I can't understand her

India
September 29, 2009 11:42am CST
I think none of you have ever been in this kind of situation before but I really need some help. I have a friend ( I really don't know if I should call her a friend). She says that I am her best friend but everyday when I try to talk to her she finds all kinds of excuses to avoid me. Most of the times she says that she is busy ( too busy that she can't even wish me gudmorning with a msg) or she says she don't have balance in cell, sometimes the cell is out of charge or cell is not with me or if everything is fine she is in no mood to talk. If I ask her directly whether she wants to be my friend or not she says that I should try to understand her. I am really confused about her. What should I do. Am I demanding too much of her or is she clearly avoiding me. I know all these signs show that she is trying to avoid me but at the same time if I confront her anytime she says that I am her best friend bla bla bla so what should I do?
6 people like this
28 responses
@agmp26 (21)
• Philippines
29 Sep 09
I have a fake 'friend' like that. I can not mention the name. You know, they don't deserve to be called as friends. They really are not friends. Sometimes, they are just using us so let's be practical and discard them from our lives. They're not doing any good. True friends or true people are the ones we can rely on. As for myself, I know how to spot a liar. Well, who are they to fuss about? We have more important things to do than think of them.
2 people like this
• India
29 Sep 09
Thats right they don't deserve to be our friends. I already think that I have unnecessarily wasted my time with her. I need to come out of that illusion that she is my friend and leave her.. Thanks for the response
1 person likes this
@taztheone (1726)
• India
29 Sep 09
I think you should be more practical & don't feel too much for her actions. If she didn't mind you, then you don't mind her. The more practical way will be to go & talk to her. You directly tell her that this is what you feel & if she don't want you to be so close, then tell & we will be just casual friends. This will be the best option & never think that girls are something big & hard to reach. If I was in your place, I would have asked her frankly & still if I find her avoiding me, I too will do the same. Remember that most of the girls won't like chipu (sticky) guys. So be yourself & never bring any girl soo close yo the heart & the rest will happen, which is supposed to happen. Happy Lotting
2 people like this
• India
29 Sep 09
Ya you are right I am trying to stick around her. If she doesn't want my friendship its better if I think the same. It would relieve me of unnecessary tensions and thoughts. I would try to talk to her directly once more and if the same thing repeats I will also avoid her.. Thanks for the response.
1 person likes this
@Shr416 (27)
• India
30 Sep 09
If she is avoiding you and finding all possible excuses to do so, then that probably means she doesn't really consider you to be her friend. Maybe, she just can't tell you that directly. Or maybe she just likes the feeling of having you as a friend, without actually doing anything to sustain that friendship. I would think you should do the same as she's doing to you for a while. Avoid her too and see what happens.
• India
30 Sep 09
You may be right because basically my mother and her mother are good friends and we are some what like family friends and may be that is the reason she is not telling me directly that she don't want to have friendship with me and avoiding me. Anyway I have taken the decision to avoid her so nothing matters now. Thanks for the response.
1 person likes this
@shadow41 (2356)
• Philippines
29 Sep 09
hello. I think you should lay low with her first. Give her some space to breathe. That way she will miss you and look for you. Maybe there's something wrong going on with her life right now and maybe you're one of the reasons of it. So just give her some time and space and wait for the time that she will look for you. Goodluck my friend.
1 person likes this
• India
30 Sep 09
May be I am pushing her too much and as you have said I should lay low. Anyway I have decided not to talk to her anymore and if this makes her miss me then she may talk to me again. Thanks for the response.
1 person likes this
• China
30 Sep 09
The women is the most mysterious creature in the wolrd.I also have such kind confusion with my girlfriend.Her temperture is sunshine ,but it may be cloudy in the next minutes. Sometimes I feel I am so tired with her.
1 person likes this
• India
30 Sep 09
The best thing to do in such a situtation would be to let this friendship go, atleast from your end. Basically, she is either trying not to hurt you so she keeps telling you are her best friend or maybe she has some work with you :p Or probabaly she thinks you are a fan of hers, and she doesnt want to lose a fan and she wants you to cling on and but she is not interested in being your friend. Nobody would treat even a good friend like this, forget a best friend :| Dont let her play with your emotions. You dont have to go tell her things like I am not going to talk to you from today etc. But just dont msg or call her up. If she has to she will. Otherwise just forget her. She wasnt worthy of your friendship maybe
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Sep 09
Personally speaking, it does sound like she is avoiding you. Her actions are really speaking louder then words.
@melanie652 (2526)
• United States
30 Sep 09
I don't think she is a true friend and is trying to avoid you. You say when you confront her she says you're her best friend. That sounds like she's just saying what she thinks you want to hear. I don't think she means it. I think you'd be better off to avoid her and find a *real* friend. You're wasting your time with her! If she were a real friend, you wouldn't have to be confronting her asking if she's your friend or not?
@anurag3786 (6275)
• India
30 Sep 09
I think you have more feelings for her in your heart...and you wana proposed her..but you can't do it.. because you afraid..to lost of her.. i think.. she ignore you.. when you ever talk to her..and she gave excuses that she is busy right now.. i think..you should feel her that you have care for her..and you loved her truly.. then see what she gave reply.. because.. if you afraid to proposed her..then you never say to her..that you want her.. life is too short my dear. so don't wait...and proposed her....if she has also some feelings for you than she doesn't reject your proposal..
1 person likes this
30 Sep 09
friendship is important in our life, so we will make many friends, but the best friend is less, the real friend need tolerate and understand each other, don't avoid; from your words there are 2 points: 1,she only think you are her common friend, maybe she fear you angry, so you are her best friend; 2, during this time she is so busy, or some important thing happen on her, but she don't tell you. if you can find the best friend, it is hard, hope you can do with your relationship carefully.
1 person likes this
@fifileigh (3619)
• United States
30 Sep 09
i think i have answered this discussion before, but here i go again. move on and forget her. ignore her. set her free. and if she comes back to you, tell her you are busy and have more important things to do. live your own life. you dont need her. you are wasting your time, and you will waste away your life if you continue to stay with this person.
1 person likes this
@subha12 (18454)
• India
30 Sep 09
I think she is not that much interested actually with you. Friendship should be from both side, not one way traffic. so its tough to say what she wants actually.
1 person likes this
• China
30 Sep 09
After reading through your words I can feel the same as what you are feeling,this si mot a good sign because this girl is trying to avoid me which means she doesn't want to keep relationship with you any further.And most badly he may get a new friend who took away her heart which caused the treat you received from her.You may pay more attention to her life and your current job need intellegence other than feeling.
1 person likes this
@irene3184 (900)
• Philippines
30 Sep 09
I must that give her time first, enough that you try reaching out to her but no replies. Maybe for a moment she will communicate with you and explain why she is avoiding you. Maybe she has any reason of avoiding you for now but she can't tell you for this moment.
1 person likes this
@Fenglin (13)
• China
30 Sep 09
I think you should tell her what you think about her .True friends and ture people are the ones from whom we can get help when we are in trouble or feel bad .She is not deserve a best friend as you say .You can ignore her for a long time .If there is no reflection,She just cheat you .
1 person likes this
30 Sep 09
well maybe she is really busy. a true friend never judges his friend. because in friendship trust is of the essence. what you can do is just understand her and give her time for herself too. after that ask talk to her.
1 person likes this
• Canada
30 Sep 09
Just ignore her for a while. People don't know what they got till it's gone. She will realize what she is missing and come around. Besides no man can really understand the mind of a woman.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
29 Sep 09
I have a friend that I kind of do that to. Thing is, I am very busy between keeping up the homefront, my daughter and working full time. He does not work & is on disability. He is bored and when I pick up the phone to him, it is usually an hour to 2 hour conversation. He calls every single day and has even called me at work. I did get so that I look at the caller ID and quite often, I just don't pick up when I see it is him. I do value his friendship but I just don't like talking on the phone and for sure...not every day or for as long as he likes to talk. Now if he were to knock on my door for coffee or something...I'd be good with that. I would love it actually. And as with the phone calls.....not every day. He has surprised me with a visit here and there and I am always open to dropping everything and taking a break with him. Also, if I have company...I am devoted to my company. I do not pick up the phone for anyone other than my kids. I do think I understand your friend. It took a while but my friend actually "got it". He now calls me maybe once or twice a week to touch base. Try going a week or two without calling her and then limit your calls. If you are looking for this to go beyond friendship I would definitly say...probably not. Still....I think she probably does think of you as a friend. Maybe you are just calling too much???
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84133)
• Shingle Springs, California
29 Sep 09
Friendship works two ways, and for people to be best friends, both of them have to make an effort. It's OK for one friend to get busy for a while, but if it's always that way all the time, something's wrong. Her words may be saying you're her best friend but her actions aren't. Maybe if you make less of an effort, she will miss you and she will make more of one. And if she doesn't, that says a LOT.
1 person likes this
• China
29 Sep 09
In my opinion, I think communication between friends is the most imprtant. Talk to her what you real though, tell her what you think about her and what is your feeling. If you cann't find the chance to talk with her face to face, you can email her. If she cares about you, then she will respect quickly, and she is your frends. In controry, I don't think she is your friend if she don't care about your feeling. Best wishes.
1 person likes this