how can your forgive someone when thy are not asking for forgiveness?

@HelScream (2828)
Philippines
September 15, 2009 3:28am CST
i was just wondering in my last discussion many replied to forgive my gf for the wrong accusation she have made but the thing is how can you forgive someone when she is not even asking for it and does not see her faults on the matter. how about you when you are face with this kind of things how would forgiveness be when the one making mistakes does not see their faults and doesnt even ask for forgiveness?
7 people like this
54 responses
@Frederick42 (2019)
• Canada
15 Sep 09
It is not a matter of the other person asking for forgiveness. You can forgive from your heart. When you forgive someone, you feel a great sense of relief. It does not matter whether the other person asks for forgiveness or not. But we should not force ourselves to forgive anybody. If you cannot forgive, do not forgive. Forgiveness has to be whole-hearted. Half-hearted forgiveness is no frogiveness.
1 person likes this
@HelScream (2828)
• Philippines
16 Sep 09
yes you are right my friend it does not even matter who is right or wrong on the situation but i will let time heal all the things happened between us and see how things would be not anytime soon .
• Philippines
15 Sep 09
A true Christian forgives even if the person who did wrong to him does not ask for it. You can forgive but you do not normally forget about the thing that hurt you. The best thing you need to do is just forgive the person, try to forget what he did to you and be more cautious next time. If you hate someone, you aren't at ease. If you are mad or angry at someone, you will never have peace of mind.
@HelScream (2828)
• Philippines
16 Sep 09
forgiveness in time my friend but for now let me be human in time it will pass between the two of us peace of mind I already have it now since i am not at fault to all this and I can say 100% sure that i just pity her for the negative wrong things in her mind it is her that I am worried if she continues all this it will all come back to her and it will definitely ruin her my only concern is her and not my own well I guess you could say i am a fool now lol
@maxilimian (3099)
• Indonesia
15 Sep 09
Hi Helscream! Well based on my experience, if you can't forgive her then you should forget it, there's no use if no one feeling guilty, if you force to make her feeling sorry, it will makes things getting worst, though i'm not reading your previous discussion, but when there are no one feeling guilty, it's the matter of principle ... So if i'm on your shoes, i will forget it ...
1 person likes this
@HelScream (2828)
• Philippines
16 Sep 09
yeah that i guess would be easy on my part when time comes coz the reason was so shallow I just knew the answer behind all her accusation but its just way to funny and personal to share lol thanks
@patzel88 (3311)
• Philippines
15 Sep 09
I think the relationship will make it work if the persons who are in relationship have their respect, trust and understanding. Being accused, it is not about to let your gf open up the misleading situation,it is because of the pride. The easy way to continue the relationship, is to forgive her even she have not yet brought up to you for her wrong accusation. Only time will make a way to open up the past problem and that is the time you can now make the clarification.
1 person likes this
@HelScream (2828)
• Philippines
16 Sep 09
yes i guess you are right my friend i am 100% sure that she will regret this accusation she had made I cant share though but now I know the reason behind all this it was so funny that i cant barely stop myself from laughing well in time she will know all this...
@med889 (5958)
15 Sep 09
This is really bad as she is not even realizing what she has done to you and her action has hurt you too, at least she could have asked for forgiveness. Well I will forgive a person who at least realizes what he/she has done and ask for forgiveness but someone who is not realizing his/her mistake is really immature for me.
@HelScream (2828)
• Philippines
15 Sep 09
bad is a gentler way to call it i think the appropriate word I would call it is worst well med I love her too much I guess she is not seeing it with her heart but with eyes only. I too think the same well she is younger than me thats why well anyways good luck to her
• Philippines
15 Sep 09
I am not the kind of person that could ask forgiveness directly say it to the person personally I make amends of my mistakes by changing my attitudes toward him as he may detect soon I am in for forgiving side..If you really love a person no matter how insulting she becomes you will humbly be the one to talk to her first as some women are very shy to ask for forgiveness even it is their own fault. For me their is no need to wait when deep inside we're both eager for a reconciliation. Make it fast than to be sorry later..Love is patience and full of understanding.
1 person likes this
@HelScream (2828)
• Philippines
15 Sep 09
i already have done everything you have said and yes i made it fast for the consequence would be so devastating but even how hard I put my pride down and tried to reconcile with her still she is mad and for what reason a wrong accusation since she cant accept that what I told her was the truth she rather hear the lie than the truth I told her if we are going to end it it would be in the right reason and not some falls accusation but still she wont accept the truth now tell me how are we going to work things out when the other one is not willing ...
@janebeth (2034)
• Philippines
15 Sep 09
hi there, well in that case, don't forgive her.. and yes you are right, why forgive her when she never say sorry for it, that she did not mean it.. i know this is not right, it's not a good advice but in my case, i will not forgive that kind of person.. she needs to be feel sorry or to know that she is wrong.. we know that sorry is the most hardest word to say, but it depends on the situation.. it really depends.. janebeth..
1 person likes this
@HelScream (2828)
• Philippines
15 Sep 09
i already did forgive her deep inside my heart she might not know this but she is already forgiven one day she will realize all this is a mistake and ending the relationship because of wrong reason would be harder but it's harder to leave my everyday life knowing that the person you only love think you are cheating but the truth is your not .... if she cant handle the truth then let it be ....
• United States
17 Sep 09
I am not a Christian soley because I can't just love my enemis or just forgive someone.I wouldn't forgive someone who really hurt me unles I found and executed the proper revenge. If she doesn't even know that she hurt you, how can she fel bad enough o want to ask for forgivness? You Have to tell her what she did And then if she doesn't stop, it is time to fine someone who is senstive to your feelings.
1 person likes this
@hagirl (1296)
• United States
17 Sep 09
Forgiveness is different than forgetting. I know they go hand in hand. Even if you do not forget for awhile it is not right to bring up and slam in face if you are willing to stay with her. It is much harder to forget than forgive. If you stay with her you are actually letting her know you have forgiven her. Now on to forgiveness. If you do not forgive it will eat you up inside. Trust me, been there. IF this continues to be a problem with you, if you haven't already you need to talk to her about your feelings. I do not think it is so much forgiveness as just being plain hurt by the accusations.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (66827)
• India
16 Sep 09
Hi HelScream, well - she will ask for forgiveness if she realizes she's done something wrong! The operative word being "realizes". This differs from individual to individual, it has both intellect as well as emotional aspects to it. At times the realization dawns in a jiffy, and at times it may take more time. Some people, however, tend to get egotistic about their stand - which is not a good thing when it comes to emotional relationships. :( If this last thing is what is happening, u r better off with her out of ur life, than trying to get her back, because tomorrow there will more such situations in ur life. As to ur feeling of forgiveness, what my esteemed friends out here possibly meant was - dont develop hard feelings for her - dont hate her for it - that is within ur control - for that u dont need anything from her end. Hatred is an obsessive emotion. It could take up ur whole day, and ur whole life. So dont let that encroach upon ur sanity. Forgiveness is just a simple word to say that I suppose. U have my prayers. I hope everything turns out fine.
@HelScream (2828)
• Philippines
16 Sep 09
yes there is no point on holding on this time with an egotistical person like her i have laid all my cards and forgive her and had done evrything just for the relationship to work out but it seems she has other things on her mind I know when i am wanted and when I am not so I give her freedom already hope you have a good day as well for mine is the beginning of a new day without her on my life thats not hatred its what I called setting her free and let her think whatever she want to think I dont want to be involve with a person who is so malicious in everything she thinks of let her think of me as a liar I wont satisfy her ego on this one she has to realize it to herself lol for me I am more than happy to move on maybe not that easy at first but I will...
@vandana7 (66827)
• India
16 Sep 09
Hi HelScream - I understand how it feels. We all have been thru that, remember that. At least most of us. So it should give u an idea that u will be ok. Hope u will be happier. I hope to c u with a happier post soon enough. :) Take care, and have a good day. :) God bless u. :)
• Philippines
16 Sep 09
Some people are so INSENSITIVE!They think they are so right well in fact they are so wrong.At times these insensitive people have the guts to make us look cruel. As for me,I will not waste my time in forgiving her and waiting for her to admit her fault.If you know the truth then let her wallow in self-pity that you did something with someone.I'm pretty sure that what she learned did not hurt her,it's her PRIDE and EGO that got hurt so much.(Sorry for the nth time)
@HelScream (2828)
• Philippines
16 Sep 09
well she believe she is right I dont believe i am 100 present right on all matters but I laid down all my cards already and accepted defeat let her think whatever she want to think at least I am leaving with the truth and that is what really matters. now for the moving on part yes I will and that would be soon you will see I will be back on my feet as if nothing really happened and this time much stronger than before. I was wrong to believe that I have found the one but i was wrong this second time around the next time would only for me and loving myself and the people that really matters and my family who respects me and know who really I am.... for who is she to tell me wrong things not even my family who knows me that much had insulted me this much.... time to move on thats right.
• Philippines
17 Sep 09
Go and be happy!Just don't make the same mistakes that you did when you were with her.Find someone who truly loves you and trust you!Take care!
• Philippines
15 Sep 09
Boy thats a tough one!!! Forgiveness is really hard to give specially if the person who did us wrong doesnt and never admit his/her mistake... But i know deep in my heart that I will still find a reason to forgive him for old times sake. Time heals and its really a good feeling that you dont have anger and hatred in your heart or mind. There will be limitations in dealing with that person unless she realizes her faults. Even if she dont say it directly that she is sorry as long as I feel it in her actions... thats enough(if she is a type of person that is shy to say "sorry"). I will treat the person civil. To bring back the closeness? She has to earn it :)
@HelScream (2828)
• Philippines
16 Sep 09
for now she still think I am cheating her and the reason lol was very funny cant mention though too personal to even discuss here at the lot well for now andger is on her side but in my side I just find it all ridiculous and a wast of good time since the reason for all this in not right i hope she will realize all this soon ...
• Philippines
16 Sep 09
Well I hope that you guys will be ok again. Better talk heart to heart so that you can figure out what is really wrong and end up the problem before it goes too big. There is nothing you can fixed in good conversation. You just have to give way and lower down your pride if you want your relationship to work. Sometimes its not the question of who did wrong... got what i mean? If you said that you have forgiven her then give her a chance to feel that. And make her feel secured. I think what is lacking on your relationship is COMMUNICATION...
• Philippines
16 Sep 09
well ideally you should tell her how you feel about the situation, cause thats what relationship si all about. Being open to each others feelings. But what i did when that happened to me, I just gave a silent treatment, so she confronted me and I told her everything. But the question whether to forgive her or not well thats upto you
@HelScream (2828)
• Philippines
17 Sep 09
i already did she talks but never listen cold treatment well I guess thats what i am doing now not for her to realize it but to stop the degrading things that she put inside my head that would make her a worst person than she is right now.
• United States
16 Sep 09
May I ask a question of you? Do you want to forgive her and get beyond this incident? It seems to me that you do..Or am I reading something into it that isn't there (I been known to do that)? It seems to me that you are looking for a single solution for what is actually two problems. One is the accusation, which could be construed as what she thinks of you and the second is your wanting to forgive, which could be construed as what you think of her. Were it me in such a situation I could forgive the person for the accusation but not for that part of her personality/makeup that would lead her to make such an accusation and leave the relationship behind. I hope I answered well enough for you.. ENJOY!
@HelScream (2828)
• Philippines
17 Sep 09
i forgive her for her being naive on this things but accusing me repeatedly well I leave it out hanging time to move on and not ponder that damages ones soul and dignity
@andy77e (5165)
• United States
16 Sep 09
Forgiveness is releasing someone of their due penalty. It is not required that they realize they have a due penalty. Say a person parks in a no-parking zone. The police officer may realize that this person will only be there a second, and not write a ticket. The officer has "forgiven" the person. Yet the person in question may not have even realized it was a no-parking zone, and may think he did nothing wrong. The officer forgave him the mistake, even if the person didn't realize he was making a mistake. You can forgive your girl friend even though she does not realize her mistake, or that she needs to be forgiven. Forgiveness is about you. Not her. You determine if you are going to forgive or not, regardless of what she does.
@HelScream (2828)
• Philippines
17 Sep 09
yes you are right about that my friend .... it would be easier to move on when we hold nothing back i already forgive her deep down inside..
@fan_philo (231)
• India
16 Sep 09
Hello when she insulted u and does not eve bother to ask forgiveness , I feel there is nothing to think about it hjust ignore the person and if u try to behave like her then what is the difference between u and her , so i feel that u should forget everything ignore her and carry on with ur life one day she may realize her mistake o.k take care dont cry over a spilt milk.
@HelScream (2828)
• Philippines
17 Sep 09
thats just it my friend thats what I am doing cant force her to agree in everything i have to say so better yet leave her be and go on with life .....
@Eisenherz (2911)
• Portugal
16 Sep 09
Some of us just can't stay upset at certain people for too long, so I guess that's the reason as to why this happens. And I'm one of those persons and sometimes feel like an idiot for being mercyful at people that don't try to redeem themselves even..
@HelScream (2828)
• Philippines
17 Sep 09
nah not an idiot my friend well thats how it works better to let them be on their own in that way they may find a peace even if it is not truth that they believe in...
@PeacefulWmn9 (10424)
• United States
16 Sep 09
Hi HelScream. I see forgiveness, when "given" by myself to another as a gift, an action on my part that requires nothing from them. That is rather the nature of forgiveness. We offer it, and it requires nothing from the other person, just as it is with other gifts. And when we forgive, it relieves our mind of torture, anger, and resentment, and brings peace to us. Karen
@HelScream (2828)
• Philippines
17 Sep 09
hello to you too peacefulwmn9 well for now it wont be any problem on my side for I have found peace and the reason for all her negative thoughts towards me all of it are false accusation she has to see that for everything to be ok but for now only negative thing is what she is thinking of I just prayed that it wont be too late when she actually realize that its true.
• Australia
16 Sep 09
Don't confuse your attitude towards her behaviour with hers: when you forgive, you change your attitude, give up resentment and accept the person (but not their actions). It has nothing to do with them... they need not know or care oir even consider that they need forgiveness; they may not accept that you have the right to judge them (which you must to be able to forgive); they may believe that you are wrong in the way you see the situation, but so what: forgiveness is what you experience not what you offer another person.
@HelScream (2828)
• Philippines
17 Sep 09
thats good then my friend for i have forgiven her for her being naive but and accepted the fact that she wont believe what I have to say whats the purpose of staying when the one you stayed with does not believe in you anymore .
• India
16 Sep 09
ya. i had forgive my last gf, she was more care and loving me a lot. after some fight, without any message she leave from me. once main thing is she got good carrer, thats the main reason, she leave me alone. by the god grace i am also in good position. but at first i was more angry about her. but now i forgive her. because some mistake with me also. this are happen in every body life. fine thanks
@HelScream (2828)
• Philippines
16 Sep 09
yes it does it has to or else we wont call it life after all. the moving on would be my next step .....thanks