Parents and Children: Let's talk about privacy...

Philippines
August 31, 2009 7:47pm CST
For Parents: Say you have a 26 year old daughter. One day, you walk into her room to clean the floor and she's not there, then you saw her bag underneath the bed. Would you open it, or would you just place it atop a table so you could start cleaning the floor? Let us pretend that you opened it and you saw her planner/journal. Would you read it? Okay, say you flip the pages, not really reading it, but you saw that your daughter has written a lot, you get so curios about it so would you dare to continue reading it? Or would you rather keep it again and respect the privacy of your daughter? For Sons and daughters: What if your parents had read your planner/journal? What would you feel? Would that be just okay because they are your parents? Are being they children enough reason to forget the word privacy that they can go through on your things without your permission? If your parent wants to know something about you, would it be nice if they would just ask? Your thoughts?
6 people like this
20 responses
@advokatku (4033)
• Indonesia
1 Sep 09
as parents : I must open and read thats book. I must know about what my child thinks
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
1 Sep 09
Wouldn't it be better to build communication and trust with your child?
• Philippines
2 Sep 09
I understand that curiosity. But I agree with sid, if you want to know something about your child, you can just ask! As parents, I think they have the responsibilty of encouraging good communication between them and their child. Talking is more appropriate rather than going through their things without them knowing it.
• Australia
1 Sep 09
My first thought is why is a 26yr old having her parents clean her room for her??? Maybe i am a little old fashion but I believe once you are over 20 you are a young adult and you should start actign like one and taking responsibilty for yourself. Parents should respect the privacy of their adult child. You would hope at 26yrs old you would know how you child thinks and acts and hope that you did a good job bringing them up therefore not needign to spy on them by reading their jornal
• Philippines
1 Sep 09
I am from a different country and when talking about house management, usually mothers here loves and are fond of doing general cleaning of the "entire" house once or twice a month. And entire means entire house! Every corner of it. Sorry for the confusion.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Sep 09
If there is some reason my 26 year old daughter still has to live at home , she better at least be cleaning her own room . I wouldn't be cleaning it for her . This is an adult not a child and the only reason I would look in her private things might be if I thought she was doing something illegal. I don't believe in snooping around your kids private things unless you can't trust them . If there is some reason you can't trust them , then it is your job to snoop , after all it is your house and you have the right to know what's going on.
1 person likes this
@bonbon664 (3466)
• Canada
1 Sep 09
Firstly, I wouldn't be cleaning a 26 year olds room. If for some freaky reason I had my 26 year old living with me, I wouldn't be reading her private books. She's an adult, and has right to her privacy.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
1 Sep 09
I am a parent. Both my daughters age 23 & 24 just moved back in due to circumstances. I have a small place and things are pretty cramped right about now. I see their stuff here and about. As far as I'm concerned, they are adults. I would never invade their privacy. To be honest, I would not even go in to their room to clean. That is up to them to do. I would never consider reading their journal ...wouldn't do it. I have a 15 yr old and I don't go in her room to clean. She keeps it clean on her own. Unless I have real reason to believe she is into something that could hurt her...I would never ever read her journal or invade her privacy. Heck...I don't even know if she has a journal.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
2 Sep 09
LOL, your daughter is good in keeping her journal then. I like your answer as well, I like it when you said that you have real reason to believe she is into something that could hurt her- I think this is more of being concerned to your daughter, and that is one good characteristic. thank you for the response.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
1 Sep 09
my-January hi for parents and kids parents respect your 'daughters privacy and kids vice versa. Nobody should 'reead anyones diary at any time.this is an invasion of privacy.if you are concerned about your daughter ask her about your concerns. dont snoop in her diary or other things.do you or would you want her to go through your private papers.no of course not.Parents must respect their children and children must be taught to respect their parents.do not snoop in private papers or diaries.they are not yours.
• Philippines
2 Sep 09
I agree with you hatley. I like it when you said to not snoop in private papers or diaries as they are not yours- that was strong but very sensible. Yes those things are sole responsibility of the owner, so we should not mind it, we have our own business.
@maxilimian (3099)
• Indonesia
1 Sep 09
I think that's will be ok, as long as the son didn't know it, and the parents didn't talk anything about what their daughter writes on it, it is just for parents, like another guidance to know when their daughter needs to talk about the problem she face one day ... of course without telling their daughter privacy I think by doing so, you can say the parents keeping their daughter privacy locked But in the ages of 26 years old, i think she can clean up her own room, and the parents could leave it to her daughter be own master, so they didn't enter, clean and read the daughter diary
@agv0419 (3022)
• Philippines
1 Sep 09
I think you should respect the privacy of your daughter. In our country we still live in our parents even if we are in a legal age. I think you leave the bag at it is don't because I think your daughter going to gets angry if she found out that you open and read her personal things. I'm the one who clean our house sometimes if I'm have more energy I do general cleaning.
@peavey (16936)
• United States
1 Sep 09
I agree with the first poster. There is no way I would clean my 26 year old daughter's room - and I DO have a 26 year old daughter. She's been living on her own for several years now. It's none of my business what's in her bag, unless she chooses to share it with me.
• Philippines
2 Sep 09
That is correct, you know I was thinking that way as well, I don't have business over other people's whereabouts unless that person shares it with me. Thank you for responding.
@Stephanie5 (2946)
• United States
1 Sep 09
As a parent, Curiousity would probably get the best of me. But, I shouldn't look. She's grown and it's her business. As the child, Parent still shouldn't be allowed to read it. As a person in general, if you read it, I'm gonna be mad!
@gary1125 (173)
• Australia
1 Sep 09
I think it's better to have privacy, and it is not the old days when parents could make you to do whatnot. But I think it's not a big deal, you can talk to your parent. It's ok, till now, but only your parents dont understand that, then you probably need to ask suggestions in "Questoin and Answer" Section in mylot
• Philippines
2 Sep 09
Yeah every person should have privacy. yes I think talking it over is a good idea. Thanks for the response.
@lelin1123 (15595)
• Puerto Rico
1 Sep 09
I would probably be tempted to read it but then wouldn't. I would be afraid of finding out something really bad then I couldn't comfort her because then she would know I read her journal and then she would never trust me again. So I wouldn't read it. As for my own journal when growing up it was called a diary back then and I never had anything bad in there that my parents couldn't read. If they had read it though I would feel it was an invasion of my privacy.
• India
1 Sep 09
If i were cleaning her room i would not peep into her handbag or her journals. Even if she would have written about me i would wait for her to tell me about it. If at all she had secrets she would not have left her handbag and journals just like that.
• United States
3 Sep 09
Well, not to be mean what so ever, but I really don't know any adults at that age that are still living at home, and have their mother clean their room lol, so this is kinda different for me. My mother used to snoop through my stuff, including my garbage, and I hated it! Journals are private for reason! Even now, I would get angry if someone deliberately read my journal without my consent. I can see why some parents would read their young child/teenager's journal because they are desperate to know what is goingon with them, which is wrong, but a 26 year old? lol, she is an adult, and reading her journal is even more insane lol.
1 Sep 09
My mum hasn't cleaned my room since I was nine I'm 17 and still live at home. I hoover and tidy everything myself because its my stuff so I don't worry about her going through my things. But if she did I would be extremely annoyed if she didn't ask my permisson. I think everyone is entitled to their privacy to some extent and I would rather my mum just asked me instead of snooping around.
• India
2 Sep 09
even if it is a teenager I would respect their privacy, as I would lik othrs to respect mine... privacy is a vital part of everybody's life and its frustrating to knw tat one can spy on u...
@deebomb (15304)
• United States
1 Sep 09
Hello my january. Here in the United States We feel it is our job to train our children to become independent pretty much by the time they are at least 21. They are considered adults by the time they are 18, even though some of them don't act like it. It is hoped by most parents that they are out on their own by then. My kids would have had a fit if I were to go into their room to clean. If I did there is no way i would have felt comfortable reading their journal or even open their bag. by the time they are 26 their private lives are their own and none of my business.
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
1 Sep 09
My perspective is that of a daughter, and daughter in law. My fiance and I live with his parents, that is why I include in laws. I no longer keep a diary, and in fact hardly did. I think the most time I kept a diary was on the computer, on a website where I could log in and out. Now, if then or now I did / were to have a journal, and my parents, grandparents, or in laws were to snoop I would be very much upset. Though I follow their rules, and had followed my grandparents and parents rules (maybe not to the extent I should have, but I was a rebel in certain ways) I feel that that should not and does not give anyone reason to snoop. I could understand asking me years later after I'd written in it, or after I'd matured. I gave my mom a little lisa frank book that I believe to have been my diary. I didn't write much, just childless meanderings, and really when I say not much I mean just a few little sayings, and stickers... In any case, when I lived with my grandparents my grandmother was none too swift with keeping a person's privacy private, so as to say, she was a snoop. Not sure if she still is now though, as like I said above, I live with my in laws. Sorry for such a long dialogue... lol. I hope that answered your questions...
@syankee525 (6261)
• United States
1 Sep 09
well first of all she's 26 why would i clean her room? i would tell her to clean it not me. and no i wouldn't read it. she's 26 yr old now and she has her own life and her own bleifes. plus me or my wife dont have to because we have an open relationship with not only our daughter but our son too. we talk about everything, this even go for some nephews and neices as well out kids freinds. that is one problme with some parnets they dont talk with thier kids with an open mind.
@pengbubu (1011)
• China
1 Sep 09
I am a 23 years old man, if my parents saw my journal, I think I am OK. Even through I don't have a journal. I think I don't have to hide anything from my parents, I am who I am. But if I have a 26 years old daughter, when I am old, I mean. I think I won't look at her journal because she is old enough to handle her life, she is an adult. She has her own life and she has to take the responsibility for it.
• Philippines
1 Sep 09
I am really an open book person and i do not like to keep a diary as I am very pretty sure about myself i have nothing to hides. If my parents read my notes it is still alright I would not feel angry as I really like to maintain open relationship with my parents. When I am in doubts I ask for their advices and I am very confident to myself that I have nothing to hide.
@jaiho2009 (39142)
• Philippines
1 Sep 09
Hello there, My eldest is 15 yrs old,and i trained my kids to clean their own rooms.But i had a habit of "general cleaning" which i usually do once a month. And i can say that,im having a very open relationship with my kids,and i was hoping this kind of relationship won't make them secretive. So,if this thing happen...which is not my attitude to read or open my daughter's bag,due to respect and trust i had given to them. Whenever i clean their room or whenever i check their rooms,i just put things in order,and never suspects anything. When they grow older...i don't know if there would be any changes...but as of now,i trust my kids.