What if your BF or GF's family doesn't like you?

@EARLZHAN (934)
Philippines
October 13, 2009 12:53am CST
Hi guys I just want to get your opinion about this. what if the family of the one you love doesn't like you would you continue your relationship with him/her? I had a friend who's in a situation like this. He's asking for an advice from me and Said that if he really love his girlfriend they should continue. Do you think I gave him the right advice? If you're in his situation what would you do?
3 people like this
35 responses
@mdmdeg (38)
• Philippines
19 Oct 09
Hi. I think there might be a reason why the family of his girlfriend might be acting that way. However, I think your friend should ponder on this and make an extra effort to get closer to them. I think you gave him the right advice.
@EARLZHAN (934)
• Philippines
20 Oct 09
yeah i guess.. I think they should prove that they really love each other and they have to be understood by their family.
@mdmdeg (38)
• Philippines
20 Oct 09
agree.
• Philippines
15 Oct 09
I'm exactly on this kind of situation. My husband's family don't really like me at all. Eventhough I knew it from the very start, I'd still continue loving him because we don't had problems in our relationship. So we struggled to survive until we got married but the conflict between me and his family continued and the worst is we fight and end up in a big war. Few years pass after the big adjustment finally we've talked and say hi to each other already but there's still a problem, I can't still feel the sincerity deep within. They don't still show that I'm part of their family. Maybe first impression really last and it's true. I'm lucky my husband love me so much that's why I'm still her.
@EARLZHAN (934)
• Philippines
15 Oct 09
Wow.. I like your fighting spirit. I you'll be happy with your husband forever.
• Portugal
11 Jul 10
you are very brave mrssator^^ you really love your husband or you wouldnt had take it that much as you did :( i guess it really hurts to see other people bad look to you :( also im sure he loves you too bcs he didnt care for what his family thought and continued with you^^ im sure that you and him can be happy forever^^ and i wish that someday they see how sweet you are to your husband and that they are wrong about you^^
• Philippines
14 Oct 09
well, there must be a reason why they don't like him.. maybe it's something he did, or something he's not doing.. My parent's at first didn't like my BF because he already has a son from a previous relationship, and his job is not stable.. but we decided to fight for it.,. he got himself a more stable job, and now everything is fine.. it's just a matter of proving to them that he is not what they think he is.
@EARLZHAN (934)
• Philippines
14 Oct 09
Actually my friends gf didn't do anything to them but the problem is my friend is just 19 an his gf is 24 years old that's why his parent don't like his gf. that's the reason..
• Philippines
14 Oct 09
ahhh. I see, well, in that case, just tell your friend, that they should just prove to the parents that they are really in love.. and their relationship is for real.. after awhile, their parents would probably see that.
• Philippines
14 Oct 09
Being in this situation is hard and challenging because you are like in a circumstance wherein you need to choose from your parents or your girlfriend. As to my personal experience an opinion. My boyfriend's parents before don't like me for him due to some personal reasons. And because we both love each other so much then, what we did was to go on with our relationship but we both made efforts to get his parents approval.Back then, I used to go to their house whenever his parents are there and I talk to them,help them in some chores,I even cook for them,play with his siblings,sometimes tutor his siblings and during special occassions I give gifts to his parents and younger siblings.I also let them get to know the real me better and I open myself in reaching out with them.I showed them how I love their son and how willing I am to take care of him and love them too.I also gave them space and respected their critisims even though sometimes it hits me like a sword being pressed in my heart.On the other hand, my boyfriend supported this and he would even tell stories about me (both good and bad) and he showed them that having me in his life is his happiness. We did everything and sacrificed things. Luckily, all our efforts was worth it. I was able to gain their love,respect,trust and they even consider me part of their family until now even though their son and I broke up already.I believe in love, I uphold great respect in every parent I meet. And in loving someone we just don't love him/her but we should also love his/her family, for if it was for them, he/shelearned how to love and to give love.
@EARLZHAN (934)
• Philippines
14 Oct 09
Whew.. thanks for sharing your experience Tracy.. I admire you for doing such thing like this. It would really help me allot on how am I going to give my advice to my friend. Happy mylotting to you..
• Philippines
14 Oct 09
Well I have nothing to do with that if in case my Girlfriend's parents were against me. I'm gonna pursue with that girl and show to the parents my real intention to there daughter. If there's no change with their treatment towards me, it doesn't matter anymore. Anyway, is not them I am after of - its their daughter... so I think you gave him the right advice.Good luck to your friend.
@EARLZHAN (934)
• Philippines
14 Oct 09
Yeah thanks Ronald.. Thanks for sharing your ideas about it. I really appreciate your response.
@buping (954)
• China
14 Oct 09
hi earlzhan. i think most of us happen to this situation. my boyfriend's parents love me a lot because i am qualified to be their daughter-in-law. but i have a friend that in the same situation with your friend, and i told her to be more active in front of her parents-in-law. and i believe that they would be moved sooner or later as she does well.
@EARLZHAN (934)
• Philippines
14 Oct 09
Yeah i think your right i also told my friend that later on his parents will learn to accept his gf. But that will happen if they proved that they really love each other and no one can separate them.
14 Oct 09
I was actually in this same situation. My family didn't like my boyfriend. It is very diffucult for everyone involved. You really need to make sure that your bf/gf feels the same way about you as you do them before you decide anything. I decided to contiue the relationship with my boyfriend despite what my family thought. We have just built a house together and couldn't be better. It is still strained between my family and my boyfriend but we are both happy together and I feel that is all the matters. Even if you decide to stay together and it doesn't work out as long as your happy thats what matters.
@EARLZHAN (934)
• Philippines
14 Oct 09
Whew that's a total sacrifice baby. Anyway thanks for sharing your experience and good luck.. may you always be happy with your bf.
@dlr297 (5418)
• United States
13 Oct 09
It is hard when you do not get along with your others family. I do not get along with a few of my husbands sisters, and i stay away from them. The way i look at it is that i am not married to them, Im married to him. You gave him the right advice, they should not break up because what other family members think. the couple should follow their own hearts in the situation.
@EARLZHAN (934)
• Philippines
13 Oct 09
Yeah.. thank you.. I guess it's up them them if they want to continue their relationship. if they really love each other they have to fight for it.
@lynnemg (4539)
• United States
13 Oct 09
I think you gave him the right advice. If a couple truly loves each other and wants to be together, as long as they are happy, that is what matters the most. A lot of times, parents don't approve because of a person's age, occupation, financial status, or even their past. In time, parents can grow to like their child's love if they feel that the person is not harming their child. I know that my parents did not really approve of my husband at first, but he has shown, through his actions that he is a good man and as a result, they are becoming more accepting of him. It just takes time.
• Indonesia
16 Oct 09
Nothing to doubt. Ask your friend to continue his relationship with the girl he loves as long as they love each others. Your friend is not making love with the girls family, right?. Love is love.Just go on..................... TQ
• Singapore
13 Oct 09
It is indeed hard to be in that situation but as the saying goes' 'love conquers all'. Even if it is the relative of the one you love. You cannot please everybody. As long as you and your partner is compatible with each other, I can advise your friend to continue their relationship. Maybe the relative did not know the person well thus, there's a hesitation to accept on their part. As time goes by, the rift in between them will vanish. That what happened to my brother-in-law which at first does not approve by my relative for my sister. He turned out as a nice person and does not neglect my sister even for once.
@EARLZHAN (934)
• Philippines
13 Oct 09
Yeah i think you got a point. My friend is just 19 years old and his gf is 24 years old that's why his family doesn't like his gf. But as you've said love conquers all. I hope they'll follow my advice.
• Portugal
11 Jul 10
i would continue beside him^^ bcs he loves me and thats all that matters. as long as he is near me i can take his family^^ anyway i think your friend can do it^^ if he loves his gf for sure he can you advised him very well^^ is good to see that there are still guys that fight for girls^^ wish your friend doesnt leave her bcs of her family and wish that they find out fast that he really loves her and that they must like him and support them^^
@atv818 (1988)
• United Arab Emirates
10 Feb 10
That is a tough one and what you said is right. If he loved his girlfriend that much, he has to pay the price. That way he can prove to the girls's family of his sincerity by being consistent and sincere
@SViswan (12071)
• India
7 Feb 10
I used to think the way you do...but now that I'm a parent myself...I'm confused. My cousin just went through the same situation and even though I'm liberal in my outllok, I could totally understand his parents' point of view. He also felt that 'love conquers all' and is going along with all his plans...but I felt it is at the cost of disrespecting his parents. I feel he should have spent some more time trying to convince his parents. I'm not sure why your friend's family is against the relationship. They probably have a reason, right? I'd suggest he tries to put their worries to rest and makes them understand that it's not an issue. Or maybe the point they are putting across might be really something he needs to look into.
• United States
15 Oct 09
You gave him the correct advice. If they trully loe each other , their lives will be less joyous and maybe even productive if the part. If my family didn't like my boyfriend , I would just keep them separate. I wouldn't stop seeing him,I would just wouldn't bring him around my family. If I were under 18 and they forbade me to see him then I would sadly have to start lying to my family so I could see him.
@larish (2195)
• Philippines
15 Oct 09
I have a 2 friends who has been on that situation. They are now married for already 10 years and his in law still doesn't like him. But the good thing here is that the couple did fight for their love. Then the other one, they have been living together for three years and they have a love child. Then on the fourth year, they broke up. My friend told me that his girl has been brainwash by her family whom from the very start didn't like him. I really think that you have given the right advise to your friend, the success of his relationship will always depend on him and his girl. I would also do what you did and will give example of friends who have been in his situation just like what I mentioned. Happy myloting.
@Robyn28 (385)
• Canada
14 Oct 09
Hi I'm in that situation I'm with my boyfriend for almost 3 years his mother hates me I wish it was less then that ,but it's not he always comes here and if she not home we've been speaking behind her back I don't like it. It kills me I know he loves me he just can't talk back to his mom and tell her look I love her back off he doesn't like to fight at all. Worst part about this is I'm pregnant with her grandchild and they won't talk about it since he told her she hopes it will go away because she doesn't like me. She's not happy at all. She has five months in which to smarten up this is a child were talking about I don't want the child to not know hers/his grandma while his mom. But if she chooses to not be part of my life or the unborn child's life I have no choice she made it. I never didn't like her I did until she decided to act like a child and not give me a chance she never did. I think it's tough to keep a relationship going because of the conflict ,but it's something to overcome and were happy together and I'm at the point I don't care what his mom thinks of me she'll never like it hurts I'll tell u that. We enjoy our time together we get along well one of our fights is him not telling his mom off if my mom acted like his I would tell her off and still have him over I'm a rebel just a tad I tell it how it is. I tell someone to their face if I don't like them or if I need to confront something I tell them. If your friend continues on it will kill them inside I wish things would change the ball is in the mothers court or the guys court. If his mother doesn't like his gf he needs to tell his mom where they stand and if she doesn't like it there's nothing she can do about it. For us were moving out together and getting married and a point and she can't do a thing about it. take care he's an adult as our we.
@deebomb (15322)
• United States
14 Oct 09
It all depends on the girl. Most girls are really connected to their family and will probably eventually listen to them. Something your friend needs to know that he not just in a relationship with the girl but the whole family. It's not a case of him loving the girl but how much she really love him.
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
14 Oct 09
I would rather that they did like me. However I am not with the family I am with my man. Sometimes its better if they arent really feeling you. This way you know they wont be at your door everyday or on the phone. If they do like sometimes they think that's an open invitation to drop by whenever they please. NO WAY! I wouldnt want to put my other half in that type of situation where he has to decide between me or them. It does happen and sometimes we make the wrong choice. Its better if you get to know the person you're gonna be with for sometime before you bring them to your family. When you know them inside and out. WHat they stand for as well. When you are sure that you know all the important answers to any questions your family may have then and only then, are you ready to meet the family. This way if your family does want to debate this with you, you are ready. This way if you choose the man/woman over them, you did it with full knowledge of what you're dealing with. dl
@andy77e (5165)
• United States
14 Oct 09
I would want to know why they do not like whoever. The reason is that I can not even count the number of times where the family warned someone over and over not to get with person X, and they did anyway, and it turned into a nightmare. Sometimes parents, because they are older and have more experience, can tell that someone is not good, where a younger person can not. Given how devastating a bad marriage can be, I would want my parents input on the matter.
@olepmis (843)
• Philippines
14 Oct 09
If your friend truly loves her, he should continue his relationship but he should win the approval of his parents. Yes you gave him the right advice.