A married man asked me as his friend, do you think is it appropriate?

China
October 7, 2009 8:27am CST
Today, a man added my QQ, and said hello to me, then he asked me much things, we got a good chat. He told me that he was so lonely, and he said he need friends, because his wife can't understand his feeling, he worked very hard but can't get his wife understanding, so he want to make a good friend with other girls, he sent the request to me, what can I do? Do you think is it appropriate that I make friends with this married man? pls give me some advice.
9 people like this
52 responses
• Malaysia
7 Oct 09
Hi, Betty! Making friends is not wrong, but you have to be very careful be it online or offline. Some people would say anything bad about their wives or husbands just to get attention. You have to know his real intentions are, if it is just a simple friend request, you can still cut him off once he crosses the line. However, when you said that he wants to make 'good' friends with other girls, that probably means he already has planned to have online affairs with other girls. It's not going to help the relationship between him and his wife, but things will get worse if his wife finds out what he is doing. Let him settle his problems with his wife the right way.
• China
8 Oct 09
Thank you for your reminding, it's dangerous to make friends online, I got some report for that. so I can't make sure that. I worry I will hurt him if I confuse him as my friend.How do you think so?
• Malaysia
9 Oct 09
You're most welcome. I guess you have to draw a line from the moment the two of you become friends. You don't know his real intentions are, so, it is better to be extra careful. However, if you encourage him, then, you have to bear the expenses of your own moves. Just be firm and be true to yourself.
• China
14 Oct 09
Since he asked me as his friends, now I didn't see him appear, I don't know maybe he was so confused at his sadness days, now maybe he have forgot he once to ask me as his friend. If have new progressing, I will let you know.
@angeliam (206)
• China
7 Oct 09
it depends on your judgement.if he only just wants to make friends,why not.if it is not that simple,refuse it.
• China
8 Oct 09
Sometimes I can't believe the relationship from the online chat, but we got a good chat, and now I can't know what his intention was. Does he will take me as his really friend or other things? No one know.
@agv0419 (3030)
• Philippines
8 Oct 09
There's nothing wrong about that as long it is only for friendship. It's up to you if you want him to be your friend. I think he want someone who can talk too and tell his problems.
• China
8 Oct 09
yeah, maybe he is so lonely that he needs friend to chat, so I'm thinking it's no problem to chat with him. If he require something in the near future, I can refuse him.thank you.
@kitty42 (3912)
• United States
9 Oct 09
Hello I would make it clear that friendship is all you have to offer, if he shys away then you know his intentions were not what he made them out to be, make it really clear friends only and no best friends, just someone he can talk with every now and then. Thank you.
• China
10 Oct 09
Yeah, everyone can offer relationship and get relationship from others, if his intentions is good, I will continue to kee, but not, I will block him.
@kitty42 (3912)
• United States
10 Oct 09
[b]Hello Sounds like a plan to me, good luck. Thank you.[/b]
@libra811 (10)
• China
9 Oct 09
it's obviously not.
• China
10 Oct 09
Hi,Libra, do you tell me your opinions on this problem? thank you.
• China
10 Oct 09
it's not appropriate.i think the man has a secret act.
@dpk262006 (52825)
• Delhi, India
8 Oct 09
HI betty! The great writer Shakespear has said - "Nothing is good or bad, thinking make it so". It is entirely upto you whether you want to befriend the person, irrespective of his maritial status. If you feel that his married status could cause a hinderance in nurturing 'friendship', you may not take the next step and may severe the relations with him.
• China
8 Oct 09
yeah, I think it's necessary to state this clearly. thank you.
@dpk262006 (52825)
• Delhi, India
8 Oct 09
So what decision have you taken about him?
@Hatley (154558)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Oct 09
betty I think you know the answer yourself, when he said his wife doesn't understand him and he wants to make good friend with other girls he is looking for a wife replacement. I would have nothing to do with this as his wife is probably a fine woman and he is just another womanizer out to use other girls to add notches to his'belt so get rid of this jerk. the phrase his wife can't understand his feeling should tell you he is up to no good. run do not walk away from this idiot as fast as you can. you want single men' friends Betty not a headache like this jerk of a man.
@dpk262006 (52825)
• Delhi, India
8 Oct 09
• China
8 Oct 09
My friend once meet the similar thing, start, the stange man always exaggerate her, she got a good chat for him, later, the man start to ask her out, and she did that, oh my god, this man was a womanizer. so I worry this kind of thing.
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
13 Oct 09
Personally, I think he would be better off talking about things with his wife. Then again, he says that she does not understand. It's hard to say, really. I would be guarded in accepting this friendship and take care to make sure it stays within the "friend" boundaries. One thing that stood out to me in your story is that you said he "wants to make good friends with other girls". He specified girls which kind of makes me wonder. I suppose it may be harmless. If not, you could always delete him I guess. Just don't give him any of your personal info. ok? Let us know how this turns out.
• China
14 Oct 09
yeah, normal chat is good, but not even extend other things. He isn't online to chat me since he requested me as his friend last time, maybe he forgot me or he was busy, but if he contact me, have any information not normal, I will let my friends know.
• Philippines
10 Oct 09
hello bettydeng5, It looks like you were judging him already there. i think it ain't bad having friends with him if he really do needs a company, unless he invites to place you're not comfortable with. but if he only wants to talked then do it, just talk and share plain things that most people have in common
• China
14 Oct 09
Maybe it's my doubt, chat online is a common thing, since last time he requested me as his friend, but now he wasn't chat me again, I think he already forgot me.
@whyaskq (7553)
• Singapore
9 Oct 09
Personally, I do feel it is allright if both of you are just friends and remain as friends. It is good to have these 4 types of friends - one who is married, one who is divorced, one who is rich and one who is poor. There could be many more categories of friends, but these 4 are the ones who emcompasses the various personalities of humans. No harm having one more friend and one less enemy.
• China
10 Oct 09
You are right, but as a stranger added me and say can you be my friend? I will ask what friend, because I would like to get his intention is good or not.
@_sketch_ (5711)
• United States
9 Oct 09
So married people aren't allowed to have friends?? If you keep it decent then why would it be inappropriate to make friends with him?
• China
10 Oct 09
You are right, if keep the good relationship not others, it's appropriate for us to make friends.
@happy6162 (3011)
• United States
9 Oct 09
He has already told you he is lonely and his wife doesnot understand him so are you sure all he was to be if friends. You need to decide for yourself if you want to be his friend. Do you want to get involved even as a friend knowing that his wife and he are having problems?
• China
10 Oct 09
Sometimes as a best friend, can share his unhappiness thing, but as a stranger, under unknow condition, he always said his wife understand her, I always his intentions.
@yugasini (12813)
• Anantapur, India
8 Oct 09
hi bettydeng, Yes are know it is up to you,justify the thing and do accordingly,you have not a child ,you can decide your self,friendships are common all these days,one girl with two or more boy friends and one man with two or more girl friends,all is left to you,all the best?
• China
9 Oct 09
I don't have any other male friends except my boyfriend, so I don't know I refuse or agree. I worry my boyfriend will adoubt me,and he will think I have another man, maybe this thing will affect my relationship with my boyfriend.What do you think of it?
@jashoaf (298)
• United States
8 Oct 09
Hi Betty! I agree with jacobsguardian. This guy sounds dangerous to me. I have no problem with male friends, but he has already evidenced that he wants more than just friendship. He's having problems with his wife, he is lonely, he is looking specifically for female friends. He may not be dangerous physically, but mentally and emotionally you are in for a hard road with this one. Politely decline and protect your heart.
• China
9 Oct 09
Hi,Jashoaf, thank you very much, I think I need be more careful to face him, becasue at the first of time, he started to complain his wife not other things, it showed that he have other intention and want to attract other girls concern.
• Philippines
8 Oct 09
Hi Bettydeng5, As a pastoral counselor I suggest that you have to set your limits or bounderies considering that this person is married. You have to know the do's and don'ts or the extent of friendship. You can extend help thru listening and sharing ideas and suggestions thru this site, phone conversation or chat site. Avoid personal meetings or physical exposure for this can lead to misinterpretation. Remember: The end does not justifies the means. Even if your purpose is good but your execution or ways is in appropriate it will not solve the problem instead it will worsen it. Hope that my suggestions helps you to think more clearly.
• China
8 Oct 09
Thank you for your suggestions, yeah, I think come to the point is necessary before making friends with him, and if he ask me go out to have dinner or join in any party, I think I should refuse directly, If I didn't do this, which will cause his misunderstanding.
@Clheer71 (15)
• United States
8 Oct 09
I've been exactly where you are. Ask yourself this question......If you were married, how would you feel about your husband "making new girl friends" and online when you already have relationship problems and then discussing them with someone else you don't know? If you don't care....well then there's no problem. but if you don't think you would like it.....then don't be that "other" girl.
• China
8 Oct 09
I think I will care about that, if my husband to make friends with other girls.
• Philippines
8 Oct 09
I think there's no problem with having clean friendship with a married man. You just have to promise that it's just friendship not something else. If so, then I think you should go building good friendship with him.
• China
8 Oct 09
Yor are right, building good frendship with him if he are sincere to treat me, if he not, I will kicked him off. thank you.
@shimanaja (495)
• Indonesia
8 Oct 09
Hi there mylotter friend,It's depending on your wishes, to be your friend or else. If you feel doubt bout this relationship, so leave it. If you just be friend with him, as long you in the right line, it does not matter at all. Happy mylotting :)
• China
8 Oct 09
You are right, it's the first time let me confused. I worry his honest or not. Cheat me or take me as a friend.
@irene3184 (900)
• Philippines
8 Oct 09
I think it is appropriate to be friend to a married man as long as you set your limitations. Maybe he need a friend to talk to and need some of your advice. Just entertain and set your limit being a friend.
• China
8 Oct 09
yeah, if he only want to talk with me and discharge his package, I think I can as his listener to share with his feelings, and I will pursuade him to get a good relationship with his wife, thank you.
@cherrc (666)
• Philippines
8 Oct 09
friendship can be offered to anyone as long as u know the intentions. just make it a point that u know ur limits and not being an emotional punching bag. ΓΌ
• China
8 Oct 09
yeah, I think if I agree to be his common friend, I will appoint our the limit of the chat not other things, thank you.
• United States
8 Oct 09
Unfortunately you are getting one side of the story. Do you know the wife or even talk to her? How do you know that he isn't a ladies man and this is his normal thing. I guess the question is, is the wife going to find you as a threat and are you going to ever find yourself in an awkward situation with this guy? Weigh out the pros and cons and proceed from there.
• China
8 Oct 09
Chinese QQ will have the record after every chat by QQ, so you just said to remind me think one more thing, if his wife know his QQ, and she can find any record about her maybe about me, so it will get in the complexed condition, no one know what will happen in the future.....