Losing - How do you comfort your child?

Philippines
September 6, 2009 11:43am CST
My 5 yrs old daughter joined a talent and beauty contest but never won. Prior to it, we had many practices for her singing, poses and for the question n answer portion. As a parent, we can help looking back to our daughter's effort and enthusiasm to win. When her name was not called during the announcement of winners, I saw her face frown and felt sad. We told her that no matter who won, you will always be a winner for us. We treated her to her favorite food and bought her toy for her patience waiting almost 4 hours to announce the winner. How do you tell someone especially your child at a very young age, how to look at losing?
1 person likes this
12 responses
@eLsMarie (4148)
• Philippines
7 Sep 09
hi stevelvis!!! i still don't have a child, but i think it's best that your daughter was able to get to experience these things so that she can be able to put in her mind that not all the things that she want will be given to her unless much effort is exerted... uhmmm... just correct me if i'm wrong but it's best if you're going to double your encouragement so that she won't lose hope and just later give up.
• Philippines
7 Sep 09
I think for a young age, it would be difficult to tell her that she need to exert more effort because all she does come naturally. We just try our best to make it fun for her when she sings and go up on stage so everything would come cute. There may be gifted children when it comes to acting on stage and some would develop as they grow older.
@eLsMarie (4148)
• Philippines
7 Sep 09
i used to take good care of my niece and nephews and somehow, i can manage to make them feel okay even if situations were really hard on their part... i hope that your daughter can recover soon and i know that she will with the help of you... :D
• Philippines
10 Sep 09
thanks elsmarie!
@rg0205 (2638)
• Hong Kong
6 Sep 09
I was always an over achiever as a child. I almost rarely failed, especially when I had started schooling. I always came on top but what goes up must go down... When I had my first crash, I was devastated, sad and hurt but my parents always told me that such things builds character and that I should not let any bad experience hinder me from succeeding or doing things to succeed. I think as a parent, it is normal to want to make your child feel better, especially if he/she is sad about losing. The cheering up process varies from one child to another. It is nice to reward your child with simple gifts for being patient and to compete in such activities but I would also make it a point to let him/her understand how to deal with losing. To not linger on the sadness and to just persevere in the things she wants to do. I would also try and find other things she can excel in competitively.
• Philippines
7 Sep 09
I agree that there are many things in life that she could be better with. I told my wife, if she wins or not, it's God's will because He knows what's best for our daughter's future.
@rg0205 (2638)
• Hong Kong
7 Sep 09
That's a nice train of thought. I do hope your daughter finds more competitive things she can excel in, not that I'm saying she won't in beauty pageants but it is always good to have a number of things on the table. Best wishes and blessings to you and your family.
@shimanaja (495)
• Indonesia
7 Sep 09
Hi there mylotter, According to your story about your daughter did, i'm very proud of her. And as parent, i think you did right to encouraging her. I will do the same with you as a parent. I will telling her that life is still long way for her to catch her dreams. She stilll has a big chance to be utilized.So never give up and keep fighting to reach what she wants. Good luck, happy mylotting :)
• China
7 Sep 09
YOu've done a good thing. Kids do need more encouragement. My parents seldom blame me.
@airakumar (1555)
• India
7 Sep 09
Hi Steve, The most important thing is parent's support for child in everything they do. Well, comfort is the first thing that children need from parents. When you comfort your child, she learns to feel secure, loved and valued. Play with your child as Play is the work of children and you are an essential partner. When you play with your child, she learns to explore and discover the world and his role in it. And teach your child for how parents help their children learn. When you teach your child, she learns how to relate to others, solve problems and communicate. I hope you gonna do well and your daughter be always happy in life and everything she do. Thanks, Aira
• Philippines
7 Sep 09
thanks airakumar. children are indeed like a sheep that needs a shepherd. we have the most important task of comforting and giving them guidance on how to live a better life.
@Citychic (4078)
• United States
6 Sep 09
Hello friend, Sorry to hear about this. But we all know that life is full of ups and downs. Personally I think that you told you daughter the right things already. As long as she knows that you love her no matter what. She will be A-okay. Now check this out. If she really has her heart set on being in theater and if you think she might have the acting bug then tell her to cheer up because you are looking for the next contest that she can get involved in. Let her know that she simply need to keep right on trying and that she should never give up. Don't ever put too much pressure on her but instead tell her that you are happy that she decided to participate. Remember that not all can be winners but the true heroes are those that take part in the event. Remember in order for any great show to take place, there are those that play all different parts. Even the work of the janitor is important because without the janitor there would be no clean place to practice at. ( That was just my own little analogyJust thought I'd throw in. Peace out! Good luck! CC.
• Philippines
7 Sep 09
Nicely said. All contestants took part in the contest to make it a fun event. No matter who won, every children participated are heroes for their effort and patience to join. From the moment she knew the results, we never stop telling her that she did a great job...of course I told her that she should have won...parents!
• United States
6 Sep 09
I think maybe even in your situation telling her all the neat things she got to do to prepare for it. And there's always another contest she can try for if she'd like. But you are right telling her she did a wonderful job and to try again will probably be your bes best. Even have her put on a show for friends and family may help things too, make it more fun than a disappointment.
• Philippines
7 Sep 09
The contest had more than 150 contestants and it would be luck if she wins. We will choose a smaller event next time, more organized and few contestants to choose from.
@Debs_place (10525)
• United States
6 Sep 09
First off, I think those things are terrible. But if you must do, explain to her that this is a fun thing for her to do and not everyone can win the contest but if she has fun she did win. You must see it as an opportunity for her to grow and learn to talk to people and be self confident. After watching Toddlers and Tiaras I am glad my son played hockey and I don't even like sports!
• Philippines
7 Sep 09
It's a great experience for her to show her talent to many people and will boost her confidence. I think that matters much.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
6 Sep 09
With my children, my daughter in particular, I've always tried to explain to her that the act of winning isn't what is important it is the fun that you have in the process that is important. I do have to say that she has never been entered in anything competitive to this point. She is a gymnast but she is only six years old so she isn't up to team level yet. However, she is competitive with her friends and such. She really wants to be better than other people when it comes to things like speed, etc. The good thing is that I've never seen her complain when she doesn't do the best on something.
• Philippines
7 Sep 09
I'm glad your daughter has developed her patience when it comes to developing her skills. Being competitive and having fun should come together I think.
@Wizzywig (7859)
6 Sep 09
I think the best way is to prepare them beforehand and to not attach any importance to winning. Ensure that the main objective is to enjoy taking part without any pressure. A contest which requires many practices and a four hour wait at the end doesn't sound like much fun for someone so young. Maybe the organisers should think again about the age of the children. I think that assuring her that she will always be your "winner" was probably the best you could do in the circumstances.
• Philippines
7 Sep 09
You're right. We told her that not too expect too much because everyone is unique and there are still many chances as she grows older. My wife was telling me to just go home and wait for a call in case she wins. Maybe I should have listened to her.
• China
7 Sep 09
I'm a student,and when i feel sad for failure,Mom tells me it dosen't matter,and just try again.So simple,no additional words.
@kkanaka (887)
• Singapore
7 Sep 09
Before going for the competition you can warn your kid that she may not always win, if we tell the kids in advance what to expect they will not be so sad, but if we forget to mention it earlier, it will really be disappointing for them when they were expecting some other result.... next time tell your daughter in advance that winning is not important, participating is....
@horsesrule (1960)
• United States
7 Sep 09
Yes, it is good to let them know that it is part of life that we all win and we all lose at different times in our lives. The most important thing to remember is that we did the best that we could, because that's all we can do.