I broke up with her...because of her drinking & spending night out

Bangladesh
October 6, 2009 7:33pm CST
Last night my GF went her friend's father's death funeral (may be called vigil in filipino language. I don't know if it is called funeral. ). And the time of her visit was around 11:30 P.M at night. Her friend's father died on 5th October. And she went to visit there on 6th October at night 11:30 P.M. And came back next morning at around at 8 A.M. And after coming back she was high from drinking. When i asked her for reason for coming back this late she did not even had an answer. She pretended to cry and said that person who died was like a 2nd father to her. But i did not see any pain on 5th or 6th. But on 7th when she came back she was in pain all of a sudden. This is not the first time she has done this. Before she also went out at night many time with one or another excuse. Then come back high after drinking and she even can't talk properly. Because of this we almost broke up because i did not like she going out and spend night with another guy. But even after that she made another excuse and went out and come back drinking. I could not tolerate it anymore and i said i am breaking up with her. I have tolerated these things for over past 6 and 1/2 months and i am at my limits. You might say i am very weak. That's how i am. Well i just lost my FIRST TURE LOVE. I don't know how it is going to be for me. But i have to move on. Don't know which one would be more painful. Living with her of what she is doing or leaving her. Only time will tell. Now i know why most long distance relationships does not work.
4 people like this
18 responses
@camomom (7537)
• United States
7 Oct 09
I think you're better off without her if she's doing these things. Good Luck to you.
• Bangladesh
8 Oct 09
Hello camomom. After a long time i am seeing you. I think the last time i saw you when you got married if i am not wrong. Hope you are having a nice life now. And for me, i am of nowhere.
@camomom (7537)
• United States
8 Oct 09
I haven't been around much since I got married in June. I'm doing good. I'm sorry to hear of your misfortunes. I think things will get better for you though. *HUGS*
• Bangladesh
9 Oct 09
I found myself weak when it came to heart. Things will be better for sure (for now i am lying myself.lol) but will take some time. And wish you have a happy life. *HUGS*
• Philippines
7 Oct 09
So sad to know your story. You know, breaking up is really a hard thing and is a painful process. It's hard to move on. It really takes time. But breaking up is sometimes the best thing to do especially in unhealthy relationships. It's better to end up than being together with full of arguments and fights. Well, move on with your life and be happy! Long distance relationships works for me. I guess, it just depends on the both persons concerned. You should know how to respect one another and of course must really know if you really love that person and if he truly loves you in return. I am into a long distance relationship right now and nothing changed to our status. I guess, Understanding and communication are two important factors in a long distance relationship.
• Bangladesh
7 Oct 09
Well we had a healthy relationship and were committed also. I did not expect that after our last fight she would again do this thing. But she did. Well i have nothing to say anymore. Being naive, insensitive was always on my part & i accept i have lacking. But she had all the positive traits and she did what i dislike again. Well happiness is not meant for all. I wish you good luck on your relationship & hope the long distance vanishes soon.
@HelScream (2828)
• Philippines
8 Oct 09
i cant agree more to you fiona UNDERSTANDING RESPECT AND TRUST this are the most basic thing that a long distance relationship should have looks to me dark dont have this.....dark do you trust her , did you understand her .....if you trusted her then why are you mad if she go out with her bro are you jealous if you do understand her then why all this talking of nonsense and if you permitted her to drink then why are you mad now??? you are confusing as what you want I think your girl was also confused on what you really want since you say the opposite of what you really want that leads to misunderstanding ..... did you ever think of this things before breaking up with her or are you that immature to jump into a discussion in which you wanted to happen in the first place ...... your topic is way to misleading thats why you dont have right responses on this one......
• Bangladesh
9 Oct 09
HelScream - dark do you trust her, did you understand her Trust is something to be achieved. It took me long enough to detect her lies. Some people know i am a good lie detector. But some also say that i read them wrong when i show their lies to them again.lol And about understanding, i tried to many times. But i am naive so how can i. And mylot is open for everyone for discussion as long as it follows the rules.
@Craicha (801)
7 Oct 09
long dstance relationship is working but happen you just meet a wrong person...
@dodyast3 (1518)
• Indonesia
7 Oct 09
Agree to you Craicha. There are a lot of people have done long relationship and they are doing it just fine. But of course, you just need to find the right person to make it works.
• Bangladesh
7 Oct 09
I never tried to find someone. Even i stayed awayed from these things. Well was not aware of what love is. Thanks to her now i know what true love is. But my luck did not support me. Anyways this is life and we all have to accept whatever life brings along the way. Lucky those who were able to work it out.
@HelScream (2828)
• Philippines
8 Oct 09
or maybe he was a wrong partner to start with lol
• Philippines
8 Oct 09
What you lack is trust and respect for each other. I was once in a long distance relationship but I never had any problem like this. Maybe because I was so obidient and honest with my boyfriend. I tell him if my friends want to drink or go out, if he says yes I can go with them, I go out, but when he says not, I wont. It is because in the relationship, I know that he is still the boss. I have a strong personality but I still want him to be stonger one so I submit to his decisions.
• Bangladesh
8 Oct 09
Well i never stopped her from anything but indirectly said many times that i don't like this. But after seeing this she prefer not to see it. What can i say about it. BTW why did you broke up from that long distance relationship? If you don't mind.
@HelScream (2828)
• Philippines
8 Oct 09
yeah thats where you are wrong you said it indirectly and she was not even aware that you dont want her to go out since you said the opposite you permitted her to go out but you ended up mad and she in the other part never lied to you but all you could see is the opposite of what she is doing i think you need to have a reality check dark the problem is in you and not on her bro
• Bangladesh
9 Oct 09
You know helscream she is not naive. She can understand things even me without saying anything. She knows me better than me bro. And all of a sudden how can she be so naive!!! Unless she prefers to ignore .....
@ryheanne (222)
• South Korea
7 Oct 09
Long distance relationship can happened sometimes, My husband and I is from long distance relationship. It just depends to the person you will love. I could say you did the right thing, she will not make a good wife. You are just both wasting your time, and it seems trust is also fading away. How could you love a girl who drink more than you drink? It is acceptable if both of you enjoy doing it.
@ryheanne (222)
• South Korea
7 Oct 09
Don't worry too, you deserved someone better.
• Bangladesh
7 Oct 09
I know she would have been a good wife but for it it would take years. And it is me who is wasting her time, not her. So now i am not there and she has no obligation towards me. She is free to do whatever she wants to. And i have no problem with her drinking. I think it is a normal thing for them.
@ryheanne (222)
• South Korea
7 Oct 09
I could say drinking for Filipina women is not very normal, we consider them as very liberated....but anyway we have different life. It seems you love her so much, she is quite lucky for having you.
@amitksing (1324)
• India
7 Oct 09
I support what you did. I am neither indulged in activities like drinking or spending nights outs, nor do I expect my partner to do anything like this. You shouldn't say you have lost your FIRST TRUE LOVE. It might have been your FIRST LOVE, but it surely isn't TRUE one, else it would had lasted till eternity! When it comes to long distance relationships, I must say I am a bit lucky. I am deeply in love with a girl who stays far far away from my city, but its going really great even after 5years . I am sure you will find a perfect match for you. All the very best!
• Bangladesh
8 Oct 09
You shouldn't say you have lost your FIRST TRUE LOVE. It might have been your FIRST LOVE, but it surely isn't TRUE one, else it would had lasted till eternity! She is my FIRST TRUE LOVE and not only my FIRST LOVE. But we are not meant for each other for eternity.
@amitksing (1324)
• India
8 Oct 09
OK, thats your belief and I respect it
• United States
7 Oct 09
You gave her more chances than I would have. If she truly loved you, then she would have respected your wishes and not gotten drunk since it's caused problems in the past.
• Bangladesh
8 Oct 09
She loves me and she loves drinking too.
• United States
8 Oct 09
The fact that she's chosen to go out drinking over keeping your relationship strong should tell you all you need to know. I'm sorry this is so painful for you. :(
• Philippines
7 Oct 09
hello dark sorrow, It's been a while since i've seen you active here. but this is probably one of the saddest discussions. it must hard making that decision, but the fact she didn't respect the things you hate her doing is probably another point where you two aren't that compatible. if you forced her to stop then that wouldn't be good either. six years is a long time, and i know it will be hard at first. but i do hope you find the right person for you. too bad she allowed herself to get addicted by these.
• Bangladesh
7 Oct 09
Hello letranknight, It's nice to see you again. Well I did not force her to do anything but also did not stop her. But we always had an argument whenever she spent night out. And she says she did not notice it when most of our argument are regarding this. Well it's always hard to loose the ones we love. And in my case she was my first true love. I will manage somehow but it will be painful for both of us. But she is better off than me so she can manage herself. My wishes will be always with her.
• Philippines
8 Oct 09
hope you find some one better now. there's always a better girl for you. that's the trend now a days
@maximax8 (27048)
14 Oct 09
You love your girlfriend so you have decided to get back with her and to try again. I think that you should aim for clear communication with your girlfriend. Then I think that you should forget the drinking and staying out that she has done in the past. You could try to have a happy time in the future with her. Good luck.
• Bangladesh
14 Oct 09
Well it's too late already. she should have done that before but she prefer to ignore. Let's see what future holds for us. Thanks for your wishes.
• Philippines
7 Oct 09
Long distance relationships can happen but with a very rare point. i don't know if she always makes excuses. That's really so not healthy for your relationship. But I guess, you should not talk to her when she is drunk. But it seems like she's just like a burden to you so let it go. If you are not happy with your relationship and having second thoughts, well I guess you made the right choice to broke up with her. Holing on to that kind of a relationship is not really good. Just focus your life on yourself. What can make you happy, and so be it.
• Bangladesh
8 Oct 09
But I guess, you should not talk to her when she is drunk. She used to say the same thing. Don't you find this a bit shameless for her to say this. Spending the whole night out and come back wasted then after being ok she says this sentence. Well my journey with her was till here i guess. Now it's better for us to be seperate so she can search for another true love. And i will move on. But she was my happiness.
• Philippines
7 Oct 09
I think what you've done was right. It's not healthy to stay in a relationship that long when you already know that something's just not right. For me, love should be accompanied by respect. And I'm sorry to say, she did those things not out of love. If she really loves you, no matter how far your distance maybe, she will follow wholeheartedly. No need to remind her all over again. If I understand it correctly, you have these discussions everytime? Don't feel sorry for leaving her. You both won't grow if you have the same problem such as this that keeps coming up. Try to move on and bear with the pain now. Only then you'd be healed. Long distance relationships only fail because one or both parties fail to give extra efforts to make it work. A relationship alone takes time and effort, what more if you don't see or talk to each other that often?
• Bangladesh
8 Oct 09
[i]If I understand it correctly, you have these discussions everytime? [/i] We actually had argument/discussion most of the time. Don't feel sorry for leaving her. You both won't grow if you have the same problem such as this that keeps coming up. Try to move on and bear with the pain now. I can't help it and ofcuouse having difficulty inside. I know it will heal over time. But don't know how long it will take to heal. what more if you don't see or talk to each other that often? We spent lots of time together.
• United States
7 Oct 09
the next relationship u have will be stronger because this one went down hill and im tellin u this because something like this happend to me but not the same so just be strong and dont look for anyone let that special someone come to you
• Bangladesh
8 Oct 09
She used to say the same thing that you are saying. No chance i will let anyone come to my heart again.
• India
7 Oct 09
i think the problem is with ur case is that many things in ur life u dont talk that much and with out talking out the problem in ur life there is no way u can change ur life style. u have to talk out the problems with each other so tat u can live peacefully and will be happy throughout ur life and now coming to the point where u asked which will be more painfull the answer is that living without ur first love it will be more pain ful rather than living with her and tolerating wat she is doin and long distance relationship is good
• Bangladesh
7 Oct 09
Well it's better for us to separate because it will take lot's of time for us to be together and no one knows what future will do to us. If we separate then at least she will be free of what she wants to do. And long distance relationship is good, but not for all.
@angeliam (206)
• China
7 Oct 09
i think you do the right thing. and i believe you'll meet the right person soon.
• Bangladesh
7 Oct 09
No more right person. She was the only one and there won't be anyone.
@paula27661 (15900)
• Australia
7 Oct 09
It’s a shame your relationship has broken up but if her behaviour was consistent and you are not willing to put up with it, you did the right thing for yourself because you will never be happy otherwise. I don’t know how old your girlfriend is; it sounds as though she may not be ready for a serious situation at this stage and it appears that you do not trust her. In my opinion, without trust love just isn’t enough.
• Bangladesh
7 Oct 09
Well i am still not happy by breaking up with her. It is not what i wanted. And she is old enough for a serious relationship and is willing to keep it. But it won't work for years so better separate now so she can have her space.
@modstar (9615)
• Philippines
7 Oct 09
i see you're still having problems with your lovelife. lol! just kidding bro. going back, i think drinking is a serious problem. it's one of cause of fights in relatio ships so i guess your relationships' one of them. i think she must do her part to as your girlfriend because that's how it work. give and take. you can't be giving all the time so i guess you did the right thing of breaking up with her. don't forget that there's still a second chance so you might also want to give it to her when the smoke is clear.
• Bangladesh
7 Oct 09
She is not a drunkard. I have no problem if she drinks but spending night out and come back at morning totally drunk, i don't like it. And i won't give any chance to anyone to come in to my life again. No one would have my heart ever. I am done with this.
@dodyast3 (1518)
• Indonesia
7 Oct 09
I would say that you have done the right thing. You made a good decision to dumb her. I am 99% sure that it is more painful for you if you decided to keep your relationship and try to tolerate her behavior. Why? You can imagine if you live with her or marry her. You will see her every day and every night you need to take care a drunk woman in your house. Can you live like that? I don't think so. Relationship can only work out if both, not only one person, but two persons must try to make the relationship works. In your case, you are the only one who wants the relationship to work, she has no intention to make it better. So the best decision is find your other true love.
• Bangladesh
7 Oct 09
I have no problem with her drinking. It is not prohibited there but what i dislike is that she spends night out. And we both want this relationship to work but the way it is going won't last i think. And I loved once, won't let anyone else enter in to my heart anymore. I find myself weak when it comes to emotion.
@xannebull (1806)
• Philippines
7 Oct 09
what you have done is right, don't waste your time to person who doesn't care about herself. if she don't listen to you, then someday , she wouldn't be a good wife and a mother to your children. there'll be lots of women there whom i know that you are going to fall into.
• Bangladesh
7 Oct 09
She would have been a good wife and a good mother also. But it will take me few years to reach that level and i don't think i can tolerate these things till then. So better for both of us to separate now. She needs it more.