Fostering a Child

By Gabs
@gabs8513 (48715)
United Kingdom
September 28, 2009 4:17pm CST
A Friend of mine has applied to foster a Child, she has everything to give a Child She is not able to have Children herself and she has never been married Up to 5 years ago she had a brilliant job, unfortunately she had a Break Down and had to retire from her job For the last 3 years, she has managed to sort herself, take herself of Antidepressants and has learned to cope Now it is possibly going to be held against her for the fostering, which I think is wrong, as she has been doing really well for the last 3 years and has got her strength back, so I do not understand why this is going to possibly stop her being able to care for a Child I mean what would happen if she had already had a Child and fell Ill would they have taken the Child and never give the Child back I can understand that someone with my Disability could never foster but not someone who had a break down and is now fully recovered and has been for 3 years Can someone explain this to me
6 people like this
13 responses
@zackyo7 (301)
• United States
29 Sep 09
Well you have to see it from both sides of the story. Let's say your friend has recovered fully and is quite capable of raising a child. Then I see no problem from her perspective. However, you have to take into consideration the home's opinion. Is she really over this illness? What if there is a chance of her getting a relapse. Honestly and sadly it is very difficult for someone with a bad history whether it be mental illness or even crime to be entrusted with something like that, even though they have changed. Such is life.
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
30 Sep 09
Hi Zackyo This is what I mean, my Friend is not saying she wants babies, she will take in any child that is in need of love and care The Social should no matter what the Circumstances keep check anyway for a while and make sure the Child is well cared for, happy and save They should not just rely on checks they do as there could always be something they do not find out
1 person likes this
@34momma (13896)
• United States
28 Sep 09
that is such bullsh*t that they would do that to her!! when there are thousands of children out there that need a really good home!! i am not sure what state you live in, but i don't think they would do there here in NYC. and if they did, then they are stupid too. i am so sorry for your friend. but you tell her i said to hold her head and know that she will get what she wants. just know it to be true.
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
28 Sep 09
Hi 34momma, I am in the UK It just makes me so angry that she is now having this thrown at her Everyone gets to a stage in Life If she was still under a Consultant or anything like that I would understand but she isn't she has done really well
• Malaysia
29 Sep 09
hi gabs ... i have been trying to have a baby for a long time ... have gone tru IVF failure, now i am going tru some 'homeopathy' - i have been depressed for some time now .. we spent lots of money on this treatments .. Honestly me and husband discussed on adopting a child but we doubt ourselves if we can really do it, we have talked it over and are scared to go ahead with this as we fear for the worst ... i cant actually put it in words here, but i will try : - sometimes when we are depressed, our mind does not work "straight", we have seen some biological mothers, killing thier own child - now having someone elses kid and we being responsible .. actually "heavier responsibility" , we may tend to break down worst then before .. I am being logical here .. - if it was my own child, and i had a "breakdown", my family will still be there to take care of the child as it is of "blood" relation to them .. my advise is for her to spend lots of time at orphanages be around children, help in the cleaning and laundry .. Gabs .. i know nothing about the law - only ourselves - i am a manager in hospitality industry and my husband is police officer with a good rank, and this is how we think cheers
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
29 Sep 09
I am so sorry Sweet and it must be awful for you Also so hard, I get so angry when I see how Children are being abused and mistreated by their Parents, it is then People like you and your Husband go through my mind, who want Children so badly but can't have them then they see this sort of thing My Heart goes out to you Sweetie and I really hope that something will happen soon and your Dream comes true Big Hugs
• Malaysia
29 Sep 09
hi gabs .. hugs to you too .. i am ok i guess ... we still have each other , we have been lovers for 14 years before getting married for 3 year ... so i blame him (he he he ) cheers
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
30 Sep 09
I am so glad that you have one another and it seems your Love is very strong But I do hope that one Day you will be blessed with a Child I will wish that for you very strongly Hugs Sweetie
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
29 Sep 09
well I know the woman that got 2 of my boys at first had a breakdown right after she got them like she was unstable before hand and they topped the cake. So when she had the breakdown they put the boys in 2 different homes so none of them were together. So since the woman has already had a breakdown they might feel like this might happen again and then what would happen to the child then would just have to be sent to another foster home or finally find adopted parents for it.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
29 Sep 09
Well it happened 5 years ago and she is not in the job any more as she retired from the Job She has been fine for the last 3 years so I really think they should give her a chance on the report of Health from her Doctor now
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
29 Sep 09
could happen but ya never know what thier guide lines are.
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (49529)
• United States
28 Sep 09
Several years ago I signed up to be Big Sister. I went into the interview and everything. I was rejected because I was bipolar.
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (49529)
• United States
28 Sep 09
A Big Sister. lol
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
29 Sep 09
I know that I would never be able to do anything like this now because of my Health but I am one of the lucky ones who has been blessed with 2 wonderful Children, I have had my Babies, but there are People that can not have them and to hold something against them that happened 5 years ago and never again is not fair, specially as she has never been able to have Children
1 person likes this
@jillhill (37383)
• United States
29 Sep 09
Hopefully they won't hold it against her..both the child and her would be missing a great opportunity..especially the child. I don't know why they would hold it against her unless she appears to be unstable....
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
30 Sep 09
I don't know either Jill I really don't
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
29 Sep 09
I can completely understand why they would hold some things against a person in terms of fostering a child. i.e. previous abuse to a child, previous criminal record and/or self destructive behavior. That said, when a person has had a problem in the past but they are able to prove that they are recovered through the qualification process and home studies, etc. I think that people should be allowed to foster a child. There are so many people out there that would like to have a child to take care of and so many children that need someone to love them. I don't think that the mistakes that a person makes in the past should necessarily be held against them for life.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
30 Sep 09
I totally agree with you there The Thing is they even paid for her to go on the Course and she passed it all and now this I just can't understand it
1 person likes this
@ladym33 (11008)
• United States
29 Sep 09
The only think I can say is how can they be sure she is fully recovered, they have no way of knowing that for sure. Since we are talking about children I do think they need to be careful, but I don't think they should totally rule her out. Maybe evaluate her for 6 months or something on her own to make sure she is stable or possibly give her an older child and re-evaluate frequently and then if all seems well allow her to take in younger ones after a time. I think they should give her some sort of a chance, but I can't entirely blame them for being caucious. I do hope she gets her wish and is able to become a foster parent.
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
30 Sep 09
I agree Lady but they might not even do that What makes me angry right now the Social is letting the System down right now There are so many Children being abused even by their own Parents and even though they have been called they have not done anything
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (35320)
• United States
29 Sep 09
I have heard things like this before, and do find this a little SAD. When there are so many children out there needing Good homes, and so many kids in homes being abused severely everyday by people the Society tends to think are "Good Outstanding People", even higher up in offices or churches, it makes you wonder where the rules really lie. To me I think they need to find better ways to evaluate someone, or when in doubt give them a Trial thing where someone is given a child for a day and then monitor them to see how they would care for them, etc. and then decide from there. And how many Foster parents abuse their kids and it takes until one is almost murdered before they loose that priveledge? Unfortunately there is a BIG flaw in the system and somehow something needs to be done to change it.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
30 Sep 09
I agree with you there Tina as I think he System is not right at all As you say there should be a Trial Period for a while and someone check and also be in contact with the Child See how the Child is while with Foster Parents and see if there are any signs of something not being right
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
29 Sep 09
If you are not financially able, this will be held against you. In your friend's case, it is made worse because of her depression. This is a big no! no! So, I will not pursue fostering. It is definitely not good for the child.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
29 Sep 09
Financially she can give a child everything, as she is not of bad on the Financial Side The Depression has been under control for 3 years now and as far as I am concerned todays Health Check should be taken in considerations not 5 years ago Thanks for your Respond gracefuldove
@Hatley (164629)
• Garden Grove, California
28 Sep 09
hi gabs oh my thats not fair, she is able now to care for a foster child, why hold her past against her. 'Did she really have to report all that, I suppose she did of course.the law is the law but sometimes laws are not all that great. I hope she can go ahead' with this and not be stopped by some stupid outdated law.
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
28 Sep 09
Yes Hatley unfortunately she diid as of course she had to give permission for the to retrieve her Medical Records but they should go by now not years ago
@jhimx28 (20)
• Philippines
29 Sep 09
I think It's good ecause we are all brothers and sisters
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
10 Oct 09
I agree with you gabs. Mental illness is a disease that can not be cured. It can be managed with medication and/or counseling but that shouldn't stop someone from realizing their dream of becoming a mother. I'm childless and cope with depression but I don't think it'll be held against me here in the States but where you are, I don't know what the rules are but if that is held against her, that would NOT be right at all.