhaps your sons temper comes from you thinking negatively of what others say.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Aug 09
You may want to add my wife Lacey she is on my friend's list and she went through her son being molested at the age of 4 by his teacher. So maybe she can help you out. She is on my friend's list, so just add her if you want. I believe she will be in tonight or tomorrow. She can maybe give you some pointer's as well.
2 people like this
• United States
31 Aug 09
At least I found one police man that fight's for the children's right's. Rather then taking money for a payoff to keep it quiet.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Sep 09
thank you so much patrol:) are you talking about the lacy under this post? and Since she posted under you i hope she gets this...I dont have any idea what you mean by this comment hun about the police and bribing i think it said? can you explain..im sorry you lost me lol..thank ya both for posting:)
1 person likes this
@Stephanie5 (2947)
• United States
1 Sep 09
Temper Tantrum - kids throwing 'fits', temper tantrums
I can tell you right now that you are probably not going to like what I'm about to say. It's going to probably sting a little bit, but they say "The truth hurts". Your son's problem is with you! He is angry at you for 'allowing' everything he has been through to happen. I have 4 sons and a daughter and I have the same problem out of my middle son. He's the angriest kid you've ever seen. He flies off the handle at the drop of a dime. So, I ask you this... How do YOU re-act when you get upset? Does he act/show his frustrations like you do? And the boyfriends? How many have you had? Have you had a steady home, school, etc? You really need to not have a boyfriend at all until you work things out with him. He needs you to himself. YOu need to prove to him that you will protect him. He is looking for that from YOU, not anyone else. Do you yell alot instead of calmly asking him what's wrong? I'm asking you all these things because these are just SOME of the things I realized I was doing wrong. I'm not meaning to offend. You don't even have to post your answers on here, but think about it. Kids learn what they SEE. And if you want him to better, you have to be better and keep all 'bad' out of your lives. I wish you the best of luck. I still have a longggg ways to go! Message me if you need to!:-)
@34momma (13896)
• United States
1 Sep 09
oh honey i am so sorry to hear about all you and your baby boy has gone through. I would continue getting him professional help. I would also recommend you find him a big brother. A man in his life that is not dating his mom, but is just there for him. to teach him how to win and lose like a winner. I would also recommend you either not dating or not bring men you are interested around your son for a while. just so you son sees that you are focused on just him. if you must date do so without him being involved or knowing about it. right now you need to have him know you are 100% here for him. I pray that things work out. and trust me lots of hugs and kisses, and telling him how great he is will help
@bird123 (10484)
• United States
1 Sep 09
Yes, your son has been through a lot. Number 1 Your child needs lots of extra love from you. Give plenty of hugs and soft kind words. Next, your child is just feeling then reacting. Perhaps has picked up some bad habits. When you catch this action, hug him and take him for his time out to a private place. Let him calm down then make him think. Such things like: Is this what you want to be? Does hurting others really make you feel better? It doesn't matter what everyone else does. It's what you do that counts!!Also lots of hugs and get him to open up. Let him spill his guts. Listen!!!! In short, lots of love, lots of communication, lots of reason and thinking, lots of pointing in the right direction. Never ignore such action for if you do, you are telling him this behavior is acceptable. You son needs you!!!!!! This will take a bit of work but few things worth while come easy. I believe in you!!!
2 people like this
• United States
31 Aug 09
My son was molested by his teacher when he was 5 year's old. Life is not easy after something like that. In fact I had to handle all of that alone, my husband at the time refused to even listen to anything, or to even try and help. I personally have to say it was not easy for me. But I made it through everything. I gave up my home, just to keep my son safe. I moved from that State because I had, had enough. Due to the stress, I had 3 heart attack's. My son still talk's about the teacher every now and then, but not often. Of course they finally fixed the problem, because a man shot the teacher finally he had, had enough. It will alway's be there in their mind's. There is nothing that you can do about that. My son has a temper as well, it is something that they show alot after going through what they have, We as parent's just need to realize what is in their mind's. It is their way of fighting back, for what was done to them.
@hotsummer (10413)
• Philippines
31 Aug 09
i just think that this kid needs lot of understanding and attention and love. and most specially good environment. don't expose him to people or kids that may trigger his temper and have him with good friends only around. if you can't find him good kids then just be his friend and don't let him near those who will be a bad influence for him. as he is still a kid he still needs lot of things to learn. he needs someone to look up to and to imitate and model his own behavior. so just be an example for him.
2 people like this
@lynnemg (4539)
• United States
30 Aug 09
You and your son are so full of pain. I can actually hear it in your words. I would like to say that things will be all better real soon, but the truth is that it is going to take a lot of time, patience, and communication between the two of you to get through it. You stated that your son has been through therapy and counselling. Did it really help? When my son went through something similar at 5 years old, he told me that he didn't want to talk to someone he didn't know about things. He wanted to talk to me, so that's what we did. We talked all of the time, and still do, but only when he feels the need. Counselling is great for some, but for others, it is like forcing them to relive things over and over again, keeping their minds on the past and therefore; not moving forward. Does that make sense? The emotions come from the pain he is feeling. He needs to feel safe and secure and at this point, he does not feel that way. You said that he alomost lost you, and you have dated since then. I am not saying not to date, I am saying that from his point of view right now, any man that is in your life may try to kill you. He doesn't quite understand yet that just because one person was bad that others may not be. THis has created a major trust issue within him. The only way I know to break down that wall he has built inside is to talk to him, but don't force it. He is afraid, hurt, and almost every other emotion you can think of.You are in this together and you have to work and talk together to get through. He needs to know that you are there to listen whenever he wants to talk. He needs to knwo that you will not judge him, become angry, punish him, or leave him for the things he may want or need to say. He needs to know without a doubt that no matter what happens in life, you will always be right there for him to turn to. Most of us Mothers try to make that known to our kids, but at times like these, they need to hear us say the words, and to even hear us talk about our emotions and ecn see is cry. I know that in the case of my son, he still has his days, but he knows that he can come to me. It really has helped him.
2 people like this
@mrbranan (1012)
• United States
30 Aug 09
I am very sorry that your son has went through these horrible things. I know as a mother I put bounderies on my children. If they do something wrong they have punishment. It is probably harder for you than for me to punish your child with everything he has been through. That being said there is a time to be a friend and a time to be a parent. I know I wouldn't like it much if another child was mean to my child. I have to also look at it from another childs and parents point of view. When a child is mean to yours doesn't it upset you.
2 people like this
@Debs_place (10525)
• United States
2 Sep 09
You & your little boy have been through a lot and it sounds like you both maybe lacking in self confidence. How a bout you get your son in some activities to build his confidence. Maybe karate. Find an instructor that is strong on discipline and self control etc. Your son will be encouraged by someone he looks up to and can be trusted. My son took Karate for years, he changed his clothing at home and was never alone (no chance for any kind of abuse). Since your son will only be competing with himself and his instructor should encourage him to test only when he is ready, this will help build his confidence. As he progresses, he can be encouraged to help other less experienced kids, who will be both younger and older - again a confidence builder Your son will be encourage to control his temper and by doing physical activity will have an outlet for his anger. You both need counseling.
1 person likes this
• Australia
3 Oct 09
It sounds to me like your son has lacked consistancey with the men in your life, that is to say, they have been around long enough for your son to form an attatchment to them, and then left. It can be very hard on a child when that happens, but there isn't a lot you can do about it, except reassure your son that you will be there for him, even if no one else is. The other thing is, all that therapy at such a young age can actually do more harm to a child than good. At the age of 3, your son had no idea that what happened to him was wrong, he was just too young. By sending him to therapy, it taught him that bad things happened, it probably also taught him that to get attention, all he has to do is do something that warrants therapy. The idea of too much of that sort of attention comes to mind. Sometimes, it is better if you are the one who sits down and chats with him. I'm not saying you did the wrong thing at all, because you didn't, but psychologists now say that a child under the age of 5 shouldn't be pushed into so much therapy for fear of giving them a complex like what your son now has. Being a single mum must be hard, because you can't take a break even if you wanted to. The other thing that comes to mind, is he is constantly being picked on by other kids, or has been in the past, so he hasn't learnt that kids can be kind. He has learnt that they are mean and spiteful, so maybe finding some kids that aren't would help, and letting their parents know that your son can act out at times, but he doesn't mean it. It certainly is a hard situation to be in. just so you don't feel so alone, we have a 5 year old who screams at the top of her lungs if she doesn't get her own way, and that girl can scream for hours on end!
@kylanie (1205)
• United States
22 Sep 09
I applaud you for having the strength to deal with all this and in a way I can understand where you are coming from see my son was 11 and his own dad molested him and he does not want to talk about it I have had him and his sister in counselling several times over this he has been in and out of several mental hospitals and the dad did not go to jail over this but over wanting endangerment I am just hoping and praying my son does not end up like him but keep up the good work