I feel like a eunuch

@pillusch (1149)
Mexico
September 22, 2009 10:26am CST
I'm a German by birth, have, however, been living abroad for the past 30 years, and for the past 20 years I've been living in Mexico. As a German, it is perfectly all-right to scream at somebody, shout out your displeasure, get back at somebody when you're angry. It releases the tension, gets the frustration out of the system, and you even might change the other's behaviour that's bugging you so much, who knows? I spent 3 years in Greece, and these guys really perfected the art of getting rid of your anger by shouting at each other. I have seen, and participated in, terrible, verbal arguments, where as an accompaniement the table is being knocked with your flat hand, a staccato of rage. But I haven't seen once - not once, mind you, in three years - where those arguments turned into physical violance. Now, Mexico is totally different ballgame. They are, in that respect, Sissys. If you raise your voice a little, they sue you! No, seriously now, this is a culture where you are not supposed to get angry. In reality, everybody gets angry, since everybody is human, but you're not supposed to even show it. There is a saying " He who gets angry, loses". The other side of the coin is that you never find out who you upset (and it happens, doesn't it?), until, maybe 6 month later, you find yourself,in a figurative sense, stabbed with a knife in your back, and you never know what hit you, and you'll never find out why and by who. It´s awful. I've obviously been in a couple of relationships, and whenever I raised my voice slightly, they withdraw like a snail it its house, accusing you of a lack of respect for them. Help!! So I learned to interact with as few people as possible, and I choose my friends VERY wisely. When I leave my house I put on a smile, ready to do a show, because this state of affairs is just ridiculous. I don't argue with anybody, because the other thing is that they have perfected the art of enraging you, just to wait and see when you blow, so that they can say "see?" How do you vent your anger? I've done a couple of posts here, camouflaged as stories which end with "True or Fiction", and it really helped me - myLot as a vehicle for catharsis, would you believe it? So tell me, do you scream, throw things, get physical? Is it accepted in your culture?
3 people like this
6 responses
@cynthiann (18619)
• Jamaica
22 Sep 09
What an interesting discussion!. her in Jamaica, you will think that people ar quarreling as they are yelling at the top of their voices BUT - they are just having a normal conversation. I have never got angry, screamed or shouted. It s just not my nature or it was the way that I was raised - the Brits do keep their feelings to themselves - or used to. I have out a lot of energy into poetry during stressful times in my life and also short stories. So writing can be definitely cathartic. You have to learn to deal with your anger in a different way - but perhaps y9ou have already found th dolution by writing it all down!
2 people like this
@pillusch (1149)
• Mexico
22 Sep 09
I did, you should read some of my previous posts, I had to camouflage them by putting the suffix 'Truth Or Fiction'. But yes, writing it out, instead of shouting it out, definitely helps. Thanks for responding.
@ibuemma (2954)
• United States
22 Sep 09
I completely understand how you feel. I got a lot of culture shock too in the past. I was born and raise in Indonesia, and raising your voice and yelling is not pleased for everybody. And here I am get married with my husband, he was born and raised in America, but he's mix Irish and German, plus he was a soldier served in the ARMY branch. We both felt the culture shock. First 2 years of our marriage was very tough. Anyway, I "learn" to scream when I'm angry and he "learn" to mellow down when he's angry and we've met in the middle...hahaha...
1 person likes this
@pillusch (1149)
• Mexico
22 Sep 09
Gosh, what a mix of genes! LOL Thanks for responding
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
22 Sep 09
That explains my husband. He yells because he's German. lol Seriously, he hollers, gets it out of his system, far as he's concerned it's forgotten. The rest of us, though, are left stewing at the injustice of it, because usually when he blasts off at us, he doesn't come straight out and tell us what's really bothering him, he attacks. I'm to where I tippy toe around him any more. It's awful and I really wonder what it's doing to my kids. I think there's an appropriate way to express anger, and I don't think that this is it.
@pillusch (1149)
• Mexico
22 Sep 09
Why not, as long as you establish the rules, make clear what it is all about? Your husband gets it out of HIS system, so it DOES work.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
22 Sep 09
Works for him, but not for the rest of us...
@cynthiann (18619)
• Jamaica
22 Sep 09
Dawn, I thought of you when I read this post. Honstly. have just sent you an email that is so good about husbands. It will make your day. Of course it is not appropriate and should be controlled. I lived with anger and it was not nice. I cannot deal with it still.
@tdemex (3547)
• United States
22 Sep 09
Well I happen to be an American living in a family relationship, in Mexico also! what a family it is, my wife her two daughters, her sister and her three young kids, her female cousin and 1 dog! I used to travel the USA in my job and was gone a lot over the years! I'm now laid off, and here full time! My wife runs the house, and is the boss someone has to keep this all together! LOL! I've noticed she has to raise her voice all the time, I guess to get her point across to the family. So it's normal when I do something she doesn't like she talks to me like the kids! This gets me kinda Pi**ed as I'm not used to it, I was the boss in my previous employment! So we tend to banter back and forth for a while and then it stops, she doesn't hold a grudge, normally I get my way! But I do wait for the pay back!!! In this country, your right it's the norm! tdemex
• India
22 Sep 09
Why does your family and you live in Mexico? You find it better than your own country? I know your job seems to have been from Mexico into the USA, but seems like you always had to come back to Mexico! Hmmmm..............If you are laid of, is your wife running the world around you now? So, you do not wish ta come back to the USA. Fantastica! it's only natural for woman to boss around the house and the man, when the 'man' of the house seems to have been giving them the works while working and being the 'loerd of the manor'! But, everthing, concerning ego comes to an end someday! Is that not true? It's better to be a nice elderly man and enjoy the pleasures of life, including nature......and good health..........havea lovely day and time!
@pillusch (1149)
• Mexico
22 Sep 09
Just keep watching over your shoulders, as I do LOL. Thanks for responding
@malamar (784)
• Canada
23 Sep 09
Actually, screaming, yelling and throwing things would scare the bejesus out of me! I do not find it a very effective communication method at all. I like debates, and do not mind if they become heated or passionate at times. That is part of what makes a great debate. However, when carried to the extreme, it makes me very uncomfortable and I tend to withdraw. We were never allowed to express ourselves in this manner while growing up, and we taught our children the same way. If I need a release valve to get rid of anger, I just make sure it is not directed at someone else. Journaling helps me calm down as well. I know that anger is really just a mast for hurt, frustration or fear, so I attempt to deal with that issue first, and it seems to work for me. Everybody is different though, and what works for one, may not work for another.
@pillusch (1149)
• Mexico
23 Sep 09
I agree with you as far as debates are concerned. I would find it ludicrous to start shouting in a debate. Thanks for sharing.
@Bluepatch (2480)
• Trinidad And Tobago
22 Sep 09
Basically, I walk away then approach the problem later when I'm calm. I always try to avoid cussups and heated arguements. I end up more hurt than victorious and I'm not a shouter. I don't have the voice anyway. I think a wise thing is to know the person well before you start because if you don't then you might get a final response you will not appreciate.
@pillusch (1149)
• Mexico
22 Sep 09
Well, I feel it is not always apropiate to walk away, but there you go. Thanks for responding, anyway.