You Don't Want To MARRY ME?!?!?!

This is a conversation that you obviously should have had before you and this man had a child together but, since you didn't, you really only have two choices. You can accept that you will be a live in girlfriend forever...or until he changes his mind for some reason...or you can take steps now so that you are able to support yourself and your child when you leave him. Because, if you want to be married in the future and he doesn't, you will eventually get to the point where you will want to leave.

You shouldn't jump to conclusions. It's not as though him saying this means he isn't in love with you and doesn't want to spend the rest of his life with you. Marraige means different things to different people, simply, and if you think about it..Nothing CHANGES after you get married, except for the legality of it all. Feelings stay the same. If you love your boyfriend, and you're in a loving, healthy, committed and long-term relationship - in my opinion, that's all that should matter. Marraige isn't a road that all couples end up taking.

Hi prikayo, I'm also girl and I understand what you think, but I'm agree with you boyfriend. Nowadays, marriage has lost its value as a commitment, because the divorce is also allowed. Most of men want to be free, and they stop their single life only when they find the true love; then they'll be ready to tie their life with her. But they never want to be tied. It's the male nature, and your relationship is not romantic any longer if you try to talk about this. I think about the marriage as an assignement of love with responsibility than a commitment of life together. I have known my partner for 8 years, but we have shared our life for 2 years , since our life (house, career, money,...) and our relation (love, family and friend communication,..) became stable enough. Well, it's too soon if you talk about a far future when you still have many things to fullfill in the present. In your boyfriend' circumstance, should he gossip about your life together with him while he hasn't been sure that he can bring to you all that you need? (If he did, I would say that he's not serious) He might think, what will happen if in ten years, he's still zero : no house, no career, no money,..? You seem a very young girl, and you want your love to have a happy ending. But this task is as planning lemon tree from a germ. You must be patient to take care of it before thinking of the fruits. In fact, you want to realize your love without mentioning realistic problems. I hope that you'll change your mind when you have more experiences. Sometime my partner proposes me, but I says that I'm not ready, and I think that our love is strong enough, so we don't need a piece of paper to keep us together. He respects my choice, and that makes me feel glad. If he forced me to get married, may be I'd try to go loose and escape from him. I think that I'm in the same situation of your boy, and be careful, he may have the same opinion with me.

it is hard for people to marry if they don't believe in it. if they don't respect the sanctity of marriage. and it scares some people. but for me i think that ideally people should marry specially if they are living together already.

Hi prikayjo, well at first when I was reading your post around the middle part, I was saying that it wasn't that bad. Maybe your boyfriend just really don't think it's important since you're living together already and that you love each other. But when you asked him if he'll marry you and then replies to you a statement like that... now that must have hurt, big time. I mean I respect if he doesn't believe in marriage, but he could have at least been more sensitive especially after hearing your your thoughts about the issue.. =( Still it's not enough reason to break up with him especially when you already have a child. Maybe you could talk about it again some other time. Hope everything goes well with you guys. =)

I agree with you both! Though not recognized by law you can be just as married without a piece of paper. It is how you both feel about your commitment to each other. I know people who get married and the marriage doesn't last more than a few months. I also know people who have been together 25 years who never bothered with the piece of paper.

Hello there Its not a cultural norm here in my country.If that what culture is there in your country and it is absolutely normal to live like that without marriage then thats fine.DOnt make marriage your ultimate goal if he is deeply committed to you.

Hi prikayjo2436. It seems hard that your boyfriend and the father of your child does not think in the same direction like you. You for sure want to be married and your boyfriend does not. Why would you prolong a relationship with someone whose belief does not agree with yours. You definitely want a family and your boyfriend does not. You cannot definitely have a family with him. It is not use to prolong your agony. I am sure that there are other men who would want to have a family. For sure, you will find someone who would want to have a family like you.

Hi prikayjo, I can understand your feeling when your boyfriend prefer to stay on your current relationship rather than go step up for marriage. After dating for few years and we find that he is our MR.Right, we would like to go for further step up, into marriage life whereby we can have own family and being together all the time. Since your boyfriend does not believe in marriage and don't want to have any commitment, you should ask yourself whether is this the relationship that you want for yourself. Do you want to go through this kind of life in future,just dating and dating,no marriage at all. Same time, you have to consider your family members, will they agree with your boyfriend's thinking? Marriage is a big commitment ,not only about staying together,but we will be sharing our happiness and sadness together. It is about bringing two families be to together. Before we agreed to marry a man, we have to think and make sure he is the right person to be our soulmate.Never say ' regret ' after married.

maybe he wasn't in the mood to agree to you yet, he simply tried to emphasize how happy both of you are now and refuse to think of future plans. probably it's his way of not making broken promises to you just in case. he'll change his mind soon, don't take personally.

Hi prikayjo, I have seen ur other discussion, in which u have written about ur daughter, and ur boyfriend's suggestion that u all should have another child. Those discussions, read with this mean that ur boyfriend is committed already! Does he need a piece of paper to show you that? And though he says 10 years down the lane he wont consider it, he might! People do change. And this boy is likely to change for better, especially after he realizes that it affects the psyche of his children at school. He seems to be a responsible person considering that he has been the provider, and also ur best friend. His belief or lack of belief in marriage may be because of what he has seen around him. He seems disillusioned with it. Secondly, how many marriages that u know amongst ur friends and relatives that have not made it even to the 10th anniversary? If u consider it from that perspective, he does have a point. Doing something because u r expected to do is one thing, and doing something because u want to do it another. He is doing what he is doing because he wants to do it. I think that is better. Forget the certificate. He will make up his mind on that when ur daughter asks him.

Honestly, this is a decision your going to have to make with yourself. I first commend you for not freaking out big time as a lot of girl I know would have been like . Is marriage something you;ve always wanted? How important is it to you? Will you feel comfortable with the thought of never having it? You need to think about this and make a decision. If its okay then you just support him and you sit down and tell him I'm giving up this for you because I trust and love you but I need you to understand how big of a deal it is that I'm giving this up for you. Or second if your not okay with this and you just can;t see yourself living without marriage (which is perfectly fine I don't honestly think I could) then you need to sit down and explain that to him and let him know if he can;t marry you then your just not going to be getting what you need from the relationship so your going to have to go find it somewhere else. It's neither of your faults just wasnt meant to be. What really matters is that your both good parents and you respect each other. Good luck this is a scary situation It will be okay just got to make sure you get what you need out of life too. NEVER settle.

Give him time. I feel the same way sometimes. I'm with a man I love very much, and he is also the father oif my first child. Be patient. Maybe he just doesn't have the money right now, or maybe he really is scared to be COMPLetely tied down. Honestly, forget about it so it won't bother you.

I've done both the marriage and live together thing and each has it's own unique benefits. If you're going to be together forever (or at least think you are), marriage is better. It prevents the horrible situations of him dying and his relatives just kicking you out of your home, preventing you from taking your belongings, or taking his pension because they're the nearest relatives. On the other hand, if you're not sure yet, living together is definitely better, as long as you keep all your finances separately and don't get into any loans, joint or co-signed. At this point in my life, I think I'd rather get married with a prenuptial agreement than to live together. Living together is just too unstable for me. In any case, no matter what you do, you should work and have your own money. Don't be too dependent on him, be as self sufficient as you can, considering that you have a child to take care of.

I dont' think he's saying he doesn't want to marry you, just that he doesn't believe in marriage in general and the fact that he thinks the two of you will be fine in ten years, well that shows he's pretty committed to you. However, if you really want to get married, I can see how that would be upsetting. I think you two will need to have more talks in the future and come to a compromise.

If you love him, and you believe that he loves you. Then you should let it go, stay with him and be happy. I always believed that the piece of paper did not make a marriage. Our real marriage was in our hearts, and with God. We love each other and it has passed the test of time. I met my husband when i was 14 years old. I was 17 when we had our first child.We now have 8 children, and 12 grand children. Our oldest daughter found out about 5 years ago that we were never legally married. and she got real up set. So we got married 4 years ago I was 49 years old. all that legal piece of paper did was help my daughter with her pain of us not being legal, it did not change the way i feel about my husband,and it did not make us more married in the eyes of God.

I really don't get those people who don't want to get married because they believe that it's just a piece of paper. If marriage is not really a big deal, then why can't you do it for the person you love? After all, if you think it's just a piece of paper it would do you no harm. Could somebody please enlighten me on this?

First of all, how long have you guys been together and well I believe like as ones has said above that this should have been discussed before you had a baby. Because if your live in boyfriend doesn't want to get married and just wants to be with you as a boyfriend, but you want marriage, then you deserve to be happy and have the marriage you've always wanted. Like my mom always said he just wants to have his cake and eat it too. Marriage isn't just a paper just as you have said, it is a commitment it is a way to express your love in front of your friends, family and God, if you decide to get married in a church. Like I said you deserve to be happy and if marriage is what you want and marriage isn't something he wants then you need to let him know if he's not willing to eventually marry you then you can't be together. If this is something you truely want. I understand that you guys have a baby, but don't stay in a relationship because you guys have a baby. You can still be good friends and raise your child together. If you are willing to stay with him though even though he doesn't want to marry you, then go for it. But don't throw in his face later for him not marrying you. Don't think that he will change his mind, he may and he may not. Most likely not. You have talked to him though and you've let him know how you feel and if you do decide to leave him, if he decides not to marry you then let him in on that. That may just change his mind as well.

well i don't think anyone can or should force anyone to marry them. i'm not saying you are but i'm just saying that's part of who he is and what he believes in. that being said people can and do change so just try to slowly convert him with subliminal messages and maybe he'll turn around.

If he says that he is fine the way we are, it shows that he is not ready at the moment for marriage. Don't think too deep on the meaning. Sometimes guys are very straight with their words that it might hurt the feelings of their love ones but actually they don't mean it that way. It might just be the other way round.