Is it fair to receive salary from MOM?

@zandi458 (27952)
Malaysia
October 5, 2009 3:33pm CST
I often wonder whether it is right for children to receive monthly salary from their mothers. As children, we should be the one giving to our mothers money instead of receiving money from our mothers. But this is something odd here as my mum is paying 3 of my siblings monthly emoluments which is to me inappropriate. She is old but she still has a sharp mind and still active. In a recent family meeting we had she announced that as of next year she'll pay each of my 3 appointed siblings a sum of $1,500.00 per month to help her in her property management. Isn't part of the duties of children to help their aging parents without expecting something in return?
15 people like this
39 responses
@Shaun72 (15968)
• Palatka, Florida
5 Oct 09
Wow that is a lot of money that she is paying her own childern to help her. It sounds to me like that they would help their own mother out for free or at least not as much money.To me it sounds a little selfish. After all she did raise them as children.
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
7 Oct 09
That is what is in my thought - selfish. You know when it comes to relationship, like mother and children, working discipline is hard to monitor. It is unlike the formal working world where you have to work from 8 to 5 to earn the money. I know it may not be something like the real working world. They just have to be present in my mom's house everyday sit around, watch tv, chitchat and thats it, probably run errands for the old lady and being paid. My mom has her way of helping her children which doesn't sound too lenient.
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
6 Oct 09
I think that is a very large amount of money for a mom to pay for her children to help her. My brothers and I always helped my mom out when she got older. She did offer gas money and even when we were all caring for her in her final days she pushed us to accept payment. We did not. I'm sure there are situations when it would be right but family is supposed to help each other out. That is what family does. right?
2 people like this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
7 Oct 09
I think all mothers are the same. They wish to help their children as long as they can without realizing that their adult children should be the one caring for them in return for the sacrifices bringing up their children.
@suzzy3 (8362)
5 Oct 09
If it is a proper business and proper work then yes they should get paid and be lucky they can work in the family business instead of joining the queue for work.The only time is if they are not doing a proper job bearing in mind if they let her down she will sack them.That is a lot of pressure.After all you will all benefit in the end and it is better than letting the business be run by complete strangers who might diddle you out of your inheritance and your mother out of her business.It is a childs duty to make sure your mother is looked after in illhealth and her house be kept nice for her.Business is business and why should they work for nothing could you afford to.
2 people like this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
7 Oct 09
My mom doesn't actually have a licensed business to talk about. I think she pick and choose those who she find not so progressing in life and instead of giving them free money, she created something so it won't look like a welfare department. well, she does have housing estate she rented out but it is only minor and only demand minimal work.
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
5 Oct 09
hi zandi458 Well most moms don't have that kind of money but stll its her business and she is giving them money for managing her property. I suppose in a way children could halp their parents without being paid but I think in your mom's case she is actually paying them wages for work they are doing for her.
2 people like this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
7 Oct 09
I am lucky to have a generous mom who is always there when am in problem. She is always acting as welfare officer to all her children. She has not stopped giving her assistance regardless of family or public.
@MsTickle (24962)
• Australia
10 Oct 09
But she is hiring them and they will be working for her. They are employees and employees must be paid and receive various benefits though I'm not sure what these are, if any, in your country. I don't understand how you expect them to work for nothing, support themselves and their family and support you Mum as well....how does that work? She is a business woman and she wants to employ family. This is what is done in many affluent international companies. Just on a side note, your mum must have an extensive range of properties to manage if she needs so many people...good luck to her.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
10 Oct 09
All along my dad has been in charge of my mum's properties while she is always in the background never know whats going on around her properties. When my dad passed away 3 years ago she is entrusted to take over what is left behind. She run it for a year but find that her failing health does not warrant her to go on anymore. She is 74 years old now. My mum is the only daughter of a landlord and she inherited all the properties which she has equally distributed to all her 10 children except for the place where she is staying now which is a 'goldmine' as that piece of land is generating income. I count myself lucky as I am privileged to be part of her and for that I am forever thankful as I need not have to look for a shelter when I got married. But life is not always fair, I gamble my life with the wrong person.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (24962)
• Australia
10 Oct 09
I thought that was the case. I'm very sorry for you. You're an independent women, why do you not kick him out? Life was not meant to be full of misery and sorrow. I know things are different in your country but still, the time for change is here, now. Enjoy what years you have left without this miserable burden around your neck.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (24962)
• Australia
13 Oct 09
Or knocks the life out of him...
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
7 Oct 09
Hmmmm, sounds like your mom is a pretty reasonable lady and she wants to get things done, and so, perhaps sound off the 1.5k per month for your siblings. What did your siblings say at first? Did they totally agree or were they reluctant to agree with the term? I think aging parents should not pay their children for anything, but if they willingly do that like a form of gratitude, then it's a different story altogether. I think monthly payout of 1.5k is a bit much, but if your mom could afford it and she sees no other way to it to get things done, then it has to be that way. The only people whom could reject that sum of money per month would be your siblings. She is offering them an incentive, I think if she sees it right. And she wants things to be done a certain way. But I wouldn't have the heart to take the 1.5k if I am her child though. Interesting mom you have..
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
7 Oct 09
I think my mum is not really thinking of employment but it is just her way of helping my siblings that are not financially successful. Some mothers really have the heart of gold.
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
8 Oct 09
I agree that she's a very kind-heart lady, and a super great mom to think of the best interests of her children..
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
8 Oct 09
@ahgong (10066)
• Singapore
9 Nov 09
I guess it is your mum's way of showing appreciation towards your siblings for helping her with the management of her property. Rather than let some stranger agent earn the money, your mum prefers to have some one she trust to handle her affairs. And she is just rewarding them for helping her. Let her be. As long as she is happy with the current arrangement, let her be.
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
9 Nov 09
She is our savior in many ways and she never stop supporting her children. She is slowly delegating some of the business to her children as her age does not permit her to handle so much of work anymore. Well, she is a God send mother to all her 10 children and we are really fortunate to have a comfortable living because of her generosity.
@ahgong (10066)
• Singapore
10 Nov 09
That is good that you know how to appreciate the things your mum does for you and your siblings. Treasure her. She is the most valuable treasure a person can have in his/her life time.
• India
27 Oct 09
Hello my friend zandi458 Ji, Your conception is natural. But as of now, whatever is with me as a MOM and G/Mom, I am not going to carry alongwith me after I complete my earthly journey, in case any of my children need my help I am always at tehir disposal. may be taht I get lot of satisfaction. At the same time, if any of my earning children and their children give me something, I always take it a smy birth-right. One more things in our society and dealings we do not take anything from our daughters even after their marriage. We always give them. It is taken as a sin. May God bless You and have a great time.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
27 Oct 09
As parents we are always there for our children. It is good to learn from other culture family system. I appreciate your sharing.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
12 Oct 09
Hi, Zandi! Generally, I don't think it is fair to receive salary from our parents IF we are doing household chores and baby sitting for the youngsters at home, but even sometimes, some parents just love to shower their kids with some incentives of their hard work. In your case, will the 3 appointed siblings work full time in managing her property? If yes, then, I think your mom is thinking about paying them as she is the employer and them as the employees. However, if she was just asking for their help to manage her property, I don't think it will be necessary for the 3 siblings to receive the 'salary' from your mom. She can reward them with any amount of money, but if you mean giving them a fixed salary, they are taking advantage of her and they should reject the money, but help willingly. If she has no money to offer them, are they still going to help her out?? If yes, then, it's OK, but if not, then poor mom , she has to 'buy' her own kids just to help her. Bless her!
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
14 Oct 09
My mum has always been a 'santa clause' or rather 'santa rina' to everyone and probably seeing those siblings who are in pitiful state she in the pretext of giving them employment is in fact helping them out financially.
• Malaysia
18 Oct 09
If that is the case then I think that they have mutual agreement that they will work for your mom full time and receive the salary from her as their employer. There is no doubt that she is helping them in a professional way.
@savypat (20246)
• United States
6 Oct 09
My question is is she didn't pay the children for this work would she pay someone else? As long as all agree and there is fair value given I don't see a problem.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
7 Oct 09
Right now one sibling is already under her employ but I don't see him really working as expected of him. He play video games all day long and still get paid. He has people running for him like checking on the building maintenance and still requires my mum to pay for the extra hands that do the job. He is working smart but my mum thinks it is okay as long as he collects the monthly rentals from the tenants.
@savypat (20246)
• United States
7 Oct 09
well hard as it maybe and unfair this is between them and in your mind you need to let go and let them handle it. Life is rarely fair when we view it from our very narrow point of view. You may think your brother is getting away with something, but must remember that each of us has our own lessons in life. Blessings
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
6 Oct 09
Is this to each one of them or al togehter.? If they are caregivers they need alittle bit to help pay her bills and such and if they are running a business for her is good to receive a wage for that. BUT this sounds like an awful lot if it is $1500 each!
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
7 Oct 09
I can see it is a lot for little job to do.
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
7 Oct 09
yup
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
6 Oct 09
GOOD MORNING ZANDI, The first thing that popped in my head is why just giving to three when she has other children. I hope i never have to have help from my kids.I nevr helped my mother financially at all . She had alot more money than i did & didn't need help.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
7 Oct 09
These 3 are always around her. The rest are working and one is in Australia. While I stay a distant away from her and is managing her property where I live now. I never give my mum money too as I know she doesn't need it. I have to work hard to earn a living while she is just a bit lucky as she has planted money trees and is now bearing fruits.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
7 Oct 09
I just don't like to see favoritism shown between children. I had to deal w/that w/my mother soo much because she was favorite to my oldest son & i hated the way she made a difference betweeh them.I don't think it's rught for parents or grandparents to do that.
1 person likes this
@KMaroon (269)
• India
6 Oct 09
Hi Zandi, Well I think its nothing wrong if she is paying because its her way of thinking if you really think its wrong and its your duty to help aged parents then teach your children that you can earn money only if you work hard and help the aged parents without expecting anything and take the amount from your mother save the amount in her name and it can used for her medicines or you can even purchase some surprising gifts which makes her really happy. This is my way of thinking, what do you say? ok have a nice day.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
7 Oct 09
Personally, I don't think I have enough to ever pay my own kids in future. I expect them to help me without pay instead. I expect them to give me money every month if I no longer capable of earning any income.
@KMaroon (269)
• India
8 Oct 09
Hi Zandi,All your wishes will fulfill, God is with you, your children will definitely help you financially when you really need their help, let us hope for the best, thank you for the reply. Have a nice day.
• Las Pinas City, Philippines
12 Oct 09
as they say mother will always be a mother who will always be there for their children no matter what. maybe that's the way of your mother for your siblings not to go anywhere and not being progressive at all. at least if they are working with your mom then your mother is happy seeing them have enough money for their living and she don't need to spoonfeed them, like giving money without any reason at all,right? so be happy that your mother is indeed a truly great mother of all, who tried to help her kids in any way she can.
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
14 Oct 09
That is what we call mother's love.
@saisakth (77)
• India
12 Oct 09
hmmm.. is it good for child not for adults... they must be on their own toes, they must earn money and give to their parents.. that is my thought
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
14 Oct 09
Your are right. children should be responsible to care for the aging parents.
• India
12 Oct 09
Ya u r right , childrens should not depend on parents once they finish up their studies , they should support themselves and the family instead of depending on parents i think that coz even i am dependent on my parents , am going to finish up my engg, then i would make sure i get into a good job and atleast support myself
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
12 Oct 09
It is only fair that children look after the welfare of their parents once they are stable in life.
@ced_cap (207)
• Philippines
11 Oct 09
i think it's just right because they worked for it. it'd be a shame if they just got it without having worked for it..because business is a different matter. it's just so happened that they work for your mother and she's the boss and it's employer-employee relationship and you separate it with personal matters.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
12 Oct 09
work should be done professionally in order for the business to flourish.
@Sreekala (22879)
• India
10 Oct 09
Hi zandi, I know some parents who are still giving payment or giving valuable things to their children and grandchildren. Actually it is the duty of the children to take care of their parents. But I think the parents are finically sound then only they can help their kids and in fact their earnings are going to their next generation automatically. So there is nothing wrong to give money to children irrespective of their financial background, if the parents are in a position to do it. I have seen you new discussion and I tried to respond it from IE and Firefox. You are right I can’t respond the same. Unfortunately I did not get the notification of the same in my gmail. I have some notification from other friends and I can respond directly from gmail but I can’t respond to those discussions with no response.
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
10 Oct 09
Actually, it is in our culture that we inherit something from our parents, in the form of landed properties and houses. I was thinking all the siblings should chip in to help my only surviving parent to run the show and not only the selected few who benefits from the bounty right now. As at the end of the day, we will all equally share what ever is accumulated. But looks like my mum is already sharing to selected few. Of course she has already given our shares of inheritance, when I got married and should not be complaining as everyone regardless of female or male have equal share. I thought it was only a short period of glitch. Looks like we are in for a long break here.
1 person likes this
@jenzai (390)
• Philippines
9 Oct 09
I agree with you that it is the duty of the children to help their aging parents with out expecting in return. But it is case to case basis, such as it would depend on the point of view of the giver, in some point maybe your mother does take your brothers not as sons but as an employee in her business. Or in the case above it would i guess your mother would have thought that your brother would not act as custodian voluntarily because it is by the culture that they have been used with the idea that every thing has to be exchange with money. I remember during my childhood my mom would give me small amount to reinforce me to do certain task. But only to use it as an encouragement.Later it was cut off.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
10 Oct 09
I agree, every job done should get some kind of monetary reward.
@jashoaf (298)
• United States
9 Oct 09
As a general rule, yes, I would agree with you. But this sum sounds like the siblings are doing work that your mom would have to hire someone to do anyway; a real job, not just helping her clean the house. If so, I see no reason not to expect a proper salary for a proper job. It also might be your mom's way of staying connected. Grown children have to work, so why not create a family business where everybody benefits?
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
10 Oct 09
I agree with you, when it comes to business, everyone needs to be paid for service rendered.