I am a major idiot

United States
September 28, 2009 11:32pm CST
I knew I shouldn't have started anything so soon after my breakup, but it all was going so well, he gave me every single indication that he was into me. He complimented me on my looks and my personality, he called and texted all the time, he wanted to spend time together. But then the last two days, after our date on friday, he didn't call or text much. Now today, he texts and says he is not ready for anything, and so he doesn't want to see or talk to me anymore . Everything was going so well, we had so much fun together. I feel so stupid and depressed because I really liked him. I just feel like maybe I just do this to men, they spend time with me and after enough time they decide that they don't want to spend anymore . My ex was like that, wanted to leave me all the time. It seriously just must be me. I feel extremely bad about myself and depressed.
5 people like this
11 responses
@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
29 Sep 09
ya know I'm gonna tell you the same thing I tell my gfs when they end up getting divorced or breakin up with a bf....First off you are NOT an idiot...and secondly, I dont know how long you were with your ex for..I dont know how long ago you two split up BUT I do know that if it was a long relationship and the break up is fairly new then you need to NOT date anyone....Get back to yourself....take time for you...reconnect with parts of yourself that maybe had been put on the back burner during your relationship with your ex and so on....and heal from the break up..especially if it was a long term relationship....believe it or not, its a loss in your life and you need to grieve, say good bye to that time and heal before you can move forward in life which includes dating...you said My ex was like that, wanted to leave me all the time. It seriously just must be me. that tells me two things....#1 you havent fully gotten through the break-up the cuase of it, the issues that were had etc and #2 there was damage done..for you to have convinced yourself that because your ex always wanted to leave you it must be you thats the cause says there's damage done..you need to heal that...
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Sep 09
Great advice. Where were you when I was single?
@jb78000 (15173)
29 Sep 09
that's a shame - sorry to hear it. won't be your fault and i'm sure there will be another man along at some point. hopefully a more sensible one. don't feel bad about yourself at all - it's this man's issues not yours i'd guess. . maybe spend a bit of time building up your confidence and making yourself feel better about yourself - then you won't feel so insecure next time a man comes along.
1 person likes this
@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
29 Sep 09
maybe spend a bit of time building up your confidence and making yourself feel better about yourself - then you won't feel so insecure next time a man comes along. absolutely! I think that is VERY important when a relationship comes to an end....yet so many ppl DON'T take the time for themselves..they seem to want to jump right into the next relationship (I have several friends like that) and its just not a good idea IMO..
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164507)
• Garden Grove, California
30 Sep 09
hi spicysweetie dont let one guy get you down,maybe' in the long run you are better off without him. He might have been one of those guys who are so afraid of any commitment that at any interest at all from' a girl they will run fast as they can. you will meet someone one of these days soon who will not be like'that and you will be glad the other guy just dropped you 'like that. its not anything you have done so cheer up, you will meet Mr. right one of these days soon.
1 person likes this
30 Sep 09
well its okay to feel bad but he is not into you so why waste time thinking about him. better move on and later you will find the right guy for you just don't rush.
1 person likes this
@bettydeng5 (1709)
• China
29 Sep 09
Dear spicy, I can deeply touch your feeling, when a gilr like the boy, their feeling is coming from the heart, I can understand, especially you got a good relationship with him, and I knew it's difficult to forgot a person under this condition, however I think it exsits some reason that he break up with you. However cheer up, I think the predestined relationship is very important,don't be so expressed, I think you can find the good boy who forever belongs to you.
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
29 Sep 09
You're not an idiot... how long since your breakup? Did the two of you ever TALK directly about a relationship, not just some dates? Also, what was his situation, was he newly single, longtime single, what? How long were the two of you dating when this happened? It's not really fair to believe it's you if you haven't looked into the type of men you end up choosing or are attracted to. Did you leave your ex because you got tired of his attitude? Maybe it's not time yet... but at least start perking yourself up some, there are a lot of good people still left out there. Usually they find YOU when you aren't even looking. I know you're sad right now but try to look at your future. What sort of person do you want to be? What sort of person do you want to meet?
1 person likes this
@spalladino (17925)
• United States
29 Sep 09
I'm sorry you're feeling so low, spicy, but don't blame yourself and stop beating yourself up! You don't know what kind of emotional baggage this guy is carrying around. I know this is hard...it's unexpected and a blow to anyone's ego...but you can't let it drag you down. You can't possibly be THAT bad! You're obviously pretty and nice (he said so) and you've always seemed like an intelligent, caring person here, so...read my lips...it's...not...you. AND it's his loss! Keep your chin up and do some positive self talk. Also do something that you enjoy as soon as you possibly can. Personally, shopping and a chocolate binge works for me.
• United States
29 Sep 09
Thank you too so much for your support as well. I am feeling alot better now that the emotional crap has passed, and I think I am more angry now than sad because he would not even give me the decency to stay friends. I have my kitties with me and are making me feel better because I know they love me :)
@suzzy3 (8357)
2 Oct 09
Please don't do this yourself he is an idiot.He does not leave you alone ,he sounds like he has something against woman ,or he is married,have you thought of that,could not cheat on his wife.It is not you ,it has happened to me as well.It is the way some men are,but not all are like that keep your eye out someone else will come along and this time have fun,you don't have to fall in love ,just get out there when you are ready and have some fun don't take anything seriously till you have been with someone for at least six months.You will be fine don't beat yourself up.
• Canada
30 Sep 09
I don't think it's that you do it to men, I just think that you jump too fast. If I jumped on every guy who complimented me about my looks and my personality, I'd have a male harem trailing behind me. Get to know these guys, and become friends firat. That way if something happens, it happens mutually, not just because he complimented you.
@RebeccaLynn (2256)
• United States
29 Sep 09
Are you putting off a 'needy' vibe? My husband said that is the single biggest thing that turns men off. Could that be it?
@biman_s (1061)
• India
29 Sep 09
Don't waste your tears on someone who doesn't deserve it. Consider this an opportunity to find that perfect person who will truly love you. He left you which means he doesn't deserve you. You deserve a lot better than him. Get your self together and find someone who really loves you.