Why should I not expect from you?

@dpk262006 (56484)
Delhi, India
September 15, 2009 1:14am CST
Hi friends, do you feel that ‘expecting’ from others is wrong? It is generally said that we should not ‘expect’ from others, and also if we do not ‘expect’ from others, life would be more tension free and peaceful. Whenever someone does favour to me, I do not ever forget it and I try my level best to return the favour. I am of the view that when I do some favours to somebody known to me or close to me, s/he may not return the ‘favours’ to me, due to one reason or the another, yet I can still expect from him/her in my heart of heart. I see no harm in ‘expecting’. If the other fellow fails to return the favours to me, it is sure that I will never point it out to him/her about it. My question to you is – “Do you ‘expect’ from others or you are very broad minded and open hearted that you do not even expect from others, once you have done favours to him/her?” You do it and forget it. I would like to have honest admissions from you guys. I may add here that this discussion is general in nature, my humble request to all my dear friends here on mylot is that this may not be taken as personal or otherwise. Thanks in advance for your responses.
13 people like this
64 responses
@janebeth (2034)
• Philippines
15 Sep 09
hi dpk, honestly i am not expecting something in return after helping them.. promise i really don't, i am helping them because i want to help them and not that i want some return from them.. but if they still think to gave me something or do things in return because they want to thank me, well, i am pleased of it and i am feeling happy because at least they tried to make me happy and being special to their hearts.. i don't also expect more because the more i do, the more it's very hurtful on my side for expecting too much of it, it's upon on the person itself, if they are broad-minded, of course they will do the exact thing to do, and that is giving thank to the person who helped them or guide them.. janebeth.
2 people like this
@janebeth (2034)
• Philippines
15 Sep 09
i tried to be the number one, but see i am at number two..
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56484)
• Delhi, India
15 Sep 09
Hi Jane! You are number one, please do not worry on that account. The first one is not in my list of friends. You are the first one, from my list of friends, who responded, immediately. It is really good that you do not expect from other, once you have done some favour to them. Your point that you help others because you want to, is commendable. I really appreciate your stand. You are logical nd I buy most of your arguments specially, this one that if we start expecting something and do not get it in return, then we will feel disappointed and this may lead to bitterness. So if one make mould himself/herself that it would be better not to expect anything from anybody, he would be happier. Thanks for your wonderful response. You are a wonderful human being and you will go a long way in your life.
@janebeth (2034)
• Philippines
15 Sep 09
really?? wow i am so happy because you consider me as the number one responder here.. i love it, well i think that's the more practical attitude a person could have, don't expect too much and maybe you will just be disappointed.. that's very sad..
• United States
18 Sep 09
It all depends on the relationship I have with the person, The only thing I expect from strangers is curiosity.From my friends I except respect and true friendship.I mean if they Have to tell me something painful,they would as gently as they could.From family,I expect love and respect. I am lucky , very lucky my sister and I like each other.From a lover,I expect love and understanding,and respect. if any of the three disappear,then tell me so we can part. What I don't expect ? I don't expect any of these relationships to become the game of " I did that for you so you Have to do this for me."When I do a favor,I do it because I wanted to.Not to get one upon somebody.And when someone does me afavor,I thank themand try my best to return the favor.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56484)
• Delhi, India
20 Sep 09
HI Sara! Heartiest Congratulations to you on touching the magic figure of 10000. I am delighted to see your achievement and I feel lucky to be your friend. Very logical and to the point response and I buy most of your arguments specially, this one that whatever we do for others, we do it voluntarily and it gives us a kind of pleasure and satisfaction to help others. If they return the favour, it is all the more good and if they don't, we should not feel bad. Yes, it is true that we expect at least respect and love in a friendship and that is the least we can expect. Many thanks for your dropping in and enriching the post. Deepak
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Sep 09
Thank you,I feel fortunate to be your friend too. Keep writing such great posts.
@dpk262006 (56484)
• Delhi, India
21 Sep 09
Hi Sarah! It is my pleasure!!!
1 person likes this
• India
15 Sep 09
Hi Deepak, Its so nice to have a discussion from you after such a long time. Personally, I never expect any return favour from anybody. You see, my point of view is that nobody in this world is indispensable. So if somebody is asking for some help and I have refused for whatever reason, that person will get that help from somebody else. Its not that my helping alone could have saved that person…so whether I decide to help or not is absolutely my own discretion. Once I decide to help a person its because I myself have decided to do so, there is no compulsion…so how can I expect a return for something which i have willingly done. And then you are correct, if there is expectation and its not fulfilled, it leaved a really bad taste in the mouth. I would really avoid it at all cost and also this bad feeling somehow takes away the pure joy of helping somebody.
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11502)
• India
15 Sep 09
for that sensible response sudipta.
@dpk262006 (56484)
• Delhi, India
15 Sep 09
Hi Sudipta! It is great to see your response in my discussion. However, I may mention here that in the recent past I did start few discussions, it appears that either you did not get the alert for those discussions or you did not find them interesting enough to respond. Here are the links: http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/2127916.aspx http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/2122794.aspx http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/2114651.aspx Coming back to your response. It is really good that you do not expect from other, once you have done some favour to them. Your point that no one is indispensable is appreciable and this should be kept in mind by all of us. I really appreciate your stand that if we help someone vouluntarily, expectations should not come into play. I agree with you that we start expecting something and do not get it in return, then we will feel disappointed and this may lead to bad taste in our mouth and pure joy of helping will be lost. Thanks for your wonderful response.
@vandana7 (67645)
• India
15 Sep 09
Hi deepak, when I read the matter, I too felt, what is wrong with expecting? Even god expects that we trust him for what we receive, and do his biding. Having said that - there is genuine joy in not expecting. I mean u give a rupee to the beggar, and walk away, u expect somebody else (god), and not the beggar will be good to u someday! So effectively, it is all in a circle. Whether u expect or not, u do a good u will it, may be from him or from somebody else. U do bad, u will get it, whether from him or somebody else. That I think is the gist of expecting and not expecting. In simple words, dont expect from the person whom u give, u will get higher returns from god the rich. At least, that is the way I look at it. If that person returns the favor, fine, even that is ok. But if he doesnt, well, god is adding interest on it, and will be giving it to me sooner or later.
@kalav56 (11502)
• India
15 Sep 09
Yours is a very beautiful response and it shows that God would always recognise our selfless deeds.But as Sudipta pointed out I feel that when we help within our means there is no expectation.
@dpk262006 (56484)
• Delhi, India
15 Sep 09
Hi Vandanaji! Respected friend Kala has already appreciated your response and I second her. I have received the responses on the dotted lines, when I started the discussion, I knew it that my friends/fellow mylotters would support the view that if we do not expect much, we would be happier. Your response tells that we should continue to give alms to beggars and instead of expecting from him, we should expect from the great God or someone else for returns. I buy your argument. I hope that the Great God keeps adding interest on the good deeds carried out by me. Thanks for wonderful thoughts and enriching the post. Deepak
@ronnyb (6120)
• Jamaica
15 Oct 09
You shouldnt expect me to be disrespectful and unkind to people .You shouldnt expect me to use others and not be remorseful.I am the kind of person who likes to do things for others and I expect that persons will treat me the way I treat others
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56484)
• Delhi, India
16 Oct 09
Hi ron! Very well said that we cannot expect you to be disrespectful and unkind to others. You are such a wonderful soul. I feel that 'respect' is paramount we should be 'respected' by others because we give them their due respect. So there is nothing wrong in expected from others, as far as respect is concerned. Many thanks for sharing such a sweet thoughts and enriching the post.
@Canellita (12058)
• United States
15 Oct 09
The only thing I expect is respect at all times and I will not accept otherwise. Everyone should have it and everyone should give it.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56484)
• Delhi, India
16 Oct 09
Hi Cane! I entirely share your views that our 'respect' is paramount to us and we all deeply feel that we should be 'respected' by others because we give them their due respect. So there is nothing wrong in expected from others, as far as respect is concerned. I respect you a lot and you have been such a wonderful friend and keep participating in my discussions, thanks for the same.
@mayka123 (10806)
• India
1 Oct 09
I would like to say that I do not expect any favours in return but somewhere at the back of my mind there is always the thought that since I have done something for him/ her I would also want something back in return when the time came. It may be a phone call, an sms, an email, or anything else.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56484)
• Delhi, India
6 Oct 09
Yes, Mayka, we all are human beings and there is nothing wrong in 'expecting' from others. If others do not oblige, then it is their wish but in our heart of hearts, we can think that the other fellow may return our favors.
@alokn99 (5717)
• India
15 Sep 09
Deepak, In my view, the subject of expectation is individualistice and would vary from one person to another. From my point of view, i can say that i do things or favours from the point of view of trying to help. I try conciously not to expect anything in return. This is an attitude, i've learnt through my experiences and also from my peers and friends. I've been helped in many ways and what the people who have helped have made me understand is not to look at it from something to do in return, but to pass it on. If I need help or a favour, i ask, but do not keep it in mind that i did this or that and so expect the same in return. There's a joy in helping and doing favours, expecting nothing in return. Always expect something in return and there will be disappointments and misunderstandings in friendship and relationships.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56484)
• Delhi, India
15 Sep 09
Hello Alok! It is really good that you do not expect from other, once you have done some favour to them. Your point that it varies from person to person, appears correct to me. It is really appreciable that you help someone vouluntarily, and consiously do not expect anything in return. I think, when we require help, we also get requisite support from those quarters from those, whom we do not expect to come up at our hour of need. I agree with you that we start expecting something and do not get it in return, then we will feel disappointed and this may lead to bad taste in our mouth and pure joy of helping will be lost. Thanks for your wonderful response.
• India
15 Sep 09
Its not at all wrong about expecting something from others but the problem is If they don't give you what you expect of them then you will be disappointed and disturbed. Let me give you an example.You have a good friend and you send messages to him daily and he also sends you the msgs daily and everything is smooth for some days.But later on something happened and he stopped sending msgs to you or even calling you but you are expecting him to send msgs and calling you because you are doing that.But your friend may have genuine reasons for not calling you like he may be busy or he might have disturbed with some issues but let me say this as long as you are expecting something from others you will not think properly.You will always think that they are neglecting you and might quarrel with them but you would never want to listen their reasons.Eventhough you listen to them you think that they are making up the story.I am telling this out of experience.I have experienced so much pain while expecting something from my friends and I have learnt my lesson.So you don't do the same mistake.. All the best
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56484)
• Delhi, India
15 Sep 09
Hi madu! Very logical and to the point response and I buy most of your arguments specially, this one that if we start expecting something and do not get it in return, then we will feel disappointed and this may lead to bitterness. So if one make mould himself/herself that it would be better not to expect anything from anybody, he would be happier. Thanks for your wonderful response.
@punkincat (216)
• United States
16 Sep 09
I was always a balance the scales person. Do back in kind for what was done for you. However I have learned that people do not always agree on the value of action. The perfect example I was helped by someone so I sent a company thank you. What I didn't realize was the person was more touched by the action and send me back a thank you. I had also seen where one person help the other the person helped did not think they were helped much. Therefor they did not respond like the helper though they should. So I now just go with the flow and try not to think to much about it.
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11502)
• India
15 Sep 09
Hi Deepak! This discussion is similar to the one you started afew months back regarding sending greeting cards irrespective of reciprocity.I think you gave me the BR for that;must check I am not too sure. Coming to this discussion.I was very open minded and carefree till some few years back DEEPAK.I would always say and behave honestly thta I have no expectations from anyone by way of reciprocity.If it is some friendly voluntary gesture on my part I would go on and on without expectations.But people do not really care for it and are pretty callous in reciprocity.At times they also belittle our efforts by saying that we have no other work to do and so we remember to show all these gestures.Now , this is something that has woken me up.We are human . we would get hurt in the face of such callousness. So,. as I had written to you in my other response, I make some gesture with NO expectation in mind and after mentally preparing myself that I do not need any reciprocity and that I am entering this with 'nil' expectations. THen I do something that is well within my means and without overstretching myself.STILL my son keeps telling em that my selfpreservation instinct is low for a woman. However, I try and limit my action so that this question of disappointment within expectations should not rise.I do not expect from people, but I do not overstretch myself. THe maximum I can do is think from another person's point of view and show empathy.But I believe,it is better to be without expectations for which we should not overstretch ourselves .We are all ordinary beings and not some Gandhi, Buddha or Jesus Christ.
@kalav56 (11502)
• India
15 Sep 09
Incientally, I do things without expectations and so I forget my voluntary gestures.As a rule I believe that any expectation would only give disppointments.So, I do it without expectations [when I do something]. I feel it is not advisable to do anything at all with expectations because ultimately it will only get us disppointments.
@dpk262006 (56484)
• Delhi, India
15 Sep 09
Hi Kala! You are a genius, I am compellted to say because you could relate this discussion of mine to a previous discussion, which I also feel was similar. Your points are very logical and impressive. I buy most of your arguments specially, this one that if we start expecting something and do not get it in return, then we will feel disappointed and this may lead to bitterness. So if one make mould himself/herself that it would be better not to expect anything from anybody, he would be happier. Thanks for your wonderful response.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (67645)
• India
15 Sep 09
Hi kalav, I gave just one rupee to the beggar. :( I wouldnt dream of giving everything! I love ice creams, and pastries. I dont want to give and resent giving!
1 person likes this
@PeacefulWmn9 (10424)
• United States
16 Sep 09
Hello Deepak :) This is a very interesting topic, and makes me reach deeply into my mind to respond. I used to have very high expectations, both of others and of myself. I think perhaps it is the unreasonable expectations that are apt to lead to great disappointment. What I do expect, still, and think we have a right to expect such, is to be treated with respect and compassion. That shall never change. I also "expect" the same of myself, as to how I should treat others. Stopping the unreasonable expectations I had as a young woman has led to more peace of mind and understanding of others, though. Each person can only do his or her best...and beyond that, we've no right to expect more. Best regards, Karen
@dpk262006 (56484)
• Delhi, India
17 Sep 09
Hi Karen! Sweeti! You are the few respondents who has agreed to the point that we have reasons to expect, even it is expectations about treating us with respect and compassion and if our near and dear ones treat us with respect, we feel much satisfied and happier. You are right, our expectations from others should not be unrealistic. Many Thanks for sharing such beautiful thoughts, appreciating my discussion and enriching the same. Deepak
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56484)
• Delhi, India
17 Sep 09
Hi Karen! You are the few respondents who has agreed to the point that we have reasons to expect, even it is expectations about treating us with respect and compassion and if our near and dear ones treat us with respect, we feel much satisfied and happier. You are right, our expectations from others should not be unrealistic. Many Thanks for sharing such beautiful thoughts, appreciating my discussion and enriching the same. Deepak
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Sep 09
You're very welcome, my friend. I always find your discussions interesting, thought-provoking, and an education! Karen
@kiran8 (15398)
• Mangalore, India
15 Sep 09
Hi Deepak, This is a very thought provoking discussion. I too have always tried to analyse this aspect of our behavior. I feel that it is ot possible for us not to have any expectations at all from others. It is humanely impossible. But it can vary in degrees. Some people might have too many expectations some not so much etc; If we take the case of a family, there is bound to be some expectations from each other between the couple and by the children, and in the later years from the parents from their children.It also extends to the other family members. It happens between close friends too. As long as these expectations are mutual and not too demanding I guess it is natural and to be certain extent brings in more closeness to the relationship. When people overstep and stsrt demanding it can lead to unhappiness and frustration..
@dpk262006 (56484)
• Delhi, India
17 Sep 09
Hi Kiran! Nice to see you back. You are the second one, who has made the 'honest' admission that in our heart of heart we do expect that our favours should be returned, however, when this does not happen, we make ourselve understand that we should not go for too much expectations. Yes, I agree with you that degree varies and when it is family members, our expectations would be different, in comparison to our friends. It is natural to expect, because we are not saints.........LOL! I am much impressed with your candid confession and full marks to you for it. Thanks for sharing such beautiful thoughts and enriching the post. Deepak
@kiran8 (15398)
• Mangalore, India
17 Sep 09
Thanks a lot deepak, Have a great day and happy mylotting
@dpk262006 (56484)
• Delhi, India
18 Sep 09
Kiran! You are most welcome!
@sweetie1026 (1723)
• Philippines
15 Sep 09
Honestly speaking, i do expect people to return the favor i did to them. I do know that we shouldn't but i think it is just human nature to feel that way. Though, i believe in pay it forward. I do expect them to still return the favor but not necessarily to me. But who will not be happy to receive back a favor you have done to others. Yet, it is better not to be very eager to get the favor back. I mean, if they return the favor good but if they did not then we should be happy too, at least we have helped them in any way or in the best way we can.
@dpk262006 (56484)
• Delhi, India
17 Sep 09
Sweeti! You are the one, who has made 'honest' admission that in our heart of heart we do expect that our favours should be returned, however, when this does not happen, we make ourselve understand that we should not go for too much expectations. I am much impressed with your candid confession and full marks to you for it. Thanks for sharing such a beautiful thoughts.
• Philippines
17 Sep 09
Thank you, glad that i am able to contribute my thoughts and help even a little to your discussion.Have a good day.
@dpk262006 (56484)
• Delhi, India
18 Sep 09
It is always a great pleasure listening to you.
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
15 Sep 09
For peace of mind and joy in living, our relationships with each other must be good. This however, is becoming more and more difficult these days. We often form relationships based on unreal expectations of another person. Then when that person shows some kind of weakness, we feel as though they have betrayed us by not being what we expect them to be. We hope to find someone with all the answers, someone we can rely on and take strength from, so we endow them with qualities they do not have. And then we get angry when they let us down. Often, we become friends because they seem to have the qualities we lack. They have something that might make us more complete - happier. Even though we may not be aware of it, this is a friendship based on taking and not giving because until we have everything we need, we cannot give. Unless we can relate well to topics discussed we might not be able to give our earnest support to our friends. You cannot give from an empty bowl. Once we have this understanding, friendships can become more effective or at least we learn to get along with others and don't have high expectations from people we call friends.
@dpk262006 (56484)
• Delhi, India
15 Sep 09
Hi Zandi! You have point to make that we should be ready to give rather than take and we should not expect from others because if they do not get fulfilled, it leaves a bitter taste in our mouth. Had we been complete, we would not relied on others, we lack something, therefore, we extend our hand of friendship towards others and feels completed, I liked this point of yours. Thanks for your wonderful response. Deepak
@kalav56 (11502)
• India
15 Sep 09
No Deepak! Even when we all have fufilled lives there is a fundamental need within many of us to interact and make friends with people.Take for eg this forum--here we just interact with the idea of sharing some thoughts, light bantering, and mild conversations that are thought provoking as well as providing relaxation and light relief at times, and we earn on top of it.. Here our expectations are pretty low.We do not set any criteria for the behaviour of friends here.We take whatever comes our way with happiness.Don't you think so?
@dpk262006 (56484)
• Delhi, India
17 Sep 09
Kala! I more or less agree with you that here on mylot we do not make too much expectations from our friends (except some very close friends) and whatever comes our way, we accept it gleefully.
@SViswan (12071)
• India
20 Sep 09
'Expecting' from others is not wrong. But like you said in your post 'not expecting' saves us from heartburn later. From my experience, I have realized that not expecting helps me to at peace with myself. Even when favours are not returned, I do not bother. My father has always taught me not to do anything expecting something in return but there were times when I did expect something in return (in my heart of hearts). But then it only lead to disappointment for me. And now I know better. I really do not expect anything from anyone when I do something from them. If I expect something, I tell them directly (or ask for it)...and do not mind if they refuse as long as it is done in a nice way.
@dpk262006 (56484)
• Delhi, India
23 Sep 09
HI SV! Nice to see you here. Very logical and to the point response and I buy most of your arguments specially, this one that whatever we do for others, we should do it voluntarily and it gives us a kind of pleasure and satisfaction to help others. If they return the favour, it is all the more good and if they don't, we should not feel bad. We should make our heart saddened by the thoughts that others did not return our favors, it is their choice. Your experiences have made you wiser. Many thanks for your dropping in and enriching the post. Deepak PS - How is everything?
@SViswan (12071)
• India
9 Oct 09
HI Deepak, sorry for the last response. Things are going fine here. Busy (as usual)
@cupid74 (11394)
• Pakistan
15 Sep 09
Hi Dpk Hope you must be doing well, Well, to be honest, i used to expect some time ago, but not any more. Now i dont expect anything from anyone, but sure if some one do me a favour, i try my level best to return favor at some time. and other thing, wee are taking it as general discussioon Ok Take care
@dpk262006 (56484)
• Delhi, India
15 Sep 09
Hi Cupid! It is really good that you do not expect from other, once you have done some favour to them. I really appreciate your stand that if we help someone vouluntarily, expectations should not come into play. I agree with you that we start expecting something and do not get it in return, then we will feel disappointed and this may lead to bad taste in our mouth and pure joy of helping will be lost. Thanks for your wonderful response.
@cupid74 (11394)
• Pakistan
16 Sep 09
Hi deepak u r welcome wish u all the best
• India
15 Oct 09
Hello my friend dpk262006 Ji, The whole world encircles around 'expectations'. No one is exempted from them. may be any sage or common men. Even here, I expect that my discussion would be well -responded. Mother expects something in return from child. I also expected from you that you would my train, I keenly waited till last after my train left. But, if expectation become high, then there will be some dis-satisfaction and people become gloomy. People feel very bad. Let's do out duty without any expectations. happy Dewali. May God bless You an dhave a great time.
@dpk262006 (56484)
• Delhi, India
15 Oct 09
Happy Diwali to you too! Yes, it is true that our expectations do not end, they keep on surfacing again and again, aferall we are human beings. We should make ourselves strong so as not to expect anything from others, so that we may not feel disappointed at a later stage. Thanks for joining us. dpk (I told you that I won't be able to make it due to some personal reasons, appears that you did not read my PM carefully, there was no point in waiting).
• India
23 Sep 09
hi dpk, I am sharing my personal views with u. Whenever I expect something from others whether it be my husband, my son or my relatives, I seldom get it and then I keep on thinking about it and I become frustrated. Now, at the age of fifty, I think, I hv become wiser and I do not expect anything from anybody.
@dpk262006 (56484)
• Delhi, India
23 Sep 09
Hi vanitasuriji! Very logical and to the point response and I buy your argument that when you do not get what you expect from others, at the end of the day, you stop expecting. I feel that whatever we do for others, we do it voluntarily and it gives us a kind of pleasure and satisfaction to help others. If they return the favour, it is all the more good and if they don't, we should not feel bad. Many thanks for your dropping in and enriching the post.
@SomeCowgirl (32270)
• United States
20 Sep 09
I think that expecting things out of people is one thing, and doing something for someone without expecting anything in return is better. The latter is better for everyone, it's more honest, and it does help with attitude... Not many people do that though, it's hard not to expect something in return with the world as greedy as it is. Though I think we should give more then take... we're a long way from doing something globally about it.
@dpk262006 (56484)
• Delhi, India
28 Sep 09
HI SC! Nice to see you here. Very logical and to the point response and I buy most of your arguments specially, this one that whatever we do for others, we should do it voluntarily and it gives us a kind of pleasure and satisfaction to help others. If they return the favour, it is all the more good and if they don't, we should not feel bad. However, such is the human nature that in our heart of hearts we cannot stop ourselves from expecting. Many thanks for your dropping in and enriching the post. Deepak