Suicide. Why shouldn't I?

Morristown, New Jersey
October 15, 2009 9:56pm CST
Ok, the title is a little dramatic. Sorry about that. But I'm glad it got your attention. Truth is, I have been going through a pretty rough time lately. Since Mylot is relatively anonymous and no one knows my true identity, I thought I could post about it here a bit. I have struggled with recurring depression most of my life, and I have tried anti-depressants, therapy, etc, with varying degrees of success. Lately I have found myself considering suicide more and more. A few days ago, I had made up my mind to do it, planned it out, etc - but at the last minute, I thought about how completely "forever" and irrevocable it was, and changed my mind. Since then, I've been battling the temptation. Part of the problem is, a big birthday is coming up, and I am not happy with where my life is at this age, my dreams have not come to fruition, etc. Too many failures in life, things going wrong, can really get you down. I'm wondering if anyone out there has ever struggled with depression or thoughts of suicide. What helped you? What got you through it? I'm interested in any advice. What would you say to me if I were a friend of yours who was considering ending his/her life? Have you ever helped a friend through this, and if so, what did you say to them? I would be grateful for any feedback I could get.
7 responses
• United States
16 Oct 09
Hi Opalina! I just found this discussion and i see it is 16 hours old and I am noticing that you have not been back in and reply to any of these responses so I am HOPING and Praying that you are still alright!! If you are just someone who doesnt usually respond that is ok but please just drop a quick one in here to let us know you are ok will you?? Now... I do have experience with what you are feeling but you already have a ton of responses here and have gotten some pretty good advice... so I wont just repeat a bunch of advice.... I'll just say I have been depressed for the majority of my life...even when i didnt realize that that was what was wrong with me i look back and i do now realise i have been depressed since i was a kid....I used to think about dying all the time even as a child..... I have tried to kill myself a few times in my twenties...the things i tried didnt work and i basically gave up because i figured i wasnt even any good at that... Well I am 48 now and that is behind me but the depression isnt and i kind of believe it never really is....it really is kind of a take each day one at a time thing.... I struggle with it every single day.....when i first started trying some things about 2 years ago and trying to get myself out of the depression I thought i would....two years later i realize it doesnt really work like that....I do a LOT of reading and talking to people such as here on my lot or in blogs etc.... It really really does help toTALK about it...because just getting it out and hearing yourself say things outloud that you thought you couldnt actually does have a healing effect and the added bonus is that here online you can be annonymous as you atated....you took the first step by writing this...now you just have to keep taking steps.... Anyway...I have noticed that not just occasionally but several times a day...the depressing thoughts...im no good at anything, no one cares about me, etc etc...creep into my mind.....I have to catch myself and tell myself STOP that and change my thoughts to something more positive....sometimes thats not easy and sometimes i feel like im losing the battle....but as long as i keep trying i havent completely lost so i do keep trying.... One of the things i did that helped me majorly was to start reading....Have you ever read anything by Wayne Dyer or Deepak Chopra?? If not please go to your library and pick up a couple books by them...they both have a lot...one of the best to me was ..You'll See It When You Believe It by Wayne Dyer and also Change Your Thoughts Change Your Life by Wayne Dyer Both of these authors talk about meditating and so i started to try it...I am not good at it yet or very consistent but IT DOES HELP tremendously!!! And the final thing i did was i started going out of my way to try to brighten other peoples day....nothing fancy just like go on myspace or facebook or whatever social site you may belong to and leave a really encouraging comment to all of your friends pages...not only does that keep you busy for a while but it really makes you smile....or cheer up a friend who is feeling down...or just lend an ear to someone who is in need of it....it doesnt sound like much but it makes you feel so much brighter when you feel like you have helped someone else! I wish you the best and if you need a friend to talk to send me a PM and i will send you my email addy! "Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change!" Dr. Wayne Dyer
• United States
17 Oct 09
Glad to see you...thanks for letting us know....I saw your response about the article the nurse wrote on how to hang yourself in a reply to someone on page one...i posted a reply to that there so please check it out ... I requested you as a friend and once you are on my friend list i will send you my email addy...sometime just having someone to talk to can make a huge difference... I also saw what you wrote about your mom dad and sister....man i have to say NO WONDER you are depressed with your own family telling you stuff like that....I know you depend on them and so it is probably not possible right now but you need to seriously work on getting OUT of that situation....those relationships are toxic and are keeping you where you are and unable to get better.....I dont care WHAT my daughter did i would never ever tell her she was a burden on me or that the holidays would be more fun without her....you dont have to look far to see where your depression stems from... I have not read the secret but i have seen the movie... I liked it a lot but it was actually made as a marketing tool believe it or not and it definately had that feel to me....However it is a very powerful movie with a hugely powerful message and i would definately recommend watching it....There is also another movie i liked just as much if not better called "What The Bleep Do We Know" At one time I had a link to both of those movies so you could watch them for free...Im not sure if i still do or if they still work but i will look and if i do i will send them to you when we exchange email addys.. No Deepak didnt write the secret...im not sure who did.... Get some rest and get well and I'll talk to you soon through email! and yes your cat does KNOW...animals are very intuitive
• United States
16 Oct 09
I am so glad that you realized the permanency of a decision to take your own life. I understand depression and can say I have been down pretty far before. I think what helped me the most was changing my thoughts. It is amazing how when we think negative thoughts, we have more negative find us. Ever hear bad things happens in threes? Perhaps we manifest those three things to happen just by our thoughts. I would love it if you would try something for me. Listen to your thoughts for one day. Write some down if you have a chance. Really listen and hear what you are saying to yourself. The next day, try to control your thoughts. When a negative thing enters your mind try to list something positive to counter it. Then add another positive to it and tip the balance a little. I like to think about things I am grateful for when I get negative. I am sure there are things in your life that bring you pleasure. Think of those things strongly and see what happens. The mind is our most powerful tool but the only way it is effective is if you put it to good use. Please give this a try, you might find some peace within yourself. I am so glad you felt comfortable using this as an outlet. I sincerely hope to see many more posts from you in the future. Stay strong, stay positive and let me know if you notice a difference.
• Morristown, New Jersey
16 Oct 09
What you are saying is similar to the advice a counselor gave me a while back. I think it might be a good thing to try. To be honest, I do not have the energy right now- partly because I am so depressed and partly because I woke up with a terrible cold this morning, slept most of the afternoon, and I have no energy at all. But maybe if I feel a little better or stronger tomorrow I will dig out a notebook and try to do some journalling like that.... I am also glad that I have been able to talk to people on mylot as the response has been almost overwhelming and I am very grateful for that.
@jennysp8 (855)
• United States
16 Oct 09
Wow, I am so sorry that you are feeling what you are feeling. I can't say that I have helped anyone else through this besides myself. I have never been to the point that you were (with planning it) but I have felt overwhelming feelings of "what's the point"..."they'd be better off"..."it will never get better"....I have suffered from anxiety and depression pretty much since I was about 12 years old. I'm now approaching my 29th birthday. I am on medication now...but what helped me hang on was my children. I placed my focus on them because they need me. I knew that I had to stick around for them...they gave me purpose. You need a purpose. Whether that purpose is friends, family - or a charity. Find some time to research and dedicate your life to a worthy cause like victims of abuse, cancer patients, etc... I also want to point out a part of my belief that keeps me hanging in there. You may not agree with my belief but.... I believe in reincarnation. I believe that the hard things we struggle with are not from the "devil" but from God...giving us these hard things to deal with so we can overcome them - grow more spiritual - and learn lessons. I tend to keep in mind that should I kill myself, I would simply be brought right back into another life - bound to face the same or similiar circumstances, all because I bailed and didn't learn my lessons this time around. If I am destined to learn whatever lessons I am to learn in life - I would much rather learn them with my loved ones around me than without them. I wish you all the best...and if you feel too down, make sure that you call someone for help. You do not want to harm yourself because that is not a way to solve anything. You have to remember that your depression is like a seperate entity from who you really are. You have to push through that fog and remember what life can really be. Whatever help people tried giving you before - go for something else. Search for help until you find what works for you. Take care!
7 Jan 10
I would just like to wish You the best of luck in life. I cannot say much past what has already been said, but please, keep fighting on. Your life is so very precious, and always shall be!! Never consider this worthless, as no matter what You do, every moment is spent living and learning, and growing better and wiser. Everything in life is a great acomplishment!!Once again, good luck and may Your life become as You deserve.
@VANILLAREY (1473)
• India
16 Oct 09
I believe that your life is yours. If you want to keep it or loose it is your choice. But you got to ask yourself "do I have a valid reason to let go of life?" "has life given me so many miseries that I can not carry on any further" "have I lost my limbs" Before you go spend a month or more doing good things for others. You have lived all this while for yourself, why not try living for others.
@jb78000 (15173)
16 Oct 09
oh that is such a shame that you feel so sad. think your first thing should be your doctor - or say the likes of religion, yoga or herbal remedies if you don't believe in conventional medicine. as for reasons not to do this perhaps the main one is you are going to leave people behind. the other is you should not take a life - even your own except in certain extreme circumstances. good luck and i wish you all the best.
• Italy
16 Oct 09
Oh man life never stops it goes up and down. This is a part of life. Please dont be upset and try to find out a real friend in your life whom you can share everything. This will give you a great relief in your life. The last thing you said you are going through a constant failure. Man i am also facing same situations but let me tell you a good thing that here in my country peoples think if someone gets in the USA he is lucky and become more successful from any other and i am also trying hard to get there but still i have nothing and in this sense you are in USA so you are lucky one for about billions of peoples. Dont get depressed man.