I Can't believe it, He thinks I AM CHEATING ON HIM! the NERVE!!!

@jazel_juan (15767)
Philippines
September 22, 2009 7:13pm CST
Life is such a rollercoaster for me lately.. or it might just be the hormones going crazy since i am pregnant. but then, me and my huby had this argument lately where he thought i am cheating on him!! the nerve? i mean, i am pregnant and cheating on him? I DON'T THINK SO! plus i am not that kind of woman who could do that to him...it is just making me so upset right now why he could think of such a thing when in fact, its the other way around..lol i am the one suspecting he is cheating on me! since he can't even let go of his mobile phone when at home, someone is always texting him and when i ask him who it is he gets mad that i am so nosy! and when i check it out (in secret)lol he inbox and message recipients are always clean... it is crazy!
5 people like this
15 responses
@kprofgames (3025)
• United States
23 Sep 09
Well you know what they say. The person who screams the loudest about wrongs done to them are usually the ones who are doing it. The fact that he hides his cell phone an deletes all the text messages would be the first clue. I know there is a way to retreive them. I'd call your cell phone carrier and ask them if there is a way to back track his text messaging. I know that some parents can monitor their teens activity on text through the internet so this might be an option for you if you are really suspicious about it. From what you said, I would be.
3 people like this
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
23 Sep 09
hmmm it might be possible. lol you gave me an idea. well, thank you hahahaha. i might, i even have this friend who works with the carrier we are using. i might just ask her if the messages are saved and can be tracked. now,i sound like a spy! lolz.
2 people like this
@rosdimy (3936)
• Malaysia
23 Sep 09
As a male, I agree with your feelings, based on my observations of my friends, acquaintances, and others who get into the limelight. There are males who become sort of detached from their pregnant spouse. Or there is an inbuilt psychological mechanism which makes them want to sow their seeds elsewhere. Whatever the real reason may be, the man goes out looking, and usually finding, at least another female companion. Naturally the man is not going to tell the spouse. A small number of males will keep quiet about it, though there may be tell tale signs. Another type will point their finger at the spouse. This is called 'projection', where in order to hide something, the person says someone else is doing it. Ask yout husband nicely the basis of his accusations. Most probably he will give vague answers.
3 people like this
• Philippines
23 Sep 09
Well I dont think its possible for a pregnant woman to cheat. I mean, hello!!! with you big tummy! Guy are guys. They will try to divert the topic and accuse you of things they are gulilty of. They will try hard to twist the situation. When you suspect them of things, they will start throwing issues that are nonsense, just to get out of the real issue. You must talk to your husband seriously. Ask him what is really happening. And who is that person texting him all the time. What keeping him busy. I mean its really unsual, you are sure that someone is texting him always and when you checked his cellphone's inbox no massages??? What is he hiding? Why does he needs to erase the massages? Sorry but I believe something is really going on. I know your pregnant and I'm so sorry if am saying all this to you. I dont know your husband personally, it is you who can answer all the questions and suspicions running in your head. Trust your instict.
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
24 Sep 09
with your questions, i still cannot answer because me myself i am so confused right now, but it helps to be able to say it out. i do not know why he keeps his cellphone clean of messages..:( but right now i am trying not to think about it often because it is affecting me, i cannot even sleep well at night...i am even having a hard time at work.. we are both civil at home and trying to be normal as possible which is hard because when we are both in the bedroom..it gets so quiet that all we can do is just sleep. i sleep on my side of the bed and his on his side..
1 person likes this
• Philippines
24 Sep 09
Don't think about him much. As much as possible make your self busy so that you will think of him less. Stay away from stress and try to be happy even thou I know its hard but your baby needs that. If your sad your baby feels that too. Try to relax. When both of you are in good mood. When the tension subsides a little, why not talk to your husband heart to heart. Communication is vital, it plays a very important role in a healthy relationship. Try not to be more emotional when talking to him. Deal with the issue, it will stop all the speculations and doubts. That will give you a real peace of mind. I hope you fix this soon. I am so sorry to hear that your are dealing with a problem like this and right now that you are pregnant.
1 person likes this
@weasel81 (2502)
• Australia
23 Sep 09
i'm accused all the time about an affair with my work mate. it had been a standing joke between me and my partner, nothing bad then early this yr the tone changed on it, when my partner accused me of it. my boss know about what has been said and he's also been included with on having an affair. there's a lot of things that have gone on in my relationship that aren't good and i can talk to my boss and work mate about it all. so nothing is going on between any of us, we all just have a laugh at my partner and stirr each other up. i do hide my txt messages, cause ther ecan be things written in there you do want my partner seeing. then he gets annoyed when i'm txting my boss about something. but from the sound of it if your partner has everything clean on his phone, there may be a reason to worry about it. what about odd phone numbers in his phone are there any there that don't make sense, like in contacts.
2 people like this
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
23 Sep 09
yes, i do see numbers there that really makes me suspicious..but i have no way on finding out if he is fooling around. i mean i will text those numbers and see if he is fooling around!?! its crazy and its making me paranoid lol that is why i do not want to think about it or else..it will make me crazy hahaha
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Sep 09
Not that i am trying to start anything or make your suspicions worse, but many many times when a man is cheting on a woman, they will try to deflect and keep suspicion from being on them by accusing their partner of being the one who is cheating. As i said, i am not trying to make things worse, and maybe nothing is happening, but sometimes you have to listen to your intuitions, particularly if he has been acting odd lately. Another possibility is that he is having problems dealing with your pregnancy. Some men just don't handle it well. All of a sudden, here you are getting all this attention because you are pregnant, and beleive it or not, they can get jealous! Hope things work out for you hun, and good luck and congrats on the baby...
2 people like this
@jules67 (2790)
• Philippines
23 Sep 09
Hi fruitcakeliz. I do agree with you. I have read also that when a wife has feelings of a husband's infidelity, sometimes the husband does a counter attack by giving back the blame to the wife. Strategy that really hurts the wife the most. I just wish them well.
1 person likes this
@mzz663 (2776)
• United States
23 Sep 09
When someone is very secretive about what they're doing and accuse someone else of doing something and making it seem like they're in the wrong, they are usually the one doing the wrong and trying to cover it up so it doesn't seem so bad to them. On the other hand, he could be very jealous and controlling. There are little ways that someone gets the upper hand in a relationship and things that seem little end up in a mess later down the road.
2 people like this
@kutedarsu (254)
• India
23 Sep 09
Well.. the best thing will be to be honest and upfront in telling him what you feel. For a simple reason that he needs to know that. Its a little strange that someone who's upset about his wife cheating on him is so nervous about being transparent.That is certainly not a good sign.
2 people like this
@zandi458 (27954)
• Malaysia
23 Sep 09
Men are fond of shifting their guilt to their spouses and it is one of their tactics of avoiding being detected of their unfaithfulness. By putting the innocence party at fault they are only trying to stop them from questioning their infidelity. They are good hunters but the cats can easily smell the rats.
2 people like this
@Melbee11 (233)
• United States
23 Sep 09
So disturbing when a guy think's your cheating on them when your pregnet? What nerve he has to actually say that to you. Him texting on the phone has to be a big deal. I mean what the heck? He should be comferting you not texting! It make's me so mad to hear that. That's not right, I think a men should care for a pregnet girlfriend.
2 people like this
@junmae (1592)
• Philippines
23 Sep 09
I believe that your husband is paranoid to accuse you of cheating. Maybe he is the one who's cheating on you and the fact that he doesnt let you touch his cellphone and erase all of the message.
2 people like this
@jules67 (2790)
• Philippines
23 Sep 09
Hi jazel_juan. It seems that both of you woke up on the wrong side of the bed. It best that you relax first. When both of you are relax, you can talk about it. It is good when you heads are both clear of confusion. Tell him how much you are hurt of what he did. I read that it is better if you relate your feelings so that the other person will know exactly how you fee. I wish both of you well and have a safe delivery. Happy mylotting.
@Hatley (157683)
• Garden Grove, California
23 Sep 09
jazel__juan hi it sounds to me like your husband is starting to 'show symptoms of a wife batterer, a man who likes to control his woman,who is jealous all the time and doesnt want her to have any friends, specially men friends and does not trust her at all. this is so unfair of him to start this crap now with you pregnant but I would suggest'a marriage counselor, and or a separation from him if this escalates. if he gets physical with you you will know he is on a power trip. be careful and get some info and some help. aLso a lot of wife batterers do cheat on their wives.please get some advice from someone and watch him carefully.
2 people like this
@skysuccess (8882)
• Singapore
23 Sep 09
jazel_juan, You might think that the chasm in education is the de facto reason contributing to the degeneration of this relationship - eventually you might just realized that any reasons would take on similar conclusion, for as long as the person desire to leave. Any reason will do. I just cannot help feel that your 'happy relationship' is probably one-sided - it might be sparking joy for you to just being around with someone you love, but certainly, it isn't very much the same for him. It isn't enough and that insufficiency topples the balance. He might be contented previously, but with desire comes disappointment. I recalled talking to someone who felt afraid of her 'new self' - albeit she began to enjoy financial independence and powers; she realized that her expectation of her mate also grew proportionately. She felt she is no longer the same as before, being conformed and shaped by societal norms. Perhaps the rudimentary womanly instinct of 'survival' triggers - as the need to 'select' the best possible mate to 'ensure the best possible condition to breed the next generation'. In introspection, when we try to uncover the common factor(s) attributed to the construction of our relationship; when all is crystal-clear in the naked eyes of wisdom, we might just realize that time could just be that one solo component, breathing life into an otherwise impossible relationship just because all other elements are conducive enough to elicit a relationship. What I am trying to say here is that all relationships are created by gift of time, circumstances and situation. And with the change in time, circumstances and situations - when all components in this equation changes, things might not be the same anymore, even though both of you still looked the same, leading the same relationship. True love is when your core doesn't waver, despite all that beguiling distraction that invoke outwardly from all changes in life. Your man swayed and got affected by this notion, as this effect plants seed of doubts in your relationship, questioning its original identity and reason of existence. Perhaps that might just be the source of fatigue he is trying to endure - the ubiquitous expectation of what should be a 'perfect/standard relationship'. Why question it only now? Or is it because what doesn't seem to matter in the past matters right now? Is it really education? (Or the other side of the story we haven't heard) Or has Love weakened? (Or the other side of the story we haven't heard) Sit together and talk it out - you might still be able to do something if this frustration stem from your apathy and passiveness in love and life. But if he has decided that the fire has burned itself out, with the final chance to 'amend anything' forfeited, then you probably need divine intervention. All is equal in eyes of love. However, when this paradigm shifts drastically, one usually only obtain companionship, not soul mates. So what if it's X amount of years? The length of relationship often speaks nothing of the love that's truly within. You might not have to reconsider this relationship - but surely, you must preview your definition of love and see if it's parallel to his. Love is about looking at one common direction... not just at each other. Take care.
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
24 Sep 09
wow thank you, that was a response i did not expect, its like from somebody professional but it helped me realized some things..maybe, he is not ready for this coming baby but then he thinks as well that it isn't his! and that made me that because i have been honest all these time.. and well i guess we both have not been having communications lately since both are busy and pressured and stressed from work and problems lately..but i am really hoping we could work this out one way or another because it is really putting a strain in our relationship..we have not been talking lately, just civil stuff..and when we are in front of the kids we try to be as normal as possible which is hard because there are so many pent up emotions hidden. I may have made mistakes that i had overlooked..and i am thinking about what are those mistakes? maybe i have been into this "career" woman that i am now, it is my first time working and having that independence you said above is true, that i know that i can stand on my own, that i can spend on my own is getting into me sometimes, its like i do not need him in some way but i know it is wrong and there was a time that i did told him that, and i apologized and he even said that is some way it hurt him as well...but then there are still a lot more issues to settle..and i hope we both could settle it sooner.
1 person likes this
@prinzcy (5082)
• Malaysia
24 Sep 09
Probably being pregnant makes you look more sexy in his eyes Is he's starting to feel jealous before or after you're being pregnant? Anyway, he's being secretive with you by cleaning up all the tracks. Of course that will make any wife feel suspicious. Plus, he's striking you back saying you're the one that cheat. Hopefully it's false alarm.
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (33250)
• United States
3 Oct 09
Wow!! I would definately be a little upset as well. For your husband to be accusing you of cheating on him and he is probably the one cheating on you is a little absurd. I would think it is his way of trying to cover up and maybe feeling a little guilty knowing you are suspecting something. Personally this must not be good for you either, and if I were you I would want to be getting down to the bottom of it as well.