Want to buy bestfriend a dog... only problem is her MOTHER!!!..help!

@dloveli (4369)
United States
October 6, 2009 9:27am CST
My best friend has always dreamed of owning a bulldog. I want to get her one as a gift. She is always taking me places and buying me stuff. I thought it would be nice to start looking for a bull dog. Or at least look at the parents who will be mated. This way after Christmas I can give her the dog for her Birthday in March. Maybe a month or so earlier. I was planning on doing it with my tax money after I take care of a few things for me. One problem..... She lives with her mother and her mother is adamant that no dogs will come to her house. I think its because they have a cat. I am going to try to work on the mother. My friend needs something to love 24/7 she is lonely. I try to be with her as much as possible but you know its not the same as having something of your own to love. Should I just get the dog and maybe it will warm her mothers heart enough to change her mind. Should I buy her a stuffed animal and call it a day? Maybe she'll move out and I wont have to worry. but if not what do I do??? dl
4 people like this
22 responses
@dawnald (84131)
• Shingle Springs, California
6 Oct 09
Her mom's house, her mom's rules. I think you're going to have to wait until she isn't living with her mom any more.
3 people like this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
7 Oct 09
Its true it is her mother's house. As I was reading the responses, I was told that her mother told her she wants her out. The reasoning is because she's always laying on the couch doing nothing. THis is clearly not a good environment for a dog. I would be worried that they werent taking care of the dog. Thanks for your input. You clearly understand the dilemma. I am taking your advice to the heart. NO DOG!!Happy MyLotting dl
2 people like this
@dawnald (84131)
• Shingle Springs, California
7 Oct 09
Maybe when she's on her feet and more responsible! thanks for the friendship request!
@byfaithonly (10716)
• United States
6 Oct 09
I'm afraid I would have to say - go with the stuffed dog until she has a home of her own. It could be a very bad situation for both the dog and your friend it the mother has already stated 'no dogs allowed'. Find a stuffed bull-dog and attach a message to the collar "Until you can have the real thing."
3 people like this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
7 Oct 09
Her mother seems to hate dogs. I dont even think a stuffed dog will survive there. I dont think Ill be buying a dog for her. I guess I was trying to be nice before realizing that there was more to it than just purchasing a dog. My friend doesnt even have a job. She really has no means to care for herself much less a dog. I am so glad that I asked this question on MyLot. It helped me see that this gift would have been a nightmare at least for me. I dont think I could stop worrying about how the poor puppy was doing. dl
1 person likes this
@byfaithonly (10716)
• United States
7 Oct 09
Well, a stuffed dog would be very quiet, wouldn't need food or walking, maybe 'mother' wouldn't know she had it :) Honestly - I have a stuffed cat that I talk to alot when alone :( she's a beautiful cat, white with sky blue eyes, long haired :)
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
6 Oct 09
Only thing is wehen this friend lives with her mom you do need to get moms approval and then work from there she might not want a bulldog maybe she would go for another kind of dog. ask!
3 people like this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
6 Oct 09
Hey Lakota! Thanks for the advice. After reading all the responses I have decided that a dog is too big of an expense to take a risk. Not so much about the money but because the dog is a living thing. I love dogs and I couldnt imagine giving a dog to someone who doesnt like them as much as I do. I have decided against it. Thanks to all of you for keeping it real. dl
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
7 Oct 09
Sounds like you made a good dession.(sp)
@Louc74 (620)
6 Oct 09
Hi Dloveli. I think buying a dog as a surprise gift for anyone is a really bad idea! You sound like a nice friend to have, and I think your intentions are good, but getting a dog is something that needs to be thought through and discussed endlessly - it's almost like having a baby to look after. Dogs suffer badly from separation anxiety, so when your friend is out to work all day - even if she does get her own place - the poor animal is going to feel bereft. It's also a lot of training, if you go on holiday, or away for the weekend, you have to make sure the animal is looked after by a responsible, caring person. It's a big responsibility, and a huge tie to have a dog. It sounds as if you care enough to be able to get a really personal gift for your friend; listen to her and find out what else she would love to have, and surprise her with that. Good luck, and I hope you find the perfect gift!
3 people like this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
6 Oct 09
You know what Lou? After reading your response I did some more thinking about it and I would say you are right on point. My friend is also lazy to the extreme. I love dogs more than people sometimes and I would feel connected to this dog because I did afterall buy it. I would worry every day that she's not feeding it. Her and her mother fight enough. I dont want to give them any more reasons to keep on. thanks for putting me back on track Lou! Happyt MyLotting dl
1 person likes this
@Thoroughrob (11756)
• United States
6 Oct 09
Since she lives with her mother, you have to respect what her mother says. I would talk with mom and maybe she will change her mind, but if not, you need to respect that. When she moves somewhere else, maybe you can buy her a real one.
3 people like this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
7 Oct 09
I think you have a valid point..I think I have changed my mind on purchasing the dog. I think that she shouldnt have a dog right now because she IS living with her mother. She cant afford to take care of herself much less a dog. dl
1 person likes this
@Ithink (10777)
• United States
6 Oct 09
As badly as you want to get your friend a dog and as badly as she might want one, as long as she lives with her mom in her moms house, her mom rules. That isnt saying that you cant try to talk to her mom but if in the end her mom still says no that needs to be respected.
@Ithink (10777)
• United States
7 Oct 09
Thanks for BR and maybe that is one reason that the mom doesnt want a dog, the extra expense and it would be more work for her if your friend didnt take care of the dog. Thanks again, happy mylotting!
2 people like this
@Ithink (10777)
• United States
7 Oct 09
Thank you .. sometimes my old mind still works .. LOL!
@Hatley (164755)
• Garden Grove, California
6 Oct 09
hi dloveli I was just wondering if the mom was adamant'about all dogs, or just the breed, bulldog? maybe mom is afraid of having a bulldog,,as some of them get really agressive and have been known to bite andeven kill some people. why not persuade your friend to choose a more docile breed of dog, and first talk to the mom, and see if she would be agreeable to a different breed of dog. also suggest that your friend would be taking care of the dog, so it would not bring more work for the mom. good luck.
2 people like this
• United States
6 Oct 09
It is the Pit Bulls who have a bad reputation as attacking and killing people. English and American Bulldogs, despite their pugnacious appearance, are generally very sweet-natured and gentle dogs. Their reputation for ferocity stems from their history as pit-fighting dogs; however, that was a very long time ago and Bulldogs have since been altered a great deal (deformed would perhaps be a better word) in appearance and physical capability by breeders. Despite their loving, permissive nature, aggression is sometimes possible: Bulldogs have a strong sense of resolve and can be INCREDIBLY stubborn. Once they've decided to do something, they'll do it no matter what, so a roused Bulldog can be a formidable force to reckon with.http://dogobedienceadvice.com/bulldog-aggression.php However any breed of dog (including my chihuahuas) will attack if threatened. You are correct in that perhaps the mother may not mind a smaller and more docile breed.
2 people like this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
6 Oct 09
I agree with Whiteheather on this one.. Pit bulls are genetically predestined to kill. Bull Dogs tend to be docile and sweet. However any breed can attack for the right reasons. I dont think giving her a dog when she's still living at home is the best idea. I dont want to disrespect her mother. Maybe the mother has her reasons. She is always telling my friend how lazy she is. I am going on that. Maybe she can get one when she moves out on her own. dl
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
6 Oct 09
I would consider her mother. You do not know if the mother is scared of dogs, especially bulldogs, or whether her mother knows her daughter might not take care of the animal or think she will not. Sometimes parents do not realize that their children are growing up and remember them when they were small and irresponsible. Cats are different. They are very independent and only need someone to put down a bowl and some cat food, and change the littler box, but dogs are more social and they need to go for walks and runs and they need people. It also could be that if that house is rented, then the landlord has a stipulation of no dogs. Talk to her mother, maybe get them to see a dog trainer who will tell them how to avoid any problems with the cat. It could be if the mother sees a well trained dog, she will change her mind.
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
7 Oct 09
So true Suspenseful! I didnt think about how the mom may have issues regarding her reasoning for saying no to a dog. I didnt also think that maybe my friend is trying to annoy her mother. I know the mom has been getting on her about being lazy and laying around all the time. She doesnt even have a job. I dont know what I was thinking. I dont want to get in the middle of a family issue. Its the mother's house so its mother's rules. That being said, NO DOG! Thanks friend. Happy MyLotting. dl
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
7 Oct 09
I know what I was like when I was young - although I was in elementary school at that time - and I know what our sons were like, and visiting other people and hearing the parents tell them to take the dog for a walk, and the kid complaining, so I figured it was more then mother being afraid of dogs, it was that she did not think the daughter would take proper care of it. You made a wise decision. When she gets a job and shows responsibility, she will be able to take care of a dog, but for now it is not a good thing.
@rosepedal64 (4192)
• United States
6 Oct 09
Hi dloveli I would suggest that you do speak with her mom. You need to find out why it is that she doesn't want a dog in her house. This is very important to do. See maybe the mother has never had a dog and thinks of them on the bad side and not to mention if you just took the dog in, it might cause some real problems for you from the mother. Also you could tell the mother what your thoughts are and she just might give in. Have a great day and keep smiling..
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
6 Oct 09
Good point! I never really thought about it like that... She may not like dogs either. It is her house afterall. I will definitely talk to her about it. She just may give in. dl
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Oct 09
Good deal dloveli That is what I would do. You right she just might give in and let her daughter have the dog. I wish the best. Have a great day and evening..
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Oct 09
I think you should definitely talk to the mother first. If you try to give your friend the dog without asking permission, you might risk causing problems not only between yourself and the mother but between mother and daughter as well. If it were my house, I would want someone to ask my permission before bringing a pet into the household.
2 people like this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
7 Oct 09
I think its unanimous! All my friends here at myLot have said NO DOG!!! I agree with you guys. Its not a good Idea. Its her mother's house. Her mother makes the rules. Enough said. thanks for your input. dl
1 person likes this
@savypat (20247)
• United States
6 Oct 09
My first thought is what is going to happen to the dog, this is a good example of what not to do. Get the stuffed dog, your friend will appreciate the gift and it will not cause a major strife in her life. Blessings
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
6 Oct 09
This is an absolute example of what not to do! I began thinking that this may be just a way to aggrivate the mother. I know that they have been having alot of problems. I think that a dog isnt something you buy for a friend unless they live by themselves. I also began thinking that if she cant afford to live alone, maybe she wont be able to afford a dog either. I am glad that I have you guys at myLot to depend on. thanks again friend and Happy MyLotting. dl
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Oct 09
It is not a good idea to buy a pet for anyone if the living arrangements for the animal is not settled. The result could be that you would have to keep the dog or it would join the ranks of unhappy animals in adoption centers who need a loving home. You would have spent your money for nothing. Get her a stuffed animal and tell her it is to keep her company until she can provide a good home for a live pet! The Animal adoption centers are swamped after Christmas with pets who were bought without thinking the whole thing through or that the cute puppy/kitten grows up and is not so cute anymore!
2 people like this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
6 Oct 09
I agree with you a hundred percent! I have been thinking about this long and hard and I think I have changed my mind. I love animals too much to put the poor dear in the middle of a mother and a grown daughter who doesnt have a job. If she doesnt have a job its one more thing for her mother to bit*h about. I dont want to come in between a mother and her daughter. thanks for helping me see the light.dl
1 person likes this
@skysuccess (8882)
• Singapore
6 Oct 09
dloveli, I feel that it would be better if you could talk to your friend's mother, after all, I am sure you would not want to find yourself at odds with her mother or your friend to be in the middle of everything. Also, you may need to check if your friend could manage taking care of the dog on her own, irregardless of her mother's presence or absence. All the more when her mother is absent. Make sure it is not some whimsical fancy on her part to have a dog. Last but not least be tactful and understanding, if now's not the time then don't rush it. It will just end up with soreness from all corners at the end of the day. Take care and have a nice day.
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
7 Oct 09
I have decided to refrain from buying a dog. I dont think its fair to put another responsibility on the mother. Afterall she is already putting up with her grown jobless daughter living in the home. Who is going to pay for the dog. I already have two dogs so I dont want the financial responsibility of a third. Im sure the mother doesnt either. Thanks for helping me to see things clearly. dl
1 person likes this
@Wizzywig (7859)
6 Oct 09
I wouldn't recommend just turning up with the dog. The mother may have a very good reason for not wanting one in her house and, since it is her house, she has the final say. If you get one and then your friend can't keep it that may be worse for her. Maybe you could get one but keep it at your house so she can spend time with it but not cause problems for her at home. I don't think you will warm the mothers heart to something she doesn't want by forcing it on her.
2 people like this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
7 Oct 09
I am not buying a dog. After reading the responses I received, I realized that I would only be disrespecting the mother. I am a mother as well and wouldnt want it done to me. I think that she needs to find a place of her own then get a dog. I will more than happily help her get a dog when I see that she can take care of it. I think I was thinking with my heart. Not my head. dl
1 person likes this
@cyrus123 (6383)
• United States
7 Oct 09
hi dloveli! I don't mean to be negative but you may not be albe to change the mother. You can try, though. I know my mother never did like animals too much but she had to put up with them, anyway, because daddy and I liked them so much. We had a cat we kept in the house one time but most of the time, our animals stayed outside. I have a little dog I keep in the house a lot now. You can try telling her mother how good the dog will be for her. I know my dog is a lot of company for me. If her mother doesn't want the dog in the house because of the cat, she could let it be an outside dog. Kathy.
1 person likes this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
7 Oct 09
Hey Cyrus! You are not being negative. Its the truth. She has a reason she doesnt want dogs in her house. What ever that may be its not for me to go against it. I read the responses and realized how awful it would have been if I bought that poor dog. She cant even take care of herself muchless a dog. I guess I knew deep down that If I bought that dog it would not be a great idea. If my friend wants a dog, she needs to get a job and a place to keep it. Thanks again friend. dl
1 person likes this
@cyrus123 (6383)
• United States
7 Oct 09
I read the other responses after I posted mine. I guess it's just better not to get the dog after all. Like you said, she might not take care of it and that would be a shame. I wouldn't want to go against her mother's wishes, either. I love all animals, myself, especially horses, and I hat to see one that's not being taken care of. Kathy.
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
6 Oct 09
I don't think you should get the dog without your friends mom's permission. That just would not be fair to her. It is her house after all and if she does not want a dog then it should not be forced on her. Talking to her would be a better way. If she really really does not want a dog then I think you should wait until your friend has her own place.
1 person likes this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
6 Oct 09
Good point Sid! I have thought alot about it and decided that a gift card may be a better gift. She isnt really stable right now. Thank heavens I asked my fellow myLotters for advice. Happy MyLotting dl
2 people like this
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
7 Oct 09
I'm glad you asked and thought it over before jumping into something you might end up regretting. Dogs are great and they can be wonderful friends. They are also a huge responsibility and they are costly as well. Owning a pet is not a decision to be taken lightly. They are not much different than children. There is way more to them than the cute and cuddly. I think a gift card is a much wiser choice.
1 person likes this
@anniefannie (1743)
• United States
9 Oct 09
she still lives with her mother she has to go along with her but maybe you two together came talk her into it animals do make me feel better.good luck
@suzzy3 (8368)
7 Oct 09
My advise to you is don't do it,simple as that.I would go round the bend if someone turned up at my house with a dog.It is the same as adopting a child you must meet the child first ,they just turn up on the door step with the social worker.If you do this the poor woman will be left with all the vets bills,buying the food,walking the dog as it is a well known fact when it rains noone wants to turn out and what about the womans cat,her furniture chewed shoes,damage ect.Whey don't you take your friend out or buy her a good book,.or like you say a stuffed toy.It sounds like your friend has problems already bringing a puppy into the house will just compound things and make them worse.You are a very kind person but do something else instead.
• India
7 Oct 09
best thing is to talk to ur frnds mom.. first convince her in this case.. i guess u can do this..
@bettydeng5 (1709)
• China
7 Oct 09
I think your best friend really want a dog accompany her, sometimes have a honest dog is a good thing, but the problem was her mother doesn't agree to have a dog in her house, so I think you let your friend to pursuade her mother, and let your friend tell her mother what she can do, and don't bring any trouble to her mother. Good luck