Is it okay to replace your bestfriend?

Philippines
September 7, 2009 2:14am CST
I only have one best friend for life but i haven't seen her since we graduated from high school.Although I met and made a lot of friends along the way, still she's the only i truly felt in one with. We got separated when we went to college and the last thing i heard about her was that she went away with a guy and haven't returned home since then. Much as I want to have another bestfriend, doing so makes me feel like a traitor. I can't let myself get close with someone because I'm scared of losing another friend again. Is it okay to have another bestfriend, not knowing what truly happened to my bestfriend before? It's been 14 years and I only have close friends now but nobody can ever replace her.
4 people like this
33 responses
• Philippines
7 Sep 09
I didn't expect to find this discussion. First of all, I would like to verify if the phrase "best friend" is only use for 'only' one person who we think (or feel) deserves that title. I believe that we can have more best friends as long as we treat each fair enough. The issue of the word 'best' here also bugs me. Strictly speaking, best is use for the one which outstand the rest but do we really have to rank our friends like this? For me, we can segregate them as casual friends, close friends, and true friends but choosing one as the best may be unfair to the rest. I hope that I could help in a little way.
• Philippines
8 Sep 09
hi! Thanks for the idea. Guess you're right. we shouldn't rank our friends in a certain way. It's just that we grew up very close with each other and we had some plans for our future like what course to take, school to study, how we're going to help each other if we got our own families. Something like that.It was quite a surprise to just lost her and having no news about her after all this time is more frustrating than having somebody close to you die. I do make friends from time to time, but the experience has somehow made me different. Thanks for your comment though. really appreciate it.
@eLsMarie (4148)
• Philippines
7 Sep 09
14 years??? my gosh!!! replace her... when she left you, did she even try to inform you that she'll be leaving so that you won't get worried or something? i think it's best if you'll offer your friendship to someone who's worth it anyways your best friend left you without informing you... what she did was a sort of being disrespectful.
• Philippines
8 Sep 09
Hello! Sorry for the late reply. I really can't consider what she did as disrespectful. i think she was just a victim of circumstances. maybe at that time she had to decide and choose between what she considered as her past and her future. Maybe she did really fall in love with the guy. I don't know. and i get scared everytime i think about her. what if something bad happened to her. 10 years ago cellphones were not this popular. internet I think was not that popular either. So basically, communication was a problem. Until now i still haven't had any news about her.
@vivianchen (2648)
• China
7 Sep 09
My suggestion is that if you really cherish your bestfriend, have you ever try to find her? Or you are just waitting at home and hopping she will appear in front of you all in a suddent? Stop dreaming! Get to work! Find her dad or mom or whoever in the high school that you know, ask if they know anything about your best friend, i am sure you will find something at the end, maybe there is a surprise for you, like she is in the same town as you are now!! What a surprise, right? but you will never know if you don't find her, right? If you still can't find her after all you've done, then i will tall you, it's okay to have more than 1 best friend, you can have 2, 3, 4, 5.....as long as you are true friends, and they both equal. Sometimes you have to understand, even if you find your best friend back, is she going to be the same as before? Do you or she have the same feeling? Who knows? Right?There is no such word like traitor in a true friendship, do you understand? So, just go do what you need to do and you will find out the answer. Good Luck!
• Philippines
7 Sep 09
Hello Vivian! Thanks for being the first to respond. I did really tried to look for her. I went to her parents' house but they were angry with her and didn't intend to look for her. I made sure to attend alumni gathering hoping I'd see her there again. But no. NOw I kind of lost hope that I'll ever see her again. And yes, I have also considered the fact that people change. Maybe she isn't the person i knew from before. Yet I can't just let her go. she was such a good friend and was always there to defend me. We shared a childhood that was so good. I tried to open up myself to other people but there's just a special place that's only for her. Thank you for your wonderful words.
@vicky30 (4777)
• India
5 Nov 09
I think it is okay to replace your best friend as you said there has been a gap of 14 years.If she was your best friend she would have called you once a month.I thikn i life we lose somethings so you can find a new best friend from the closest friends who are there with you right now.You have to forget the past and move ahead.Till then pray that she is doing good and she remembers you.
@AKMEDIA2 (328)
• United States
25 Sep 09
I think it's fine to move forward with friends but I think you should also try to keep in touch with the older ones as well. Now with communications more than ever making it so easy to stay n touch, even if you lose tough with a person, you could hook up with them again at Classmates.com, Reunion.com or any number of search sites like US Search.
• Philippines
20 Sep 09
it's not a question of replacing your best friend or what. just find more friends. go out. meet new ones. don't restrict yourself to just one friend. don't ever feel guilty if you choose to have other friends. there is no law binding you to stick to just one best friend. good luck.
• China
20 Sep 09
I really don't think you need to "replace" your best friend, just keep a special place for her in your heart or even in your life, because you don't know where she is, what she is doing, or who she is now. Maybe when you bump into her one day, she is not the one whom you consider always as the best friend. I think you can just move on and continue with your life, best friend is not to find, maybe you meet another person, you two have the true feelings of best friends, then why not?
• Philippines
11 Sep 09
honey, friends come and go. Don't mind them, you can still have another bestfriend. Even if you presently have a bestfriend you can still have another bestfriends but make sure they are not that jealous type LOL. I do have a friend before, I thought no one can separate us but it still happened, we got separated. I am still seeing her with her bunch of friends, but who cares I do have a bunch of friends too! I think it is just a matter of acceptance and decision who will make us happy. go look for another one, we have a freedom of choice.
@glitter9 (12)
• United States
9 Sep 09
First of all I want to say I am sorry that you lost your best friend. I can tell she meant a lot to you. I think it hurt you when she left but not all friends will treat you that way. If you want that close friendship again you have to take a chance on losing that person just like you do in love. Many people will come into and go out of your life. Let that enrich your life and treasure the time you have with them.
@suesan35 (479)
• Sri Lanka
9 Sep 09
Hi ashblex: You don't replace your bestfriend my dear. she will live on in your heart forever as she does even now, even though she has gone away due to circumstances beyond her control. But you have to move on yourself, so don't deprive yourself of having good friends who will be there for you here and now. Everyone has to move on with their lives so take into your heart someone whom you really like and trust and gradually she will become very important in your life and you can always say "she is one of my best friends". theres nothing wrong in that. You are not betraying anyone. Poor you, you have been holding a candle for someone who's not even there for you now and for 14 years? It's high time you had other good friends to share you life with. Your other best friend will be there in your heart and if she ever returns again, good. She can then also be one of your best friends. Cheer up ashblex. bless you.
@fifileigh (3619)
• United States
9 Sep 09
u will always be best friends with your old friends, but people move on. she has. i am sure she has made other friends as well. she should move on and make new friends, and if she returns, you will still be there for her because she was one of your first best friends. you can have more than one best friends.
@aerous (13474)
• Philippines
8 Sep 09
I think a best friend is a best friend and not anymore be replace but added some. there are many people around but hard to find a real good friend. It is true that we can make friends in a social network like this but have no found something real. I mean a best friend that even you are not in my they send you email or message and bonding together even in a chat room or if that is near to your place you meet them and talk about something. But never find any here...there are many good people here and I dream someday I found someone that is real Have a nice day!
• United States
8 Sep 09
I think it's okay to replace best friends if they aren't your best friend anymore. I had a best friend in high school and I haven't seen her in several years. I talked with someone that knows her and I asked her to have her call me and she never called. She did some things I didn't agree with and I told her that I didn't like what she was doing. So she just didn't talk to me anymore. Then I saw her a couple years later when she had a baby and we went out to eat together and it just didn't seem like the "old" days. Then she never called me again. Then when I had my son she called and told me that she would come and see me. My son is 3 years old now and I never saw her after she called me at the hospital and I haven't talked to her either. I met another girl a few years back and we are so much alike and get along so good and she has a little girl that is close to my son's age and we go do a lot of things together and I consider her my best friend now.
@kitty42 (3912)
• United States
8 Sep 09
Hello ashbelx No one will ever replace her because she earned a place in your heart, you can befriend anyone you like sweety, and if you find another best friend thats great, I have a friend that was older than me and I miss her so much, had many associates after her but no one has compared to the relationship we had she made such and impact on my life and she will always have a special place in my heart, we are different people will impact our life on many different levels 14 years is a long time, as long as your friend is in your heart she will never truly be replaced, but you can open your heart to others its o.k that is your right my friend, I am pretty sure your friend has other friends as well, this is why it is always nice to be good to people this way no matter what they will always remember you.
• United States
8 Sep 09
Hi Ashbelx,You dont have to replace your best friend but you can have another one. The same thing happen to me and my best friend. After graduating we lost contact for a while but we were both checking on each other everytime we come home from school. Then after a while we finally found each other again by accident. So you never know. Try looking her up on Classmates.com, Facebook, & on yahoo people finder they give a list of people with the same name and updated addresses and phone numbers it does cost a little bit of money but its worth it if you truly want to find her and you might be surprise.
• United States
8 Sep 09
In life, we are always allowed to have more than one best friend. I think maybe, that your friend probably has made more best friends also. It's time to move forward. You will still have your best friend, but there is no need to keep holding others at a distance. After fourteen years, you should have made lots of friends, and best friends too. Eventually, when your friend does contact you, they will still be your best friend.
@vira109 (36)
• China
8 Sep 09
Replace her but keep her deeply in your heart. in every period of my life, i will make new friends, and usually one of them will be my best friend in that period of time.
@Jill22 (265)
• Philippines
8 Sep 09
I don't see any problem on that!
• United States
7 Sep 09
It's okay for you to have another best friend. It's your own life, and you should make it the best as possible. Isolating yourself from people because you think someone else will get hurt is the worst way to go. I learned the hard way of losing and making friends..
• Philippines
7 Sep 09
I always transfer from one schools to another every five years and even transfer places. I could say that I had a best friend in every schools I transfer. I have many friends but I have one closer friend which I consider as my best friend. I am happy to be her friends and becomes sad when I have to move again from another places. In every places I go I have new best friend but all of them are really part of my childhood and school life. I could not be with them for a long time as my family changes residence every five years. In my own opinion it is alright to have a new best friend in case your best friend is far from you or you never heard of her for too long..If their is a friend whom I am very comfortable with at the moment, They could be my best friend and friend for a long time..