dating someone older

United States
October 4, 2009 9:00pm CST
I'm dating someone that's 5 years older than me and he's close to 30 now. While I am still in my early 20's and just barely getting that whole independence, having fun thing down. We're both having a lot of fun and it's going well but I'm starting to wonder how important marriage is to him and if he has some kind of plan to get married by a certain age. I, on the other hand, want to get a career in order first and am still several years away from considering marriage; I'm not even sure I'll ever be the kind of person that can settle down for it. In any case, how do you have this kind of discussion with someone and have you ever had a relationship end because of different plans?
3 people like this
22 responses
@artistry (4154)
• United States
5 Oct 09
...Hi soetiesmaybe, Five years difference does not seem to be a big gap. Girls do mature sooner than guys, so that's another consideration. Then experience plays a part in our development. As for the marriage question, I don't know how long you have been dating, but I would want to get to know a person very well, before I would want to even think about marriage as a possibility, unless the two of you have already fallen in love, and then,... and then, emotions might make you forget all of your plans, watch out. :o) Take care.
@artistry (4154)
• United States
5 Oct 09
...correction...sometimesmaybe....sometimes my M sticks ..sorry
@Fulltank (2896)
• Philippines
5 Oct 09
For me, 5 years for a couple is not an age gap at all. I would prefer to say an age gap of 10 and above will have some problem. but as the love quotes goes "love conquers anything" and "age doesn't matter" surely is true as I see some happily married couples with a big age gap. Try to enjoy more about your life first and don't plunge to that "married thing" for a while. If its you and him in the end, let the time tell you.
@agv0419 (3029)
• Philippines
5 Oct 09
I think your age gap between your bf is not that big, for me age doesn't matter as long as you love each other. I think your bf is already ready to start a family because your young you want to achieve more in terms of your career..
@thaMARKER (3094)
• Philippines
6 Oct 09
I think that’s gonna be fun. I actually prefer older men, it’s kind of challenging dealing with them since they do have different interest at their age (if not all, most of them). The adjustment would be a lot and I’m not pointing it out as negative. Last guy I went out with was like 8 years older than me. It ended because he now lives out of town.
@jerimiyah (232)
• Philippines
6 Oct 09
i love someone who is older than me but the same i just don't date any older guy. Some might not be emotional older just there age. I'm glad my fiance is older than me. i know that he will definitely takes command and can take care of me. i love mature and yet has that childlike part of a man because its gonna be boring if its too serious.
5 Oct 09
Well, I've never dated someone who was older than me. But I know a lot of my friends who have ever dated those who were older than them. It was nice for me to build friendship with them, because I can learn something from their relationship. As far as I notice, their relationships were quite long and most of them ended in marriage. =) One good news for me, I was so happy for them. Well, during the relationship, we likely to chat each other about our plans, and if we know that we have different plans I don't think it is good to end the relationship after it lasts for a while.
• Philippines
5 Oct 09
Hi sometimesmaybe! Welcome to mylot! Well for me five (5) years age gap is not that big. It is just a matter of being open to your partner. Tell him your priorities and plans for now. It is all in good conversation, if you wanted to fulfill your dreams before getting married I am sure he will understand it. If he is a matured person and love you truly he will not stop you from growing. Be open and honest. Make him understand that what you want is for your own self contentment and that doesn't mean that if you follow your dreams and aspiration you already love him less. Tell your partner that you just wanted to love yourself so that you can love him more. Goodluck and be happy always!
• United States
5 Oct 09
I know exactly how you feel. I am 21 and dating someone who is 18 years older than I am. He just turned 39 so while I am starting to explore my independence and the idea of having a career, he is thinking of retirement and settleing down. The only thing that I can tell you is that you will just have to ask him how he feels about marriage and where he thinks the relationship will go, there is really no way around that. i will say that its hard to have a relationship with such an age gap because you both come from what seems like different worlds. I would encourage you to talk with your man about what you are feeling. If he cannot see your side of things and is not wiling to try to understand than you dont need him.
• Mexico
5 Oct 09
Love is love, simple. No matter what's the age differences (if both person have the legal age to take their own decitions) what's more important it's what both feel. Don't worry about marriage, better to not think too fast before taking that decition.
@suchi60 (913)
• India
5 Oct 09
Dating a guy who is 5 years older than you is quite a sensible thing to do. Women, by nature mature earlier than men, and this is why older men marry younger women. They think on similar wavelengths and therefore, there is no nonsense between them when it comes to relationships. I feel you need to talk to your partner and discuss future plans. This way, the two of you will know where you stand in the relationship and perhaps plan for the future together, or go your ways and not become a liability for the other.
• United States
5 Oct 09
For me, 5 years isn't too much. I think over ten is where it gets to be a lot, and 15 is too much. I have known people who are 20 who are looking for marriage and those who are 40 and just having fun. Ask him about what he wants and then figure it out from there. I have ended relationships because of different plans, right after college, but not with someone older than me.
@kgarcia (10)
• United States
5 Oct 09
I like older guys they just make me feel more secure and stable.Younger guys are just ignorant.
@bmuchler (442)
• United States
5 Oct 09
My husband is five years older than me. When we started dating I assumed he was closer to my age. He looked younger like me. I met him when I was 23. I found out about the age difference after a few dates. That didn't matter to me. I wasn't looking for any serious relationship. I was trying to find my path to be independent, all that life stuff you go through in your 20's. Life took me on a different path. We married when I was 25, right before he turned 30. I am very happy and wouldn't do anything any different. I wish I could offer you advise as to how to start a conversation about marriage and plans he may have. I thought the same way you do before everything.
@chinali (48)
• China
5 Oct 09
Age gap in love is not a problem,even a book said marriag to a man 12 years order than you is right perfect.I always think that tha man older than us can be maturer and help us in the future life,of course we also shoud be independent first.
@tvb2009 (237)
• Singapore
5 Oct 09
I think 5 years shouldn't be too big of an age gap. As long as the 2 of you can get along well, i think it shouldn't be a problem. I feel that marriage is important to a man, because it means living a different life.
@irefed (200)
• Philippines
5 Oct 09
I don't have age preference when I go for a date as long as that guy is very deserving and not afraid to look at. I think 5 years older than you is not ashame to have a date. It is still young for your age, though you have different view in life.You can give adjustment if you want to pursue and continue the relationship.
• Philippines
5 Oct 09
It's okay dear. There's nothing wrong in falling in love or dating older men.
• United States
5 Oct 09
my wife is 25 and im 34 we have been married for 4 years now. If your wondering how important marriage is to him just ask. No reason to bottle up everything thats where arguments start from. just take some time and ask him and tell him what you would like and compromise. me and my wife were kinda thrown into marraige we had planned on a spring marriage then i was called up to be deployed to afghanistan. so we married earlier then what we planned mostly for the benefits and we had already planned on marrying anyway. Just remember no marrige is perfect as is no relationship is perfect until you understand your partner and they understand you.
@irene3184 (900)
• Philippines
5 Oct 09
It doesn't matter anymore dating someone older than you as long as the guy is sincere his feelings towards you and you are serious. Honestly, I always go for a guy older than me because I believe that girls are more mature compare to guys. Just try to consider his plans but I'm sure he will also understand your plans if you have a talk.
5 Oct 09
don't jump right away. marriage can await. make sure you are ready for commitment because getting married requires a lot of thinking.
@jambi462 (4598)
• United States
5 Oct 09
My girlfriend is a year older then me but that doesn't really concern me or affect me at all. I love her very much and I don't think that age really plays that big of a role in any relationship or at least it shouldn't. Love is love.