What would you do?

United States
September 4, 2009 2:44pm CST
Hypothetical situation: You and your friends witness abuse and or are the target of abusive behavior. You decide to discuss it to raise awareness of said abuse only to have somebody who WAS NOT THERE tell you that the abuse never happened, that it didn't take place and that you are a horrible person for even discussing it. What do you do? Do you smile and nod and apologize even though you've done nothing wrong? Do you stand your ground even though it will cause you to be attacked even further? Do you ignore it and just let that person lie about you everywhere and accept the fact that they will now slander you at every opportunity by saying you are a liar or worse? How would YOU handle it?
4 people like this
14 responses
@mysdianait (64056)
• Italy
4 Sep 09
I can relate to this though different circumastances possibly. Thar 'somebody who was not there' will be like talking to a brick wall. Nothing you can say even if you use all the words under the sun will make them alter what they think. Eventually though the others will come round to your way of thinking when they see, over time, that it is all a pack of lies and BS that the 'somebody' is saying. SO let them get on with it. YOU know the truth and your friends do too Kitty. Move on and let them exhaust themselves. I thought you believed in karma?
3 people like this
• United States
4 Sep 09
Thanks, mysd, stellar advice.
1 person likes this
@mysdianait (64056)
• Italy
4 Sep 09
Kitty I was just reading your other discussion I don't get notifiers I had no idea and it's when I read things like that that it hits me how far away I am. We all seem so close on here but that's not the case I'm too far away when any of my friends across the pond need a shoulder and I feel helpless. I hope you can soon pull through and get things on a more even keel again!
2 people like this
@hotsummer (10449)
• Philippines
7 Sep 09
that is really good advice. to just ignore them since when the damage has been done sometimes we can't change things by defending ourselves. but still depend on the person if he can raise a valid pointt and convince other people to believe the truth.
@gewcew23 (8011)
• United States
4 Sep 09
I am going to take a guess that this is not hypothetical and this has happen to you. I would not smile, nod and apologize. I do not believe I have ever apologize for something I have wrote. Why would I, I write what I mean and mean what I write. Now the two true options are stand your ground or just ignore them. I think I would say ignore them, because I do not care what someone thinks of me. I write not to be popular, I write to be me. If someone wants to lie about myself then that is their decision. Understand that no one own their reputation, so do not waist your time trying to protect your reputation. Your reputation is owned by other, it is what I think of you. If people's reputation in you can be persuaded by a lie then those people's reputation in you really does not matter.
2 people like this
@gewcew23 (8011)
• United States
4 Sep 09
Not able to use your thumb, that does not sound good.
2 people like this
@gewcew23 (8011)
• United States
7 Sep 09
What the heck happen to the person that responded to me? By MyLot removing them it makes me look like a dolt.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
4 Sep 09
Call them jerks and consider them beneath your notice in future... Hit men are illegal. lol
2 people like this
• United States
4 Sep 09
You know if I call them jerks it will just get worse. LOL
2 people like this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
4 Sep 09
Maybe so, but you can think it. Usually if you ignore idiots they will eventually go away. hard to do though...
2 people like this
@Sissygrl (10915)
• Canada
14 Sep 09
I'd just ignore that person.. if i could.. hypothetically speaking, would this have happened online or in person ? and would there be any proof of the abuse happening ?
1 person likes this
@hotsummer (10449)
• Philippines
7 Sep 09
i am not a good talker. i am not god in convincing people to believe my side of story. so probably i will just let things as it is . let them do the talk but i will have one day my time to get back at them or prove to them the truth or will just be happy to see karma work against them.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Sep 09
Being me, I would ask them were they there? Then how do THEY know? If I SAW or was the VICTIM of the abuse, I would get pretty obnoxious. I wouldn't apologize. I wouldn't smile or nod. I would just say "Whatever" and go on. Or...if they caught me at a particularly bad time, I would stand my ground and have at them. But that's just me.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Sep 09
Ok, Well something like abuse is very serious to me. If I were discussing it to bring awareness & someone that was not there called me a liar, it wouldn't really bother me to much. If there willing to go that far as to call me a liar when they were not even there, then it would make me think that they had been in a similar situation themselves. With them being on the other side as the abuser. So, I would just say what I had to say and leave it at that. If they continued to escalate the situation then I would probably tell them to screw off. Then, ignore them and anything further they had to say. There true colors will show eventually, then other people will see them for who they really are. Be confident and know that you are doing what you feel that you need to do, Which is bring awareness to an abusive situation. Ultimately, your job will get done. As for that lonely pathetic person, they will just sit there, trying to argue, but only with themselves, because it takes two to argue, and only 1 to look stupid.
1 person likes this
@dbabcook (390)
• United States
5 Sep 09
I would have been the person to bow down years ago but as I have gotten older I now stand my ground. I will not be abused or watch someone else be abused and just let it happen. I now jump in with both feet and assert my feelings & beliefs. And if someone who wasn't even there tried to intervene I would plain and simple state the obvious....."You weren't there, you have no idea what happened". There are too many busy-bodies out there that for one reason or another like to be in the middle of everything whether they were present or not and this is where they need to be taught as well.
1 person likes this
@hotsummer (10449)
• Philippines
5 Sep 09
i would ignore those people. and avoid them. i know when i am right and when i have the right to say things or keep quiet.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Sep 09
Ok, I'm a bit confused. So, this person who was not there, is saying the abuse never took place. Is this a relative or something of the abuser? I would never in a million years smile, nod and apologize for something I didn't do wrong, or am I missing something here? When you mention stand your ground and get attacked further, are you talking about physical attacking or verbal? Help me, I'm puzzled at this one, and I just don't want to blurt out any old answer to this because it sounds very serious.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164507)
• Garden Grove, California
5 Sep 09
angrykitty hi wow that is a great question. I sure would not smile and nod nor apologize. You did nothing wrong, I mean the hypothetical you. so what would I do.Yes I think if it were me, I would stand my ground even knowing I might be attacked again.This is tough,shame you make us use our brains here. But if this person were to slander me I think I would find a way to fight him or her in court, and probably win. I am a bit of a wuss but I can stand up for myself if I have to but i am not a combative person. I used to be the one who always smiled and apologized although I had done nothing to apologize for.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Sep 09
This is part three in a series of angry kitty posts, having started with "You racists." A follow-up with, "It never happened, did we imagine it?", and now this, the third in its trilogy. It's a no brainer you are referring to me, and I just now stumbled on this. Aw, and just after becoming friends. It seems to me that I really got under your skin, and in a roundabout way, you are trying to get sympathizers, and possibly trying to defame me. For those who have not caught on, I was the girl in the "you racist" post who has yet to see any Obama supporter loosely fling the word "racist" at someone, as it is a strong word. In 2008, I was out protesting the hateful prop 8, so I did not see the uglier side of mylot, during the election time. I did, however, in numerous places, in black and white, on the puter, state that it has happened, though I have not seen it. I also stated that the reverse has happened, where some people say that they can't speak freely out of fear of being accused a racist, when nothing would have warranted such a statement. I did also say a simple solution is to resolve the semantics of this, and remove the word, "black" from the equation, and see our president for whom he is: our president. Kitty then created part two, in which people offerred contextual situations in which people would use the word "racist", and I did express shame on those who did use it fraudulently, and also reiterated that the reverse happens, and is a common political ploy, to create a black vs white argument so that the real issues are ignored, by feigning a false accusation of racism. It happens, too. Someone else had posted (in fact many had) that ALL Obama's supporters would call you a racist if you don't agree with his policies. I responded that such a generalization is equally as bad as falsely accusing someone of racism and telling them to get their white sheets. I was then greeted with Angry Kitty getting Angry with me, saying I was LYING about her, and other such nonsense. I corrected her, had her scroll up, and she saw the post I was replying to, and her apology to me was "OK then." I would look at her other posts so you can see the context. And looky here, here they go: http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/2118339.aspx?p=1 http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/2121337.aspx Perhaps read through those before offerring her comforting hugs and support. Kitty - I have extended a truce, so to speak, but you are very reactionary, and you also have a very deragatory way of speaking to people who don't agree with you 100%. I read on a post that someone was marking in the tags of your threads and comments and posts, the word "troll." Kitty - you play victim and martyr well, but, obviously, you pissed someone off. And here you are, trolling about a disagreement you and I had, and you could not contain yourself. You had to go and try to get a team to back you, and not everyone will in this matter, because I was never rude to you. I only pointed out where you were wrong, and that your demeanor is very hostile to anyone who is not familiar with your attitude. Look at all this passion you have - and you use it in the wrong way. My offer of friendship still stands, but I can only agree if you start to look at how people will percieve what you say before you retort. You can be very rude, and you take things very literally on mylot, when most of it is not directed toward you. You personalize it and internalize it to an extreme. But that goes to attest that you are passionate, which I do applaud. Just wish you would channel it into something productive and not divisive.
• United States
6 Sep 09
Check the time this was posted THREE DAYS AGO three days BEFORE your friend request.
• United States
7 Sep 09
That may be, but, three threads because of me? I am flattered, but ... As your friend, I think you take things too seriously. But that is not meant to be an insult, it is nice to see you are passionate, and emotional. But in some cases, it can cloud your judgment, and cause a very fast reaction, without realizing the effect and aftermath until it happens. And your posts then become one-sided which weakens you as a debater. You have to be able to see all vantage points. I know you can, I have the same fire you have, and I know you don't have to be so pigheaded about things. Why are you so confrontational? You aren't being right now, but in my message to you, you said, "Now, on to what you have been doing to me these last few days..." I have not done anything to you. I have posted on a forum. You and I disagreed with each other's point of views. A normal reaction would be to move forward from it, but you instead actually say that I have been doing something to you, as if I were tormenting you (victim mentality). Why would that be your reaction? I did not go and create multiple posts about you, and rant and rave about you. I responded within the initial post and provided some information to substantiate what I had said. Why would you outright say something like that to someone who is trying to get along with you? You said it very condescendingly, and I only want to help you. I think you are intelligent, but there is something in you that is very hot tempered and you can see it in your posts where there are simple misunderstandings.
• United States
7 Sep 09
Look, maybe you aren't treating me as badly as I feel I have been treated the past few days, but I have been the target of MANY attacks here at mylot over the years simply because I have an OPINION and I did not appreciate your many posts which basically inferred that I was making things up and that what I say happened did to happen simply because you did not witness it yourself. It is not in my nature to just sit silent when somebody posts things about me that are not true. If you are familiar with ho vicious people can be here you would maybe understand why I defend myself vigorously against any and all things that I feel are being said about me which are not accurate. I have been having a very difficult time lately in my life and what I saw as your relentless insistence that I was perhaps imagining the attacks suffered by me and my friends was just the last straw for me. I am disappointed in myself that I let it get to me, as I am normally much tougher than that. I am tired, run down, and worn out. I am bored of this argument and would like very much to move in from here. If you feel the need to delete me as your friend I will not be offended, but if you choose to keep me on your list I think I would enjoy getting to know you better as I am sure you are not a "one trick pony" and there are probably some things we can have pleasant discussions about in the future. I am sorry that this has gone on for as long as it has and I would like to see it end soon. I responded to your new discussion because I find it is something where we may have some common ground, I hope I will find some more common ground with you in the future.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Sep 09
Discussing abuse doesn't make it go away. The next time you or whoever is in a abusive situation, you must show evidence about it. This can be in a journal form, or, if its physical abuse have one of your co-workers, who is an outside party write it down on a calender, and take a picture of the abuse. If it is verbal abuse keep your phone on you, Most have a buit-in recorder. When the person is ranting and raving record, record, record. Tell no one, because if the person get this info., you may have another abusive situation on your hands. When you have enough evidence, go to the courthouse and have an order of protection placed against this person. The order cost about $20.00. When you go in front of the judge, have your evidence with you. After you are granted your order, do not go anywhere near this person. Stay as far as possible. Hide out, and lay low until it is served. Our laws frown on abuse of any kind. As far as the person with the big mouth, stay away from him/her. When everything goes down, you'll be justified in the eyes of your friends,peers, and,co-workers.
• Canada
5 Sep 09
I'd hold my ground, my husband does that. He's abusive to me and then when I bring it up again he tells me I'm crazy, that I made it up. I'm not crazy and I don't make things up. So I stand my ground and I try real hard to tell people I know won't hurt me.